Summery: Finally, we come to a look at Kalas' thoughts about his return.

Disclaimer: Baten Kaitos does not belong to me, nor does the song Setsunakutemo…Zutto (Although It's Painful…Always) from the anime Fushigi Yuugi.

All I thought about since Fee's death was revenge. After the reality that he was dead and wasn't going to come back really sank in, I was overcome with a hot hatred, and a need, a longing, for revenge. Then she appeared before me. She pitied me, she comforted me, and…she offered me power. At first, I admit, I was distrustful of her offer - I had just lost my brother, after all - but my need for revenge blotted out my caution. I accepted her offer, and made plans and deals with her right away. No idea's of anything ever going wrong ever entered my mind.

Even the setting sun that sinks like it was burning out

Is alone,

Unable to embrace

The earth or the deep seas

I had never, in the first place, ever even considered bonding myself to a Guardian Spirit. The thought had crossed my mind, but I had never thought it to be something I would ever be interested in. Besides, I thought it was simply a fairy tale, something meant to amuse children. But when she told me a Guardian Spirit would fit nicely into our plans, I was happy to join with Martel. At the time, it was simply for my revenge. But it became more than that. I came to love her company, and dread what I would do to her. It ate away at me, while she was still completely unsuspecting. Now my guilt has caught up with me…I should never have dragged her into it.

Though it's been sleeping

At the bottom of my heart,

The red, painful passion

Takes me by surprise

I remember when we were in Moonguile Forest. I remember how she was cloaked with a hood shadowing her face. I remember, just as we were about to cast the spell, I was sure there was someone nearby, watching silently, not fully understand what was going on. But, surely I was mistaken, and turned all my efforts to erasing her memories, and setting our plans into motion. Still…even after I woke up, refreshed despite my aching head, I couldn't shake the suspicion that we had not been alone when the spell had been cast.

Whenever I see your tears,

I can't stand it.

It makes me want to

Hold you close from behind.

Meeting up with Xelha, initially, had messed up my plans. I hadn't expected to join a party, and from then on tried to leave it. But it never worked, so I learned to use my team-mates when the time was right, and what to hide from them. I hid behind a mask of distrust, trying to push distrustfulness away from myself and shining it on Lyude, and some on Savyna. I see that was selfish of me, but still I was blinded by a longing for revenge. You cannot understand what it is until you have felt it. Then you can understand why I would go to such lengths to attain it. Yet, the fact remains I was selfish. I hurt others, and I hurt myself.

I love you to the point it breaks me.

No kind of words are enough,

Because I also have a love

That I can never give voice to.

But, I did come to love our little group, enjoy their company. I began to dread what was coming, because I knew it would hurt them more than anything. I didn't want to hurt them anymore than I already had. No, I wanted to protect them because of my love for them. I had never had friends before. No one, save for Fee and Gramps, had ever liked me simply for who I was. Even though I only had one wing, they loved me in the way that Fee and Gramps did. So I too came to love them for that. But I could not stop what I had already started. Not after all the work I'd gone to, all the lies and secrets I'd caused to happen. Always, I could feel the pain.

Can't become a man,

Just by being born.

True strength surely

Starts with love.

Then in the Lava Caves…that's when I ended all the illusions I had created. I stepped forward, admitted what I had been doing all along. I struck them with such a hard reality that I don't think that scar will ever heal. And it will be my fault. I hurt them so much, in my blind path for revenge. I remember the looks on each other their faces: Savyna was shocked, Gibari was stunned. Lyude was in total disbelief and Mizuti was like Savyna, utterly shocked. And Xelha…she looked like she was in total and utter disbelief, more so than even Lyude. She didn't want to believe it, I could tell, but she did. She had no choice. I made sure of that. And…the pain I felt flow through me was not only from Martel's shock, but from the very bottom of my own heart…Even now, I can still feel it.

If there's a smile

Beyond your tears,

I'll watch over you

Like the dependable guy I am.

During the brief time I was with Melodia, apart from Martel and my friends, I felt such an engulfing loneliness and emptiness…that I would hardly have cared if that Mirror had killed me. I didn't want - and don't want - to cause any more pain to my friends. I don't deserve them, after all I did. Yet still…amazingly, they accepted me back. They even returned my winglet to me. How could they be so forgiving…so loving? After all I did to them…I am so lucky to have such people that I can call 'my friends'. How can I ever repay them? Is it even possible? I suppose all I can do is atone for what I have done. Fix the mess I have created. Then, I'll go from there.

I love you to the point it breaks me.

No kind of words are enough.

If it's a love that can't be granted,

Then I'll wish only for your happiness

I know what I need to do now. I must atone for my sins, and I must save Melodia, and destroy Malpercio. There's something about her that isn't right. I don't know exactly what it is, but no matter what, I'll save her. I have to. Malpercio control's her, its quite obvious. I have to save her from his grasp, and show her the right way to live. There is no point to revenge, and there is no point to greed. I wish now only for the happiness of my friends, and for Melodia to find a place where she too can be happy. When lost in darkness and despair…you are led to do terrible things, for you cannot find any way to be happy. You feel as though you'll never be happy again. But that is wrong. Happiness is always attainable. And once they find their happiness, I will protect it, therefore protecting them. It is the least I can do to atone for all I have done.

The setting sun sinks again

As it embraced its passion

It reaches its inward rest

Even though its painful…always

So here it is. Kalas. Did you like that? I actually did, though now I'm extremely sad. Ah well. Next will be Melodia.

Now, also. In case you haven't noticed, reviewer responses are no longer allowed x.x So, if you want me to respond to your reviews, please make sure you are logged in, and say in your review that you'd like me to respond, okay? Otherwise, I can't. To those of you who did log in and review last chapter, I will send you a reply so don't be surprised when you receive it, 'kay?

Until next time then.