A Father's Embrace

Chapter Twenty-five

Guilt

When Kagome had finally caught up to her daughter, Maiki had fled the micro-village to the privacy of a nearby stream. The teenage girl had shed all her outer garments, keeping only her bra and panties on, and had waded out into the center of the brook. The ice-cold water barely came up to Maiki's knees at its deepest, so the shibunyo had resorted to sitting in the gently flowing waters which, in this position, came up to her shoulders. She ignored the pain of the frigid liquid, intent on cleansing herself of the red liquid that covered much of her body.

Kagome walked to the edge of the stream, carefully dodging all of Maiki's discarded possessions which had been recklessly thrown about during the teenager's haste. Her bloodied, ruined clothing was strewn about, as were several other objects that had once been stowed away in her bag. Those unfortunate items had been ripped from the backpack when the shibunyo desperately searched for the bottle of shampoo tucked deep inside. Said young lady was now dousing herself in the soft, cleansing liquid.

Kagome tightened her grip on Tetsusaiga's hilt, taking a moment to build her courage before asking her daughter the questions on her mind. "Maiki? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just dirty. Now go away," she replied curtly as she set the bottle of shampoo on a nearby rock and began to furiously scrub her scalp. Kagome sighed, and knelt down beside the stream, dipping Tetsusaiga's blade into the waters. She vacantly watched as the nearly dried blood gave way to the gentle current.

"I'll wash this for you, and then I'll be on my way," she informed as she submerged the entire Fang into the stream. As she did so, her fingers came in contact with the freezing water, and she pulled back her hands with a hiss. Alarmed by the low temperature of the stream, her eyes darted back to her daughter. "Maiki! This water has got to be close to freezing! Get out of there before you get yourself sick! If you're that dirty, then you can wait for some of the villagers to heat a bath for you, or at least until we found a hot spring..."

"I'm not cold. Just dirty." The teenager claimed the shampoo once again and reapplied it to her pink-stained hair.

"Your teeth are chattering. If you don't get out, you'll suffer from hypothermia. Now get out!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because..." Maiki's voice grew weaker and she stifled a sob.

"Because why? What's wrong?"

"Because... I'm a murderer."

"A what?"

The teenager turned towards her mother, a desperate look in her eyes. "I'm a murderer, mama! A murderer! I killed that yokai! I killed it with my own hands! And everyone thinks it's so great that I did it too!"

"Maiki, you're not a murderer. Now please. Come out of there."

"No. I can't. I am a murderer. I killed it. I'm a horrible person... No, I'm not even a person. I'm a monster. Just look at me! I'm a friggin' monster..."

Kagome waded into the icy waters, stopping at her daughter's side, and pulled the shivering, traumatized teenager into her arms. "Maiki, you are not a monster. Why are you torturing yourself like this?"

"Because mama... I killed it. It didn't deserve to die. It attacked the chickens because it was starving. It attacked Sango and Miroku and Kazuki and then you and me because it was scared... and desperate. It didn't want to hurt us. It was only doing what it did out of instinct and fear. And I killed it..."

"Maiki, if you hadn't have done what you did, then neither of us would be alive now."

"No, that's not true. Didn't you notice that the most either of us suffered were a few scratches? It could have easily killed both of us, but it chose not to. It just wanted to scare us, to get us away from the shards so it could steal them."

"And what do you think would have happened after it got the shards? That it would leave us alone?"

Maiki paused for a moment before whispering her answer. "Yes."

Kagome shook her head at her daughter's seeming naivety. "I understand why you would think that. Growing up in the modern era, situations weren't as tough as they are in this era. That yokai, if it had obtained the shards, would have begun to attack the villagers and everyone else it could. I've seen it happen countless times. Trust me on that."

