Mirror
By Norwalker
Part 20
Disclaimer: Under advice of counsel, I must advise you that the characters appearing in this story that appeared on " Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and " Angel" Television shows don't belong to me. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy , Inc. and Fox.( No kidding, is that a fact? Wow, and here we thought you owned them. We're shocked. Shocked I tell you!). Furthermore, this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to anyone, living or dead, is purely coincidental.( Gosh, and I really thought you looked up my life, just to put it in this story. Now, I'm crushed!). Yeah. By the way? The author owns any original characters and the story. Yeah, as if anyone wants them. Hah!
A/N: Just to be clear as mud, we're walking around in Buffy's memory. Things may not make logical sense. It IS Buffy, after all.
13
Faith walks through the doorway, not sure exactly what to expect.
This wasn't even close.
They're on a beach, somewhere on the California coast. The day is perfect: bright and warm without being killer hot. The beach isn't overcrowded, the sand is clean and a light tan color, turning white at places. There are some pretty cliffs up ahead. And the water is a deep blue color. There's not a cloud in the sky. The only thing in the sky is a flock of seagulls, dive bombing for scraps.
" HOLY SHIT!" Faith exclaims, looking around. " Where the hell are we?"
" In Buffy's mind, Silly, " Willow shakes her head. " Obviously in a memory she wants us to see… and somewhere special to her, I'm guessing."
" Yeah, ok, but I can hear the ocean, smell the salt air, " Faith bends down, and touches the sand." It's gritty, it's sand."
" Yes, well, memories are made up of lots of things, you know. Not just sight, " Willow answers, distractedly. " I know this place. I've been here… no… I've seen it. But where?"
" Well, hot damn. If I'd know we were going to the beach, I would've brought a bikini and suntan lotion, " Faith says, looking around. " It's pretty nice here."
" Shhh. I'm trying to place this. I know this place," Willow chides her. And thinking of you in a bikini, and oiled up? So not helping. Damn, mind on business, Willow! " I know this place from somewhere…" Willow trails off, looking around. She sees a sign, and wanders over to it. She looks, and then looks around, and looks at the sign again. She starts to get excited, jumping up and down, waving her hands to Faith. " I know it, I know it now. Yes, Ok! I knew I knew this place, " She says excitedly.
" What?" Faith is amused and puzzled at the same time.
" This place. I remember it now. It's the place where Hank Summers took Dawn and Buffy that first summer they were in Sunnydale. I knew it!" She almost starts to dance around. " I knew it, I knew it!"
" Hey, slow down," Faith chuckles." What's the big?"
" Don't you get it? Don't you know what this means?"
" Ummm… no," Faith says, more puzzled than ever.
" This must be where she's hiding out. This is… At her 20th birthday party, Dawn gave Buffy a picture. It was of them, here, and she made the frame herself, decorating it with shells she'd picked up from …" She points at the beach. " That time, at the party? It was just before Dawn learned what she was… and it must be the absolute last perfect unblemished memory Buffy has of Dawn… but… why here?" Willow sits down by the sign, face bewildered. " Why here?" She puzzles it a little more, and then slowly a large smile breaks out on her face." Of course, I get it… Oh god, I so get it now!"
" Ok, well, I'm still wandering around in the dark. Want to give me the Cliff Notes version?"
" The last thing, before everything sort of started spiraling for Buffy, the last pure, unadulterated memory Buffy has of being with Dawn, is at her 20th birthday party, and Dawn giving her the gift of the picture of them at this beach. Right after that, Dawn learned about what she was, and events started to take on their own direction. God, I've been a fool. All this time, I didn't get it. I just didn't get it!"
"Ok, and…I'm still NOT!" Faith says, starting to get irritated. " What the hell are you talking about?"
" This whole thing… it's about Dawn! Everything she's been about, since she's come back from being undead… it's about Dawn. Her guilt feelings over Dawn and her dying… oh god, even more… it's… all about her life after Dawn died… everything that happened… Oh…"
" Huh?"
" Don't you see? It all links together. After Dawn died, she was devastated. I just didn't know how much. It all tracks back to that night when she couldn't save Dawn. When Dawn leaped into the mystical portal to stop the destruction of our reality. She's blaming herself for what happened, and everything that happened after? She relates back to that. That's why she's here, now. A time before, way before, that happened. A time when she and Dawn were together, happy!"
" You mean everything she's been doing is kinda a big old guilt trip? That seems a little …."
" WILL! WILLOW! THERE YOU ARE!"
The two of them turn to the voice.
It's a very young Buffy running towards them. A Buffy that can't be much more than 12 years old. Behind her is Dawn… but Dawn is like 10… not 6…
" Ok, not getting this, Red. You said this happened, what? The first summer she was in Sunnydale… that should make her 16… but she's like 12… doesn't make sense."
" I think she's pulled up a younger version of herself, to be closer to Dawn's age. It's her memory; she can do whatever she wants with it."
" Hey, Red, what's wrong with your voice. You sound kinda funny."
Faith turns towards Willow, and does a double take.
Willow has regressed in age. She's not longer a young woman, or even a teenager. She's about 12, like Buffy.
" Holy… Red, you're… a kid!"
" Willow! Where've you been?" Buffy runs up, hugging her tightly. She ignores Faith. " I've been looking all over for you!" She flings an arm around her shoulders, and starts walking, as if leading her away. " Gosh, I thought you got lost or something. Dawn's been worried, too. Why'd you take so long?"
" Buffy?" Willow says, looking at her. " I don't belong here. I've never been here!"
" Don't be a silly, Willie, of course you belong here, " Buffy smiles brightly," You came along with when we came down to Solana beach with my dad. Don't tell me you forgot permanently bruising me on a totally intense game of license plates. Now, c'mon, we're just about to start on the sandcastle, and Dawn is totally being a brat about it, and I neeed you to help me get her under control cuz you know she'll start ratting out to him if she doesn't so get her way… and then it'll totally a dork-o trip," Buffy starts to trot, pulling on Willow's arm. " C'mon!"
