Warning: Just so you all know, in the later chapters there will be some graphic scenes that many children should not be allowed to read if they are under the age of at least thirteen. There will be a certain combination of emoticons to let you know when such a scene starts and the same combination to let you know where it ends. So those of you who aren't fans of stories with sex or yaoi (because there will be some) can skip straight over the smut and get back to the story. I'm not holding a gun to anyone's head and forcing them to read this. If certain things that you read offend you then it's your own fault because no one's forcing you to read this and therefore I can't get in trouble because I've already warned you ahead of time.
Note: All the Tediz speak German and so does anyone else who's not a Tedi but speaking to a Tedi or someone on the Tediz side. I'm too lazy to make people speak with an accent very often so I thought you lot that are reading this should know that. Oh and this chapter is filled with very long dialogue so I'm sorry if you get bored. I'll try not to do it again if enough people don't like it.
Disclaimer: Now people, really, what in God's holy name would make you think I owned anything that was a fanfic? If I did own Conker then this wouldn't be a fanfic, it'd be a video game. Now that that's over, onto the story that I've been depriving you poor people of.
Chapter One: Fallen or From Heaven
"My whole body aches," she thought, opening her eyes to see nothing more than the blurred ceiling. Slowly she sat up, her yellow eyes closed to help ease the pain of her spinning head. She still hadn't managed to throw off all the trauma her body had recently been put through and didn't fully comprehend where she was. "He didn't have to be such an asshole. Of course I was a bit of a smart ass," she thought with a smirk and opened her eyes now that her head wasn't spinning.
"Where the hell am I," she thought, her eyes widening at the realization that she wasn't in her room. "Whatever, I'm audi."
She began gathering energy to teleport to a more familiar location when the double doors swung open and a tall man with jet-black hair and dark blood- colored amber eyes walked in. On his right eye he wore a monocle, a black jacket with a red arm band on his right arm that had a little picture of a bear paw-print, pants that poofed a little at the knees, and black combat boots completed the uniform. His presence screamed authority and the look he gave to the girl said that he didn't play around when it came down to business.
"Ze Tediz zat found you said zat you fell from ze sky. So, girl, who - no, vat are you and vat vere you doing on my beach," Kriplespac asked with a controlled ice - like tone.
"The infamous General Von Kriplespac," she mused, a mental smirk growing rapidly. "To think I was about to leave to look for him. I got lucky, again."
"Girl, do you hear me," Von Kriplespac growled. "Answer me! Who are you?"
"Mortal you do not know to whom you speak." "I am the Angel of Doom or as many call me, Doom," replied Doom in a cold, careless voice as she pulled the I.V out of her hand. "As for what I am it's none of your concern General Von Kriplespac."
"So, you are an angel," Kriplespac said in an amused way, giving Doom a cynical smirk. "Zat is impossible. Zere's no such thing as angels or anyting of zat sort."
"Don't doubt the unknown; it can lead to the downfall of the greatest of people, armies, and empires General Von Kriplespac."
"Wise words from such a young girl."
"Be careful, I may not be as young as you think."
"Touché. If you are an angel as you say you are zen vhy are you here on zis dump of a planet?"
"I'm here to persuade both sides of this war into peace with as little involvement as possible. Other than that I'm merely an observer to history in the making." "How I'll accomplish talking both peoples into peace is a mystery even to me because I don't even know what I did to be sent down here in the first place."
Kriplespac crooked an eyebrow skyward and pulled a chair up to the bed Doom still sat on. "How are you going to persuade either side into peace if you're not allowed to be involved in the fights," he asked, slipping into German by accident.
Doom seemed unperturbed by this and answered him without a hitch, speaking in German of course. "I am a negotiator of sorts. I am not a double agent and will not reveal any secrets told to me by either side so I can be one of the few people that can be trusted in this war."
"We will see about that won't we," muttered Kriplespac, standing and holding a hand out to help Doom out of bed. "Your old clothes were torn beyond recognition so my Tediz took the liberty of replacing them."
It was true; Doom now wore the standard issue Grunt Tediz army green uniform. Taking his hand, Doom stepped down from the bed carefully and stretched again. She gave him a small, slightly mischievous smile and said in a flat but still joking voice, "I don't know whether to thank your Tediz or yell at them for being perverted."
Nodding in an understanding way Kriplespac held an arm out to lead Doom to a room just down the hallway from the one she'd woken up in. A Sneeker Tedi bowed his head when Kriplespac and Doom approached and kept his head bowed until the duo stepped inside the room opened the door. This room was part of Kriplespec's living quarters, the living room by the looks of it. It wasn't as lavishly decorated as one would expect the leader of the Tediz's quarters to be but it was wartime and could be somewhat expected. Still it was better furnished than most normal mortal houses that Doom had seen.
