AHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm back!

I am sooo sorry for bot updating, but you know, high school. I am taking 9 courses, so yea. I finnaly compiled all of my notes for this story, locked myself in the computeroom, laptop in lap, and I just typed. It is sorta long, compared to the rest of the chappys. Enjoy some angsty Remus/Tonks shippage!-Tara

Downhill, but Back Up Again

Tonks was lost in a daze. Dumbledore was dead. Killed by Snape? One of the men he most trusted.

"What is this world coming to?" Tonks thought, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, and wiping her face with the back of her hand. The Hogwarts Halls were eerily empty. He heart hammered, and tears stung her eyes. This used to be her home, and he used to be her teacher. Why did she feel like this twenty four seven, this grief, this depression that gripped her heart and soul? It clawed at her in the night, and made her dizzy in the day. It made her, he made her, not be able to magically function. It was his entire fault. He did this to her. He made her so sad, that she was losing herself.

The wind whipped Tonks's mousy brown hair as she walked down the Hogwarts grounds, the usual spring in her step absent. She had called Reumus's name, but he had run right by her. Maybe her crush was just that, a crush. He would never look back on his hermit ways and come to her and be happy. He was just too, too. What was the word she was looking for? Stupid, no...idiotic, no...Dumbass, that's the right one. Well, he was more of a dumb werewolf, but the ring that ass gave to it, made Tonks feel better about herself...sort of.

A light drizzle began to fall, but Tonks didn't notice. The aching pain in her heart wouldn't go away, and was all that she could focus on. How could he make her feel this way? He would build her up, and then push her down again. But when he had kissed her, though, it felt like he had really meant it. She had felt his feelings behind it. Why wouldn't he admit to himself that he had those feelings? Why does he just run away all the time?

"He thinks I am too young. A little kid." Tonks groaned. She kicked the moss covered Hog statue on the way out of the grounds.

"I am just fed up with him. This is it. This is the time that Nymphadora Tonks is over Remus Lupin." She mumbled. In reality, though, she knew she was just kidding herself.

Lupin arrived at Tonks's flat with a pop. It was chilly and cloudy that night in London. The wind made Remus pull his shabby cloak around him tighter. He glanced up at Tonks's muggle apartment building. It wasn't in the nicest part of town, some of the shutters were hanging off the hinges, and tiles were falling of. It was a three story walkup that was wound around a courtyard with a broken fountain. The goose in the middle's beack and wing was broken off. It really suited the place. Jumping two steps at a time, he reached Tonks's flat, and knocked.

"Tonks, I am so sorry. I am an idiot. We could work out! No, no, no that's stupid. Tonks, err, I love you...no that is even more stupid. I'm a prat, Tonks, give me a bloody chance, won't you forgive me? No that sounds like something James would say to Lily..."

Remus's eyes filled with tears as he thought about his lost friends. His conversation with them was the reason that he was here in the first place.

"O.k., focus Lupin, you dumb werewolf." He continued contemplating what he was going to say, excuses, smooth lines he had heard James say in the old days, and conversation starters for another five minuets. There still had not been any movement at the door. He knocked again.

Looking around at the broken down building, he crept to the window, and peaked in. The TV was on, and his favorite American muggle television show was on, Buffy.

"She must have left it on," he thought to himself. He hadn't seen this episode. There was a small cough behind him that broke him out of his Buffy thoughts. He spun around and was nose to nose with Tonks.

"Err," his eyes darted to the ground, hen her hair, then her chest, then the ground again. 'Can she see me blushing? Oh Merlin, pull yourself together man! You are acting like a fifteen year old girl.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" Tonks asked, annoyance creeping into her voice.

"Err... I wanted to see you." Remus said, wringing his hands. He hadn't been this nervous since he took his NEWTS.

It began to rain, forming puddles in the courtyard and on the steps. Lightning lit the sky, followed by a clap of thunder that made Tonks jump.

"Um, do you want to come it?" Tonks asked, feeling very uncomfortable.

"Yea, o.k." Remus said, a blush creeping up his neck.

Tonks walked to her door, brushing Remus on the way. He felt her shrink away from him, like she was holding herself back. He furrowed his brow with confusion. It was quickly swiped away, when Tonks turned around, and said in a very old Tonks voice.

"Welcome to my humble abode. Oh bloody hell, I left the telly on." Remus couldn't help but chuckle.

"What are you chuckling at?" she spun around, eyes playfully narrowed.

"Nothing, nothing. Tonks... I need to talk to you..." Remus started while Tonks walked into her apartment.

"We have been over this." She said, sadness and anger (well, mostly annoyance) rising in her voice. Remus furrowed his brow.

"Tonks this is different, I lov..."

"Yea, yea...I know...tortured Lupin. Can't get close to anyone because he's a werewolf. I have heard it a million times." Tonks said, sounding very bitter.

"But I lo..."

"Whatever, I don't want anymore of your speeches. I am done with it. You are just going to have to...I am just going to have to live without you."

Tonks said, looking up at the ceiling and crossing her arms. The tears were coming, she could feel them. They were about to spill over.

"Tonks..." Remus said in an empathic away, walking over to her. He wrapped her in his arms, letting her cry into her shoulder.

"Shhhhh..." he said, resting his chin on the top of her head.

"remus, why did you come here. I know you didn't come to see me act like a baby," Tonks sobbed into his shoulder.

"I came here to tell you I love you." Remus said, holding her tighter.

She pulled away, her eyes wide.

"You waaa?" Surprise wracked her body.

"I love you, I just needed some...council...to make me recognize it."

Tonks and Remus's faces began to inch towards eachother.

"You know, if we do this, there is no turning back. No more too dangerous too poor act," Tonks said in a whisper.

"I know," He said, closing the gap.

Thanks to all the wondefull reviewers.!

(on Harry Potter Fanficton. comunreliablenarrator8, greenyoda987, LunaDragonFly, AppleBz, KatieL, Moonysgirl, JadePotter, Lauren, Cricket, jenny, SamTheWicked, Kimberly,