Chapter four: Silent pain, part one
The sun shone from a cloudless sky, the first birds returned from their long journey from the south. Slowly the branches of the trees got greener and all flowers in Japan stood in blossom. Spring came and brought with it wonderful weather. The snow disappeared and the bitter cold was dispelled by a nicely warm breeze.
Soft wind played with the white curtains of an opened window. Bright light flooded the blank underground and made it look like a river of rainbows.
"Your boyfriend's coming." Declared the nurse and turned from the window towards her patient. The girl sat on a mat on the ground and tried hard to move her weak legs. However, they didn't even shake. They laid there on the cold ground. Motionless. Dead.
"You're doing well." Said the nurse and smiled at her with her knowing smile Michiru had begun to hate during the last months. The young violinist knew that the nurse wanted to help her but with every week that passed without big progress, Michiru started to believe that they all told her a silly fairy tale. That even the doctor lied to her when he told her that there was a minimal chance that she would ever be able to walk again – even if it was only with the help of crutches.
"You've made big progresses during the last weeks. Guess it's the nice weather. Your body can feel it, too."
Michiru just rolled her eyes as she heard those happy sounding words.
There's no progress I've ever made. All I achieved is that I can go to the toilette without peeing on the tiles! Now I can dress myself without being strangled by the pullover! Now I can take off my shoes without falling out of that bloody wheelchair! Now I can watch other people running by while I keep sitting...
Michiru wanted to kick the woman away. She wanted to beat her down. But she wasn't even able to run away.
"Hello, Araki-san." Haruka entered the room and bowed before the nurse. "Am I too earlier?" Two green eyes looked concerned down into angry blue ones.
"No, we've just finished. Kaioh-san is working very hard." The nurse smiled as Haruka helped her girlfriend into the wheelchair and gave her the brown jacket. Although it was a very nice spring day it could be very fresh, especially at the Mugen Gakkuen near the sea.
"Sure..."
Haruka looked up as she heard the silent voice next to her. The cynicism in it. The pain.
With another bow Haruka opened the door while Michiru kept her head down as they left the hospital. The taller girl didn't ask. She felt that her girlfriend needed some time to think. That was the way she had always treated her problems.
All problems except the one problem that's too big to be handled...
"There're some training at the arena near Mugen Gakkuen. You know there'll be contests between Mugen Gakkuen and other schools this summer, and our famous school wants to win." explained Haruka and pointed at the black tracksuit she was wearing while she put the wheelchair into the boot and sat down behind the steering wheel.
"May I come with you?" Still Michiru didn't look up and suddenly Haruka regretted that she accepted the offer of her athletics' club to fight at the contents for Mugen Gakkuen. The young racer reached for her girlfriend's ice cold hands in her lap and held them tenderly tight. Sadly she smiled as Michiru still didn't look up. She leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the left cheek.
"Of course."
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Her usual pale face was redden and the wind played with her long sea green hair. A soft blanket covered her legs but she didn't even think about her handicapped body now. All she thought about were the pictures in her head. A sketchbook laid in her lap and her fingers moved over the paper as if the pen would stroke it. The picture of a young woman evolved on the white underground, a girl who bet all her opponents. Her feet didn't even touch the ground when she ran and the wind seemed to be with her. Her short hair looked messed and a tomboyish expression was on her face while she crossed the finish line – as the winner.
Michiru raised her head and watched Haruka runing with the others in circles to warm herself up. Happy green eyes met thoughtful blue ones. Then Haruka raised her hand and winked at her.
"Amazing. Normally he doesn't notice anyone when he does his training."
Michiru winced because she didn't hear him coming. She looked up and blinked against the sun. Of course she knew all about Tsukasa, and of course she had heard how he treated Haruka. Mostly the young racer didn't talk about it by herself. Mostly Michiru got to know about the newest fights from Rumiko or from a team colleague.
"You must be the cripple Ayako mentions so often."
Michiru took a deep breath, then she concentrated again on her picture. Her hand trembled slightly but she did so many drawings that she was too much a profi to ruin this picture.
"Go away." She whispered and began to shade the environment; the trees and the bushes around the race track. But he leaned forward and before she could react he held the sketchbook in his hands. He stepped back and she couldn't follow him so fast over the stony underground.
"Give it back!" she demanded but at the same time she knew that he would never obey her.
"You're not only a cripple." He declared and looked at the drawn girl. Tsukasa raised his head and watch Haruka how he raced over the track. The boy was very fast. Almost as fast as the wind as some guys whispered behind his back. And he was definitely not a girl! "You're also a pervert." Tsukasa threw the sketchbook on the dirty ground and stepped on the white paper as Michiru tried to reach for it.