The shibunyo nodded slightly in agreement, though her thoughts still conflicted with the words her mother offered. 'You don't understand, mama. Not that I understand it very well myself, either. I don't know how I know, but I just know... The yokai... it wasn't going to hurt the villagers. Not unless they attacked it first. It only wanted the shards so it could escape. I could... I don't know... almost sense its intentions, I could see it in its eyes, it's like I could feel its fear. If it was truly a monster, it would have done so much more than inflict a few scratches to me... If it was a monster, it really would have killed us. But it didn't. And in exchange for sparing our lives, I murdered it in cold blood.'

"Come now. Let's get you dried off and into some warm clothes," Kagome replied after a few moments and led her daughter to the rocky bank of the stream.

Sango watched with a worried expression as Kagome slid the door to hers and Maiki's room shut. "How is she doing?"

Kagome sighed. "I don't know. She still hasn't said anything. She's still very bothered about that incident with the yokai this morning."

"And I suppose the celebration is not helping her," the exterminator spoke of the feast currently taking place at the other side of Takeshi's castle. Upon hearing the news of the troublesome yokai's defeat, the daimyo immediately set about preparing a celebration for that evening. Kagome solemnly nodded her head in agreement as the two women headed down the corridor towards the festivities, though neither were in a celebratory mood.

"I just wish I knew why she's so upset," Kagome mumbled, thinking back to that afternoon. After pulling Maiki from the stream, she hadn't spoken a word. The villagers had provided the mother and daughter each with a warm bath. Shortly after they were cleaned up, Kuro led the group back to Takeshi's castle, this time taking the gentler, but longer route. Since then, Maiki had remained in her room, almost completely unresponsive and detached from everyone around her. Not even Kazuki's petty insults stirred a reaction from the shibunyo.

Maiki, lost within her thoughts, was vaguely aware of Kagome's departure. During the entire evening, she hadn't moved much, not even within the confines of her room. Currently, she sat against the wall between the two futons, her knees drawn up to her chest. She idly fingered the repaired bullet hole of her black hoodie, now cleaned courtesy of the seamstresses of Takeshi's castle. Her gaze suddenly focused as it shifted to her right to fall upon the Tetsusaiga leaning against the wall beneath the open window.

'Why did I draw that cursed sword? If I hadn't done that, then that yokai would still be alive. Everyone thinks that I saved mama and myself, but I just know in my heart that it wouldn't have killed us, or even injured us for that matter. They all know it was after the shards, and they say how wonderful it is that I stopped it from getting them. But what's the big deal about the shards anyway? Are they really that important? That powerful? All anyone's ever said about them is that some hanyo named Naraku was after them. But he's gone now, right? Sango and Miroku say he's dead. So what's the big about the shards anyway?

'I should've just let that yokai have them and let it be on its way. I'm sure we could've gotten the shards back eventually... found a way to get them back without killing it. But no. I had to be stupid and impulsive and pull out that damned sword. And by the time I realized that the yokai didn't want to hurt me or mama, it was too late. I can still feel the sensation of the sword puncturing its flesh. I can still smell the scent of its blood as it spilled from the wound. I can still hear the sound of the yokai choking, drowning as its lungs filled with its blood. And the only reason why I got hurt at all was because it couldn't control itself during its death throws. I deserve far worse than a few measly scratches.

'And that sword... Tetsusaiga. I could only hope to never see it again... But I promised mama I would always keep it with me... to prevent my yokai blood from taking over. I don't remember when it happened to me that night, or what happened when it did... But from what I've been told, it's... a very bad thing. I don't want to lose control of myself, to forget who's important to me... to take another life in cold blood... So, I'm forced to keep that sword with me; the sword that was supposed to prevent me from killing; the sword that became the tool for which I heartlessly murdered another living creature...'

A knock on the door pulled Maiki from her thoughts. Lazily, she turned to her left, staring at the door as if she could see through it to the person on the other side. "What?"

"That's not a very polite way to answer one's door," Kazuki's muffled voice filtered through the door. "Can I come in or are you going to make me stand out here all night?"

"Sure."

"'Sure', what? 'Sure', I can come in, or 'sure', I can stand out here all night?"

