Ode et Amo
Disclaimer: The air in my lungs and a good sense of fun is all I own. Not the characters – they belong to Jo. And not the plot – because that's already overspent…
Warning: This chapter will contain something close to M-rated fun. So if you're not old enough, don't read it! Oh, and did I forget to mention that this is and will forever be a SLASH fiction (HP+DM) Rated M for violent behaviour, language and adult contents.
Chapter Tree: Don't even start!
The weird feeling in Draco's stomach gained in power over the next few days. Not only did it get more pronounced, it also changed into a much sharper yearn. He kept hissing at Blaise and Theodore, and plain refused to see Pansy.
"I just don't want her running about asking if she can help!" he all but yelled, when Blaise told him that the girl had asked for him.
"Yeah. I understand. It must be so tough having a pretty girl answering to your every beg and call. Poor you." The boy said sarcastically. Draco frowned. "I just don't feel so good. There's nothing she can do anyway, but to get all exited."
"Why is she never exited around me?" Theodore Nott asked as he entered the dormitory. Draco sent Blaise a sharp look to stop the boy from smirking, but a wave of something close to lust shot through him and he put a shaking hand on his stomach. "Maybe I really am sick. I fell really ill." He said wide-eyed "Perhaps it's something really bad! Oh my God! I'm gonna die!"
"No you won't, you prissy. You're just ill because you refuse to eat." Blaise hissed.
"No, it's not that. I think I'd better go to the Hospital Wing." Malfoy said still clutching his stomach.
Blaise shook his head. "You're such a prat. I'll take you." He took Malfoy's arm and supported him. "Theo, can't you go and make sure that Pansy is otherwise occupied?"
Theodore left the dormitory and Blaise took better hold of Malfoy and led the way to the infirmary.
"There is nothing to fear, Mr. Malfoy. You just have a bellyache." Madam Pomfrey told the two boys. "Once you've taken this potion you should feel fine." She turned to leave, but seemed to change her mind mid-way. "On the other hand, if it is something contagious, you should perhaps stay here for the night. I wouldn't want more patients than necessary making unnecessary noise around those who need the quiet. Yes, I think you'd better stay here, Mr. Malfoy."
She left and Malfoy seated him self on the nearest hospital bed. Blaise looked at him shortly without concern. "Well, I suppose I'd better leave then." he said determent not to laugh about the fact that Draco Malfoy was in the Hospital Wing without it being for attention.
"No wait! Just… don't go yet." Draco shifted uncomfortably and signalled Blaise to sit on the opposite bed. Blaise sighed and took the seat. "Have you ever felt… a yearn – with out knowing where it comes from?" Malfoy asked while determinately not looking at Blaise.
Blaise furrowed his brows. "I sometimes yearn for those chocolate-covered gummy bears." He said obviously oblivious to what Draco had meant. "Do you yearn something like grilled cheese, or something? 'Cause then I was wrong. You haven't gotten your first period, you're just plain pregnant."
"Please take this serious, you jerk!" Draco hissed. "I don't yearn food. It's more like a person. Only it's not. I don't know." The blond ended weakly.
"You mean like lust?" Blaise asked suddenly looking concerned. "Whom?"
"I don't know." Draco sulked, clearly wishing he hadn't brought it up. Blaise looked far too concerned.
"I'd better go." Blaise said standing up. "There is something I've got to check – something I heard earlier." The boy was already halfway to the door. Draco looked accusingly at him, but Blaise were already gone from view.
The blond snorted and took of his shoes. Madam Pomfrey returned carrying a folded pyjama. "There you go, Mr. Malfoy." She said and urged him to put it on. She left him and turned to a second year Hufflepuff who had sprouted lollipop antlers.
Malfoy crawled into the bed, feeling that now familiar lust streaming through his veins. And for some odd reason, he felt that talking with Blaise about what he was going through seemed wrong. For some reason he felt that he needed to talk to that Finnigan guy.
After the night in Malfoy's dormitory Harry had isolated himself completely, ignoring Hermione's pleads to come down for the meals.
He and Ron had worked on their Transfiguration essay and Hermione had looked them over in silence. Neither Ron nor Hermione had asked about what had happened that night to make Harry feel so miserable, but they had both seen Malfoy at dinner.
