The Binding Of Ranma Saotome
Chapter 2: A Metal Stick and a Fish
"Hrmphh… I think it should be okay, as long as Son-in-Law remains in male form." Cologne stated, after the problem had been explained to her. She squatted on the table between Mousse and Shampoo, a worried frown hiding amongst her multiple other forehead creases.
"Great-Grandmother is sure?" Shampoo asked. "If Ranma get hit as girl, we have problem!" Cologne nodded sagely.
"A very big problem. Very big." She said, before leaping with lightning speed to whack Mousse on the head with the wooden stick that she brought with her everywhere, mainly for battle but also so that, if necessary she could act as infirm as she looked, and as her age required. Actually, there were very few requirements for someone of colognes age, and this was simply because it was almost unheard of for someone to live as old as she was, almost 120 years old.
"Mousse!" She reprimanded. "Again, I ask you, what were you doing bringing such a disaster upon our heads?" Mousse looked down, and anger rekindled in Shampoo's eyes as Colognes words reminded the two teenagers of the reason for her anger that had almost been forgotten in the meeting to prevent disaster. But there was no time for anger now. They had to keep Ranma in male form, before a huge disaster hit.
…
Ranma rolled over and yawned, grabbing a handful of something soft and rousing when it turned into the sharp claws of a giant panda. "Pop?" he said groggily, blinking. He disentangled his hand from the soft fur and his face from the sharp claws. "Pop, how many times have I told you not to sleep like that? You're going to give me fleas one of these days! You already do that enough as a human." He whacked the panda over the head and was surprised when it turned away instead of hitting him back and starting up their morning fight. "Pop?" He asked confused.
"What did you hit that poor innocent panda for?" Ranma whirled around at the sound of his father's voice, looking behind him at Genma, a towel wrapped around his waist from the shower, very much in human form right now, and then back at the panda slinking away.
"What was a panda doing in our room?" Ranma demanded. An odd look crossed his face. "Don't tell me it was a female…" And so their morning fight happened, right on schedule, continuing through the early morning until Kasumi called them in for breakfast. As Ranma passed her to head into the kitchen he whispered quietly "You cooked today, right?"
And she replied, "Yes."
"Good." He said, and went in to scarf his rice in a record 5 seconds before heading back to his room to put on his school uniform. "Good morning!" He said cheerfully to Akane, who glowered at him. He had to think for a second before he realized why. Her meal last night, of course. He had thought that spaghetti stew was strange… but now Akane was mad at him. And he hadn't even insulted her cooking. Was it his fault that it was too spicy to eat without breathing fire? He had almost lost his tongue there, but did Akane care? No. She was mad at him.
…
The school day went rather averagely. That is, he nearly got his head shaved, and he fell in the drinking fountain (don't ask) causing Kuno to believe that his beloved pigtailedgirl went to the same school as he did. After managing to heat up some water using the heat of Akane's glare and turn back, he nearly got killed again. Luckily Kuno was dancing for joy during the transition, and therefore missed it. Kuno was now dancing for sorrow. Considering the nature of his day, Ranma was quite glad to finally leave the school. He smiled, the wind in his hair as he ran along the fence. His hair was currently up in two ponytails, and he was not pleased with it at all. He had lost a bet that morning with Kasumi… she seemed so sweet, until you got to know her… it was really all an act. But at least she was a good cook. A good cook who had laughed her head off that morning. He slipped suddenly, almost losing his balance as he flailed his arms in the air to keep his balance, stepping of the piece of paper that had caused his near-fall.
He picked up the paper and read it, still jogging along the fence.
Letter Of ChallengeRanma Saotome
I have procured a metal stick and a fish,
Both stolen from Mousse, and wish to practice with them
(Although the fish has rotted).
Meet me at the empty lot behind the tree,
Somewhere between Mt. Fuji and America.
The fight will begin in approximately 3 hours.
Ranma sighed. From the note, Ryouga wasn't exactly sure where the lot was. They all had trees… He searched his memory for the one Ryouga might have meant as he leapt from the fence and landed lightly on the ground. Dew fell gently from his nose. No one knows why I wrote this. Except Michiko Mokuyaba. Because I am not her. Really! But on to the story. He realized at last what Ryouga had meant. Oh, that empty lot! He thought, though you, dear reader shall never know just how he deciphered this cryptic message. Mainly because the author is lazy. But enough of that. Ranma ran the last few block to the Tendo dojo, wondering what Akane's mood would be like by now. Maybe she would train with him for the fight if she were in a good mood. He would have several days of preparation, because Ryouga would defiantly be late. Ranma had decided long ago to give up ever showing up on time for a fight with Ryouga. So far, he hadn't ever been late, just early. He stepped up to the front door, just barely missing the rotted step, and swung the door open, announcing his presence to the house in general, and stepped through the doorway, unprepared for the chaos within.
"Well, don't just stand there! We have a wild panda in our house!" Said Soun. Ranma sighed. He remembered mentioning that at breakfast.
"Augh, c'mon, pop can deal with her!" Said Ranma. "He already did once…" He added to himself. However when people say things to themselves they're bound to be heard...
"What do you mean, Ranma?" Asked Kasumi, barely holding back a giggled at his hair. She had a broom in her hand, and a bandana on her head.
"Erk…" Said Ranma. "Nothing you need to know about. Not think I want to know about…" He said with a shudder. Kasumi looked a little embarrassed, and shocked.
"Oh…" She said. Ranma nodded, then proceeded to capture the rogue Panda. It was amazingly fast for something so big. A shame its speed was wasted, because few could outrun Ranma, a fact he was quite proud of.
However, the Panda had luck on her side, as she managed to steer Ranma right into the bathroom where Akane, who was unaware of the 'rabid' panda, was bathing.