"Why...?" she frowned and looked up to him with an empty expression on her beautiful face that made him automatically shiver. The young violinist stared for some moments at the sketchbook under his feet, then she shrugged her shoulders and reached for the wheels. She wanted to turn away. To leave this place. To escape forever.
But he didn't let her go. Tsukasa grabbed the wheelchair's handlebars and wanted to say something. However, he was interrupted by a low, quiet but very sharp voice.
"Leave her in peace!"
He raised his head and looked into two angry shinning green eyes that normally seemed so uninterested. So detached. So absent. Haruka pushed him aside and stepped protectively between the wheelchair and Tsukasa. Her fists were clenched and the determined expression on her slightly redden face made clear that she would beat him if he ever tried to hurt the handicapped girl.
Tsukasa stared from the fast boy to the slow girl and back. He winced as Haruka grabbed the sketchbook and gave it back to the handicapped girl. Shortly they exchanged glances but Tsukasa was sure that there was more going on between them than only that short look. Michiru shook her head and smiled sadly at the dirty paper while Haruka took a deep breath. She opened her fists as she turned to Tsukasa.
"Next Friday after school. Here. Then you'll get your silly battle." Haruka declared with her icy voice and took the wheelchair's handlebars.
"Haruka! Our training isn't over yet!" shouted another pupil from the team but the girl only waved her hand.
"I've trained enough for today." She shouted back and the two strange pupils left the arena. They always seemed to isolate themselves from the other pupils and obviously they didn't want any society from their fellow students. Both of them were silent and mysterious. They talked to few people, however, often they were alone. Often it seemed as if they didn't need anyone else but each other.
Tsukasa watched them very confused as they left the arena and headed towards the big towers of Mugen Gakkuen. Confused and surprised. Because this was the first time that Tenô Haruka cared for anything. He never reacted when he shouted at this silly boy. He never looked up when Tsukasa beat him or pushed his books to the ground. Tsukasa had terrorised the reserved boy for so many weeks now and Haruka had never cared about it. He only went by as quietly as possible and disappeared silently between the other pupils. He had never defended himself or shouted back. Up today...
Tsukasa was very surprised. With a sudden Haruka accepted the contest. Just because he mistreated that handicapped girl.
Strange...
Tsukasa frowned and glanced down at his hands that had hold the crazy picture the smaller girl had drawn.
It was the first time that this cool boy had been concerned about someone. And of all people, this someone was the cripple half of the girls hated.
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The water was fresh but she liked it that way. Cool wind was playing with the waves as she swam through them. Her black swimsuit fitted perfectly to her slim body. She left the water and turned to face the wide ocean behind. The sun was setting and the horizon seemed to burn. The girl sighed happily and laid her head in her neck to watch the first stars above. She felt her long wet hair in her back and shivered automatically.
"Do you wanna go for a ride?"
The girl giggled as she heard the known low voice behind. She spun around and ran towards her best friend. The Suzuki shimmered red in the dying daylight. The taller girl already wore her race suit and her helmet. She looked up to her and nodded.
"Hai." She whispered and wondered why she felt so free all of a sudden. So happy.
Haven't I been so happy all this time? Haven't I always been free?
But she didn't care about her feelings. She simply took seat behind the taller girl and wrapped her arms around her waist. The second helmet was for her. She knew that the other brought it only for her.
"Ready?" The motorbike speeded up as she nodded. Wind played with her still wet swimsuit and she felt so free again. Like a bird. She leaned back and spread her arms widely to enjoy that feeling. She could hear the tender laughter she loved so much as she closed her eyes.
"Watch out!"
The girl opened her eyes again as she heard her mother's scream. She sat on the backseat of her parents' silver Ferrari. Now she wore a blue summer dress and looked terrified out of the front window. Something was on the road. She couldn't define it. Maybe it was a car, maybe it was a human being. Maybe it was nothing of that at all. That thing shouted at them and then it raised arms that held so many knifes. The edges sparkled in the moon light and she could see the insane shinning of eyes that weren't real eyes. Her father tried to evade that something and lost control over the car. He screamed as the silver Ferrari turned around and slipped for some seconds on the roof. Then there was a wall and a loud crash. Then there was the insane laughter of that thing.
Then there was silence. Only silence. And darkness.
"No!" Michiru sat upright in her bed. She still reached with her hands out for something that wasn't there anymore. Sweat covered her pale face and her night-dress pasted to her trembling body. The young violinist wanted to scream, but her throat was too dry. Tears burned in her deep blue eyes and very slowly her nerves calmed down.
That terrible nightmare again!
She couldn't remember what actually happened during the accident. It was normal said the doctors. Her brain wanted to defend itself of those life-changing, traumatizing minutes.
Is that the truth? Did this cruel thing happen to my parents? And to me?
Michiru looked down at her trembling body and then over to the wheelchair that stood motionless beside the bed. Near but still unreachable. Mocking her.