" Faith, help…" Willow calls out as Buffy pulls her towards the beach.
" Hey…let her alone," Faith takes off after them. She grabs Willow and pulls her away from Buffy. " She doesn't want to go."
Buffy, red faced and angry, turns on Faith. Though she's even smaller, she starts pushing on the older, taller slayer. " You! You don't belong here! You're a bad girl!" She shoves against Faith with surprising strength. " Get out, get OUT OF HERE!" She shoves her hard…
And suddenly, Faith is being shoved into a cell. She looks around, and she's in Los Angeles… almost 5 years ago… when she gave herself up.
" What the hell…?" She sees Buffy and Angel above, arguing, away from her; and younger Buffy appears at the cell door.
" And stay there, bitch!" Young Buffy sticks out her tongue, and disappears.
Crap, what the hell is going on here?
She pulls out the amulet Willow gave her, and thinks about Willow. The door to her cell clangs shut….
And she's back at the beach, alone.
" Ok, now this is Twilight Zone stuff," Faith thinks, looking around. Where the hell is Willow? I thought this was supposed to …
" Help… Faith, please help, " Willow calls out to her.
" Red, where are you?" Faith looks around, not seeing Willow, young or older, anywhere.
" Here… down here, " Willow says.
Faith looks down, and almost bursts out laughing. Willow is buried up to her neck in the sand.
" What the heck happened to you?" Faith kneels down, starting to unbury her.
" Dawn and Buffy happened, " Willow says, peeved. " Their 'sandcastle' turned out to be a big hole they dug. They shoved me in, and buried me here." Faith can't get over twelve year old Willow's voice, which is even higher than her older voice, almost on the squeaky side." I'm so mad at them…"
I'm sure it was only a joke, Red," Faith digs, sand flying everywhere. " Don't have a Guernsey."
" They're always doing this, ganging up on me, shoving me around. Gosh, they're mean!" Willow pouts, " it was like that all the way down in the car. Her dad finally had to stop them from doing it."
" Willow… " Faith feels a small chill, " What're you talking about? We're here to rescue Buffy, remember?"
" Huh? What're you talking about? Rescue her? From what? Acne? She's starting to get pimples, and boy is she…" Willow blinks, then her eyes go wide. " Oh god, they're pulling me in, Faith. I'm beginning to get sucked into their … her… fantasy. Damn!"
Faith, having cleared the sand, offers her a hand. Willow grabs it, and Faith pulls her up.
" Gotta say, love the bathing suit, Red," Faith winks.
Willow looks down and groans. " Cripes, when did this happen?" She looks at herself critically. " Damn, wasn't bad enough. Now I'm flat as a board, and nothin' " She pouts.
" Aw, you're kinda cute, for a 12 year old," Faith chuckles.
" Funny, really funny, Faith, " Willow frowns. She looks around, and frowns deeper. " Oh, this isn't good."
" What?" Faith looks around, and gets disoriented.
They're back in Sunnydale, at the park. They're by the merry-go-round. Buffy, Dawn and her mom are riding it. They're the only riders.
" What the hell? Were did the beach go?" Faith says. She turns to Willow, who's now around 16 or so. " Well, you grew up a little."
" Aw, Gee," Willow says. " Still a teenager, for god's sake," She mourns. She looks at her dress. It's the exact jumper she wore the first day she met Buffy. " At least she could've let me wear something a little less geeky."
One of the riders dismounts from the carousel, and holding a pole, goes around once and leaps off… right next to Faith and Willow.
" Geeze, get killed much, B?" Faith says, backing up.
" What's wrong with you guys? Why can't you just leave me alone?" Buffy say, petulantly. " I'm happy here."
" Where's here?" Faith says, confused.
" Dawn's birthday. Her first in Sunnydale. Evidently, Joyce rented the carousel for an hour, so all her friends could ride on it. Problem, at least according to Dawn, was that she didn't have any friends at the time. She hadn't been here long enough to make friends. So she and her mom and Buffy rode the thing alone for an hour. To get her money's worth, " Willow shrugs.
" Why don't you guys go away? I'm fine here. I…" the scene shifts again. They're suddenly in a dark space, the only light pooling just around them. " I don't want to go back, don't you get it? I want to be here…" The lights come up, and they're in a long room, the walls covered by mirrors. Some are bright, some are dark. Buffy moves to a mirror, and looks in. " I don't belong out here anymore. She starts to move into a mirror, but Faith grabs her. " HEY!"
" Nuh-uh, " Faith says, pulling her back towards Willow. "we're not even started here yet."
" Hey, back off, Faith!" Buffy, at full strength, shoves her away, " I didn't ask you to be here. " She turns to Willow. " You either!"
" Yeah, I see that, Buffy," Willow says, " Yet, you keep changing me … to your age."
" I'm not doing that!" Buffy denies.
" It's your mind, Buffy," Willow declares, " you're in charge."
" I wish you hadn't said that…" Faith says, seeing the look on Buffy's face.
Suddenly, they're in Sunnydale again, in Willow's bedroom. Faith and Willow are naked, laying in her bed. They're back to their current ages, all of them. Buffy's at the window, looking in.
" Well then, both of you, stay right here. This is what you want anyway, isn't it Will? To have her all to yourself!"
Faith and Willow cover up quickly, looking at Buffy.
" You spied on us?" Willow says, flushing angrily, " you watched us? What's that about, Buffy? You a perv?"
Buffy comes into the room through the window.
" No, I didn't ' watch' you… I just… you didn't come home that night," Buffy seems to lose confidence, " And I went looking for you, and thought you might be here, and oh I was so right. You were in bed… with her!" Buffy points at Willow.
