Chapter 5

(Whoosh, special effects and whatnot) Ndugu arrived in Wolverine Hall, Sadrith Mora. Wait...Sadrith Mora? I thought he was supposed to go to Ebonheart. Yes well...we all know how glitchy this game can be sometimes, so he loaded up at completely the wrong place. Fortunately for him he doesn't have to go too far to get to Tel Fyr. Okay so I did it on purpose to save time, at least I didn't teleport him straight there, at least it's actually an Imperial Shrine. Anyways, so Ndugu arrives at Wolverine Hall.

"Woah, look at all the Shrooms!" Ndugu exclaimed. "I'll bet that Cauis Cosades guy would be right at home here,"

"That's what I thought too but can you believe they're just Shitake Shrooms?" Cauis said from nearby.

"Holy crap, when did you get here?"

"Huh? Oh, well...bad Intervention Scroll," he said. Suddenly about fifty people appeared in front of Ndugu.

"WTF?! I was supposed to go to Fort Buckmoth!" one person screamed in agony. Since they all arrived at the same time their bodies all fused together.

"DEAR LORD, KILL IT!" Ndugu screamed at the sight of the fifty-in-one person people thing. Guards instantly jumped it, assuming it was a corprus victim, and dismembered it right in front of Ndugu. The horrifying sight of arms, legs, and heads being lobbed off of a still living, breathing thing caused Ndugu to faint. This is where he had another one of those crazy ass Sixth House dreams.

Nerevar was hog tied and gagged, naked. Dagoth was standing over him with a turkey baster in hand. Ndugu stared in horror as Dagoth poured the hot gravy all over Nerevar's body. Nerevar let out a muffled cry of pain and pleasure, and Dagoth spoke to his victim.

"Remember when we used to do this all night long?" he asked. Ndugu covered his eyes.

"God, why do I have do see this?" Ndugu asked himself. Dagoth heard this and whipped around.

"YOU, WHY ARE YOU HERE AGAIN?! Why do you invade all of my favorite fantasies of Nerevar and myself? Why don't you just leave me the hell alone?!" he yelled at Ndugu.

"WHAT?! Hey, I didn't ask to be transported here in the dream world to see you living out your insane dreams! Twice!" he added. "And I have the distinct feeling that you're inadvertently transmitting these...images...all over the island!"

"Really...?" he asked interestedly. "Do...do they like what they see?" he asked. He liked his finger and placed it on his ass and made a sizzling sound.

"That's it!" Ndugu yelled and jumped Dagoth. He started beating him down as we revert to the real world, where he's sleep fighting. Actually he's lying on the ground mumbling incoherently and having what appears to be a slow seizure. A crowd had long since gathered around him.

"Is he possessed?" one person asked.

"I think he's just drunk," another said.

"A drunk on the street? Intoxication on public roadways? That's gotta be illegal!" a guard said. He ran over and attempted to subdue the already unconscious Ndugu, who leapt up to his feet and started fighting the guard...still asleep. And he was winning! Finally the other guards jumped in.

"Drunks on the street unite!" Cauis and a bunch of other drunks said in unison. They all got together and it was a melee. Drunks were punching guards and vise versa. One drunk shot his fist out and hit a guard square in the jaw. All of the action stopped. The guard simply looked at him. "You son of a bitch," he growled. This struck fear in the drunk's eyes and the guard brought his fist across his face in slow motion. As the punch connected with the drunk's face his teeth exploded out of his mouth. In the middle of the fight Ndugu woke up.

"What the hell's going on?" he wondered. He got some popcorn and a lounge chair and watched the fight for a few minutes and checked his watch, then wandered off, wondering what a watch was since they hadn't been invented yet, nor had popcorn or lounge chairs for that matter. Anywho, so Ndugu wandered around town until he ended up at a corner club.

"Dirty Muriel's?" he asked aloud. He stepped inside. He walked upstairs and up to the counter. He was about to say something when he noticed a Bosmer standing a few feet away, looking a lot like Fargoth.

"I am Celegorn," he said in an unimaginably deep voice.

Ndugu stared at him, "I'll just...take your word for it," he said sidestepping away, where he ended up back at the counter.

"Howdy there traveler. Haven't seen you around these parts. I'm Muriel Sette. What can I do ya' for?" she said.

