AN: Well, yes, this chapter should clear up all the questions people may have. Harry and Hermione have a lot on their plate now, and I have A LOT left to write. Again, shout outs go to Drake Smythe, Granite, and Seghen, the only ones who seem to ever review for me. Thanks to all of you who do review. This book will be very serious, but I think you will find A LOT of humour in it as well. I am especially excited about the tournament, dance, and when Harry's new friends introduces him to his girlfriend… I think every one will approve of where I am going. If you know of ANY ONE who can write rap music, I am looking to commission an original Harry Potter rap song, or if someone could donate a beat and work with me on the words. I am looking for people into music to help me with the project. Email me, which is located in profile, if you would like to help.

"Fine." Hermione replied, her voice muffled as she wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe. "I guess I do have to eat for someone."

Neville stood and waved Harry and Hermione to his position as they entered the Hall. His schedule having sent him to Advanced Herbology while Harry and Hermione shared Potions.

"Hey guys!" Neville cheerily greeted them as he motioned with his arm to their seats. "How has your first half of school been?"

"Not so great, I guess." Harry shrugged as he jerked his chin at Hermione, who had remained silent and pensive.

"That bad huh?" Neville stroked his chin with his left hand as he used his right to skewer a bite of lamb. "Well, it can only get better I would think."

Harry turned to look at Hermione as she gave a mirthless laugh that seemed to bring her back to near tears. "Only better… right…" She spoke, her voice shaky.

"We got's to talk." Harry replied as he reached out to snatch the plate of chicken away from a second year. "Save some for the rest of us shorty!" Harry grunted before snagging three pieces of chicken off the platter.

"Thanks." Hermione sighed as Harry placed one of the chicken legs on her plate.

"It'll make you feel better, and if you puke, I'll save you some bread." Harry grinned as he wrapped two rolls in a napkin and placed them in his pocket.

"I think I will save some bread to." Neville grinned as he snatched up three rolls and placed them in his pocket.

Hermione shook her head exasperatedly, before taking a deep breath and beginning to nibble on her meal.

"That's my girl." Harry encouraged her as he took a large sip of his pumpkin juice. "This shit right here." He spoke to Neville as he pointed at his glass, "Mix a little cinnamon schnapps in this bitch, and you got a drink for kings." Harry smiled as Neville nodded enthusiastically. "You'd get Fonzed up in style with this."

"Fonzed up?" Neville stopped nodding, small amounts of chicken grease shining at the edge of his lips as he looked at Harry.

"Fucked up. Laid out. Fonzed… drunk man!" Harry laughed as Neville began nodding again.

"Drinking is bad for you Harry." Hermione chastised him, a small bit of her normal self shining through as Harry attempted to look thoroughly admonished.

"Well, after lunch I have Care of magickal creatures." Neville spoke as he rubbed one of his hands over his stomach.

"Same for us." Hermione answered for Harry, having all ready memorized both of their schedules. "Then we have study time."

"Me too." Neville grinned. "Break time!"

"Yeaaaaa budddyyy… errr… Study time!" Harry grinned as Hermione glared at him. "Can't wait to study!"

Neville laughed as Hermione simply sighed.

Harry, Neville, and Hermione walked together to Hagrids hut, his home having become the meeting point for the class. "I love this shit." Harry smiled as he attempted to crane his neck to see what Hagrid was planning to expose them to next.

" 'Alo children! Gather 'round now!" Hagrid boomed, his gigantic frame dwarfing the students as they walked to where Hagrid was. "Each o' ya' will take a snake and feed 'em!" His voice echoing through the grounds as he began handing out small glass tanks to each student, "Work in pairs, the 'lot of ye'!"

Harry and Hermione took their snake and walked towards a slightly shaded spot, Harry carrying the glass case, while Hermione brought a small jar of roaches for the snake to eat.

"I guess you can feed him, and I will take notes as you do it." Hermione shivered as she pressed the bottle into Harry's hand. "I hate snakes." She sighed, but was amazed when Harry began hissing at the snake, causing her to smile a bit at his playfulness.