Kriplespac lead Doom over to a chair that a Grunt Tedi pulled out for her from what Doom could presume was a small dining table. The little table was situated in a corner of the room near a window that faced a forest farther from the base.
"Please, have a seat," Kriplespac said as the Tedi helped her into a chair while seating himself across from her.
"Your Tediz are nothing more than machines programmed to kill yet they have the basic manners all mortals have. Why is this? If they're just meant to kill then why bother with manners that would only get in the way during a battle? Or are these four Tediz different as I suspect them to be," asked Doom as she motioned to the Demolisher and the same Grunt at ease on either side of the doors leading out to the balcony, near a corner window across the room a Sky Jockey stood watch as well and the doorway where the Sneeker stood outside.
"These four are my personal attendants as well as bodyguards. I found that programming them with the basics has made my life a little easier," answered Kriplespac simply. "These are the Tediz that found you on the beach, including the Sneeker at the door."
"I thought he looked familiar," Doom mused in a low voice. "If these Tediz weren't robots then I'd seduce that Sneeker in a heartbeat." "So, why did you start this war? I know for a fact that it was you who attacked the Squirrels for a reason I don't know as of yet." She watched Kriplespac contemplate her questions, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes to think while his fingers came together like a church steeple. "I take it that they don't care if they get a thank you or not?" She meant the robots and Kriplespac understood.
"No they don't but it's not like they care about it. They have no emotions and therefore no feelings to be hurt," said Kriplespac with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. His demeanor changed as he answered Doom's first question, becoming a little riled up as he did and speaking with a passion in his voice. "I started this war because those little filthy Squirrels are imperfect life forms. Their minds are so- so small that I don't see why do they deserve to live in this world. I just see the little idiots destroying themselves anyway. You see my point don't you? Why I hate them? None of them can see my brilliance and they will try to force me to surrender to them and follow their order and rules. That is why I will not rest until I either make them understand me or kill every last Squirrel in the process."
Doom kept her frown to herself and instead put on a blank-faced mask that had been used many times before. She spoke with utter seriousness in her eyes and voice. "I see your point. However I must ask why you believe the Squirrels to be imperfect and simple- minded. Apparently they can't be too simple-minded because they've built up an army to fight against you for the sake of their loved ones and for their rights. How can they be imperfect when no one being no matter what they may be is perfect? Who are you to judge who is perfect and imperfect? Do you believe that you yourself are perfect? Do you believe your Tediz to be perfect? Even I don't believe I'm perfect and I can tell you now that no one will ever be perfect in the definitive sense of the word. Someone or something may be perfect in your eyes but not in another's."
Kriplespac scoffed at Doom's about his Tediz being perfect. Of course they were perfect. They only had one purpose and that was to kill Squirrels indiscriminately. They did their job perfectly as they were intended to. "The thinking capacity of a Squirrel is limited because of their brain's lack in size and anyone can make an army. They could try to fight with strategy but no matter what they do they would still lose because I would've already come up a method that nullifies their pathetic tactics. Even if the Squirrels had more thinking ability they would still lose as many soldiers as they do now. What I need to do now is upgrade my Tediz, get them better weapons, and keep their intelligence at the same obedient level that they're at now. I don't need to be overthrown as the leader of this army from a revolt started by my own creations. However if that did ever happen then I've got a backup plan just in case. This would require quite a bit of time due because I'd have to destroy my beautiful children's brains giving the squirrels the opportunity to strike back when I'm weak. What I truly need to do is begin a psychological war as well as a physical one to make the Squirrels edgier in battle. How interesting that would be," he said, almost to himself, as he seemed lost in his glorified dreams of defeating the Squirrels once and for all.
"So, you believe that you'll be doing the Squirrels a favor by destroying their race and replacing it with your Tediz? By admitting that you don't always outsmart the Squirrels you're admitting to being imperfect and therefore the Tediz are also imperfect and the Squirrels are also imperfect. You are all imperfect. As for making your Tediz more fearsome on the battlefield then I'd say that you'd already done a good job of that. That big one," said Doom in a quick voice, motioning to the Demolisher standing by the balcony entrance, "would be enough to scare any Squirrel and make them edgy. The thing's toting a Bazooka around! For God's sake I'm scared of it and I can kill it with a mere thought! If a being such as myself is scared of your Tediz then how do you think the Squirrels must feel when facing them in hostile situations? The reason the Squirrels keep on fighting you is because you're trying to oppress their basic God-given rights! You're trying to limit their way of thinking by forcing your own onto them. If you'd tried to persuade them in public speeches with the passion in your voice as you're talking to me now then I guarantee those 'simple-minded' Squirrels would've been puddy in your hands."
