Sleepless Nights
There was a small gathering of people seated on the grass in front of the stairs that led up to the well. Among the more notable people were the "chicken lady" and the laughing twins from Hyrule Castle Town. Impa stood to the side at the top of the stairs. An old man in a blue robe and cap stood on the other side, holding the sacred Book of Mudora. Standing between them was a nervous Link, dressed in a white tunic that was more a product of magic than last minute sewing. Impa glanced at Link with a look that silently asked, "Are you ready?"
He nodded and removed his cap. Impa smiled and revealed a small reed. She put it to her lips and played a slightly remixed version of Zelda's Lullaby. Everyone could hear a door open behind the small crowd. Zelda stepped around the corner of the house and into view. She had apparently used a previously unused wedding dress of Impa's that was modified to fit her. The front was a gentle lilac color with a silver Eye of Truth design. The rest of the dress was white and lacy. She wore all the jewelry and makeup she had usually worn before. She even had on lilac silk gloves. A transparent lilac veil covered her entire face. Peach was supporting the tail of her dress. She had removed her crown out of respect. Since she was still injured, Impa had given her the old style of a Sheikah maiden. Bandages were wrapped around her torso and right shoulder as before, but there were now also hanging bandages wrapped around her forearms and fingers. Her skirt faded from white to blue to lilac and had a large, high slit on her right side. She also had her earrings equipped as well as her brooch attached to the uppermost wrappings of her torso bandages.
As Zelda gracefully walked past the gathering, everyone could see her blushing and smiling. Link was in a similar, though severely more anxious state. Impa whispered something to him and he focused only on Zelda. He calmed down and his smile soon matched hers. She joined him by his side and they turned toward the old man, as Peach stood next to Impa. The old man read from the Book of Mudora, speaking words that Peach could not understand. She was not sure whether it was just her or not, but she said nothing to ruin the moment since everyone else seemed content. She realized that Link also did not know when the old man turned to him and Zelda had to elbow him slightly.
"Oh, sorry," he said. "Yes, I do."
The old man spoke more strange words from the book and eventually turned to Zelda.
"I do," she spoke.
"Then, I declareth thee husband and wife," the old man spoke, closing the book. "You may now kiss the bride."
Link turned to Zelda and lifted her veil. They stared into each others sparkling eyes. Link seemed to be at a loss. Zelda helped him by pulling him close and into a kiss. The gathering cheered and clapped. Zelda spotted Impa crying tears of joy to herself. She wondered whether the real Impa would have done the same. Link suddenly lifted her into his arms.
"So, what now?" he asked, smiling.
She blushed and said shyly, "The honeymoon."
"Sounds fun," he said. "What is it?"
Zelda was surprised but took it in good humor. She called Peach over.
"Congratulations, Zelda, Link," she said.
"Peach, could you explain to my hubby what a honeymoon is?" Zelda said just for fun.
"Oh!" Peach blushed, still smiling. "Well, Link, that's when you and Zelda spend special time together alone. You can do whatever you want with each other. It's just between you two, so you can consummate your love. You can sing, play songs, dance, hug, kiss, whatever you want." Zelda hadn't expected such a clean, direct response.
"Well, actually it's more specific than that," Zelda said.
Impa walked over, having quickly dried her eyes. "Zelda, Link, I think you'll need a place of your own. You get to have the brick house on the hill in the center of the village. You should have enough privacy there. Zelda can explain what a honeymoon is…personally."
"Uh, thanks," Link said.
"Thank you, Impa," Zelda said.
"Anything for my little girl…Anyway, do you think you'll be up to going into the Shadow Temple tomorrow?"
"Sure thing," Link said. "We might as well get it over with as soon as possible."
"I'll need your help, too, Zelda," Impa said, looking hopeful. "You'll be enough of a distraction and a threat for me to do what I have to do."
"Won't she attack Zelda?" Peach asked. "I don't want anymore situations like the previous ones."
"I can't say she won't attack," Impa said. "But I can guarantee you that she won't even think about trying to kill her. We love Zelda too much for that thought to even come to mind."