Is that thing guilty for the hell I'm living in?
The young violinist took the headphone that laid next to her on the pillow and the remote control. She closed her eyes and sighed as the sad music evolved in her ears. Michiru touched the remote control and the volume increased until the melody filled her entire world. Tears sparkled under her lashes but she wasn't willing to let them fall. Crying wouldn't change anything. She didn't even fell better afterwards. No, she felt worse when she cried. More helpless. Weaker.
Is that thing guilty for my useless body?
She didn't know. She didn't find any answer to her questions. Nor did she find any sleep for the rest of the night.
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"What do you think? Who will win?"
"Haruka, of course!"
"Hai, he's the smartest boy I've ever met!"
"Met? You mean saw! He hardly talks to anyone."
"But he's so cute!"
"And he's so much faster than Tsukasa."
"But don't underestimate Tsukasa!"
"Hai, he's fast, too."
"But Haruka is faster!"
"Hai!"
Ayako listened to the girls around her while she stood beside the track watching the two boys getting ready for their contest. Haruka wore her black tracksuit, as always. Her green eyes were hidden behind sunglasses. She didn't warm herself up as Tsukasa did. The young racer just stood there. Waiting.
One teacher stood next to them. He volunteered to play the referee. For him it was a good contest. The boys proved that they were fast enough to beat the other school's pupils in summer.
"Ready?" he asked and the two boys kneeled down on the dirty ground. Haruka raised her head for some seconds and looked into another direction. Then she stared at the earth again and took a deep breath.
Why the hell am I doing this silly competition?
"Steady?"
Automatically she raised her backside and tightened all the muscles in her body. The aching disappeared from her belly the last weekend, but she knew it would return the next month.
"Go!"
Haruka stopped to think as she started the race. It was arranged that they both had to ran two laps around the arena. Who crossed the finish line as first racer would win. She heard the cheers of the girls and the shouting of the boys next to the them. Almost all pupils of Mugen Gakkuen were here to watch them. Half of the pupils wanted Tsukasa to win, the rest, mostly girls, shouted for Haruka.
Ayako frowned as she saw how Haruka raised her head shortly before the teacher gave them the start signal. The red haired girl followed the look and saw the other girl sitting in her wheelchair, well hidden in the shadows of a huge tree. Ayako bit on her upper lip, then she slowly left her friends and walked over to Michiru. The handicapped girl didn't see her coming. She sat there and stared concentrated on the sketchbook down on her lap. Her fingers flew over the paper and only shortly did she look up, watched her boyfriend running and concentrated again on the picture. A thin smile spread on her redden face and she silently moved her lips to a melody only she could hear.
"Haruka's very fast." Declared Ayako and stepped next to the wheelchair. The girl winced slightly as if she awoke from a deep dream. She didn't look up and her hands didn't hesitate on the paper.
"Hai." Was all Michiru whispered. She took a deep breath and tried to concentrate again on the picture.
Go away!
But she knew Ayako would never leave her alone that easily, and she would have shown her feelings if she had ever asked her to go. To leave her in peace. To leave her alone with the small dream that didn't die last September.
"And you're very slowly." Continued Ayako and Michiru rolled her eyes. She knew what would follow, and she knew that she wouldn't escape the offensive words. Not in her wheelchair.
"Don't you see what you're doing to him? You trap him in your small world. But he has a shinning future, a big destiny. If you don't stand in his way. Can't you see that he needs his freedom? His independence?"
Michiru continued to draw and slightly shook her head.
Don't you see that Haruka needs a home and love?
"He needs someone he can walk with through life, Kaioh Michiru! Walk, not roll!"
And you're this person? Are you really so blind that you don't see that Haruka needs so much more than your beautiful look and your pleading eyes?
"Believe me, the only reason why he didn't leave you already is that he feels guilty for you. Guess he thinks that it's his duty to be with you. Maybe you think it's love, but I know it better: It's sympathy. Nothing more than simple sympathy for a handicapped girl that will never be able to live a proper life on her own!"
Go away!
Michiru took another deep breath and risked to look up shortly. The two racers had already started the second lap and Haruka was in the leading position. Surely she would win that race. As so many races before.
Hope Tsukasa leaves her in peace after that contest!
"Hey, cripple! I am talking to you!" Ayako stepped forward and grabbed the sketchbook. Michiru rolled her eyes and reached for it but the red haired girl was faster. Of course she was faster. She stepped back and looked at the running Haruka on the paper.
She's talented.
Ayako swallowed hard and automatically shook her head.
But she's still a bloody cripple. And she's the girlfriend of the boy who should be mine!
"Give it back to me, please!" Michiru said quietly and sighed. She decided that this was the last time she drew in the presence of other people than her Ruka. They all seemed to want to destroy her pictures and she was tired of redrawing them again at home. As she was tired of Haruka's sad looks when another crumbled paper went into the dustbin.
