"Mmmm. Kitten." Harry giggled as Hermione ran a finger down his cheek playfully. "You gonna get got girl. You keep playing like that."

Hermione giggle as she guided Harry through the house. There was something about the house that he just couldn't put his finger on. "You got a nice house." Harry smiled as he looked about, noticing a lot of military paraphernalia. "Yo dad an army nut?"

"More of a Marines nut." Hermione smiled, as she beamed over Harry's interest in her family.

"Ah this must be yo mama!" Harry grinned as he gestured towards a woman bending over rummaging in a liquor cabinet. "Mr. Granger." Harry smiled as he walked over to shake hands with a brown haired man in a white lab coat.

"Harry!" Hermione giggled as she threw a look at her mother, who had whirled around with a surprised look on her face. "That's not my dad!"

"It isn't? Harry turned in mid shake with the man.

"That's my dad!" Hermione smiled as she pointed over Harry's shoulder towards a door.

"Holy CHRIST!" Harry mouthed slowly as he turned his head slowly, his eyes widening like saucers.

"Daddy!" Hermione laughed as she ran up to her father, her form dwarfed by his 6'3 225 pound stature. "Meet my boyfri-oops. Well he is my boyfriend daddy! Isn't he great?"

Mr. Granger harrumphed as he crested fully into the living room, his head only inches from the roof. "Mr. Granger." He grumbled, the ground shaking under his every step. At least, Harry thought the ground was shaking with his every step.

"Harry Potter Sir." Harry straightened himself up, his hand extended, a tooth on his lip as it felt as though Mr. Granger was attempting to crush his hand. "Hermione had told me you were a dentist."

Mrs. Granger laughed causing his head to turn towards her, the face he saw made his blood turn to ice. "Patricia Granger?" Harry whispered as he recognized his lawyer.

"You know her?" Mr. Granger scowled as he squeezed harder causing Harry to yelp.

"Daddy! Let go! You're hurting him!" Hermione hissed as she stepped up next to Harry.

Mr. Granger roughly tossed Harry's hand down, almost making him fall. "Uhhh." Harry began, but Mrs. Granger quickly interrupted him.

"No. I do not know him." She replied quickly, her eyes shinning with questions Harry knew he would be answering eventually.

"I uhhh, saw her on tv once." Harry quickly lied, hoping he hadn't betrayed any information to the monster that had fathered his girlfriend.

Mr. Granger simply growled his acceptance of the answer. "I'm THE DENTIST, not A dentist."

"Excuse me. I'm going to go ahead and go home." The brown haired man laughed uncomfortably as he stood. "Beautiful cabinet you made Patricia."

"Good night Raymond." Mr. And Mrs. Granger both smiled at him, before Mr. Granger whirled back on Harry with a sneer.

"The dentist Hermione?" Harry choked as he whispered to her, in a moments reprieve as Raymond was being walked out.

"He is the No.1 Sniper in the British Special Forces/Marines. They call him the dentist because he always aims for the mouth. He is just a big teddy bear!" Hermione giggled at the comical expression on Harry's face. "Don't worry, as long as mom and me are here, he will behave."

Harry simply mouthed like a fish before straightening up again as Mr. Granger walked back into the room.

"How did you get the Porsche?" Mr. Granger immediately interrogated. "Steal it?"

"Daddy!"

"I bought it… Sir." Harry was starting to get pissed. "While I was in school."

"What do you do for a living then?" Mr. Granger continued to stare holes in Harry's head.

"I own a night club. Several." Harry replied coolly. "I do alright for myself."

"More like some sort of thug." Mr. Granger spat as he eyed Harry's cane. "Why are you wearing a bullet proof vest if you just own a night club?"

Harry felt Hermione's and her mothers eyes snap to him as he tried to quickly think of an answer. "Never know when you might get car jacked when you are driving a Porsche."

Mr. Granger simply scowled.

"So what are we doing tonight?" Mrs. Granger forced a smiled as she clapped her hands together.

"Think it is cute to recognize my wife's ass huh?" Mr. Granger blurted, shocking Harry but only angering the women.

