Chapta 2
Inside, Dib was seated in the living room with the
TV
playing a taped episode of "Mysterious Mysteries"
while
he typed away on his laptop. Of course, Dib was
speaking to
himself.
"So I found out that Zim's base only has several
types
of defence systems... I wish I had a better method
to
replace trial and error... Anyway, I can get to the
underground
labs through the toilet, the refrigerator,
the-"
Gaz's
harsh voice filled the room with a pitch black
anger as she
screamed to him from the kitchen. "You
better be almost done in
there, Dib! I'm going to
watch TV while I do my
homework!"
Dib's eyes didn't leave his glowing screen
as he
called back, "Okay, Gaz! But I was going to rewatch
this
episode!"
"You aren't even watching it, Dib!" Gaz
entered the
room with a bag of chips and a glass of milk.
"Now
leave before I gnaw your hands off." Her glare
emitted
flames that lapped at the oblivious Dib. Before he
could
either retort or give in to fate and leave, the
doorbell
rang.
"Answer the door," commanded Gaz as she flicked
the
channel and sat on the overstuffed couch.
"Geez,
Gaz," mumbled Dib as he approached his house's
entrance. As he
set his hand on the knob, he paused at
the hushed voices on the
other side. Curious, Dib
pressed his ear to the door.
"What exactly are we gonna say?"
"Oop! Didn't think of that."
"Obviously."
"Shush! Just ask to come in or something!"
"Yeah, THAT'S not creepy or anything."
"I said 'shush!'"
Taking this as a
cue, Dib slowly turned the knob and
opened the door a crack. He
peered out with an eyebrow
raised. His gaze took in the sight of
three slouching
and surprised teens. The only girl in the group
slowly
reached and hand out, then swiftly pushed the door
open,
knocking Dib back.
They entered, the spiky haired boy
laughing. "Ha! That
was funny," he claimed. "Yeah," agreed
the girl.
Dib looked critically at the group before him.
"What
are you doing in my house!" He cried, louder
than
necessary.
"Geez, man. We're right here!" the
last boy retorted
as the cupped his hands on his ears.
The
girl and spikey-haired boy were suddenly briskly
walking around
the room in an obvious attempt at anime
styled interest. "Look,
Ivan! The Membrane Lamp!" said
the girl.
"I wish I had
a camera," sighed Ivan. Dib stood
quickly and looked to see what
Gaz was doing. She sat
on the couch, a notebook resting on her
knees and, as
she stuffed handful after handful of chips into
her
mouth, she scribbled answers to math questions in
the
notebook. (Gamers can multitask like CRAZY!) She
emitted a
growl when the girl, apparently named
"Apatha" passed too
close.
"Are you fans of my dad?" asked Dib, annoyed
and
worried.
"Huh?" Apatha looked at him. "Oh! Oh,
sure. Professor
Membrane. Great guy." Ivan stood next to him.
"Hey,
can we see your computer?" Somehow, he had obtained
a
camera, and was now taking pictures of the house, Gaz,
and,
currently, Dib's head.
"Cut it out!" Dib flailed his
arms at the crazed teen,
and started to push him from his house,
muttering,
"Stupid fans..."
Apatha heard this. "Oh!
I'm sorry, sir. Where are our
manners?" she stepped back. "We
just barged in here
and started annoying you guys, I'm very
sorry." Her
hands folded and she solemnly looked down.
Ivan
pushed his camera into his pocket and mimicked
Apatha's
position. "Me, too."
The last boy, still at the door,
simply scoffed.
"Well, don't look at me," he said as Dib's
eyes fell
on him.
"Um..." Dim faltered. He wasn't expecting this.
"Our reason for being here," Apatha
started as she
looked up, "is to see you, I believe..." she
paused,
as though thinking. When she seemed to come to
a
conclusion, she smiled slyly at Dib. "Agent Mothman."
"Oooh.
Good one," whispered Ivan as he leaned over to
Apatha.
Dib
stared, open mouthed, at them. Were they... part
of the Swollen
Eyeballs? "Wh-what do you want with
me?" asked Dib, only
somewhat frightened and nervous.
But then, of course, this
"slight" nervousness was
exaggerated for the purpose of
cartooning. Apatha
noticed this and leaned toward Ivan. "Look,
he
believes us!" she said in a stage whisper.