"Okay. If you want it..." Ayako turned again towards her and threw the sketchbook in the air. Single sheets of paper flew softly to the ground and covered the earth around the wheelchair. It was almost impossible for Michiru to collect them without driving over them with her heavy wheelchair. And Ayako knew it as well.
"... then catch them!" she shouted and laughed a rude laugh. The red haired girl wanted to leave as her eyes caught one picture Michiru was reaching for. It laid directly before the wheelchair and moved slightly in the warm spring wind. It showed a sleeping Haruka. Her short hair was messed and a soft expression laid on her relaxed face Ayako had never seen before. The blanket covered her body but the shoulders and the right leg let on that she didn't wear a pyjama.
"You bitch!" whispered Ayako and jealousy sparkled in her light eyes as she leaned forward and slapped Michiru right in her face. The handicapped girl didn't even wince away. She just sat there and watched her with those deep blue eyes that drove her crazy.
"I can't believe it!" hissed Ayako, her fists were still clenched. "What is it that you have? What is it, you cripple? You can't walk with him, you can't run with him! Certainly you're a burden for him. He must take care of you where ever you are. You can't live all you life in Mugen Gakkuen and what after you will have finished your school? Maybe you're talented, but you won't find a proper job out there. They don't wanna cripples! They wanna young, attractive, dynamic young people. Guess you can't even go to toilette alone!" Ayako's voice was rising, but it wasn't heard. The shouting of the other pupils was much louder.
"What is it that he wants from you, bloody cripple? Is he so keen on washing you? Feeding you? Driving you with his big car around to the doctor's appointment? Guess the doctor only wants to see you because you bring him money. There's no cure for you cripple, but you pay good for the hopes he gives you. I am right, hai?"
Michiru lowered her head and covered her ears with her trembling hands.
"Be silent!" she said and her shaky voice broke. Tears burned in her eyes as she heard the rude words. The true words...
"What the hell gets him into your bed that you can draw such pictures?" Ayako didn't want to be silent. She was jealous and suddenly very hurt. She had to shout at the handicapped girl. Otherwise she would beat her down. "What the hell does he sees in you, you bloody cripple! Guess you're even unable to make proper love. With that dead body you're surely a lousy lover. And what about children? Doesn't he want to have some one day? Don't tell me that you think you're able to get one with that wreck of a body, you cripple!" Ayako still clenched her fists and stepped nearer. "Don't you think it's unfair to betray Haruka in that way? To abuse his sympathy for you!"
That was the moment when Michiru defended herself for the first time Ayako knew her. Well, she often defended Hotaru or some other girl she knew against her club, but what happened to her seemed to be alike to her. Up to now. The young violinist reached for the now empty sketchbook and threw it with all her powers at the red haired girl. Some pens and a ruler followed.
Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!
Ayako winced surprised because the flying objects hitting her body actually hurt.
She's strong!
"Why can't you accept the truth, you bloody cripple? You belong in a hospital for all times and he belongs to normal people – like me!"
"Don't you dare to talk about things you don't know. You don't understand!" answered Michiru and reached for her lunch in her bag. She didn't eat it because she wasn't hungry. It was an apple and an orange. Now she threw the fruits at the red haired girl. Tears sparkled in her deep blue eyes but she simply couldn't cry.
Ayako evaded them and grabbed Michiru's arm. With one pull the handicapped girl laid in the dirt. Too weak to defend herself. Too helpless to get back into the wheelchair again.
"Comprehend finally! You're a bloody cripple!" snapped Ayako and tried to ignore the empty look that seemed to perforate her.
Haruka closed her eyes while she ran. She felt the wind playing with her clothes, heard the rushes of the near ocean. She recognized that old feeling she had almost forgotten. She had lost almost half a year ago when she had left her father for good. At those times she had run as fast as she could. She had raced the Suzuki as far as she could – just to escape her father. To escape her dark life. To escape her hopeless future.
And now, what are you escaping from this time?
Haruka didn't know. She didn't hear the excited cheers around her. Of course she got the leading position although Tsukasa was very fast himself. When she would win she would gratulate him that he was such a good opponent. He was very good at his sports and she didn't want to hurt him. He asked of this contest and now he would get it. However, she didn't want to take his pride.
We would be good partners in a relay race during the summer's competitions.
They reached the second lap and the cheers increased. Just two more minutes and the contest would be over. And hopefully the terror of Tsukasa, too. Haruka never ever wanted him to threaten her Michi-chan again. She didn't know what she would do the next time.
Haruka opened her eyes for the last meters. There were only one or two hundred meters left until the finish line and although Tsukasa fought hard he was behind her. Only one shadow length but it was enough for her to win.