"Uh...I need to know how to get to Tel Fyr," he said.

Everyone stopped and looked at Ndugu. "We do not speak of The Tower," Muriel hissed.

"Why, what's the problem?" he asked.

"Last time someone went there...well, let's just say he convinced that he's a Nord named Celegorn. His real name is Fargoth," she said. Ndugu looked back at Fargoth, who was now wielding a battle axe and picking a fight with an Imperial. The Imperial shook his head in disdain and bitch slapped Fargoth.

"So this wizard has pretty powerful spells huh?" he asked, "Well that's okay because I need one to cure this damn corprus," he said indicating the trail of blood behind him.

"Hmm, that is pretty bad..."she said.

"Damn straight! And he's the reason that all this is happening in the first place!" he yelled. He ran over and tackled Fargoth, beating the shit out of him. Finally he got up. "There, that makes me feel a little better..."

"Ouch, what did I do?" Fargoth asked in his usual wussy voice.

"Fargoth, you're back!" a random Fargoth fan squealed in delight. She ran over and began having sex with him.

"Don't mind him, he has a fan club," Muriel said. "But you've cured Fargoth! It is said...only the Nerevarine can do such a thing," she said. Ndugu flinched as he reminisced about the last time someone mentioned the Nerevarine Prophecies.

"Uh, yes, of course. I'm the Nerevarine so it should come as no surprise that...uh..." he stopped as he noticed everyone staring at him, anger in their eyes.

"He claims to be the Nerevarine, blasphemy!" one person screamed. They all lunged towards him but suddenly a ninja in Dark Brotherhood armor appeared in front of all of them. The ninja looked back at Ndugu, strands of golden blonde hair flowing in front of devilishly red eyes. Behind the partial face cover the ninja spoke to him.

"Ndugu...you are the Nerevarine..." it was a female voice. She turned back around to the people that were attempting to knock Ndugu out.

"Wha...what is this animosity?!" one cried out. They were all unable to move as they were paralyzed due to the ninja's fighting spirit. The ninja smirked under her veil and vanished, dismembering all of them Shinobi-style. Well, there was a blur, then she reappeared in front of Ndugu. She turned to him and they stared at one another for a moment. A few seconds passed and suddenly the one's she had sliced finally exploded into an eruption of blood, which rained down on Ndugu and the ninja. Ndugu tried to shield himself from it.

"Man, so that's what it feels like..." he said brushing himself off.

"Yes, but it wasn't from their asses," said the Dunmer ninja.

"You...how do you know about that? Who are you?" Ndugu asked.

"I am Azura," she said removing her mask. She still had the traditional blue gray skin and red eyes, but she had blonde hair like an Imperial, wavy and four inches past her shoulders. Her beauty was suitable of her Goddess status.

"I see...what do you want with me?" he asked.

"I will be your patron," she said. "You are the Nerevarine, whether you like it or not. The first thing you must do is cure your corprus disease. I know you've been searching for Tel Fyr, and every time it seems as though you are getting close, something completely insane happens. You were knocked out on that boat, wiping out all memory prior to waking up. I would vouch that all of this is the product of Sheogorath, the Prince of Madness. This wouldn't be the first time he's interfered with my business," she said.

"Sheogorath..." Ndugu said, "Is he the reason everyone is turning gay on me?"

"Partly, he and the other Corners are trying to influence people," she said.

"But...they're Gods..." he said.

"Yes well...they get bored easily. Now then, I would tell you how to get to Tel Fyr, but I assume it's easier just to teleport you there. Surely nothing bad can come of it,"

"Please don't say that, the opposite is bound to come true," Ndugu cringed.

"Oh please, we Goddesses are not affected by the mortal aspect of 'luck' or 'Murphy's Law' or 'irony', you know, your usual misfortunes and whatnot," Azura said. She raised her hands with her palms facing towards Ndugu. He closed his eyes in anticipation and fear for what would surely end up being a disaster, simply because Azura was so confident that it wouldn't be. Suddenly he was somewhere else altogether. On the coast of an archipelago, the little islands dotting every direction. The scent of the ocean wafted gently up to his nostrils and he inhaled the perfume. He sighed in pleasure and turned to face a large wizard tower.

"Well...so far so good," he said as he reached for the doorknob. He opened it and went inside the wizard's lair.