Hermione sat with her back pressed against the tree, watching Harry as he continued to feed the snake, having laid the snake out on the grass. She was amazed when it didn't try to leave. It was almost as though he were speaking to it.

"Holler." Harry told the Snake as he removed a roach from the jar. "You eat dis shit?"

"Why yes, I do." The snake had replied, "I love the things."

"My name is Harry."

"Rupert."

"So Rupert, what kind of snake do you be, that speaks English?" Harry inquired, occasionally looking back towards Hermione as she scribbled furiously at her notes.

"I don't speak English." The snake replied, after swallowing another roach. "You speak snake."

"I do not…." Harry tilted his head before turning to Hermione. "Baby, This snake speaks English."

"What Harry?" Hermione inquired, as she crawled forward to investigate.

"Watch." Harry replied before turning to the snake. "I'm gonna tell Rupert, that's the snake to slither in a circle then wag his tail."

Harry turned back to the snake and hissed, and immediately the snake slithered in a circle, flicked it's tongue and wiggled its tail.

"Oh my god!" Hermione almost shouted as she jumped back wards. "You speak snake! You are a parslemouth!"

"A what?" Harry inquired, not to happy to have scared Hermione. "What the hell is that?"

"A person who speaks to snakes obviously." Rupert hissed before going silent as Harry hissed for him to shut up.

"All the parslemouths ever have been dark wizards Harry." She spoke slowly, "You-Know-Who was the last snake speaker to live… until you I guess."

"Hey Hagrid, what you gonna do with these snakes?" Harry shouted as he reached down and let Rupert wrap around his wrist.

"Feed 'em to the skrewts tommorow!" Hagrid bellowed back, before looking flustered. "Shouldn't 'av said that!"

"Fuck." Harry growled as he looked at Rupert. "I can't let him kill these little bastards. They speak, they like people." He began thinking hard as he turned to Hermione. "You gotta help me girl. Save the snakes, please?" His eyes wide, Hermione realized he was serious. (Not Sirius thank you very much)

"Harry, we can't. I… How do you propose we do this?"

Harry spoke to Rupert in hushed tones, explaining the danger as he prepared to execute their plan. "Just be ready to slither the fuck out of here. Tell yo' friends." Harry explained as he lifted the tank and placed it in a stack with the rest as they all prepared for class to end.

Hermione twirled her wand in her hand, ready to act as soon as Harry gave the signal.

"Well class, that does it I think." Hagrid smiled as he clapped his hands together. "We will continue yer' lesson next time."

"Hey Hagrid." Harry interrupted. "I'm sorry about this man… but…" Immediately Harry's voice warped to an almost demonic sounding hiss, his orders being shouted to the snakes as Hermione tipped the tanks over with her wand. The snakes hissed in reply as they began to slither through the crowd, the students scattering in screaming groups as they attempted to avoid the escaping snakes.

"Get!" Harry yelled as Rupert slithered up to his feet. "Escape with yo life man." He pleaded as Rupert simply lay against his shoe.

"I would like to live with you now." Rupert Hissed lazily as he looked up at Harry. "You are a good human, I think I will take you as my pet."

"Shiiiit." Harry laughed before scooping Rupert up, oblivious to the panic he had created.

Hagrid simply stared slack jawed at Harry, unable to move as he churned what he had witnessed over in his mind. "Class dismissed." He finally whispered as Harry waved good-bye, he and Hermione being the last students in the area.

"Sorry bout yo snakes! Use rabbits or some shitty animal like that!" Harry yelled as he and Hermione began walking back to the castle.

Hermione clutched her gut as she walked, her pace slowing.

"Gonna be sick girl?"

Hermione was silent for a moment before rushing over to a bush, her stomach emptying in heaves. Harry simply moved to her side, allowing her to grip his arm as she puked.

When she finally stood again, she became mortified as Harry used the sleeve of his robe to wipe some of the mucous from her nose. "Harry!" She yelped as he scrubbed lightly on her face.

"What?" He spoke evenly, "It aint like my nose aint been between yo ass cheeks. Shit."

Hermione had no argument for him, but simply remained still as he performed his ministrations.

"Bread." He smiled gently at her as he removed a roll from within his pocket. "Then I'm going to take you to the hospital wing."