At that moment she saw the motion at the arena's rim. Michiru was there in the shadows of a huge tree. Haruka frowned and got slower as she recognized that her girlfriend wasn't alone there. Then she saw how the young violinist fell out of the wheelchair.
Haruka didn't care about Tsukasa who overtook her easily. She didn't hear the cheers of the pupils as the tall boy crossed the finish line as winner. She didn't care about the disappointed and suddenly very surprised looks as she simply left the sandy underground and walked determinedly over to the huge tree. The race had never been very important to her. Okay, Tsukasa did win now. It didn't matter to her. If he left her in peace now, it was okay. All that mattered to her was her Michiru who laid in the dirt and supported her weak body with her elbows. Drawn pictures laid around her in the grass and an angry looking Ayako stood menacingly over her.
Haruka simply pushed the red haired girl aside as she went on her knees next to her girlfriend. She looked into tear filled blue eyes and sighed slightly. She looked down at the picture Michiru held tight in her trembling hands and smiled a bit as she saw her sleeping I.
"And you told me you weren't awake for so long." whispered the young racer and stroked some strands of sea green hair out of a very pale face.
"Hai..." whispered Michiru with a shaky voice and swallowed hard. Haruka could see how she fought against her own tears. Tears she didn't cry since the terrible accident that took away her parents and a lot of dreams. Probably forever...
"Everything okay?" Haruka looked concerned at her girlfriend who laughed a sad laugh.
"Of course, Ruka. Everything is okay!" snapped Michiru back and wiped away some tears she couldn't hold back any longer with a quick motion as if she was ashamed of them. "I am trapped in this damn wheelchair for the rest of my life! My doctor says that I'll never be able to walk again. I'll never be able to swim again or to ride. I won so many prices with my swimming and I was really fast. Now I almost drown in this bloody tube! I will never be able to run with you along the beach! I will never drive with you on your Suzuki again and I don't dream of a normal life anymore. I am paralysed, Ruka! My legs won't hold me no more and who wants to listen to a handicapped musician, after all?" Michiru's voice was shaky again and she took a deep breath. "I am a bloody cripple for the rest of my life. I need help for the rest of my life. Hell, I can't even dress properly! I am so fed up to stand in front of the supermarket and can't go in because there're steps at the front door. I'll never be able to live in my parents beach house, because there's a big staircase and it's twenty miles away from Tokyo! And even if there were a bus I would never get into it with that bloody wheelchair!" Michiru raised one hand and hit the metal hard. It hurt a lot but she didn't even notice it. "My parents would be ashamed of me to see me like this! It would have been better if I'd have died with them." Suddenly Michiru's voice was very silent and she couldn't held back a desperate sob.
"Don't say such silly words, Michi-chan." Whispered Haruka and sighed sadly.
"Why not? It's true! It would be better for me being dead! After all who wants a bloody cripple?" Some tears were running down her cheeks but she raised her now hurting hand again to wipe them quickly away.
"Michi-chan, you know, I would never..."
"I don't need your sympathy!" It was a desperate scream before Michiru covered her burning face with her icy hands and started desperately to sob. Haruka simply took her into her strong arms and held her tight as she struggled to escape. The young racer pulled her girlfriend closer and rocked her gently. Michiru's body trembled like leaves in the cold autumn wind but she gave up her fight and leaned herself against Haruka's warm chest.
"You know it's so much more than sympathy." Whispered Haruka near her ear and swallowed hard. She could feel how she blushed but she knew that Michiru needed her words more than her hidden gestures. "You know it's even more than simple love, Michi-chan."
Those words broke the invisible wall. Michiru wrapped her arms around Haruka's neck, hid her burning face in her girlfriend's shoulder and let all the tears fall she fought back the last months. She felt how Haruka's embracement became stronger and didn't hold back her desperate sobs anymore.
"I thought I could begin a new life here. Without any memories of my talents I used to have. Without thinking of how great it was to play the violin before so many people. How great it was to win the swimming competitions. Hey, they wanted me to swim for the Olympic Games!" cried Michiru against her shoulder and Haruka wondered how she could have been so blind. She saw a smiling, a laughing Michiru and didn't see the wrecked girl behind that facade. She only saw a Michiru who didn't argue with Ayako, who defended Hotaru and cared a lot for Haruka. Who never really complained about her situation. Who just went on with her life and didn't give up. Who learned how to handle the wheelchair, who had very good marks at school and started again to draw.
"I thought this was a place where I don't see my parents in each corner. But I've been wrong." Michiru pulled herself nearer and coughed. Haruka held her tighter. How could she have been so naive? After Christmas and after the exiting snowball battle she had almost thought that Michiru had gotten over her mourning. That she had accepted her destiny and faced encouraged her future. But Haruka had been wrong. Now she saw that the young violinist needed more time than those short six months.
I was so happy to be with her that I didn't see the signs.
