"Were you going to tell her, Sir, or was she just supposed to sit down at the conference table and see him sitting there across from her?"
I could see the vein in Jonathan's neck as it worked, over compensating, as it pumped blood to his brain, his face was turning dark red. 'He's upset enough to hit the Admiral.' Applying pressure to his arm, I waited until I had his full attention. "Jonathan please calm down, this is getting us nowhere. I know you're upset, so am I; but, for my sake, try to quiet your mind and give the Admiral an opportunity to speak."
We waited for Jonathan to regain control and then I turned to face Admiral Marshall, "Could you please go back and start at the beginning, Jonathan hasn't heard a word since you said kidnap and Ral in the same sentence."
"I'll be happy to, Ambassador. Jonathan, we're not trying to keep anything from you. We received a communiqué from Shran shortly after midnight. We didn't want to wake you; besides, we didn't know enough, and what could you have done, anyway?"
"Well, T'Pol's not going to Andoria and that's final. You could have called us, given us some warning; we would have had time to adjust to the information and discuss things before coming here this morning. At least we wouldn't still be in total shock from the news you've just laid on the two of us."
"Jonathan, I was under orders to wait until you arrived this morning for our Briefing."
"You're the Admiral, you give the ordersremember! Just who in the hell were you going to blame, Sir?"
"I asked him to wait until this morning, Jonathan."
They all turned toward the door. Standing in the entrance was the President of the Federation.
"Mr. President."
'Amazing how they change their demeanor when he walks in.' I kept eye contact and nodded.
Jonathan for once was completely speechless.
"Jonathan, I asked them to wait, first, because you and T'Pol deserve to hear information of this nature in person, secondly, because of the hour, and finally because we still knew very little."
"T'Pol's still not going." Jonathan glared at him.
"Could you please hear us out before you say any more? Could you at least do that, Jonathan?"
"We cannot make an intelligent decision with only fragments of information, Jonathan, please let them proceed." 'And Jonathan, please try to control your temper for both our sakes.'
I could feel him fighting for control; still seething, Jonathan finally gave in.
"Alrightyou've got the floor, Sir"
"Admiral, perhaps you should begin first with what you were told."
"Yes of course. Let me see now, oh yes, Shran contacted us just after midnight, Jonathan. He said that he had received a communiqué from the head of the Salanese Delegation.All Shran could tell us was that there would be an attempt to kidnap the Ambassador before talks could be started. We asked him to investigate further, we also told him that we would take immediate precautions to protect the Ambassador."
"Jonathan, the Admiral immediately called me. He told me that he had already contacted Security in your building. You had guards posted outside your building as well as at your door, within minutes of Shran's call. I then contacted the Federation Council. They all agreed that T'Pol couldn't possibly attend the negotiations under these circumstances and we all agreed to postpone the trip indefinitely. I then called the Admiral back and told him to let me know the minute he had any information. I also told him that we had decided to wait until you came in this morning to tell you, we wanted more information. A Briefing was still going to be needed, Jonathan, surely you can see that."
"Then where in the hell did Ral come into the picture?"
Taking his cue from the President, Admiral Marshall stood back up. "When Shran called back we told him the Council had postponed your trip, and that quite possibly we would send another negotiator. Shran must have immediately passed our message on to the head of the Salanese Delegation. Not long after that, Shran called again and said that the head of the delegation refused to talk to anyone else." Turning towards me the Admiral continued. "He also said that the man called you by your first name, Ambassador, and, demanded that the talks go on with you.
"Shran gave us all he had on the man. He agreed to go back to talk to him again. Less than an hour later, we get another message, that's when Shran gave us the man's name, he called him Ral."
I could barely control my voice, "Is there any way to confirm this man's identity? A picture perhaps."
"T'Pol, you may want to sit down." The President pulled out a chair.
As I listened, I had to fight the nausea. The President was right, I needed to sit; Shran had done an excellent job of investigating. The information could only have come from Ral.
Ral's picture slipped from my hand, sliding to the floor. "He was one of the first to go down when you fired on them, Jonathan. Evidently he survived, this is him."
I felt faint. I closed my eyes, concentrating, trying to bring my emotions in check. Jonathan was near now, I could feel his presence; he also was trying to bring himself under control, he knew I needed him. His hand made contact with my shoulder. I leaned my head against his arm.
"I'm so sorry, T'Pol, if we had known of your history with the Salanese, we would never have suggested you handle the negotiations with them."
"Mr. President, did my people say nothing, when it was suggested?"
"Not a word. All this time you've been under the impression that we knew what had happened and didn't care; that we considered it insignificant. I can only hope that you can forgive us for appearing to be so indifferent to your feelings. The Vulcans said nothing, T'Pol. Are you telling me that they have known about this all along?"
Jonathan jumped in, "Oh, yeah they've known alright. I contacted them immediately after we got her back on board Enterprise. Dr. Phlox also tried to get their help."
The hair on the back of my neck stood up, Jonathan's temper was flaring again.