" It wasn't … geeze, Buffy, " Willow protests," You were always shoving us together. What did you expect to happen?"
" You knew. You knew how I felt about her, but you just had to have her, didn't you Will? Didn't you?"
" This was a test?" Faith puts in, getting angry. " Some kind of sick-o test? See what we'd do? Is that it?" She gets up, moving towards Buffy.
" NO!" Buffy cries, backing up. " I … " she looks around for an escape, " I didn't … think I was enough for you, " She gets on her knees. " I worshipped you, I wanted you to be happy, that's all."
"What about you, Buffy?" Faith comes to her. She's dressed again, " Don't you want to be happy?" She takes Buffy's hand. She pulls Buffy up, and the scene changes. They're in a mall, near the movie theater. Buffy's fighting Angel, the sprinklers are going off. Both are soaked. Buffy has a broken piece of wood she's using as a stake.
" C'mon, Buff. You can't even do it, can you? You can't kill me," Angel sneers at her.
Buffy walks over, and kicks him, in the place it hurts worse. His face goes slack, and he groans, falling to his knees.
" Not yet," She says, turning away. " Give me time."
"Yeah, time, " Buffy says, walking over to Faith. " That's what I needed, right? While my friends were terrorized… or died…"
They're at a graveyard. She's with Rupert Giles. They're both standing by the grave of Jenny Calendar. She looks at Faith.
" I did good, didn't I? Because I couldn't kill him back there, she had to die," Buffy points at the gravestone. " Jenny died because I didn't have it in me to kill him."
" Look at him, Faith, " She points at Giles. The scene's changed to the old factory. Giles is on his knees, brought there by Buffy as the building burns. She's hugging him, trying to give him some comfort. " I did really good, didn't I?"
The scene shifts, and its in the hospital. Willow is bandaged and bruised by the fight in the library. " She almost died, because of me…" The scene shifts, and Kendra lies , throat cut and lifeless on the library floor, " … and she did, again, because of me…"
" This is someone you want to save, Faith?" Buffy looks at her, the question written all over her face. "I was too worried about getting my boyfriend back. Isn't that what Xander said? Maybe it was true. Whatever it was, I couldn't do it . I didn't have the guts to do what needs to get done?"
" You forgot this one, B," Faith controls the scene, and they're in the Mansion on Crawford street. Angel is on his knees. He rises. They talk for awhile, and Buffy kisses him. Then she tells him to close his eyes. He does. She kisses him again, the runs him through with the sword… sending him to hell.
" Yeah, you fucked up. Bad, even. But in the end, Buffy, even though it cost you everything? You did the right thing… didn't you?" Faith sees her trying to turn away, and won't let her. " Look at it, Buffy. You did what you had to, even though it hurt."
" Why're you doing this?" Buffy turns on her, her hazel eyes frosty with cold anger. " What does that mean? I did what I had to? I ran away after that, letting my friends twist, because I couldn't deal. I tried to be nothing…"
Scene shifts to Buffy fighting the demons in the hell dimension. She's on the platform, fighting for her life and the others she's helping escape.
" Yeah, and look, even when you try, you can't be 'nothing' can you, B?"
" What the hell does it matter? What good did it do? I fought some demons. So what? Not like they're running out of them."
Scene shifts again, to Buffy's studio apartment in L.A. She's talking to a young blonde girl, showing her the apartment.
" hey," Lilly says, looking at the name tag on the uniform. " Can I be Anne?"
" You saved her, didn't you?"
Buffy walks out of the scene. " Yeah, so? Lilly? So what?"
" I guess you don't know. She stayed Anne. Made something of herself. Runs a Youth shelter downtown now, saving a whole lotta other kids. Wouldn't have happened, except she was saved by you. Wanted to do something, because of it… of course, what's one more youth shelter, huh?"
Buffy shakes her head, " doesn't mean a thing, Faith." She turns on her, anger showing clearly on her face. " Let's see something a little more recent, shall we?"
The scene shifts to a park setting. There are crowds everywhere, some kind of Festival is going on. Banners declare it " Multicultural day."
" No… Buffy… please… not here…" Willow backs up, her eyes going wide.
" Why not, Will? This is someone I didn't save, Faith!" Buffy turns on Faith.
A lone woman is sitting on a bench. She's joined by another woman… or a hell goddess disguised as a woman. She tries to get away, but the Goddess has her tight. She puts her hands to her head…
"Noooo… God, Buffy, " Willow turns away. The tears start rolling down her face.
" If I'm so fucking good, Faith, why didn't I figure it sooner? Why didn't I stop her sooner? Tara…" Buffy looks back at the scene. Willow is running to Tara, who is just sitting there, slack jawed."… might never have …." She trails off, hurt and anger raging in her. " … why didn't I save her?"
" Buffy?" Willow comes back, looking at Buffy. " You… it wasn't your fault. You can't blame yourself for what happened to Tara!" Willow goes to her. " How can you think that? I should've been with her that day, Buffy. If I'd been there…"
" What, Will? What would you have done? Be dead , or as good as dead, too? Have your brain sucked out too?" She grips Willow by the shoulders. "If I'd been stronger, or smarter, I would've figured it out sooner, Will. I would've stopped her sooner… it didn't…that…" she points at the scene, where Willow is crying, holding an unresponsive Tara tightly," … wouldn't have happened."
" Buffy, there was nothing…"
Willow is cut off when a voice, very loud, interrupts.
" Buffy! Where are you?" Dawn's voice seems to come from everywhere. " I'm lonely, Buffy. Come play with me, please!"
" Dawnie?" Buffy's voice is low, soft. " I'm coming honey." Buffy starts off in a direction. Faith grabs her.
" We're not done!"