For the first time since talking to Doom Kriplespac was stumped. He had no real answer to Doom's questions and no defense against her accusations. "Why would such a girl be so negative towards my brilliance?" "The first thing I need to do, is capture some of the Squirrel's soldiers and torture the information out of them," murmured Kriplespac. His eyes flashed for a second before he spat out, "I see no point lowering my intelligence to negotiate with the feeble minds of Squirrels. It would be a waste of my time and energy. I would rather capture one of them and force the information I need out of him. You should feel honored to hear my beautiful plans for world domination."
"From what I know of the Squirrels they are not feeble-minded and are actually rather intelligent if given the chance to prove it and you'd have to be quite arrogant to think that by just talking to them you'd be lowering your own intelligence. As for forcing information out of someone it's barbaric but I know that it's a tactic that's been used in wars for centuries. You'd only be showing the Squirrels that you intend to do nothing but be a barbaric dictator if you were to capture and torture one of their soldiers into giving you the information that you needed. Oh and your plans for world domination aren't beautiful, they're insane! I've seen this happen in another dimension and guess what? The people who were just like the Tediz lost because the people just like the Squirrels were victorious," Doom said with a calmer face than voice, a small fire dancing in her eyes as she waited for Kriplespec's next defense of his actions.
Kriplespac laughed at Doom's little speech. "Think what you want about me it's not going to stop me anyhow. Whatever happens in other dimensions happens in that dimension, it doesn't mean that the same thing will happen here and to me. You came here to just tell me, how my plans won't work and that's all you seem to want to do. I am not trying to tell you what to do, but you seem intent on telling me what to do."
"What I say to you now may affect you in years to come Von Kriplespec so don't you decide just yet what is and is not important," Doom just barely whispered. "Keep everything I've said in your mind and when the time comes you may just see that what I've said makes since and you may regret what you've done. I shall continue to think what I want because it is my right to do so," she said in a normal voice. "As for telling you what to do, I'm not. I'm merely pointing out possible solutions to ending a war over nothing."
Kriplespac nodded and Doom couldn't tell if he meant he was agreeing to shut her up or being sincere.
Doom sat silently as she thought. Her head was lowered so he didn't see the light in her eyes as she began something that would span centuries. "Tell me Von Kriplespac have you ever heard of biotechnology or symbiotic nanobots?"
"Of course I know what biotechnology is. It's the creation of a living creature through genetic engineering and robotics that can do everything a natural born creature can. But I don't know what symbiotic nanobots are. Why do you ask me such things?"
Doom's head was still lowered and she looked up with an unusual glint in her eyes that made Kriplespac think she was demented for a second before she spoke with the same ice-like tone she'd first spoken to him in. "Although I could just simply shape-shift into a Tedi- esque form that would take up too much energy after a few weeks. I want you to either build or help me build a female body that looks like one of your Tediz. It should be able to function just like a natural body but still be strong enough to resist most, if not all things harmful to organic bodies. Of course this body would have to be cyber-organic to work but that's easily fixed. The form I'm currently in isn't something seen around this world on a normal basis and even a Tedi is more welcome than I'd ever be. So, do you think you can do it?"
"Of course I can do it but what do I get for doing this?"
"If I help you make your Tediz stronger will you make this body for me? I'll have to give the Squirrels the same technology that I give you but I was never told that what I give to one side had to be given to the other at the same time so I won't be getting in any trouble. What do you say? Do we have a deal?" She held her hand out to shake his; a calculating smirk on her face as though she'd just won a bet with some unknown person. "Of course there's always that loophole."
With an uncertain smile Kriplespac shook her hand, unknowingly beginning a chain of events that would lead to several deaths and surprises far into the future. "It's a deal. Just give me the technology needed to make body you want and we can start working on it right away."
Several years came and went. Both Kriplespac and Doom filled those weeks with all-nighters and arguments with each other over the design and everything else that they could argue about as they worked on perfecting her new body.
Yes, Kriplespac is out of character but this is set just after the first assault so he's under stress from the loss of his troops and the impending second assault. In future chapters I'll try to keep him in character but I find it hard to do that so correct me in a nice constructive way if I'm messing up. Sorry for taking so long on the second chapter (third for some) but it's still in the making. I need a few more reviews and then I'll see what people want to happen. Oh, for future reference there will be nothing going on between Kriplespac and Doom just in case any of you were wondering. Well until the next chapter TTYL.