"I know!
I can't believe it!" Ivan responded,
likewise. "Good thing
for the gullibility of
animation, huh?"
"Um, yes!"
This loud and proclamations statement was
directed at Dib. "We
came to check on your advances in
the knowledge of..." she
paused for effect.
"Paranormal studies!" now, Apatha lifted
her hands and
wiggled her fingers, her eyes wide. Ivan
snickered
behind his hand.
Dib paused for a moment, his
face expressionless.
Suddenly, "Great!" sounded about the room
as Dib
grinned widely and spazzed. He fled up the stairs with
a
"zoom" and turned around to call to his visitors.
"Come on
up here! I have something AMAZING to show
you!"
Apatha
and Ivan panted up the stairs, but Dan remained
at the bottom. He
looked at Gaz, the ultimate
multi-tasker. He smiled. "What a
buncha losers, huh?"
Gaz looked up at him with her mouth
full. She raised
her
eyebrows.
"And
THIS is a picture of Zim outside the school! And
THIS one is from
the bathroom! You can just see the
evil plot in his eye. I caught
him in there ranting to
his refleflection. Isn't that sad!"
Dib's mouth moved
at 90 miles per hour as he excitedly showed a
variety
of evidence to Ivan and Apatha.
Apatha yawned from
her place on the floor and
nonchalantly leaned toward Ivan as Dib
continued his
rambling. "Remember, in fanfiction, the new
characters
believe him," she whispered.
Ivan looked at
her. "Really? I've never read
fanfiction."
Apatha
scowled at him and readjusted her shirt. "Well,
just play
along... unless of course, we wanted to be
more show-like... do
you think this world is cannon?"
Ivan sighed, "I say we
stick to the most cannon-istic
we can be." He grinned as Apatha
rolled her eyes.
"That's internet grammar, that is."
"And
I try everything I can to stop him- Hey, are you
listening?" Dib
looked up from his screen where a
picture of a steaming Zim graced
the screen. "Er...
um..." Apatha broke away from Ivan and
shifted her
eyes. "Yeah!" She grinned. "Keep talking."
Dib
stared for a moment before swiveling back and
starting his rant
exactly where he left off. "-but
he's just so stupid to
even...!"
Ivan leaned toward Apatha. "Do you really want
to
listen to this guy for a few more hours?"
Apatha
thought about this. "Sure, I mean, the '2 Hours
Later' sign
should pop up any minute now!"
2 Hours Later
Dib pushed his chair away from his desk and
looked at
the two visitors. They were leaning against the wall
in
a state of unconscious consciousness. Apatha was
pratically
drowning in a pool of drool, and Ivan had
one eye unfocused while
he twiched against the wall.
Dab sighed and looked at them with a
look that said,
"go figure." He hopped up and sulkuly
headed
downstairs to get a soda.
As Dib descended the
stairs, he noticed something a
bit... off. Sure, Gaz was sitting
on the couch,
enjoying a nice snack and watching the TV with
her
normal look of evil on her face. Sure she looked just
as
painfully angry as ever, but there was... someone
else there. Dib
had known his sister to be pretty
anti-social. I mean, it was
kinda obvious. But the
third guy, Dan, was sitting on the floor a
bit in
front of Gaz, slouching a bit and shoving chips into
his
face.
Dib paused at the bottom of the stairs
looking
curiously, one eyebrow up, at his sister. As he opened
his
mouth to make a whiney sounding comment, his two
visiters barroled
down the stairs.
Her chest heaving, Apatha came to a sudden
halt, her
hand placed firmly against the wall. "Whad we
miss?"
Ivan crashed into her and sent them both
spralling
across Dib, forming, as Gaz would call it, a pile
of
stupidity. Gaz snerked without looking, but Dan turned
full
around and stood up. He laughed.
"Okay, are you losers done?
I have to admit, the TV is
pretty awesome, but I really would like
to get home,"
he said.
Apatha jumped up from the bottom
of the pile without
upseting Ivan and Dib. (anime style, for some
reason)
"NO! You aren't supposed to tell them that we're
from
another dimension!" She waved her hands desperatly
in
animated circles above her head.
Dan cocked his head.
"But... I didn't say anything
about another
dimension."