" We are so done!" Buffy slams her fist into Faith's face. " God, just leave me alone!"
Faith reels back from the blow.
Willow holds up her hands. " Thicken" is all she says.
Buffy bounces off an invisible wall. She tries again, and bounces back again. She turns on Willow. " Stop it! STOP IT! Let me GO! JUST LET ME GO!" She turns, and runs at Willow, knocking her off her feet. " You've got what you want! You've got Faith. Take her and go! Let me alone! LET ME ALONE!"
Her hands close around Willow's throat. She starts to choke her.
" Buufffy… please… you're… hurting… me…" Willow gasps out, trying to break her grip.
Faith blindsides Buffy, knocking her off of Willow, and holding her down. " Stop it. You wanna fight, you fight me, Buffy. Leave her alone!"
" Sure, sure, go ahead, Faith. Save your whore, see if I give a fuck," Buffy spits at her.
Faith slaps her hard. Something seems to break in Buffy, and for the moment, she seems to be herself. She looks over at Willow, who's sitting up, rubbing her neck.
" Oh, god, I didn't … did I hurt her?" She looks at Faith.
" You ok, Red?"
" I'll live," Willow rasps out, " Be sore awhile. God, Why choke me, Buffy?" She gets up.
" Why won't you let me go?" Buffy asks, plaintively. " I don't want to hurt anyone. Just let me go."
" No, dammit. Not until I know why you're doing this to me!" Faith says. She gets up, hauling Buffy with her.
" Doing what to you? I'm not doing anything to you!" Buffy grumbles.
" You're breaking my heart, Buffy. Isn't that enough?" Faith looks at her. " What else do you want to do to me? Why not…"
The scene shifts. They're on the roof. Faith is at the edge, struggling with Buffy. Buffy's arm swings up, and then down, the knife sinking into Faith's gut.
" You did it," Faith looks at Buffy amazed and a little afraid. She grabs her gut where the knife wound is. She brings up her hand. It's covered in blood. " You killed me…" She teeters back towards the edge.
" Why?" She turns to Faith, who's still standing on the edge. " Why here?"
" Think what you're doing hurts any less, B?" Faith says, jumping down. She grabs Buffy by the shoulders. " Think it hurts less because the knife isn't visible this time?"
" Faith, baby, " Buffy breaks Faith's grip, taking her hands in her own. " I don't want to hurt you. That's not what this is about…"
" Well, it's hurting, Buffy, it's hurting real bad," Faith shakes her off. " you're throwing me away…for what? Think that doesn't hurt? I love you, Buffy, why're you throwing me away?"
Buffy looks at her strangely. The scene fades, and becomes dark. Willow joins them.
" Love me?" Buffy asks, her tone sepulchral. " How can you love me?"
The scene around them starts to resolve. It's Buffy and Spike, they're on his crypt. Both are naked, and Buffy is riding him like a stallion. Her hair is flying as her head moves side to side. Her face leans back, full of lust.
" Do it Spike, fuck me harder. God do it … fuck me…"
" That's all I am, a fucking whore. Look at me…" Buffy looks angry and revolted and strangely excited. " Even now, I can feel him in me…and I want it….look… take a good look…"
" Baby, you know what I want. Do it , Spike. Bite me… do it, I need it!"
Spike sneers, and his face vamps out. He leans over, and bites Buffy on the shoulder. She screams in ecstasy.
" Yes, GOD yes, Spike. Bite me! I love it god I love it!"
Looking closer, you can see Buffy's shoulders are covered by bite marks.
She wriggles on Spikes hips, driving him deeper as he sucks on her shoulder. Her head tosses back, and her eyes look dead and lust filled at the same time.
" Look at me, " Buffy says, her tone revolted and wistful. " I wanted it even then… I loved it, and I told him to do it. I invited him to do what he did to me. How…" She turns to Faith, as the scene fades, " how could you love that?"
Willow has gone white, her stomach churning. " you weren't you," She rasps, her throat sore, " you were grieving, Buff. We do weird things when we grieve…"
" Weird thing?" Buffy laughs, unpleasantly.
She starts showing memory after memory of sexual depravity she performed with Spike. Scenes of things he did to her, and things she did to him. Willow and Faith watch, disgusted and fascinated at the same time.
"That's what you love?" Buffy looks at Faith. She turns to Willow. " That's your friend, Will? Your best bud? That's what you love about me?"
" Buffy! Where are you, Buffy?" Dawn's voice booms through the scene.
" Dawn… I'm here… I'm here…"
The scene changes again. They're on a narrow platform, looking down from a high, crazily built tower in the middle of the commercial district of Sunnydale. Buffy moves into a position half way out on the tower. Dawn appears at the end of the platform. She's chained to it."
" I'm here Dawn, " Buffy says, moving to dawn to free her from the restraints. " It's ok. Everything's going to be ok now."
Buffy frees her, and starts to drag her towards Willow and Faith. Dawn stops them, halfway.
" No Buffy… I can't… I have to…" She starts to pull away from Buffy, going back towards the portal. " I have to jump, Buffy. That's the only way."
" No, Dawnie…" Buffy struggles with her.
" We know how that turned out, don't we?" A voice behind them makes Willow and Faith jump. Buffy, another Buffy is behind them. It's the Buffy from a week ago, dressed as she was in dark clothing and stocking cap. She looks out over the platform.
" This is it, guys, " Buffy says, quietly. " This is the night my sister died. For me."
" Buffy, that's ridiculous!" Willow cries, " You didn't kill Dawnie!"
" Oh?" The scene shifts. They're at a graveyard. Sunny Hills. They're standing by a grave marker. Dawn's name is on it. " Here she is, guys. My sister. My dead sister. My sister, who should've grown up, had kids. Been something. She was smart and funny, sweet and a pain in the ass. But she was real… and she died. For me. And for what?"