"T'Pol's injuries were extensive and life threatening. They wouldn't even give us the time of day." He looked up, "Would you like to know what they said?" He was seething. "They said she was a Vulcan and that she could heal her own injuries. We even tried sending her x-rays so they could see the seriousness of her injuries, they ignored us."
The pain in Jonathan's voice cut through me, threatening to bring my emotions to the surface again.
"T'Pol, we didn't know until later this morning that the man leading the Salanese Delegation was personally known to you, or that it was in such a violent way. As important as this meeting is, I would never subject you to such humiliation or put you in jeopardy.
"T'Pol, Ambassador V'Lar is here, waiting in the next room, she would like to talk to you."
My emotions betrayed me this time; it was only too obvious that I was visibly shaken by the news. There was nothing I could do; my body would not stop trembling. "Could you please excuse me for a moment." I stood up and steadied myself on the edge of the chair hoping to regain my composure long enough to seek a safe haven. I started to move away when Jonathan's anger resurfaced.
'Jonathan, please, your emotions are making it difficult for me to breathe.'
"Come on, T'Pol, we're getting out of here, now."
"No, Jonathan. Could one of you please direct me to the nearest restroom facilities."
Admiral Marshall rushed to open the door. "It's at the end of this hall on the right, Ambassador." Looking closely at me, he said, "Are you sure you're alright?"
The door to the next room opened and Ambassador V'Lar stepped through. "That's alright Admiral, I'll accompany T'Pol." V'Lar took hold of my hand, steadying me. "Is that alright with you, T'Pol?"
Deeply inhaling, and fighting to calm myself, I finally nodded V'Lar was the last person I wanted to see right now. She was my mentor, the one I had imitated early in my career; the one I modeled my life after. I didn't want her to see me like this. I tried to focus, will my body forward, one leg moved and then the other. It became obvious that I couldn't do it unless I leaned heavily on her. I didn't want to do that. "Wait just a moment." I took a deep breath and reached inside my robe and produced my cane. I moved slowly through the door, but I did it under my own power.
"I saw you get out of the transport, T'Pol, you needed help. Until a few hours ago I was totally unaware that you had been injured like this. I can see to it that you are welcome to return to Vulcan for help."
"I cannot return. The gravity is too heavy for my limbs. I wouldn't be able to walk. Dr. Phlox has done an excellent job considering what he had to work with. Usually I can maintain better control, this news has been a shock to my nervous system. I will regain complete use of my legs once my emotions are under control. "
We had barely entered the restroom and closed the door behind us, when, V'Lar reached up and brushed the hair away from my face exposing my deformed ear. Unable to stop myself, I unconsciously flinched and retreated from her touch, I dropped my eyes and turned away from her.
"Are you ashamed?" V'Lar waited for me to answer, refusing to let it go, "T'Pol, look at me." I froze. "Look at me, T'Pol; are you ashamed?"
I wanted to deny her accusations, but, as V'Lar slowly brushed more of my hair behind each damaged ear, I couldn't keep from shaking. I could do no more than fold into myself as I tried to still my trembling body.
"Granted they aren't as beautiful, now, but they don't change who you are, you are still Vulcan."
"No, I'm not." I put my hand up to silence her before she could speak again. "Ral said that he would rob me of everything it means to be Vulcan. He said I was too austere. Well, he succeeded; I deserted my beliefs, my self-control, even my desire to live. I begged to die, V'Lar. I just wanted it to be over." Lowering my eyes again, I fought to steady my voice, "I was in such agony." I searched my robes for my handkerchief and wiped my eyes, finally, I looked up. "I am no longer Vulcan."
V'Lar was visibly stunned. "T'Pol, to be Vulcan does not mean we must be indestructible. It's unfathomable to believe that anyone could suppress the pain in the degrees that you were subjected. I have seen your medical file, T'Pol. You should not have survived your injuries. I am amazed that you are alive."
"Jonathan refused to let me die. He spent hours at my bedside, either holding my hand, or reading to me; he would fill me in on the ship's business and what members of the crew were doing." I wiped away the tears again. There was no stopping them. "Finding someone who loves you unconditionally and so unselfishly is a rarity. He loves me V'Lar, and I love him.
"Do you see why I cannot go to Andoria? I cannot sit there and look at that animal as he sits across the table from me, and proceed as if nothing happened. I will smell him and then I will see that terrible place, those horrible men. I won't be the only one reliving that nightmare, either; Jonathan will relive it, too. Our bond is extremely strong now and my shields have mostly collapsed; the only time I use them now, is when he's sleeping and I don't want to disturb him. The damage is permanent V'Lar, leaving me with no way to protect him."
"You need to sit down T'Pol, lets go into the lounge area."
A sigh escaped my lips as I sank down into a chair. I put my head back and closed my eyes for a moment. After taking a deep breath I looked at V'Lar again, "Jonathan discovered that he could stop my nightmares simply by touching me. He would come down to Sickbay as soon as his shift was over and spend another eight hours at my side, touching me, staying in constant contact, willing me back. I wanted to die, V'Lar, but he wouldn't let me go." My emotions were now completely out of control and I silently wept.