"You can come in," she replied monotonously, as her gaze shifted to look out the open window. The pinks and purples of the sky indicated that the sun had set and it would be dark soon. She heard the door to her room slide open followed by Kazuki's footsteps as he crossed the room to sit against the wall opposite Maiki. It was silent for several minutes before the shibunyo spoke again. "What do you want?"

Kazuki rose an eyebrow at her bluntness. "It's not really what I want, actually. It's what everyone else wants." Maiki didn't respond, so he continued. "Everyone wants you to join the party, especially that kid, Hiroshi-kun. He's been bothering me all night about you."

"Hmm," was her grunted reply.

The junior slayer sighed angrily. "Look. You need to stop pouting about this. You killed a yokai. So what? I've done it before. My parents have done it before. I'm sure your mother has done it before too. You need to get over it and stop being such a damn martyr!"

Maiki slowly turned her eyes to look directly at Kazuki. "Oh, yeah? Well, let me tell you something. You, your parents, my mother... you're all different from me. I'm not human. For so long I was allowed to think that I was a perfectly normal girl, and in a matter of a day, all that was pulled out from beneath me. Now, I'm not even sure what I am. Shibunyo? Heh! That's just a label for something I don't understand. What I do understand is that I fall under a new label now. Murderer. I slaughtered that yokai, and it wasn't even trying to hurt me or mama. And that little feast down there is just a celebration of my sin."

"You really are naive," Kazuki scoffed. "How can you say that the yokai wasn't going to hurt you? Especially when it did leave scratches all over you."

"Heh. Like you would understand."

"And how do you know I wouldn't? You know what's sad? It's that I haven't got a trace of yokai blood in me, yet I know far more about yokai nature and logic than you do."

Maiki glared at the junior slayer. "Understanding it has nothing to do with you being human and me being shibunyo, but it has everything to do with the fact that you're a complete asshole."

Kazuki shot to his feet. "Yeah? And you're a bitch! In both senses of the word!"

"Thank you," she replied with a smirk, just to anger him more.

It seemed to do the trick. He marched towards the door, but stopped just before he crossed the threshold. Pausing to cast Maiki a final glare over his shoulder, he spat, "You know, I'm sick of you being such a damned crybaby over this whole thing. You think you know what that yokai wanted, but you really have no idea. Once it got those shards, who knows what would have happened... who would've gotten hurt or killed at the claws of that beast. Just be glad that you stopped it before it had the chance to kill someone important to you."

As he finished his last word, Kazuki stormed out of the room and down the corridor. Maiki stared blankly at the open doorway where the teenage boy had stood only a moment ago. His words had rendered her speechless. She hadn't thought about that side of the argument before. He was right. What would have happened if the yokai got the shards? Would it really have tried to hurt or kill someone?

Maiki knew why Kazuki felt the way he did. It was because of that yokai that had taken Masuyo's life, and the fact that Kazuki never got the chance to save his brother before it was too late. And here Maiki was, fretting over the life of a creature that could very well have killed someone if it had fallen under the influence of the shards.

She hugged her knees to her chest, resting her left cheek on the bony joints, and stared outside into the darkness. No longer was she depressed about taking another life, but now she realized how selfish she had been acting. She was taking the fact for granted, that she had protected the lives of the villagers, and more importantly to her, her own mother. That was why Kazuki was so angry with her. Because she had been completely blind to that obvious fact.

The shibunyo closed her eyes, shutting out the small glow of the candle in the room. And for the first time since the weasel yokai had met its untimely fate by Maiki's hands, tears spilled forth from the girl's golden eyes. Alone, with no one to see her in her moment of weakness, she allowed herself to silently cry.

Because the scent of her own tears permeated the air, Maiki failed to notice the scent of an intruder as its glowing red eyes appeared just outside the open window. After a moment of staring curiously at the teenager, the intruder quickly and silently departed in a flash of shadowed silver and red.