Apatha froze, then silently moved her lips, as
though
she was trying to figure something out. She
mumbled,
"Lessee... 'He laughed... "would like to get
home."
Apatha jumped up...'" Her eyes widened.
"You're
right!"
The room was quiet for some time.
"WELL!" shouted Apatha, "THAT was fun,
Dib,
wereallyoughtadoitagainsometimeBYE!" She gripped the
hands
of both Ivan and Dan and careened out the door.
Gaz turned the
volume up on the TV. Dib stood up and
watched the crazy teens run
haphazardly down the
sidewalk. "That was..." he started.
"Be quiet," said Gaz.
"Phew!
That was a close one!" Apatha collapsed onto
the grass. "Good
thing got away when we did, I saw a
look of realization occur in
Dib's eyes."
Ivan slumped down next to her. "Though I
was a bit sad
that I didn't get to steal a whole lotta stuff."
He
reached into his pockets. "All I got was Dib's pencil,
a
key from his keyboard (letter "g"), Gaz's
Gameslave..."
Apatha's
hair stood on end. "My GOD, Ivan! Drop it!"
She deftly slapped
the game to the ground and cowered
behind Dan, who is so
uninteresting that his
activities will not be described.
Ivan
picked the game back up. "Relax, it's just the
original
Gameslave. I dug it out of the trash." He
eyed it with
admiration.
"Oh." Apatha calmed herself and sat back up,
adjusting
her hair. "I still think anything with a soul
should
be left to rest."
Ivan looked up. "Still? You've
NEVER thought that
before."
She stuck her toungue out, "How do YOU know?"
Dan growled firmly. "Are we DONE yet?"
Apatha turned slowly toward the offending male.
"Uh,
no. We haven't even gone to ZIM's house. You just
KNOW
something cool and crazy will happen THERE!"
"Yeah,"
said Ivan whistfully, as he packed away his
filched items. "Let's
go NOW!"
Apatha stood. "Okay! To Zim's Base!" she
shouted,
thrusting a finger into the air.
The two excited
Teens took off at a gallop before
skidding to a halt and turning
around. Apatha sighed
and fell into a relaxed position in which
her foot
tapped continuously. "COME ON! Dan! Time's
a-wastin'!"
Ivan laughed, "'I've always wanted to say
that.'" he
quoted. (where's THAT quote from?)
Dan
stretched lazily. "Fine, fine." He followed,
slumped over.
"After today, I am never, NEVER watching
cartoons again. EVER."
He flung an arm out to his
side, exsentuating his point.
"You never watched cartoons anyway."
"Yeah, well, this makes it
certain. Life here is...
pretty stupid. Nothing makes
sense."
"You just don't have a sense of HUMOR!" Apatha
thrust
a finger into his nose. "Now let's MOVE!"
And they were off.
However, before the trio even reached the end
of the
street, they were joined by a screaming, panting Dib
that
ran tiredly on short legs. Apatha pointed him out
with a flourish.
"A CHILD!"
They stopped and waited for the lil'
paranormal
investigator who was dripping with case files,
leaving
behind him a trail of important papers, that
were
important enough to NOT be lost, and you'd think that
Dib
would try to keep them together, but I guess the
falling papers
has a nice effect, so we'll just leave
'em there to blow about
in the wind. It could be a
metaphor, if you like.
Apatha
beamed. "Look, Dib loved us so much that he
followed us all the
way out here. Innit that sweet?"
She grinned at Ivan as he
raised an eyebrow, skeptical
about the Dib's motivations.
When
Dib (finally) caught up, he doubled over, heaving
breaths from all
the excess exercise. Exercise is bad.
He lifted the remaining case
files in a desperate
attempt to get his point across, but his
moving mouth
left no information, as he was all breathless
and
couldn't speak. Apatha and Ivan gazed upon the boy,
their
eyes half-closed in semi-interest (Dan was
probably doing
something, too). When Dib's breath
caught up to his words, he
said, "...so I need you to
follow me!"
Ivan raised a
hand, pointed, opened his mouth, and
closed it. "Yeah...
what?"
Dib raised an eyebrow, his voice was flat. "I'm
going
to show you Zim." His eyes widened and his voice
showed
more feeling. "You guys might be the ONLY ones
who will believe
me! I need you to follow me to Zim's
base!"