Harry spent most of the time in a chair in front of the fire, knees pulled up so that he could rest his chin on them. He kept focusing on little things like Neville tumbling over Crookshanks or Ginny laughing about something one of her friends had said; All of those little, familiar tings, that could keep his mind off the acing lust.
One night when Hermione and Ginny was sitting in the chairs next to his, discussing which classes Ginny should choose for her N.E.W.T level, Harry broke down, sobbing into his knees.
"Harry?" Hermione asked worried, putting a hand on Harry's quivering shoulders. "Harry, what is it?"
Ron who had been playing Wizard Chess with Neville at the table behind Harry's chair looked at Harry with a concerned look. "You alright, mate?" he asked.
"No." Harry whispered. He had stopped crying and was now looking sufficiently embarrassed.
"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Hermione asked, guessing that it had to do with what happened in Malfoy's dormitory.
Harry shook his head violently. "No. I think I'm just tired." He lied while sending Ron a quick look. "I'd better get some sleep." He continued, getting up and disappearing up the stairs.
"You could fix this, you know." Ron said.
Hermione pursed her lips and shook her head. "No I can't."
"You mean, you won't." Ron said throwing up his hands. "Well, I'm going to talk to Harry. Don't bother coming along." And the boy left. Hermione watched the boy walking away, while an anxious feeling spread throughout her entire body.
Ron closed the door to the dormitory behind him, leaning against it for a minute while looking concerned at Harry. "Wanna tell me what happened, mate?"
"Malfoy's bed smells like cinnamon." was all Harry could think to say.
Ron just frowned, the look of concern turning into anxiety. "What were you even doing in his bed, mate?"
Harry spun around quickly. "Don't say bed mate. Don't say bed and don't say mate, and don't ever say bed mate." Harry said panicking. "Oh, I feel sick!"
"So you didn't talk to Malfoy." Hermione said. She had just appeared in the door.
"Do you mind?" Ron moaned. "We were having a guy talk here."
"Don't be so stupid, Ron. Harry needs to talk about how he feels, and that's hardly your area of expertise."
"Look, just because you…" Ron started, but Harry cut him off.
"Will you two get a grip? I do not need the two of you bickering right now." Harry whined. "I've got enough mess in my head as it is, and Seamus isn't here when I need to talk to him!" Harry stated angry.
Hermione and Ron sent each other one of their famous this-isn't-the-end-of-this-argument-looks and then turned their attention to Harry. "So…" Hermione implored.
"I really want him." Harry whispered embarrassed, falling into his bed and covered his face with his hands.
"You still hate him though, right?" Ron asked unsure. "I mean, the potion isn't working as it's supposed to, so you could technically want him with out – well, loving him." He finished.
"I feel really bad." Harry whispered without answering Ron's question. "Hermione please undo this." He begged. Hermione pursed her lips, clearly considering it, but just then Harry cramped down in a mix of pure lust and pain.
"We'll need to get him to the Hospital Wing, Ron." Hermione shirked, leaping forward to catch Harry.
"I'll get Neville. He can help us to carry him." Ron said leaving the dormitory. Hermione kneeled down next to Harry, clearly not knowing what to do.
"Don't worry, Harry. You'll get better soon." She whispered. Harry sobbed into her shoulder allowing her to wrap her arms around him.
It took the three of them a while to get Harry to the Hospital Wing because Harry kept falling to the floor, hunched up in pain. When they finally got there they were greeted by Madam Pomfrey. "One more? It must be something contagious." She went to fetch a potion for Harry.
At first they didn't know what she was talking about until Hermione tugged at Ron's sleeve and pointed. "Look! It's Malfoy." Ron turned his head in the direction she was pointing. "I wonder what he's doing here." Ron said, looking puzzled.
Hermione pursed her lips. "I suppose he's ill too." She looked at Harry who was staring at Malfoy whit wide eyes.
"Don't.Wanna.Be.Here.Whit.Him!" Harry said through clenched teeth.
"Relax, mate." Ron said grabbing Harry's arm as Harry turned around and made to leave.
Just then Madam Pomfrey entered. "Why aren't you in bed yet?" she shot at Harry. "How do you expect to get better when you are running around like that, Mr. Potter? You MUST rest!" she gave him a stern look while she pointed at the hospital bed next to Malfoy's.
