Disclaimer: I do not own Morrowind, Bethesda and Microsoft do.
Author's Notes:
We get a brief view into Dagoth Ur's mind through his followers' words, the tales of his plans, and what he tells us in person. But even still, what is he really like? This is a one-shot attempt at prying into the mind of Father Dagoth, perhaps one of the only truly sane characters in the Tale of the Nerevarine, if you think about it.
Self-Analysis of a Mad God
Mad God…
This is what the Tribunal has labeled me as. But I ask you, is this a fair title to bestow solely upon me? For we must first try to understand a common fact of all who have power: they are always mad in some way, correct? Being blessed by the Heart and tampering with Kagrenac's Tools has, I must admit, driven me to a state of intoxication and euphoria accompanied with grandiosity. I may Sleep, but my mind still wanders, plotting, seething with ideas and finding every which way I can expand my growing influence here in this land. When I wake, I feel no different in mind of such situations. In fact, I find now that Sleeping brings me greater creativity and strength than Awaking. Perhaps this state of never truly being either Awake or Asleep is what makes a god? Or would this state of constant thought be what makes one mad?
I'm sure the traitors would agree that sleeping helps little. I have found that I may Sleep and calculate, hypothesize, and postulate a millennia's worth of scenarios and outcomes, mapping out precise details, planning every conversation, every action, every breath…and awake to only find that a mere hour or so has passed in the real world.
Is this what it is like to be a god?
I do not think that I may be a TRUE god, though; and neither are the other three. Perhaps we are but titans, no, demigods because we can in fact be destroyed. A true god has the ability to create and destroy matter by sheer will. Neither of us possesses such powers. We may possess the ability to manipulate and do whatever parlor tricks are needed to impress the mortals, and we of course do possess great power and might, but…we are not truly immortal if the destruction of the Heart means our end. The Nerevarine is said to possess the ability to slay us all by ridding this plane of the Heart and its power, and thus, it is not Nerevar we must fear, but destiny, for prophesy never lies as I have seen.
Nerevar…Traitor and friend, enemy and brother; how I long for his return. Perhaps if I am slain by his hands once more, perhaps my soul will excel to a new level of existence, one that cannot be comprehended or materialized in this plane, but become truly at one with the realms of the dimensions and time. But, if he slays me once more, I may just as well become nothing but dust and a bad Dream. Dream…Through Dreams, I have the power of overseeing will over the masses. Through Dreams, I can turn the layman into the most devout priest for my House. Yes, perhaps Dreams are the true realm of existence, and in that right I AM god after all! Yes, it would seem that is the truth of truths. My brothers, my children, and I can all sub-exist in each others' Dreams, whispering and planning without even the craftiest of thieves able to hear. Yes, I am a god, but a mad god?
What does it truly mean to be mad, after all? In an insane world, wouldn't a sane man appear to be the one who is insane? And what is it that which defines sanity as a whole: the mindless conformity to and acceptance of the norm and all her dogmatic and outdated ideals? If this is what it means to be sane, then perhaps I am mad after all! And really, what is sane in one man's eyes, may very well be lunacy in another's. Perhaps, this stagnancy…or rather, decline in Morrowind's social and religious standards is a sign that the sanity of the Tribunal has slipped into a crazed and corrupted state of insanity itself. In which case, my plans are, if anything, a bright and joyous light of reason and logic! In this case, to the False Gods, I appear to be mad in the end! I see, so, this epithet my enemies have labeled me is not something I should loath them even more for, but, perhaps this is in fact a name of righteousness to prove I am both a god and sane.
Rejoice, my children! Our time will come; and one day, we shall become the mad yet godly society those backward fools fear!