The scene shifts again. They're in an alley. A woman is being attacked by a vampire. Buffy runs up, and grabs the vampire. They fight briefly, and Buffy finally stakes it.
" Thank you, god, thank you, " The woman comes to Buffy, who has her back to her." He…he was going to kill me."
" Yup. Nasty thing. I really hate that," Buffy turns around. She's vamped out. " Hate when those blood brains try to steal my prey." She grabs the woman, and bites her, drinking from her. The woman screams, then swoons while Buffy continues to drink. She continues to drink while the woman becomes motionless. She raises up, her mouth, lips and chin covered in blood. She throws the corpse away. " Stupid cow. Though I was going to save her."
Buffy leaps on the wall, skittering away, laughing.
" Isn't she something guys? Really a special girl, don't you think?" Her voice is full of sarcasm. " Wouldn't you want her as you're best friend?" She turns to Willow. " Oh, wait! Somebody did!"
The scene shifts to Willow's house, in the rear. Anya and Xander are talking in the yard.
" Oh god, no, " Willow goes white. She knows what's coming. " Not this…"
" Hi guys!" Buffy calls out from the rooftop. She jumps down on the lawn.
" Anya, run!" Xander tries to place himself between Anya and Buffy.
" Oh, give it up, Xander. You have the fighting skills of a 12 year old girl, " Buffy knocks him in the head, knocking him out. She turns to Anya. Anya is near the porch, when Buffy grabs her back, covering her mouth to keep her from crying out.
" Hey, Anya, how ya been?" Buffy says, pulling her back into the yard. She licks Anya's neck" Hmmm… tasty. There's a little something extra? Maybe, Xander jr.?" She narrows her eyes. " That should be special, you know? All those hormones running through your blood…"
Buffy goes flying when Xander hits her with the piece of scrap wood in laying near the house. She's up in a second, and on him in another.
" Well, maybe I underestimated you!" She grabs his head, and gives his neck a twist. A crackling sound is heard, and Xander falls dead to the ground.
" Oh, no you don't, Missy," Buffy says, grabbing Anya, who's been sneaking away." I didn't forget you, sweetie. You're gonna be a nummy treat."
Buffy tears her head back, exposing her neck. She vamps out, and sinks her teeth into Anya's neck. Anya's eyes go wide, then gradually the lids lower and shut as her life is drained from her body. Finally, she ceases moving, and breathing, lying limp in Buffy's arms.
Buffy licks her lips, and looks at Anya. " That was nice, babe. Real nice," Buffy holds her. " Hmmm… we gotta do something special with you two. Seeing how this is so special."
She carries Anya over to the porch swing, and puts her in it. She then grabs Xander, and after taking a taste, bring him and puts him by her. She hums a little tune as she poses the bodies together.
" Ahh… how sweet. I don't think Rodin could've done better," Buffy smiles at her creation. She walks out of the porch, and leaps on the roof, waiting for the fun to begin.
Buffy looks at the scene, then turns back to the others.
Willow is standing alone, arms crossed as if to protect herself. Her body is shaking.
Buffy looks at Faith. "There you go, Faith. That's what Dawnie died for. That…thing."
" That's just so you, Buff," A voice comes from behind her. She whirls around, and is confronted by dead Xander.
" Xander… " Buffy backs away, "god I'm so sorry…"
" Sorry Buff ? Sorry isn't going to un-break my neck, you know, " Xander frowns. He moves closer to her. " Not gonna bring Anya back, is it? Or the baby? You kinda ended that, that night."
Faith inserts herself between Xander and Buffy. " Xander, leave her alone…"
" Oh get real, Faith. Not going to touch her," Xander says, " Wouldn't if I could." He turns to Buffy. " Know what I really hate though, Buff? Never mind the killing of me and Anya, oh, and that little mocking love pose of us making out? Really tacky… but I really hate that you're still making everybody feel sorry for you. Feel bad for you. Well, boo hoo, Buff. At least, you're still alive. You still have a chance to live. You kinda did that in for me and Anya… thanks bunches," Xander smirks at her. " Thing is, lot's of people put everything on the line for you… so, really…tired of hearing this crap. Get real, ok?" He turns to Faith, who's still between them. " Down, Lassie. We're done now." Xander fades out.
" Oh, God, " Buffy starts to back away.
" Don't listen to that, Buffy. It's just your mind playing tricks," Willow says," It wasn't really real."
" Maybe not," Faith says," but you know? Has a point."
" W-Wha-at?" Buffy looks at Faith.
" He's right, even if it's only a figment, Buff. Why're we here, Buffy? Time and time again, you keep pushing us away. You don't want our help. You don't want to try. I think… you're too scared to try." She turns on Buffy. " I think it's easier to wallow."
" Faith, what're you doing?" Willow asks, not liking this. "We're here to help her… not criticize her."
" Really, Red? What the hell does it matter, if she doesn't want our help. I'm thinking, she doesn't." She moves in on Buffy. " So, what is it Buff? What're you hiding? What's your dirty little secret?" Hmmm?"
" Hiding? I'm not hiding anything," Buffy gets a little belligerent. " I've shown you everything."
" Really? That's weird," Faith says, " Thing is, Buffy I remember… she was a fighter. She'd get in your face if you crossed her. Only time I seem to remember her getting all hidey and secretive?" She turns to Willow. " You remember when?"
Willow starts to shake her head. " No, I don't… wait…" She turns to Buffy." I remember now. When Angel came back. And she didn't want anybody to know. She got all avoid-y and… she started disappearing, and lying to people where she was…" She looks at Faith." You're right. She's hiding something. What is it Buff?" She looks at Buffy. " What're you hiding?"