"Daddy!"

"Hunny! Get the hell out of this room if you can't behave!" Mrs. Granger shouted as she rounded on her husband.

With one last glare Mr. Granger walked out of the room, the house shaking on its foundation as he slammed the door open and closed.

Harry was using his index finger to make space between his collar and throat as he shifted uneasily, a small hop forming in his legs as he tried to balance on his one good leg.

"Harry. Sit down please." Hermione motioned to the couch, as she took a seat with just enough room for Harry.

Harry hobbled over, doing his damndest to keep their carpet safe from his cane, breathing a sigh of relief as he sat down.

"I'm sorry." Hermione began to sniffle as Harry threw an arm around her neck.

"Girl. I would be worried if the man didn't like me." Harry grinned as he poked Hermione in the tummy with his free hand.

"I just wanted every one to like each other." Hermione sighed as a smile tugged at her lips from Harrys tickling.

"We will all be happy. I'll take every one out to dinner and some entertainment, then me and you will go to a party I know of." Harry explained his plans as he kissed her cheek, oblivious to Mrs. Grangers watchful eye. "Now dry dem eyes girl and lets get dis thing rolling."

Hermione smiled a bit, she couldn't believe how she had come from despising Harry's ebonics, to thinking it was cute. She finally lifted her face to stare into his eyes, fighting the urge to profess her love to him in front of her mother.

Harry simply smiled as he nodded lightly, knowling, at her.

"Now that that is settled." Hermiones mother interrupted with a tentative hem hem, perhaps I could know what I need to wear for where we are going?

"Anything you would like ma'm." Harry replied happily, "Every one knows me there, we can go how ever we want."

"I'm changing." Hermione and her mother both exclaimed as their eyes lit up with the prospect of dressing nice for somewhere fancy. "I hope I have something gold so I can match with Harry." Hermione yelped to herself as the two women made their way out of the room with commands to make himself at home.

Ring Ring

Harry reached into his pocket as his cell phone rang, finding the lightly vibrating contraption he held it to his ear as he smashed the on key.

"HAAAARRRY!" The voice blared out of the speaker, causing Harry to drop the phone. "HAARRY! MY ASS IS FEELING GREAT! WOOOO! IT DOESN'T EVEN FEEL LIKE ANY ONE POKED ME IN MA ASS ANY MORE!"

Harry would have laughed if it weren't for the deadly glare that was coming from Mr. Grangers disgusted face, one eye brow cocked precariously as he continued to listen to Sirius rave about his ass.

BEEP

Harry quickly mashed the off button, a nervous cough escaping his lips as he stared right back at Mr. Granger.

"I see it was your phone ringing." Mr. Granger scowled.

"Yes sir."

"About poked ass huh?"

"It's what I do." Harry slammed a hand over his mouth as Mr. Granger's neck began to bulge.

"You think your funny you little shit. I don't like you." He growled, little drops of spit flying precariously close to Harry's face.

"Guess what?" Harry inquired, his anger beginning to come through. "I ain't dating yo ass, I'm dating yo daughter!" Harry seethed with equal malice.

"Daddy! Harry!" Hermione threw the door open with a great big smile on her face as Mr. Granger and Harry leaned back away from each other. "I am so glad you two are getting along!" She grinned as she modeled the tight fitting red dress she had bought the day after she came back from Hogwarts. "Surprise!" Hermione grinned as she twirled around.

"Oooooo WEEEEE!" Harry exclaimed, "Look at you girl!" His praise silenced by her father standing behind her mouthing I'll kill you to him.

"I knew you would like it!" She cheered, before turning to her dad.

Mr. Granger quickly put on a smile before telling her that she looked very nice.

"And me?" Mrs. Granger asked, her face turning red as Harry gave a perfect copy of his previous "Oooo Weeee!"

"Thank you Harry." Mrs. Granger smiled at him before scowling at her husband.

"Now I know where Hermione gets it from." Harry grinned as he pulled himself off the couch, using his cane as leverage. "Aren't you going to dress up?" Harry smirked at Mr. Granger.

