Chapter 4

In the Vivec Guild of Mages everyone was in a panic, talking at once about the incident in Balmora.

"The Scribs have taken over!" "They destroyed my home!" "They killed all the guards!" "They ate Stargel!" Suddenly a shotgun blast was heard over all the noise and everyone turned, startled, to see what had caused it. It was Ndugu, and he sheathed the gun behind his back as if it were a sword.

"Alright, yeah, so they destroyed your city. What're you gonna do about it, sit here and bitch about it all day?" he asked.

"But what can we do?" one person cried, "The Scrib Menace is a horrible plague set upon us by Dagoth Ur who resides in the Crater Citadel of Red Mountain! Only the Nerevarine can save us now, for without him we're all doomed!"

Ndugu walked up and bitch slapped the person who was spouting what seemed to be nonsense to him. "Now that's about enough of that. I could destroy those Scrib if I wanted, but frankly my visit here to Morrowind has been nothing but a massive pain in the ass," he paused for a moment, then added, "literally!" Everyone stole a glance at the still bleeding spot where his hemorrhoid used to be.

"Are you suggesting that you, a Redguard, could be the Nerevarine?" another person asked. This sparked a commotion. "What? A Redguard is the Nerevarine?" "He can't be the Nerevarine, he's black!" "A Redguard? Stargel, is that you?" "No, Stargel's dead, remember?" "Oh, well you can't blame me, they all look the same,"

"ALL RIGHT, SHUT THE HELL UP!" Ndugu yelled. Everyone was silenced once again. "I may not be this 'Nerevarine' you people are babbling about, but I don't believe in such nonsense anyways. I'm saying there is no curse on this land, and that I can kill an army of Scrib just as easily as any fabled war hero of times could, assuming that he existed," he explained. There was a hush for a moment. Then someone else spoke up.

"Did you here that? He doesn't believe in the Nerevarine," "Well I guess that means he doesn't believe in Lord Nerevar either," "Well Lord Nerevar was friends with Vivec and the other Tribunal Gods, perhaps he doesn't believe in them as well," "Blasphemy!" someone said as they rushed up to him.

"What?! Whoa wait, I never said-," thunk, he was knocked out cold. While he was asleep he had a dream. It was a dream about the Sixth House. Dagoth Ur and Nerevar were standing there, facing a golden alter with blood trickling down the side. There was something on the pedestal, the air was filled with the stench of blood and death, and just a hint of something else, and there were the dead, praying to the object that had been placed upon it. It was Ndugu's hemorrhoid. It was the acrid smell of ass juice he now realized was the scent he couldn't quite put his finger on before, and now Dagoth and Nerevar turned to the pedestal themselves, kneeling down upon the hemorrhoid as well. Suddenly the hemorrhoid blew up, showering everyone with the blood and ass juice, and the dead were jovial and gleeful, ecstatic that this had happened. Over his disgust and confusion, Ndugu was somehow distinctly aware that it was Dagoth and Nerevar who had caused the sacrificial hemorrhoid to burst like that, and they turned to him and smiled. Ndugu was frightened beyond words at these smiling faces, although he himself didn't know why, and he suddenly jerked out of his nightmare, covered in a cold sweat.

"Are you okay?" someone asked. Ndugu turned and saw that it was Jiub.

"You again?!" Ndugu said alarmed, "I thought you were killed on the boat!"

"What? Oh that shotgun blast..." he trailed off, "Yes, they thought that they had killed me, but in reality I was just faking it," he said. Ndugu noticed the massive hole in Jiub's stomach.

"Okay..." Ndugu said, wondering how Jiub could have possibly survived having his entire midsection blown out, "what are you doing here?"

"I snuck off the boat once they thought I was dead. It was hard, because we were already well into the Sea of Ghosts when they decided it was okay to leave me alone, so I had to swim back here. The blood attracted Slaughterfish and they tried to eat me alive, but I made it. I couldn't stop until I saw you again," he said.

"Right, I get that but why are you here, in this prison? And come to think of it, what kind of prison is this? It's got a kind of floaty feel to it,"

"That's because this is the Ministry of Truth. It's about 300 ft above water, and everyone here is here because they disobeyed the Temple somehow," Jiub explained, "For instance, from what I understand you're here because you said you didn't believe that Vivec, Almalexia, and Sotha Sil are Gods. I'm here for a similar reason. I worship a different God: you, Ndugu. Your body more specifically,"

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Ndugu said genuinely creeped out. Suddenly Ndugu heard something. Someone had come up to their cell and was attempting to unlock it. The door was thrust open and the woman slammed it shut behind it. She turned around and Ndugu instantly recognized her.

"You're that woman I stole the purse from!" he said pointing at her.

"Yes, and I've come to get it back. If you give it to me then I'll give you this," she said holding up a scroll.

"What the hell do I need that for? Toilet paper? Have you forgotten I have virtually no ass?" Ndugu said.

"You have more than enough for me," Jiub said.

"Alright, seriously dude, if you say one more thing like that again, I'm gonna straight up #$%&in' kill you,"

"It's not toilet paper, it's a Scroll of Divine Intervention!" the woman yelled.

Ndugu was quiet for a moment, "...So?"

"So?! It'll get you out of here and take you straight to the nearest Imperial Cult Shrine! In this case it'll take you to Ebonheart," she explained.

"Seriously?! Kick ass!" Ndugu said snatching it away. He accidentally took both though, the other one intended to get the woman out as well. He used one of them and instantly vanished.

"Wait you dumb bastard! You took mine too!" she yelled in desperation and vain, as he'd already left. She hung her head low when there was no response and turned her attention to Jiub. Right when their eyes met it was love at first sight. They ran to each other in slow motion and Jiub tripped and fell. The shock of the fall caused Jiub's stomach hole to commence bleeding again, and he died shortly thereafter, leaving the innocent woman all alone in the cell.