orangesherbert: Thank you. I always love your reviews. And you get ice cream if you win the cake walk? I always wondered why you would participate. I figured they might let you steal an actual cake. That'd be reason enough to participate for me. Headmaster Charleston. He's just a crazy, crazy guy.

epona9009: Thanks for telling me about your numbers. And don't worry, I definitely know. I'm just setting up the scene. Just give it time. Actually, just finish reading this comment. This chapter starts getting into some stuff. Happy Birthday! I hope you like it.

dayzy27: That's a lot of meanings fit into that tiny name. Really quite impressive. Like those guys who can stick a whole sword down their throat.

Muffin Is Injured: Don't you worry. No need to be patient. In this chapter you'll see how she changes Luke and Lorelai's lives. For the better if you ask me. Oh, Hunky Football Player. Injuring poor Muffin like that. He should be more aware of his hunkiness (which, by the way, is not a word. go figure). And it's potentially negative effect on the people around him. Geeze. Hey, geeze misspelled with an s is just geese. Hmm. Although geeze isn't technically a word either. Webster is going to take over the world. I know private schools can't get out any time they want, but I feel that Chilton could … in my universe.

Mirax Corran, gilmoregirlsfanatic, and Rae2: Thank you. Ah, inspiration.

OzDust: I know! I'm not gonna lie, I haven't heard of/from you before. I LOVE wicked. I have the soundtrack and read the book. I might go see the musical. Not sure if I can. Amazing. Simply amazing name.

chelsgg71091: Oh wow. Five siblings, simply amazing. Four months is a bad age. Once they're out of diapers it's better. Great name. Not at all what I was expecting. I thought it was short for Chelsea. Your reason is better. Awesome.

Marcel-Marceau-chicken: I actually love that episode with an insane passion. I actually have a one-shot/ first chapter based on that episode, but I haven't posted it. Probably will after this story's done.

Ronata: Oh, fifteen year old boys. Don't worry. It will become very apparent where the story's going. Just wait.

lukelorelai-en: Don't you dare apologize for not reading sooner. You read my story, I am eternally grateful. Thank you, a lot. Madison is pretty unique.

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A/N: I promise the story will get relevant soon.

What if I can't do it? It's the question I ask myself everyday. It emerges just beyond the scope of actual realization. Never a conscious thought, but always there. Always looming. Always ready to turn any small mistake into doubt.

Doubt. It's the feeling that inevitably looms in the pit of my stomach every moment that I am forced to feel. Forced to be. Every day, it hangs above my head like the dark cloud that inevitably follows Eeyore on the cartoon my kids watch every morning.

My kids. When I took the responsibility of caring for five babies I was so sure that it was the right thing to do. That it was what my parents would want. That I was their family and could give them the best life that they could have. But what if they deserve more. What if the only thing tying them down to this life is my unwillingness to let them go.

Greed. It's the reason I keep them. It's the reason I need them. Without them I don't know who I am. I need them to keep me. Keep me here and keep me tied down to the world. They are the reason I stay. They are the reason I feel. They are the reason I am, why I am this person.

Mummy. I didn't ask to be. Michael picked it up when they had started talking and the other four shortly followed. Probably from Gretchen, our maid who spoke only Russian and addressed me only as mummy.

But she's not me. She can't be me. They're two different people, the girl I was and the girl I am. Girl, it doesn't seem like enough. I feel more. I feel an age the years that I've spent on this earth can't reflect.

And I don't know how and I don't know when, but my old self has slowly disappeared. 14. That was when. My fourteenth birthday. The day I found out things would never be the same, that I would never be the same. Without them I don't know who I am, who I was before I was only theirs.

I don't think I even remember her. She laughed a lot. She had friends. Good friends. She was outgoing and she had fun.

I guess being her just isn't an option anymore. I wonder if this is one of those sacrifices I have been told so many times before I would have to make.

Madison Lavelle

9/4/05

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Find her. It was the only conscious thought Lorelai could form. Madison. Sweet, little Madison who came to work everyday. Who ate lunch with her kids and then quietly slipped into the back round of the kitchen.

Of course it was hard for her. Why didn't I see that it was hard for her? One kid. One kid was all I could handle and it was hard. I chose to run away from my parents. She didn't chose to have to deal with five kids alone.

"Sookie!"

"Hey, hey, I'm here. Calm down, I'm here. What's wrong, Lorelai?"

"Where's Madison?"

"I, I don't know … wait, school. She has school in the mornings."

"School? She's going to school, too?"

"Yeah. I think she has to. Lorelai, what's going on?"

"Don't worry, Sook. I'll handle it. I just have to go find Luke."

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Lorelai rushed into the diner and saw Luke serving two customers. She grabbed his arm and started pulling him to the apartment. "Caesar, take over for a while," she yelled.

"Okay," was the reply from the kitchen.

"No, not okay. Lorelai? What are you doing?"

Lorelai didn't even respond, just kept trudging forward. So, Luke followed her.

It wasn't until they were both in Luke's apartment that Lorelai spoke. "Baby-sit with me."

"What?"

"Baby-sit with me."

"I heard what you said, Lorelai. Are you serious?"

"Yes. Madison needs some help. Maybe a break once a week would do it. I can do more on my own, but I can't handle five kids alone. I just wanted to make sure someone could help me before I volunteered."

"What about Sookie? Sookie has kids. I mean she knows how to handle them and she, well she probably likes them."

"But Luke, Sookie has her own kids to handle and … like. I need someone, Luke. I need someone to help me."

Help me. These two simple words rotated around Luke's brain. Luke knew that Lorelai wasn't the kind of person to accept help, let alone ask for it. "Okay. Fine. Wait, but what about Rory?"

"Yeah. This is exactly what Rory should be doing once a week. Not the mounds of homework Yale gives her. Not making new friends. Coming home to baby-sit five kids with her mom."

"Fine. I'm out."

"Finally. I wouldn't have asked Mr. 'Jam Hands' to help me unless I needed him."

"Well, you've got him. So can I go back to work now?"

"Okay, okay."

"Once you know, tell me when you need me."

"I will." They made their way downstairs. Lorelai walked back to the Dragonfly and waited for Madison to come for lunch.

A/N: Happy Wednesday!