"No." He hissed, as Hermione and Patricia threw him dirty looks.

"Well, lets head to the car." Harry smiled as he offered his arm to Hermione. "God you look good. I'm burning up." He laughed as he smashed the ignore button on his cell phone in his pocket, the phone having started ringing again.

Back at Harry's house-

"Sirius!" Remus yelled as they wrestled with the phone. "It is obvious Harry is busy with his date, and is NOT interested in your ass!"

"How can someone not be interested in my ass?" Sirius growled his reply as he threatened to bite Remus's arm. "Don't you want to tell him you found a replacement for Cynthia?"

"It all can wait one day." Remus growled as he slapped at Sirius's mouth, trying to keep him from biting him. "Don't bite me dick head!" He yelped as he attempted to yank his arms away while holding onto the phone.

"Give!" Sirius commanded as he hit the speed dial again, while Remus deftly switched the phone off, their movements a perfect circle of annoyance.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"YES!" Remus shouted, confusing Sirius long enough to yank the phone away. "Ha ha! I am the victor!"

"Ha Ha! Cell Phone!" Sirius shouted as he ran towards the bathroom, the giggles of the girls only fueling his antics.

"You are such an attention whore." Remus shouted, causing Sirius to stop in his tracks.

"I am not!" Sirius yelped as he spun on his heels. "I just think Harry would be happy to hear from me."

"I am sure he would, but he is currently trying to make nice with Hermione's parents right now, I do not think your diatribe about your ass would be welcomed. Present circumstances not withstanding."

"Why are you so damn smart." Sirius grumbled as he made to sit on the couch. "Fucking big words Remus."

"Sirius."

"Yea?"

"Shut the fuck up and get us two beers."

"That is a language I can speak."

In the Porsche-

Hermione's mother and father fidgeted as Harry began driving away from their cozy neighborhood right into the heart of the slums. They felt as though they were entering a concrete jungle, the eyes of crack addicts shining in the darkness of the alleyways.

"Best food is out here." Harry explained as he fidgeted with the controls to the stereo of his Porsche for the seventh time, he had refrained from turning on music so as not to bug Mrs. Granger.

"Harry. If you want music, we will listen to what ever you want." Hermione smiled as she reached to press the play button, her deft movement unnoticed by Harry until it was too late.

OOOO ME SO HORNY!

The speakers blasted to life with the soft touch of Hermione's fingertip, the uneasy calm of the SUV shattered as Me so Horny by 2 live crew shook the very frame of the vehicle. Harry could feel the bass in his chest, and he knew every one else in the car could hear it to.

Harry quickly flipped the stereo off, but the damage was already done. Hermione was laughing, and Harry could practically feel the heat from Mr. Grangers nostrils on the back of his neck. Harry had a very comical thought of Mr. Granger with a cow nose ring in the back seat puffing steam out of his nose. He wished he hadn't laughed, but now he and Hermione were both laughing together, and after a moment, Mrs. Granger was as well.

"I think I have a cd in my purse some where. Let me look." Hermione giggled as she wiped her eyes. "Here we go. Let's try this."

Harry ejected CD 6 and allowed Hermione to load hers in its place. The Beatles began to play, as Harry turned his bass as low as it would go. "I can live with this." Mr. Granger and Harry stated at the same time.

AN: Just to clear up some questions. Harry will not EVER fuck a member of his hoedom. He considers it not only a personal crusade, but also something he took up for Silver. He will not do any of his hoes. He considers them more as fine jewels than people. Just like you cant sell crack if you smoke it all.

There will probably be a sex scene in the chapter after next. So if that is what you are waiting for. It is coming. There will also be more drug use soon. Fairly heavy use, that also ties in with the sex. Remember kids, drugs are bad, and are a method for the week to stave off what ever it is they are running from.

Harry potter would say no to drugs, and you should to. This fanfiction has nothing to do with the real harry potter, and my imaginary characters are obviously discusting and loathsome. Don't sue. Please. I really like my computer, and it is all I have left.