"No…" Hermione sighed as she took the roll from Harry. "I've all ready been."

"And?" Harry asked, his voice twanging as he waited patiently for her explanation.

"I'll be fine. They said to… eat bread and vegetables." She laughed softly as Harry beamed.

"See. Dr. Pimp… er… Dr. Potter to the rescue." He blushed as he pressed a stray hair away from her face. "Let's get to studying I guess…" A smile played at his lips as he stroked Hermione's cheek.

"Is your mate well?" Rupert hissed from around Harry's arm as they continued on to the castle.

"Sho' is." Harry hissed back, having brought his arm up to his face, a grin plastered on his face.

When they made it to the common room of Gryffindor, Harry was surprised to find every one giving him a wide berth. Though, it may have had to do with the live snake wrapped around his arm, which was visible, as Harry had rolled his sleeves up.

"You sit here, and I will get what ever you need." Harry explained as he stroked Hermione's hair, Rupert hissing in protest as her hair tickled him.

"We just need a defense against the dark arts book. Since both of us missed it this morning." Hermione scowled at Harry causing him to fidget.

"How did you know?"

"McGonagall was looking for you…" Hermione replied cryptically. "It's all right though. She doesn't need you now."

"Cool." Harry shrugged as he walked to his dorm to retrieve his defense book, having put it away earlier.

It took him a moment to find the book, but when he returned down stairs, he was surprised to find Hermione sleeping with her head laid upon her crossed arms.

"Damn, poor girl is beat." Harry cooed as he allowed Rupert to slither off his arm onto the table. "I'll let you sleep till dinner baby." He snickered as he cast a silence bubble around her ears, hoping she would be able to have a refreshing nap.

"Is that… Nice?" Rupert inquired as he cocked his head, his tongue flickering at an enhanced pace.

"She needs some sleep." Harry shrugged indignantly, "I think it's fine if I let her."

Rupert stared for a moment before slithering closer to Hermione, his features relaxing as her warm breath sped from under her arms in tiny blasts. "This is nice."

"Just don't forget, she is mine." Harry grumbled slightly as he watched the snake, a tinge of jealousy cutting into his gut.

Harry opened his book and began to diligently take notes, hoping that Hermione would be pleased if he presented her with some form of product, even if he knew she would want to take her own.

Almost an hour into his note taking, Harry was startled when Neville walked up to him. "Hey Harry." He spoke slowly as he eyed the snake dozing with Hermione.

"What it is Neville?" Harry spoke in a hushed whisper, a muggle habit as his girlfriend sleeped.

"Just… You know, every one is saying you can speak snake. I saw you freak out during Hagrids class." Neville spoke tentatively.

"Yea, I can." Harry replied quickly as he began scratching his quill on the parchment again. "This is Rupert." He continued as he pointed with his free hand at the snake.

"You can?" Neville sounded almost fearful now. "That's… usually an evil wizard trait…"

"And?" Harry inquired as he looked up from the stacks of parchment he had scribbled on. "Doesn't change who I am Nev."

"I… I guess your right… but… powerful dark wizards are parslemouths Harry." Neville explained as he took the seat across from Harry. "Professor Tonks said you were an evil person to the class, then you go and set the snakes loose… it just looked real bad."

"Fuck her." Harry replied nonplussed. "I gots my friend." He pointed the quill at Neville. "I got's my broad." He jerked the quill at Hermione. "Now I gots me a pet." Pointing the quill at the snake. "What else do I need?"

"Yea. I guess you are right." Neville spoke as he began to relax. "I just… be ready for every one to treat you differently."

"Fuck em. Let's get dinner." Harry grinned as he stood, waving his wand gently at Hermione; he removed the spell and slowly whispered into her ear. "Wake up baby."

"A patronus frightens goats." Hermione mumbled as she stirred lightly, her movements waking Rupert.

"This goat wants you to wake up." Harry spoke a bit louder as he kissed on her ear.

For a moment, Hermione lay still, then her eyes fluttered open, a small yawn escaping her lips, which Harry interrupted by attempting to place his nose into her mouth.