"I am filled with wonder as I watch you, T'Pol. How you have changed. Emotions of this magnitude, coming from a Vulcan are almost non-existent." I looked at her, waiting for the reprimand. "No, I don't mean that in a derogatory way, my child." With sadness V'Lar took both of my hands, stroking them. "If only more of us had kept our compassion."
Through glassy eyes, I looked up at her, "I do not know what to do."
Blinking away tears, V'Lar smiled, "You experienced hopelessness, you wanted to die. The Salanese people were raped, tortured and murdered. It's clear that was Ral's intentions for you too, but why? Was it simply because you were a Vulcan. You and I both know that Vulcan was partially responsible for what happened to Ral's people. The Salanese people felt total hopelessness when we turned our backs on them, T'Pol. Ral watched his family die."
"I have always accepted the fact that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, that I was convenient. But what I saw in Ral's eyes went beyond hatred for me as a Vulcan, he is evil, I do not believe he feels remorse."
"We know that he doesn't trust us, we're Vulcans. But, he wants to talk to you. Why would he want to do that, T'Pol?"
"Maybe he intends to finish what he started. I don't know! He kept telling me that I was going to die very slowly too. He said that he had been forced to watch them violate his mother, brutalize her, and then watch them kill her. Maybe he intends for Jonathan to see my demise, the way he saw his mother die."
"He may have unfinished business with you, but I'm not so sure he wants you dead."
"What good is all this, anyway? Jonathan has made his decision. He's not going to let me go and I'm not sure that I even want to try to change his mind." I looked up at her, "Did they ask you to go in my place?"
"Yes, but Ral has confirmed my own observations. Vulcans will not be welcome at the negotiating table. Perhaps he doesn't see you as a Vulcan, T'Pol, maybe he sees you as a victim."
Watching her face, I suddenly saw a look of surprise as her eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hairline.
"T'Pol, Ral sees you as a victim, like them. Perhaps that is why he'll only talk to you. You have experienced what they lived through. What happened to them happened to you too. In a personal way he knows you know what was done to them. Could he relate to you on those terms?"
I lowered my head. Barely above a whisper, I finally said, "I felt pure hatred for him, if I had been given the opportunity I would have killed him with my bare hands." Looking back up, and once again on the verge of tears I said, "If I can bring myself to face him would you come with me?"
"He isn't going to talk to you if I am there, T'Pol."
Finally resigned to the inevitable, I sighed deeply, "Will you help me select my staff? I'll ask Jonathan to come as my assistant. If he refuses then they can get another negotiator."
I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled it behind my ears in resignation, gently touching them. "Perhaps it would work best with just Jonathan and I actually on Andoria. But I need you with me, V'Lar."
V'Lar nodded. "Perhaps I could stay on board Enterprise. You will return each evening after the talks have ended, we can discuss the events of each meeting and plan the next day's strategies."
"We need a plan before we go back to the Admiral's office. Did you see a computer in the Admiral's reception area?"
"I believe so, why, what do you have in mind?"
"I need a plan before I face Jonathan. We can put together a list of people and supplies that we are going to need. Also, Andoria is extremely cold, unbearably cold in fact, we are going to need appropriate clothing." Absently I rubbed my ear again, "The cold is one of my gravest enemies. Also, I want Phlox with us, that's a must, it goes on our list of stipulations and is not negotiable."
We worked diligently together for nearly an hour, finally, I looked up at her, "This will have to do for now we are running out of time and we still need copies made. They can study the proposal in more detail when they have time. I believe I had better wait until we get home to talk to Jonathan. Well V'Lar, as the Humans like to say, shall we get this over with?"
We made our copies, discussed what questions might come up and decided to face them together.
Hesitating for just a moment to compose myself, I pushed the door open. Taking one last look at each other, we both entered the office.
We stood quietly waiting for everyone to stop talking; we needed their full attention. I didn't know if I could do it again. "Ambassador V'Lar and I have drafted a proposal."
Jonathan started toward me, his expression ominous.
I raised my hand to stop him. "Please hear me out, Jonathan."
V'Lar handed each of them a copy of the proposal and then we both moved to the chairs and sat down. It was fascinating to watch the faces of our captive audience as they began to read; eyebrows went up all around the room.
"If the prerequisites can be agreed on, we can be ready to leave as soon as supplies and people are in place. Jonathan and I will talk this evening and if he is in agreement we can proceed with the proper protocols. If our terms cannot be met or if Jonathan refuses, you will need to find another negotiator."
Reaching to my very core, I commanded as much presence as I could find, "All of the stipulations must be agreed too."
I felt weak and wasn't sure that I would be able to walk out on my own.
"Now, if you will excuse me, Mr. President, Admiral, I am suddenly very tired. Jonathan, would you be so kind as to take me home, I will be greatly indebted to you." I tried to smile and then turned toward V'Lar, "May we drop you anywhere?"
"Thank you T'Pol, but I am staying here tonight. I believe I will ask these two gentlemen to show me to the cafeteria, I would like one of those herbal tea's you mentioned, the one that helps you sleep, I should think."
TBC