"No one wants me here. They all hate me." Cried Michiru with a shaky voice that broke. Haruka sighed deeply and started to stroke the sea green hair tenderly.
"I love you." Whispered the young racer next to her girlfriend's ear and blushed even more. Michiru raised her head and Haruka saw into tear filled, deep blue eyes. They had lived together since they moved into Mugen Gakkuen. Two years ago it was so naturally that they belonged to another even if Haruka's father disagreed. They had shared their free time. Their angers and sorrows. But also their joys. They had kissed more than once and sometimes they went out like a loving couple. But Haruka had never said those special words. She simply thought that Michiru knew about her feelings. After all she had never been so good in words. Only in situations she knew that words were more needed than her hidden gestures.
Haruka raised her hands and took her girlfriend's hot face into them. Seriously she looked down at Michiru and wiped away the tears. They were replaced by new ones.
"Remember what I told you in the hospital, Michi-chan? I promised you that I'd never leave you. I meant it honestly." Haruka leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss. "If you don't want to stay here, it's okay. We can leave Mugen Gakkuen and go somewhere else in Japan or the world."
"With your English knowledge?" asked Michiru and Haruka was relieved when she saw a tiny smile returning on her girlfriend's pale face. She didn't like to see her Michi-chan so sad. So desperate. Then the young violinist shook her head and the smile disappeared. "It wouldn't make any difference. All people are the same. They would only see the cripple outside..."
"Not all people are that way, Michi-chan." Answered Haruka very quietly and thought at the young girls chasing themselves in the snow. Arguing friendly with another. Involving Michiru in their game as if she had always been a part of their community.
Michiru leaned her head again against Haruka's shoulder. Silently she cried again. And the young racer held her again tight and tried to comfort her the best she could.
They both didn't notice the pupils who stood very quietly at the race track and stared shocked at the couple down in the dirt. Who looked asking at each other.
Who looked very guilty with a sudden.
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"Arigato." Haruka took the bowls from the Pizza delivery man and gave him the money. Then she balanced their dinner over to the kitchen. Michiru wasn't in the mood of cooking and the young racer didn't want to poison them. So they decided to order something from the Italian restaurant they had been some times since Christmas.
I decided for ordering.
Haruka sighed as she put the bowls down on the round table. They contained salad and spaghetti.
Hope she wants to eat at least a bit of it.
The young racer ran a trembling hand through her short blonde hair and went over to her girlfriend's bedroom. When they came home the young violinist went into her room and didn't come out again. Haruka let Michiru her peace but two hours were enough now. Haruka started to get worried and she didn't want to spend the evening on her own. Alone.
"Michi-chan?" Silently she opened the door and entered the room. The smaller girl laid on her bed. Sad music filled the air from the headphone. Michiru's eyes were closed and Haruka saw from the regular breathing that her girlfriend actually fell asleep.
How many nights didn't she sleep properly? Or did she sleep at all?
Haruka sat down on the bed next to her girlfriend and took her right hand into her own ones and held it tight. Then she leaned against the wall with a sigh and froze in motion. She frowned and her dark green eyes stared confused on the huge easel she gave her Michi-chan for Christmas. The entire easel was full with colours and it smelled very intensive of oil colours.
When did she finish it?
She could remember Michiru starting it two months ago. The young violinist threw a brush after her when she wanted to look at it. Michiru declared determinedly that no one would see it until it was ready.
Now I know why. Because it's very personal.
The main colours were a light green and a dark blue. And black. It showed an ocean. Deep under the surface swam a young girl of maybe five years. Happily she laughed at the observer outside the picture. Her blue eyes shone full of luck and joy. The tiny hands reached out for coloured fishes that surrounded her in her blue heaven. Sea green hair surrounded a redden face and the girl looked like Neptune's daughter. Neptune, the god of the sea and emperor of all waters.
Like a mermaid.
Haruka swallowed hard as she saw the black lines that followed the happy child. Dark and threatening. Slowly they filled the blue sea from behind and soon they would do the little mermaid harm. The black lines reached the surface. Over the water there was no light. No sun. No heaven. There was only a shadow on the shore. Standing silently there. Motionless.
Haruka's eyes grew wide as she recognized that the shadow was a girl sitting in a wheelchair. No face was recognisable because she had covered it with her hands. As if she wasn't able any longer to watch the happy girl she once had been.
She never would be again.
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"What are we doing here?" Michiru yawned and rubbed her eyes. She woke up half an hour ago and after she ate a little bit of her spaghetti Haruka brought her to the swimming pool of Mugen Gakkuen. With tired blue eyes stared the young violinist into the water. The half moon was reflected on the calm surface and steam rose in the cold night air. Although it had been a very nice and warm spring day, it soon got colder when the sun disappeared.