"YEEEK! Ranma!" She yelled. Before Ranma could even see anything – Not that he wanted to! – He had a case of Mallet-On-Head-Syndrome like no one but Akane can give.
"Augh! Cuddit out!" Yelled Ranma. "I happen to be doing something useful!" He said. After he woke up in a ball, in a garbage can somewhere, he realized where he'd gone wrong.
"Cold Pandas…" He said. He shook himself to snap out of his mild concussion. When had Akane become so… So… Vicious! Oh, wait, that's right, that wasn't new. He must've still been delirious… He hopped to his feet gingerly, in case he was missing one, or both. When he was standing on firm concrete he checked to make sure, but he had all his limbs, and even his hair. However, is was still up in pigtails, they were now braids… Oh joy… He hopped onto the nearest roof, not even bothering to take his hair out. It was light, as nights go. He must've been out of a while for it to get to late. When he saw a figure on the roof, holding a map, he was shocked.
Wow, he's actually in Japan on the first day. Thought Ranma idly. Ranma was going to dodge, so that he could perhaps avoid a conflict at the moment. The figure turned.
"Ranma! You never showed up!" Said Ryouga. Ranma was so surprised he stopped in mid-jump, causing him to fall.
"Wow, I didn't know I was out that long!" Said Ranma. This seemed to make Ryouga angry. And with good reason.
"I was there on-time! You never showed up!" Said Ryouga. He snatched at his umbrella, then smiled, tossing something at Ranma with his other hand.
Ranma watched as the rotten fish flew at him. He dodged, but he didn't see the one that was thrown low to trip him. He stepped right on it, and it made a noise rather like 'Goushhh'. And Ranma headed for the roof, which was the ground…
Augh!
Ryouga snatched out his metal rod, going to smack Ranma with it, but the young martial artist was quick on his feet, or in this case, on his stomach. He managed to dodge, if only barely. As soon as he got up, though...
Thwak!
"Ow!" He said. Though that was it. He was smacked. He didn't fall over, he could still move, and he was still human – He was pretty sure… However neither men were expecting any more than that out of it. Ranma smacked Ryouga's head. "You dope! You don't even know how to use that, do you?" He yelled. Ryouga looked indignant, but also a little embarrassed…
"We-el… I did say I wanted to practice with them…" He said, trying another blow, which was easily dodged.
"Come on!" Said Ranma. "You're the one who used an umbrella! That's almost just like a stick!" Ranma yelled. Ranma had a way with words. He had a way of using them to make people angry. He'd just used words to make Ryouga angry, and want to smack him away. In fact, that's just what Ryouga did. He did it with the staff, too.
…
After landing Ranma found herself in a construction zone, with a banana peel on her head, and rotted fish on her shoe. She wasn't happy about this. The rain was a dreary thing to have come so suddenly, and Ranma had thought earlier that it was strange it always rained in spurts, totally randomly here. Either way, she was wet, dirty, unhappy, and bruised. And she could hear Ryouga catching up. She rolled her eyes. If only she could find a wig, a different outfit, or a pair of glasses she could avoid this needless fight that she wasn't in the mood for. Aha! The banana peel! The answers presented themselves… It, its self… After a moment of work, Ranma had banana peel glasses. Safety, and rest was his. She wasn't quite sure why she was so tired, but she wasn't at all up for enjoying a fight with P-chan. There was a skidding noise as Ryouga's shoes wore through a little more when he tried to stop. He had his umbrella over his head, and despite it looking like paper it was quite waterproof.
"Miss!" He said. Ranma was also silently thankful for the change in hairstyle that helped her disguise. "Miss! Have you seen a young boy come through here?" Then, after a moment of thought, "Or a young girl?" He added, with a glimmer of hope. Under any other circumstances Ranma would have laughed his head off, but instead she stayed silent aside from answering.
"I'm a young girl…" She said. Ryouga blushed. It was so easy to make that pig-man blush. "But aside from me, no, I haven't seen anyone around. The only problems with banana peel glasses are that they look like a banana peel on your face, and not glasses. Also, they have nothing to hold them on but Ranma's nose, which they were now slipping down. Ryouga's expression changed into a glare as he was forming a sentence in his mind. Ranma grinned, unsure of what else to do.
SMACK! BOOF! POW!
Ranma was normally one to say the words 'Ow', and 'That hurt' after a severe beating, but here, and now, she was silent, a paralyzing pain pulsating through her. Suddenly that stick was more powerful. That, or Ryouga learned to adapt his Umbrella-Fu to it.
"So, Ranma, how do you feel now? A little change and I can beat you. You've gotten sloppy." He said, stepping on her as he made his way to… Where ever he was going.
"You… Bastard…" Was all Ranma could managed to say before the familiar state of unconsciousness took over.
End Chapter Two"Hey there, Miko-Chan here. How you likin' this so far? I've made Shinoru work her butt off so that I could write, and I hope you appreciate her sacrifice of her butt. Cause she doesn't have it anymore, thanks to me… For you… And, wow, I've been writing comedy too much tonight…
Miko-Chan"
"Hi, Its Shun-chan! I am the other author of this beautiful fanfic… okay fine, I exaggerate sometimes… but I hope you people are reading this… okay, maybe you don't all need to read the authors note, but you all need to read the story. So all of you reading this who didn't read the story, go back and read it. this thing has a chapter one, you know… anyway, you owe it to me to read this. I sacrificed my butt for you guys, plus you were all wrong about the staff and probably still are…
Shinoru Aki Ameagari.
P. S: I have fanfics of my own, too. So if you are a decent human being (or oni, youkai, cat, ball of fluff, whatever) you will read them."