Harry groaned and tried to lie down in the bed once removed from Malfoy's, but Madam Pomfrey would have none of it. "Since you two seem to have fallen victim to the same illness, you will not spread it all over my Infirmary. Stay together and stay calm." Harry walked to the appointed bed and took off his shoes. "There." Madam Pomfrey handed him a cup of some hot, clear liquid. "As I told Mr. Malfoy, you will be fine in the morning." She left, but returned with some white pyjamas.
Harry looked helplessly at his friends as Madam Pomfrey started shoving them out of the Infirmary, telling them that her patients needed rest.
Harry awoke as he felt a slap across his face. He opened his eyes and tried to focus, but he was lost with out his glasses. He tried to sit, but was pushed back. "Tell me, Potter, if what Longbuttom is saying is true" it was Zabini Blaise.
"Blaise. Get off him!" Zabini released his grip on Harry and Harry reached for his glasses. Blaise and Theodore Nott came into focus. They were standing opposite each other, eyes flashing. In the bed next to him Malfoy still looked as though he was asleep.
"He did this to Draco." Zabini yelled. "He gave him something."
"You know that's not true. You heard what Longbuttom said; it was an accident." Theodore Nott shot back.
Harry sat up. "When did you talk to Neville?" he asked.
"Shut up!" Both boys yelled. Harry frowned.
"Nothing's ever an accident with Potter. You know that Theo." Zabini continued in a low hiss. But their yelling had woken up Malfoy, who sat up and looked from one boy to another. From Theodore Nott to Blaise Zabini until his eyes rested on Harry, who stared back, until Malfoy finally put all the pieses together.
"What did you do to me?" Malfoy whispered his eyes narrowed in disgust.
"It was an accident. We were trying to bring Hermione and Ron together and it sort of failed."
"Oh, save your lame excuses, Potter." Malfoy hissed.
"Yes, save your excuses, Harry." came Ginny's voice from the open door. "You don't owe him an explanation." She said walking between Nott and Zabini, who were still face to face in the middle of the Infirmary.
"Oh, yes he does!" Zabini said, but Nott held up a hand.
"We already know, Mini-Weasel. Longbuttom told me everything." Nott said
"So why are you still here?" She said, raising an eyebrow at them.
The two boys looked at each other, and then they looked at Malfoy for instructions, but Malfoy was still looking at Harry with disgust. Harry was not returning the stare. In the end the two boys left.
"If all goes well, we'll have this whole thing figured out tomorrow." Ginny said cheerfully. Harry looked up at her. "What do you mean? Is Hermione gonna fix it?"
"No, she says she can't. But I bet Malfoy won't refuse." She looked at Malfoy, who looked at Harry, who looked at Ginny.
"What are you talking about?" Malfoy hissed.
"Well neither Harry nor I know very much about potions, so we're unable to make an antidote. But you know all about potions and stuff, you can make an antidote, right?" Malfoy looked chocked and put a hand over his eyes. He whispered something that sounded something in the lines of "Shit." Ginny frowned. "Couldn't quite here you there, Malfoy. What was that again?"
"I cheat. Okay? Pansy helps me out sometimes. A lot." He said, looking at his covers.
"I knew we should have asked Pansy." Ginny said, brows creased.
Harry let out a pained sigh. "I guess we'll just have to wait for Seamus and Dean to come back then. They can fix it."
Malfoy looked sceptical. "I'm not waiting two more days. I'll just get Pansy to do it. Do you still have the potion instructions?" Ginny frowned.
"No." She said. "Hermione confiscated the parchment and I think she burned it."
Malfoy suddenly looked scared. "Do you have some of the potion then?"
"No. Not really." Harry said, not understanding what Malfoy needed more of the potion for.
"Perfect! Just what you could expect from you idiots! You need to know what you've used for the potion in order to make an antidote. You stupid, good for nothing…"
"Hey it's not like anyone planed this ferret-boy!" Harry suddenly yelled. "So shut your hole!"
Suddenly both boys were out of bed, their wands pointing at each other. Ginny tried to get between them to push them apart, but Harry shoved her away. "Don't even think about it Ginny!" Harry said under his breath. But before either boy could curse the other Madam Pomfrey entered.