" Nothing. You two are nuts. I'm not …" the scene changes, and they're back on the tower again. " No… not here… not again…"
Buffy, at the time of Glory, and Dawn, reappear on the end of the platform.
" No, Dawn, I won't let you. You can't …" Buffy says, trying to hold onto her sister.
" Buffy, I've got to. It's the only way… It wants my blood."
Blood. It's all about the blood. What did Spike say? Blood is the life… blood is the everything… My blood…it's the same as her blood. I could…
Buffy looks down at the portal, and hesitates…
" NO!" Buffy, the Buffy with Faith and Willow, changes the scene. They're back at the graveside. She watches as another Buffy puts a rose on her grave.
" I promise, Dawn, " The other Buffy says, kneeling by the grave. " I'll make it right. You're death will mean something."
" Sure kept your promise, didn't you Buffy?" Dawn appears out of the mists around the grave." You sure made my death mean something, didn't you? Meant you could go whoring with Spike, didn't it? Or, you could let him catch you, and torture you, and turn you. Make you a monster.
The scene changes. They're back in the club. Buffy is naked except for a thong and a whip. On a table is her latest ' pet'. One of the vampires she sired. She's training it, with the help of her other pets.
But it's not in the playroom upstairs. It's downstairs, in the main club. The dance floor is being used like a stage, and Buffy is making Marie, her latest trainee, suffer. She's lashing her with a cat-o-nine tails while Zoë and Linda hold her.
She rears back her arm, and lets the whip fly. It hits Marie across the back, and she screams out.
" Who's your mistress, bitch?"
" You are."
LASH!
" Who?"
" You are, Buffy!"
The lash strikes twice again, drawing blood.
" WHO?"
" You are, Mistress Buffy!" Marie cries, cringing.
"Uh-huh," Dawn says, as the scene fades away. " Makes me proud, Buffy. Proud that I gave my life to save your miserable, worthless skin." Dawn comes to her, grabbing her. " You come with me now. You don't deserve to live. You can't EVER make it right."
" What is it, Buffy?" Faith asks." What happened on that Tower? Why're you so afraid of her?" She nods at Dawn. " What did you do?"
" I didn't… I …"
Dawn smiles an unnaturally wide smile. " My sister, Ladies and… oops… wait…" out of the mists, Xander and Anya appear. Both appear to have been dead for awhile. They move next to Dawn. " … Ladies and Gentleman," Dawn nods at Xander. " … Buffy, the Vampire Whore!" She raises Buffy's limp arm like she's announcing the winner in a boxing match.
" Buffy, look at me, " Faith goes to her. She cups Buffy's head in her hands. " Look at me, baby. What is it? What happened? Why're you letting her…" She nods a Dawn,"… do this to you."
" Shut up, Faith, you murdering bitch," Dawn says, sneering, " When we want the loser opinion, we'll call you, ok?" She shoves Faith away.
Willow comes up, and slaps Dawn, hard.
" Hey…" Dawn rubs her face with her free hand. " Why'd you do that?"
" Because, you're not Dawn. Let go of Buffy!"
" Well, look who's all Rambo," Dawn laughs, dropping Buffy's arm. " Don't worry, I'll be back. You know that, Buffy." Dawn smiles at her, and fades back in the mist.
" She's right, " Buffy says, her voice flat and dull, " I'm nothing but a whore, one way or another. And I can't make it right… ever…" she pulls away from Faith. " I don't deserve …" She goes to turn, but Faith, angry, shoves her.
" That's IT?" Faith feels her anger rising. " You're quitting? Just like that?" She turns to Willow. " Xander was right. All she wants to do is whine and moan about her 'fucked-up' life. God, what a waste of time." She turns back to Buffy. " You know, I'm really tired of wasting my time on you." She shoves her again. " What's your problem loser?" She shoves her again. "C'mon, do something besides stand there like a wet rag." She shoves her again.
" Faith, leave her alone," Willow says, grabbing Faith's arm. " She feels bad enough!"
" The hell she does, Red," Faith goes around behind Buffy. " She doesn't feel jack." She grabs Buffy's arms, and starts waving them around. " I'm Buffy, and I'm the Slayer, and I'm better than all you people cuz I never, ever make a mistake. No, not me, not Buffy" Faith says, mocking her voice, " I'm pure, and I'm clean, and when I take a poop, it smells like roses."
" Stop it, " Buffy says, quietly. " Leave me alone."
" Why, Buffy?" Faith asks, waving her arms. " I'm gonna kick your ass, " Faith says in her Buffy voice, " Cuz your mean!" Faith pushes her away, the kicks her… in the ass. " C'mon, Buffy, what's wrong?"
" Faith…" Willow's voice rises, reflecting her anger.
" Shut up, Red," Faith says, " Stay out of it."
" Leave me alone, Faith, " Buffy says, just a hint of irritation in her voice, " Go away."
" Why, you big worthless piece of crap?" Faith comes up to her, and shoves her from the back. Buffy stumbles forward, going to her knees. Faith gets down with her. " What's your problem, Buffy? Afraid everybody'll know what a fraud you are?"
" Leave me alone," Buffy's tone gets angrier. " I'm not a fraud."
" I'm so sorry, everybody, " Faith does her Buffy voice, " I was bad, but I'm good again. See? I'm so good, I'll run away and make everybody upset and miserable. But I don't care, because I'm Buffy. I only care about me!"
" Stop it, Faith," Willow comes over to Faith, shoving her. " Let her alone!"
" Go play with Dawn, Willow," Faith shoves her back, hard, knocking her off her feet and onto her butt. " c'mon you fraud," She goes around Buffy, and starts bitch slapping her face. " C'mon, Fess up. This is all just a big show, isn't it?"