"It's in the middle of the night!"
Haruka kneeled before the swimming pool and tested the water temperature. She only wore her black shorts and a white t-shirt. Satisfied with the water being warm enough she came to her feet and went over to her girlfriend.
"We're going to take a bath." She declared and took Michiru's hands before she could grab the wheels. The young violinist looked up to her with big blue eyes. Slightly she shook her head and swallowed hard.
"I won't go into the water." Said Michiru and shook her head again. "I am too young to drown." She wanted to escape but she knew she would lose every fight against her Haruka. She knew she would even do so if she wasn't trapped in this bloody wheelchair. Haruka had always been faster. And when the young racer was determined no one could stop her.
"But I don't have a swim suit." It was a last, weak try to convince her girlfriend but Haruka didn't listen.
"Your dress is a perfect swim suit." Before Michiru could protest anymore Haruka held her in her strong arms and went over to the swimming pool. Michiru wrapped her arms around her neck and stared frightened at the water that wasn't so deep but for her paralysed legs it was deeper than the deepest ocean. The young violinist gasped for breath as she felt the warm water around her as they both entered the swimming pool. Haruka held her tight and kissed her on the suddenly pale cheeks.
"Don't be afraid, Michi-chan. I am here. I won't let you drown." Whispered the young racer and took another step until they were surrounded by water up to their chests. Michiru's embracement got stronger and suddenly her entire body trembled although the water was very warm.
"You loved the water. We got to know each other by the sea at your parent's house." Haruka turned Michiru around until she could see into those big, frightened eyes. "Can't you remember how I tried to chase you in the ocean and you were simply faster? The water's your element, Michi-chan. It belongs to you how you belong to it. Here you could even beat me and you know how shocked I was that you, that someone on this earth could be faster than I." Haruka smiled tenderly down into Michiru's pale face. "Down in the water you've always looked like another person Like mermaid. You didn't win all those competition just because you trained every day. You simply won them because you're part of the sea, Michi-chan. I can see it in your eyes when you look out of the window and watch the waves. And even if you don't believe me now, you're still part of it. Even after all what happened during the last half year."
Michiru smiled back and took a deep breath. She saw how her girlfriend blushed. As always when she said more than some single words. As always when her Ruka tried to comfort her. To show her those deep feelings.
Very slowly the young violinist let go of Haruka's neck and her hands and slowly, very slowly her arms dove into the pleasant warm water. She felt how the young racer tightened her embracement.
She won't ever leave my side.
Michiru took another deep breath and felt the water playing with her body as she moved slightly.
Maybe she's right.
The young violinist closed her eyes and for the first time after the accident she heard the music again in her head. The music which was made by the water and the waves. Like tender whispers the sea's voices surrounded her. A bird screamed high above and she smelled the salt of the air again. It had always been there during the past months but she simply hadn't cared about it.
A smile bloomed on her pale face and some tears sparkled behind her eyelashes.
I didn't realize how much I've missed it.
Here she had been at home for so many times. Every time she felt lonely when her parents were far away with their business company or her father was on tour and she couldn't come with them because she had school to attend. The waves comforted her after Haruka's father came and took the screaming girl with him. Shouting. Beating. Hating...
Under the water it was so quiet. So peaceful. Here she heard the music she wrote afterwards for her violin. It was her father's will to learn an instrument, but it was her will to learn it so well. Because every time she could play she was again in her under water world.
How could I have forgotten all of this?
Michiru opened her eyes again and the music increased. She looked into Haruka's smiling face and automatically raised her wet hand and stroked through wild strands of the short blonde hair.
"Arigato, Ruka." She whispered and kissed her girlfriend tenderly. Haruka held her tight and returned the kiss with all her love. Michiru giggled at her lips as the taller girl didn't want to let this touch to end.
"We should do this more often." laughed the young violinist and suddenly a new music evolved in her head. It was the first time since the accident that she heard the music again and it made her happy. She thought she had lost it with her leg's powers, too. But the truth was that she had hid it behind her self pity. Over half a year of mourning was enough.
I am still alive!
Michiru looked into dreamy green eyes and gave her girlfriend another kiss.
And I am loved!
"What? Taking a bath or kissing?" asked Haruka after a while teasingly and shivered as fresh wind played with her now wet hair.
"Both!" answered Michiru laughing. She looked into the water and saw the reflection of them both on the surface. The picture shook slightly. Michiru leaned her head against Haruka's now wet shoulder and stroked over the calm water. She liked what she saw in the water's mirror.
We're a nice couple.
She embraced her girlfriend tighter and enjoyed the standing position. Here in the water her legs were still paralysed but the water carried them for her. Here she wouldn't break down or lay helplessly on the ground. Here she was strong again and no one could see that she was handicapped.
Here I am not a cripple anymore!