Apatha clapped her hands. "Convenience! Let's go!"
Dib grinned
widely and skittered off in the direction
of... probably Zim's
base. The crew followed, somewhat
reluctantly, since Apatha wasn't
sure they were being
as cannon as they should. And, you know,
Dan...
stuff.
Gir
quietly looked at Zim as he hugged his piggy. Zim
glared back,
slowly reaching a hand for a mysterious
lever to his side. He eyes
narrowed and Gir hugged
tighter. Zim's left eye twitched,
calculating. He had
waited long for this moment. It had been 20
pages
before he was finally in the fic, and he was prepared.
With
a resounding "HA!" Zim threw the lever and a tube
snaked down
next to Gir, who turned his head
curiously. The tube then sucked
the screaming Gir and
transported him into the upper regions of
the house.
The tube retracted and Zim coughed his way
into
laughter that ricocheted off the insides of his
making-stuff
room. He had spent all morning on that
transporting tube, and he
was very pleased with it.
Meanwhile, on the ground level of
the house, Gir was
dropped on the floor directly in front of the
door,
fully clothed in his doggy suit. He stood, his wide
eyes
gaping, and was promptly hit on the head with his
belated piggy.
He screamed wildly and gripped the pig
close to his body
protectively.
And the doorbell rang. Gir blinked slowly at the
tall
door before being pushed up to the eye hole by a
platform.
He peered through.
On the doorstep, a mad Dib was
flailing in the
desperate arms of a tall female, who seemed to
be
rather enjoying restraining the boy. A male, next to
the
door appeared to be yelling orders at the top of
his lungs.
Another male was standing next to the fence
in the distance, and
he was tapping his foot, looking
impatient.
Gir opened the
door and sat down, looking cutely at
the three in front of him.
Dib, frozen in the girl's
mad grasp, thrust a finger into the
direction of Gir.
"The robot slave! Let me go so I can reveal
his TRUE
identity!" More squirming ensued.
"Awww... I
luv you too, Dib!" Apatha gripped tighter
to his torso in the
patented Fangirl Death Grasp™ that
she had been practicing at
home. She was pleased that
she actually had a chance to use
it.
In the foreground, Ivan squatted next to Gir. "Hey,
lil'
robot-doggy! How ya doin'?"
The something TOTALLY unexpected happened.
Not Gir saying a random quote.
Not anything involving taquitoes or waffles.
And NOT any combination of these things.
Instead, Gir pounced onto Ivan's
head, and commenced
in trying to suck his brains out. See?
Totally
unexpected.
Ivan froze, the robot drool saturating
his spiked
hair, his eyes widening in horror. Then came
the
screaming. He ran in circles on the inside of Zim's
base,
careening across the couch and into the giant
TV. Apatha stepped
in, still clutching Dib, and she
laughed. Dib, who had given up,
lay lifeless in her
squeezing arms, his glasses forming
half-circles of
angered defeat.
"Go figure that Gir would
suck on your head, Ivan! He
eats acne cream, after all!"
Apatha's taunting shouts
mixed into laughter as she collapsed in
mirth.
Dib thought for a moment. "Wait... did you
say...
Gir?" Apatha stopped laughing mid-chukle. "Well,
I...
er..."
"And how do you know that he eats acne
cream?" Dib
pointed at her. Apatha's eyes darted back and
forth,
and a close up revealed that she was sweating
profusely
in nervousness!
"Well... it's an inside joke..." Her
features
softened. "Yeah, between me an' Ivan." She
grinned.
Dib glowered and eyed her suspiciously. "Well,
okay.
But I'm starting to not trust you."
"Starting!"
shouted an incredulous Don from the
doorway. He leaned on the
wall, concentrating on his
iPod. Apatha glowered at him and
dropped Dib into a
Dibby heap on the ground.
"Hey!" wailed Dib
"Don, why can't you show some enthusiasm?"
"Because I want to go home!"
Ivan ran past, still batting at the clingy Gir.
"Can't you at
least be happy for Ivan and I? We're
perfectly happy now! This
is almost a dream come
true!"
"Pff!" Don rolled his
eyes and looked back to his
iPod.