The scene changes, and their back in the hall of mirrors. Faith grabs Buffy by the neck, and shoves her face close to a mirror." Look at yourself, Buffy. You're nothing but a fraud." She gets behind her. " You're milking this for all it's worth, cuz everybody should feel bad for ' poor Buffy!" Faith pulls her away, holding her up and staring into her eyes. " That's it, isn't it. You don't feel a goddamn thing. You're worse than the monster Buffy. You're so self centered, so selfish, you pretend to care…and you don't … do you?"
" I said, leave me alone!" Buffy slaps Faith. " you don't know jack about it."
" There's my girl, " Faith smirks, " So, not a dishrag after all. But, I'm still not convinced. I'm thinking, you're faking it." She shoves Buffy again. " I mean, why not. You got 'em wrapped, don't ya?" Faith shoves her again. " You kill Xander, and who's Willow defending? You. You're mom, Giles, everybody… they'll buy any crap you feed them. So, why not lie? Pretend you're feeling guilty? I know you, B. I know you, cuz I was you… I lied any chance I got to save my skin. Same for you. You can't face the heat, so you're makin' everybody but you get burned." She shoves her again. " Loser… coward… killer!"
" Shut up! Shut UP!" Buffy yells at her. She slugs her on the face. " I'm not… I didn't…"
The scene changes back to the tower. Again, they're at the back of the tower, watching Buffy and Dawn at the edge of the platform.
" We're here again, " Willow says, " You keep bringing us back here, Buffy. Why do we keep coming to this place? Where Glory killed Dawn? Why?"
" This is where it happened," Buffy says, the Buffy standing with them. " This is where I killed her." She turns to Faith. " I killed my sister right here…"
" That's …nuts, Buffy. You didn't kill Dawnie. She jumped…to close the portal."
Buffy looks at Willow sadly. " She didn't have to die." She walks out on the platform. The other Buffy, and Dawn freeze in position. " She didn't have to die, Will." She moves over to the other Buffy, and touches her. " Tell them"
" Blood. It's all about the blood. What did Spike say? Blood is the life… blood is the everything… My blood…it's the same as her blood. It doesn't have to be her blood. My blood would stop it…"
" She didn't have to die that night," Buffy repeats. The scene fades, and they're in the desert. It's night, and a large bonfire is burning.
The first slayer is on the other side of the fire from them.
" Whoa… who the hell is that?" Faith looks taken aback. " And someone? Call her a dentist, fast."
" It's the first slayer, Faith. The original slayer." Willow informs her. " Buffy went on … I don't know… a quest just before she tackled Glory. I think this is it."
Buffy addresses the First Slayer. " Tell them. Go ahead, tell them."
The first slayer weaves with the flames. " Death is your gift"
" Ok, huh?" Faith looks at Willow, who shrugs. " What does that mean?"
The first slayer repeats herself. " Death is your gift."
Then, the fire and the slayer fade away, and they're back on the platform.
" Death was my gift, " Buffy, both Buffy's repeat the first slayer's words. The other Buffy, the one with Dawn, turns towards her.
Buffy moves to Willow and Faith. " Don't you see? Don't you understand now? My blood would've closed the portal. If I'd jumped that night…" She turns back to the players at the end of the platform.
Unlike what really happened, Buffy runs and jumps into the energy. Dawn screams.
" NO… BUFFEEE … NOOOOOOO" She reaches out, trying to stop her sister. Too late.
" That's what should've happened that night, " The Buffy on the platform says. " I shouldn't have hesitated. I should've done it. It was my time. Death was my gift. Dawnie? Didn't have to die," She turns to Faith and Willow. " She would've lived. She would've grown up… she could've been someone, maybe who knows? Cured cancer. We'll never know… because that isn't what happens." Buffy waves for them to look again.
Buffy and Dawn are talking. Buffy is trying to pull Dawn away, but Dawn pushes her back. She falls down, and Dawn turns and leaps into the portal. Buffy is up in a second, but too late. She runs to the edge, and watches as Dawn is consumed by the energy.
She staggers back, and a loud keening wail is heard coming from her. She bends over, nearly falling off the platform herself, as her legs give out.
" NO! DAWNIE NO! DON'T … GOD … DAWNIE…. NOOO … NOOOOO …. NOOOOOOOO!"
The Buffy in front of them collapses into a ball, rocking back and forth. " Dawnie, no baby come back… you're not supposed to die… you're not supposed to die!"
The scene shifts suddenly. They're in a dark place, only one small light throwing a pool of light about them. Buffy stands facing them, the tears starting to flow.
" You see, she wasn't supposed to die then. " She looks up at Willow and Faith. " I was… but I was too scared. I hesitated. I… didn't give her my gift… my death, so she could live…"
The scene changes again.
They're back at the graveyard. Another Buffy is kneeling by the grave. She places a flower at the stone. " I promise, Dawn. I'll make it right. I'll make your death mean something."
" And how did I keep that promise?" Buffy stands before them, " I whored with Spike. I turned into a vampire, and killed hundreds of people," She looks at the two women in front of her. " I betrayed everyone I loved, when I was changed back. I betrayed you two… tried to make you monsters like me…" She turns, and kneels by the grave. " I betrayed her, just like everyone else." Her fist pounds the ground. " I know why you're here. You're going to try some platitudes on me, to keep me here…" She shakes her head. " But that's wrong. She shouldn't have died. She died, because I was a coward. It should've been me that night. Me, don't you get it?"
" Don't you remember?" She goes to Willow, taking her by the arms. " Death was my gift. That's what the spirit guide told me. Death was my gift. I know what it meant; I figured it out…."
The scene changes, to the tower platform again. It's empty now.