"I love you." She whispered and looked again up into Haruka's now dark red face. The racer only nodded and kissed her tenderly. Michiru smiled and returned the sweet touch.
"Hey, you two! It's forbidden to swim at night!" shouted an angry voice suddenly near the rim. They both startled and looked surprised at an angry Ayako. "Dr. Tomoe would be very disappointed if his best athlete would have drowned." Ayako clenched her fists and tried to hide her jealousy behind her rough voice. She didn't like to see that cripple kissing the boy who was meant to be hers. "Get out of the water. Now! And go back to your rooms before I have to report this incident to Kaori-san!"
Haruka sighed but she knew that it was enough for now as she looked into tired blue eyes. And she knew that she achieved what she wanted as Michiru smiled happily. The young racer took her girlfriend into her strong arms and carried her out of the water and back into the wheelchair. She covered Michiru's wet body with a huge towel she brought with her and looked around for her own one.
Ayako gasped for breath as she saw the fast athlete's definitely female outlines. The wet shirt pasted to her slim body and Ayako could see the breasts under the white cloth.
"You're a girl?" asked the red haired girl and her voice sounded high and strange in her own ears. Haruka didn't look up as she reached for her own towel.
"I never said I am a boy." She declared and covered her own body with her towel. She shivered slightly. It was really very cold outside the warm water. Better they got back into their apartment before they both would catch a cold.
"Then you're... you're..." stammered Ayako and shook her head as all her dreams died away like a bubble stung by a needle. "You're..."
"What? Pervert?" asked Haruka with a dangerously quiet voice and stepped behind the wheelchair. Slowly she took its handlebars into the suddenly trembling hands and wanted to turn away. "Or simply in love?"
Michiru glanced at her girlfriend and frowned. She knew that Haruka had always been slim. She trained a lot and didn't like sweets. But today Michiru had seen her ribs under the wet shirt for the first time.
Did she loose weight during the last weeks?
Michiru couldn't remember how much the young racer ate. She had been too occupied with her self pity that she didn't take care of it.
Hai, Ruka has always been slim. But today she looks skinny. Almost starved...
"You're bloody lesbians!" screamed Ayako and Michiru wondered why she didn't wake up other pupils. However, the windows stayed shut. No light went on. "You're so ill!"
The young violinist simply shook her head and covered her legs with her towel. She felt cold and suddenly she was very tired.
"I may be a cripple but I am not handicapped in my brain." She declared silently. Then Haruka turned the wheelchair around and they both returned to the living-tower. Leaving a raging Ayako behind.
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The next day at school wasn't very eventful. Ayako didn't show up to the lessons and some said that she had a very bad cold and had to stay in bed. Rumiko told them some jokes and pleaded Michiru to help her with her picture about a rose. It still didn't look very realistic and she wanted to gave it to her mother on her birthday. Rumiko and some other girls talked to them. The rest of the pupils seemed to evade them. They looked at them curiously but they actually didn't dare to talk to them.
"I am home." Shouted Michiru as she entered their apartment. Her drawing lesson was over now and Rumiko had to do something in the city. But later she wanted to come by together with some other girls for dinner. They all wanted to watch a movie on TV and Michiru wanted to make dinner.
Ruka's right. Not all people are as mean as Ayako.
"Ruka?" Michiru put down her sketchbook on the table and opened the fridge. She already decided to cook chicken and rice. Every girl liked the meal and it wasn't very hard to get it ready.
"Ruka?" The young violinist rolled over to the living-room. The TV was on and some musicians danced over the screen but there was no sign of the young racer. Then Michiru heard the sound of water. Obviously Haruka was taking a shower.
Hope it doesn't last so long.
Michiru took the remote control and switched off the TV set. She needed someone who took the kitchen chairs into the living-room so that they all would have enough space around the TV set. The young violinist waited patiently for another fifteen minutes. Then she rolled over to the bathroom. The door wasn't closed and Michiru could hear that the shower still worked. As she wanted to enter the room she could see her Haruka. Her hair were wet and the towel laid next to her on the ground. Her dark green eyes stared empty at her reflection in the huge mirror. She was naked and Michiru gasped as she saw the bones under that pale skin. The girl looked more like a skeleton than a living human.
Haruka didn't see the young violinist. Slowly the young racer raised her hands and touched her small but well formed breasts. Tears burned in her normally dry eyes.
"It's alike what I do, they're still growing." Whispered Haruka in a desperate voice. Then she went back into the shower, closed the door, and the waterfall increased.
Michiru covered her mouth with her hand while she silently rolled back into the kitchen. Shocked she stared at the chicken and automatically prepared their dinner. But her thoughts were still with the skinny appearance of her girlfriend while she heated the cooker and set the table.
Slowly Michiru recognized that she wasn't the only one who had problems with her body and her destiny.
Big problems.
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