Apatha's eyes flared,
and softened. "Okay, Dib." she
said. "Where's the Zim you
mentioned?"
Dib stood, mouth agape. "Oh! Oh, right."
Gir
pounced off of Ivan, directly onto the couch. He
bounced on it,
and flew out the window screaming. Ivan
stumbled dizzily over to
Apatha, his head drenched in
robot saliva. "How can he drool if
he's a robot?" he
asked.
"I don't know," said
Dib, "but I can find out!" He
scraped some drool into test
tube that he probably had
in his pocket.
"Okay, now that
my traumatizing event is over, you
wanna find Zim?" asked
Ivan.
"That's what we came for!" said Apatha cheerily.
"Then you will be greatly disappointed!" a
mysterious
voice shouted from behind.
"Richard Horvitz?"
cried Apatha as she spun around.
"Oh. Never mind. It's just a
green kid."
"That's Zim!" cried Dib, stating the
obvious for the
benefit of the slow viewers. Zim cackled. "Yes!
It is
me! But you won't see me today, vile humans! I'm
not
coming out of my underground base-- I mean, BASEMENT,
so
you'll justhavetogoawaynowBYE!"
The group was silent as
the maniac alien waved
frantically.
"But," said Ivan.
"You're right there. You aren't in
your basement at
all."
Zim opened in eye. "Yes, well, I had to tell
you
somehow, eh, so I came out to tell you I'm not
having
visiters today. Or any other day. Now be gone!"
"Why
didn't you just use a monitor to tell use to
leave, spaceboy!"
cried the Dib.
Zim growled. "NO MORE QUESTIONS! You will
leave my
house!"
Apatha was suddenly to the left of Zim,
poking at his
head. He jumped, startled and disgusted. "He has
real
smooth green skin, Ivan! You should check it out."
Then
Ivan was on the the other side of Zim, also
happily poking away.
"Yeah!"
Zim slapped their hands away, violently. "Though
you
are clearly amazed at my superior human skin, I must
order
you to refrain from getting your INferior human
filth on
me!"
"Yeah, he screams a lot," said Dib.
"Well,
so do you, Dib," laughed Apatha. Dib scowled at
her, his left
eye twitching madly. Zim turned to the
side in order to deliver a
short soliloquy about his
thoughts. So, you know, we know what
he's up to.
"What am I going to do! I can't just unleash
the
computer on them, or else they'll know I'm not human!
I
just need to convince the three new humans that I'm
perfectly
normal, and then I can destroy/kill the
Dib!" Yes, Zim had a
plan!
He turned back to the subject at hand, his eyes
closed
and his hands behind his back in an imperial gesture.
"Yes,
so, where were we?" Apatha had indulged herself
in a friendly
game of rock-paper-scissors with the
reoccurring Gir, while Dib
and Ivan had an annoying
poke contest. (or rather, Ivan poked Dib,
and in
frustration, Dib poked back) Well, Zim HAD been
mumbling
to himself for some time now, and the group
had grown tired of
waiting.
Zim opened an eye and cleared his alien throat.
"I
SAID..." He trailed off as Apatha overpowered him. "I
win,
Gir! Now gimmie twinkie!" She pounced into the
air as Gir moaned
and handed her a tasty cake treat
from his head.
Zim
sighed. Woah. Sighed? Not yelling? Has Zim given
in? What's
going on?
"That's it miserable humans! You are leaving
NOW!"
Zim's eyes flashed like an anime in the darkness of
the
place where he was standing. It was suddenly dark
there for, you
know... dramatic effect. Apatha choked
out a laugh and nuged Ivan.
"Yo, we should do what he
says," she chuckled. Ivan mocked
seriousness and said,
"I have no idea why you led us to this
place, Dib! It
is obvious that we are disturbing this normal
human
child. He is not alien-like at all. We shall go now."
With
that, Apatha and Ivan took their leave and
disappeared behind
Zim's big, purple door. Dan was
already at the fence, scowling
with annoyance. "Can we
go now?"
Inside, Dib and Zim
stared open-mouthed at the
now-closed door through which the teens
had left.
"I... I don't believe it worked," stated
Zim,
incredulously. "I know," gasped Dib.
The two
enemies paused for a moment, contemplative.
Suddenly Zim snapped
back into reality. "Dib! Get out
of my base!"