"What are you doing?" Hermione grumbled as Harry grinned wildly at her.

"Presenting my notes to you." Harry replied as he pressed a stack of almost twenty five sheets of paper at Hermione proudly.

"Wait… How long have I been asleep?"

"It's dinner time now."

"DAMN IT!" Hermione screamed as she slammed her palms onto the table, her outburst startling Rupert into slithering off the table and onto Harry's lap.

"It's ok girl, just read my notes. We didn't miss any thing you don't know." Harry consoled her as he ran his ink-stained fingers through her hair.

"You write notes like a flobberworm!" She spat before recoiling. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"I know." Harry replied flatly. "You just cranky." He continued as Hermione threw her arms around him, tears leaking from her eyes.

"I'm a stupid idiot." She sobbed as Harry attempted to pull her into a position he could look her in her eyes in.

"You." He stated firmly as he shook her shoulders lightly, "Are the smartest witch in over a century to strut through Hogwarts girl."

"No… I'm not." She continued to cry as Harry rubbed her back. "I'm… I'm…"

"Beautiful? Smart? Sexy?" Harry offered as he continued to rub circles in her back with the palm of his hand.

"Pregnant!" She whispered, it felt as though the entire room froze. The only sound was the hiss of Rupert as his tongue continued to jerk in and out of his mouth involuntarily.

"What?" Harry broke the silence as his hands trembled and his mouth became dry like sand. "You are what? Neville, get out of here. Clear the rest of these fucks out too, every one goes to dinner now."

Neville stood swiftly and pointed at the doorway, the remaining stragglers quickly exiting with him at Harry's commandment.

"My doctor… I got a test a week ago, I came back positive. My doctor told my parents, and my parents contacted Dumbledore. That is why McGonagall wanted you earlier." She whimpered as Harry clutched her to his chest. "She wanted to tell you, but I pleaded with her to let me tell you."

Harry remained silent, unsure of how to respond. "Well, I guess this was bound to happen the way we acted." He thought to himself as he felt his hands tremble.

"Harry?" Hermione asked, her small hands pressing against his chest, unable to pull away as he clutched her. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know." He sputtered, his voice cracking as his mind raced with thoughts. "I don't know what to do."

"I'm keeping it." She spoke softly. "I won't… I can't… It's my flesh, and I will raise it…"

Harry quickly snapped out of his trance as he looked down at her. "I ain't having my kid call another man daddy. I'm here for you girl. It ain't just yours."

"Harry. You don't…"

Harry quickly interrupted. "I told you, I wanted a down ass bitch. I wanted you to be down for me. You don't think I would ask you to do, what I wouldn't do for you?"

Again the tears flowed as Hermione gripped Harry as though he could blow away if she didn't. "I love you. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do, or to say, and I'm so sorry I doubted you. I love you." She sobbed as Harry kissed the top of her head repeatedly.

"I love you to." Harry sighed as he rested his cheek upon her head. "I'll always be here girl. I don't know what the boys at home are gonna say when I introduce em to my baby's mama." He laughed lightly as Hermione continued to breath hard.

The silence was broken as Rupert slowly slithered up Harry's arm, "I desire food." His tongue bounced off the side of Harry's face as he hissed his demands.

"Lets hit up dinner… get some food in us… then we gotta sit down and start talking…" Harry explained as he patted Hermione's back. "Come on girl, we got a lot ahead of us. I'm down for you though."

Hermione remained sitting, unable to pull her self to a standing position. "I can't go out there. I can't face every one."
"Why?" Harry asked as he sat back down. "Why can't you face every one?"

"Every one is going to know. I didn't want them to know, but I said it in front of half the common room… I'm so stupid." She spoke as she placed her face in her hands.

"I don't think any one heard you but Neville." Harry consoled her, "Neville is a G, he wouldn't talk shit girl. You know that."

"You think?" Hermione whimpered as she looked back up at Harry.

"Well, Rupert heard to, but I don't know of any other dark wizards for him to talk to." Harry grinned as Hermione simply stared at him flabbergasted.

"We know you aren't a dark wizard Harry." Hermione spoke but Harry simply laughed.