" … it meant I was supposed to die. She was supposed to live. To grow up, be something. Not like her sister. Not a whore and a monster. Something good. Something wonderful. I knew it was my time…and I got scared. I looked, and I didn't want to die. I wasn't ready. I knew I was supposed to, it was my destiny. And I turned my back on it. I hesitated, and that's all it took. The pendulum swung, and it pointed to her… and she didn't hesitate. She was the brave one. She did what she was called to do… "
Buffy goes down on her knees, facing the end of the platform. Her body starts to shake. " … she died… so I might go on…" She looks around, her eyes shiny, her cheeks wet with tears." … me, who was afraid to live… who walked around dead, fucking the dead… she died so I could…exist… because I was too scared…" Buffy starts to crawl along the platform, oblivious to the other two with her. " I'm not too scared now Dawnie. Let me die now, please…so I can make it right… please…."
" Buffy, no!" Faith runs after her… and they're back in the cemetery. Buffy is leaning against the headstone, hugging it. " Please, Dawn… I'm sorry, but I'll make it right! I'll make it right!"
" Buffy," Willow says, reaching for her.
Buffy erupts from the gravestone, shoving Willow down. She turns, and leaps on Faith, knocking her back.
" Why? Why won't you let me make it right?" She starts punching on Faith, " Why won't you let me alone? I have to die! I have to DIE!" She keeps punching Faith. Faith doesn't fight back, she just covers her head. Buffy keeps pounding on her, punching her, " Why can't you let me be brave, this once? Let me die… just let me die… god, please…." She runs out of steam, her punches becoming weaker, missing their mark, she starts to cry harder. " I've got to die. I've got to… to make it right…" She looks down at Faith. " I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…" She crawls off Faith, and towards the grave. " I'm weak… I'm so fucking weak…" She lowers herself onto the grave, laying there, sobbing. " I don't want to hurt you, I love you both. I'm just so weak…"She sniffles, and looks at them. " Please, just this once… let me be strong…"
Faith sits up, a little battered from Buffy's blows. She pushes up, and walks over to Buffy, kneeling by her.
" Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together."
She leans over Buffy." Remember those words, Buffy? You said them to Angel…when he wanted to die. Because he felt it was too hard to live. Remember that?" She puts her hands on Buffy, "He told me those words, when it was too hard for me. When I wanted to kill myself in Prison, because I couldn't deal with my monsters. He told me what you did for him. "
She lies down next to Buffy, looking into her face. " I don't have any platitudes for you Buff. I don't have fancy words. I just know I need you… we need you Buffy."
Willow comes over, and crawls next to Buffy. She lays beside her on the other side. " You said ' Death is your gift.' You said the spirit guide told you that."
" Yeah, " Buffy sobs, " and look at what I did! I let her die, instead of me…"
" Buffy, no, you got it wrong. Her death was your gift. To her," Willow says gently." Dawn didn't belong here…she wasn't part of this reality. The monks made her from you, and she knew that when her time came, she had to give it back. She did. She knew you belonged here. You had things to do yet," Willow moves closer.
The scene changes, and their in an empty place. It's dark except for a light immediately around the three of them.
" She died so you could live, yes. But she also died, to save the world. You gave her the greatest gift of all, Buffy. You let her existence mean something. She wasn't meant to be human; that wasn't what she was created for. By letting her die, to save us, she will always be alive, Buffy. She'll always be special. Because you let her be special. You gave her the moment, and she took it, and ran with it." Willow rubs her back.
Buffy lies there, her tears running down her cheeks. " it's so hard…"
" Like you said, Buffy. It's hard," Faith says. She moves closer to Buffy. " But you gotta do it. If you die, who remembers, Buffy? Who remembers what Dawn did? Who can feel it like you do? Who can tell it like you can?" Faith looks into her eyes. " Believe me, Buff. I know it's hard. Every minute hurts, when you think of the crap you did. You hate it, and a lot of times, yourself… but you gotta just fight. Like you said. Fight to make yourself worth saving. Fight to make each moment count. So you can be witness to your sister's courage. She needs ya to be brave, Buff. You gotta keep fighting."
" We need you, Buffy," Willow says softly. " We love you, and we need you here, with us. Please stay with us. Don't go, please."
" I don't want to die," Buffy says, almost inaudibly. " I don't want to die," louder this time. " I thought… the only way I could make it right…was to die…but I don't want to die… I'm so scared… I don't know if I can do it… it's so hard…"
The scene changes again. They're back on the shore where it all began. Buffy , Faith and Willow are all sitting on the sand. Dawn runs up to them. She grabs Buffy's hand.
" C'mon, Buffy. We're late. Dad's gonna have a fit." She looks at the others, then at Buffy. " You're all grown up, Buffy." She looks at Buffy, and she frowns. " don't you want to play no more?"
Buffy opens her arms, and the younger girl slips into them. She hugs Dawn tightly, holding her close.
" I love you, Dawnie. I always will honey." She kisses her cheek. " but I gotta go now. I got to make things right, like I promised."
Dawn looks at her, with a slightly disgusted expression. " God, Buffy. You're talking all weird. Just like mom!"
Her face falls, and she starts to back up. " I guess, you're not gonna come play with me then, huh?"
" Not now honey. But I will again sometime. I promise, " Buffy smiles at her.
" 'K," Dawn says, turning around. She starts to run off, then stops. She calls out. " I love you too, Buffy!" She waves, and turning, runs off.
As she runs, her body changes. She's surrounded by a green glow. It seems to consume her, and all that's left is the glow… it grows, getting larger, and larger, until the whole scene is covered by it…
Suddenly, Willow and Faith are sitting in their chairs, hands clasped together. They're back in the hospital room again. They start, then turn and look at each other.
They look at Buffy, and tears are rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes open, and she looks at them.
" I'm so scared," She says hoarsely, the tube down her throat making her dry and sore, " Help me? Please?"
They go to her, each taking a hand.
" We're right here, Buffy, Willow says softly. " We won't leave you."
" We're here, Buff. We're here."
To be continued.