"What are you two doing out of bed? It's for me to decide when the two of you are well enough to be running about. You two," she pointed at Harry and Malfoy. "Back to bed, now!"
Harry sat back down on his bed and got under the covers. He tried his best not to look at Malfoy, and instead he sent Ginny a pleading look. Ginny just shook her head and left.
Malfoy looked at the door, as Madam Pomfrey left the two alone again. Then he looked at Harry. "This is so wrong!" he whispered. "Sick and wrong!"
Harry shut his eyes. "Just stay away from me then." But Malfoy shook his head. "Oh, and you suppose I'd want to be this close to you? You know what it feels like."
"Yeah, I do. I had twice as much of the potion as you did." Harry whispered. "But I'll get by just fine."
"You'd better find a way to fix this. And fast." Malfoy hissed
"Well, I'd suppose we'd better talk to Snape about it then." Harry said without looking at Malfoy.
Malfoy's face turned very pale. "No way! No way am I telling Professor Snape about this, and neither are you!"
"Then stop whining and just cope with it. I can, and so can you." He looked at the blond, but quickly regretted this. He felt a warm desire rise through is entire body, and he felt his head spinning.
He grabbed his clothes that were neatly folded on the chair beside the bed.
"You're leaving!" Malfoy burst out, without thinking. The blond got up and stepped out on the cold floor with his bare feet. Harry looked at him.
"I just don't think we should be this close." Harry said and took a step away as Malfoy stepped closer.
"Fine. Go then, what do I care?" Malfoy said, crossing his arms across the chest.
Harry stopped and looked at Malfoy again. This time he felt the lust again, but at the same time he was suddenly very aware that Malfoy had to feel the same way. "Look, Malfoy…"
"Fuck off Potter!" Malfoy snared, turning his back to Harry.
Harry sighed "I was just going to, when you started crying about me leaving." He turned around on his heals and left the infirmary. In the hall he was knocked over by Malfoy, who launched himself at Harry from behind, putting his entire wait on Harry's back, so that Harry couldn't push him off.
"You bastard! Don't you dare turn your back to me when I'm yelling at you!" the Slytherin shouted.
"What is going on here?" It was professor Snape. Harry could feel his heart sink, as he thought of the position he and Malfoy was situated in "Mr. Potter? Fighting with an ill person, are we? Very bad form. Ten points from Gryffindor."
"Professor, actually Malfoy and I wanted to talk to you about…" Harry was cut off by Malfoy putting a hand over his mouth, clearly not caring that he was also covering Harry's nose and only other air supply.
"It's nothing Professor Snape. Potter is sick and the fever must have burned most of his brain cells."
"So it would seem. If the two of you are enrolled at the Hospital Wing, I advice you to stay there until Madam Pomfrey agree to your leave." He looked at the two boys on top of each other with out commenting it. Then he left.
"I said I'd take care of it! Which part of "don't tell Professor Snape" was it that made you confused? I gave a specific order, Potter. Even you should be able to take orders."
"Not from you!" Harry spat, as he finally regained the use of his lunges and voice.
Malfoy pressed his body closer to Harry's until his chin rested on Harry's shoulder and Harry could feel every part of Malfoy against his back.
"Then you will learn, Potter." He whispered into Harry's ear. "I'm sure you can be taught."
The Slytherin heaved himself off of Harry and walked back to the infirmary. Harry grabbed his clothes and got up. He had strained his ankle and had to lurch his way back to the Gryffindor Tower, but he didn't really mind. He needed the extra time to think about what was wrong with him. He had to rid himself of all good-favoured thoughts towards Malfoy. The blond Slytherin was a spoiled brat and an awful, vile person. Surly he could force himself into hating him…
Eamon: I'd promised that it wouldn't be gooey and off-character, but I'm not sure I succeeded. Just the "Harry and Draco wanting each other thing" is OOC. But tell me what you think.
I'd adore you forever if you reviewed and told me what you thought because I still don't have a beta who can tell me if it's junk. I know the spelling and grammar can be off, but I do try.
Eam
Copyright© Eamon Maydon
Odi et amo by Catullus:
Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris.
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior
Meaning:
I hate and I love. You ask me why it is so, but I do not know.
But I feel it and I am pained by it.