"Well, if every one is going to think I am one, might as well pretend." Harry looked as though his eyes were sparkling. "But I have one more question before we go."

"What?" Hermione offered as Harry took on a more serious face.

"Do I really write like a flobberworm?"

"Wait!"

"Don't cry!"

"I'm just kidding!"

"Baby it's a joke!"

Harry eventually calmed Hermione down enough to make an appearance at dinner; though it was obvious the feast was nearing completion.

"Harry!" Neville shouted as he waved at them from near the center of the house table. "Hermione! Over here!" He screeched as he pointed ecstatically at two plates he had filled with food and saved for them.

"Finally." Rupert hissed from Harry's arm as he slithered forward, his tongue flickering madly at the scent of food that permeated the room. "Your mate is very... bothersome."

"Don't be a dick Rupert." Harry hissed back into his sleeve as he guided Hermione to her seat.

"Hey guys." Neville smiled, a questioningly look in his eyes. "Every thing… ok?" He inquired, his eyes on Hermione.

"Harry can tell you all about it, if he wants." Hermione sighed as she began to nibble on a bite of roast beef.

Before Harry could speak, Rupert lashed out from his perch, with a lightning quick snap his jaws connected firmly with a sausage link, which immediately disappeared beneath the arm of Harry's robe.

"Holy shit!" Harry shouted, causing the two first years next to him to topple backwards as they too yelled. "Fast and hungry fucker. Ain't he?" Harry laughed as he lifted his robe to watch Rupert begin to swallow the link, his eyes lolling in ecstasy as he savored his meal.

"Harry, that's kind of scary." Neville whispered as he eyed the two first years chattering fiercely behind their hands. "That snake could be dangerous."

"Fer sheezy!" Harry began to giggle as his face contorted. "Sick, I can feel the food squeezing in his body!"

"That's disgusting." Hermione admonished as she pat her lips with her napkin.

"You're telling me?" Harry smiled as he began to eat.

"You two notice any thing?" Neville asked, as he looked about the great hall. "I bet you can notice if you look."

"We have new students!" Hermione exclaimed as she craned her neck to look at each table.

"Yep. Two schools sent people to compete. The Frenchies and Bulgarians." Neville smirked as Harry snorted into his meal. "See them?"

Harry looked up from his meal to peer about the hall, his vision locking on a female sitting at the Ravenclaw table. "Daaaaamn." Harry groaned as he stood in his seat.

"Uhoh. Harry spotted the Half-Veela." Neville laughed as he noticed the very angry look on Hermione's face.

"I don't think she is pretty." Hermione growled as she looked where Harry was staring.

"That aint it!" Harry laughed as he turned back to Hermione, a grin on his face. "I would turn that bitch out on the street so fast, her tits would spin!"

"Oh my God Harry!" Hermione laughed as she covered her mouth with a hand. "I thought you were attracted to her…"

"Fuck no! I could make some money off that bitch, look at every one drooling over her ass! Stuck up bitch oughta get tapped for a few bucks and I'd be rollin…"Harry spoke quickly as he gesticulated with his hands, Rupert the snake hissing his dissatisfaction with being whipped about at Harry's excitement.

"I… have no idea whether I should be mad, jealous, or laugh." Hermione spoke, her face blank as she attempted to understand what Harry was saying. "So you are saying you don't like her?"

"I gots my girl, that other bitch just be a pay check." Harry grinned at her as he sat back down. "I ain't never fucked a girl that I was going to put on the streets."

"Wow." Neville gave a start before leaning forward. "So what IS it like to pimp?" His face scrunched up in anticipation as Harry continued to munch on his food.

"It's a job." Harry shrugged. "Work."

"But… Isn't… it like… glamorous?" Neville pressed as he stared intently.

"Van Gogh worked in paints. Ford worked in cars. I work in pussy. I'm an artist." Harry smirked as he slurped a noodle from his spaghetti up.

"An artist huh?" Hermione snorted with a bemused expression on her face.

"You know what I mean girl." Harry spoke quickly in to his meal.

"I do not know a thing about it." Hermione smirked as Harry fidgeted, why don't you tell me.

"Yea!" Neville agreed heartily.