"I see," Zelda said. "Well, then, it shouldn't be a problem. I'll be right there with you."
"Thank you, Zelda," Impa bowed. "Now, you kids have fun."
"Good night," Zelda smirked.
"Good night," Link said, carrying her up the stairs.
"Ah, love," Peach sighed. "It's so sweet."
"We'd better turn in for the night," Impa said, leading her back to her house. "I wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself and cause further injury."
Peach and Impa walked up to the second floor of her house. Impa had set up two futons there, while the chicken lady slept in a bed on the first floor. She had already slipped into bed. While Peach immediately got into bed, Impa removed her dress before getting under the covers. Peach could see tattoos grey tattoos all over her body, despite the dim candlelight.
"Get some rest," Impa said, putting out the candle. "You should be able to heal yourself completely in the morning."
"Thanks again, Impa," Peach said. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
"AAAAAH!"
"What was that!" Peach exclaimed, sitting up immediately.
"That was Zelda's voice," Impa said in a calmer fashion.
"OH, GODDESSES!"
"We need to help her!" Peach exclaimed.
"Relax," Impa said, still lying down.
"What's going on out there?" the chicken lady asked from below.
"Just try to get some sleep," Impa said.
"But Impa…" Peach began.
"ALIOFRA SAGAIO MIRYN!"
"Oh, Zelda…" Impa sighed. "Peach, try to ignore it as best as you can."
"She sounds like she's in pain," Peach said worriedly.
"Remember when you told Link what a honeymoon is?"
"Yeah, a time when two people consummate their love."
"Consummate…Now, what is the third syllable of that word?"
"Mate?" Peach said cluelessly.
"HARDER! HARDER! HARDER YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
"Oh…Ew," Peach said, now understanding.
"Don't worry," Impa said. "They'll tire out eventually."
Hours later…
Both Peach and Impa had bloodshot eyes wide open. Zelda's screaming had only increased in frequency, volume, and vulgarity. Peach had long ago tried and failed to put herself to sleep with Sleepy Time. Impa had tried several sleeper holds, among other knockout techniques, on herself and only awakened a few seconds later. Even after she took a quick knockout drug, Zelda kept her wide-awake.
"I can't stand it anymore!" the chicken lady yelled over the noise, getting up and leaving the house.
"When did she learn all those words?" Peach asked blankly.
"I wouldn't be surprised if all of Hyrule could hear that girl," Impa said tiredly.
"CALIAINA YGDREU JALACK VEILHM!"
"And since when did she learn such…colorful language?" Impa said uncomfortably.
It was late afternoon the next day and Peach and Impa were sitting around the house groggily, drinking herbal tea. Then, Link carried Zelda through the door. Both of them had wide smiles. He was moving a bit stiffly.
"Good morning," he grinned, sitting her down next to him.
"More like good afternoon," Peach yawned.
"Sunset will be around in a few hours," Impa said. "I think we can forget about the mission today. Maybe tomorrow…"
"Yeah, sorry about that," Link said, blushing as he looked into Zelda's eyes. "I guess we were a little noisy."
"Did you have to use so many strange curse words?" Peach asked Zelda. Zelda blushed and laid her head against Link's chest affectionately.
"Uh, sorry," Link apologized for her. "She kind of lost her voice."
"Really sore," Zelda squeaked in a scratchy, barely audible voice.
"I'd love to help you," Peach said somewhat sarcastically, "but my powers never recharged over the sleepless night. And unlike you, more than just my throat is sore. My chest, my stomach, my neck, my…"
"Her too," Link said, holding Zelda close. "And then some."
"Well, I'm going to get breakfast…I mean, dinner ready," Impa said, pulling herself to her feet.
"Didn't you hear anyone complain?" Peach asked.
"Nope," Link laughed. Zelda weakly giggled along. "In fact, after Zel and I washed up, we didn't see anyone in the whole village."
"They probably went somewhere for a good night's sleep," Impa muttered, starting a fire under a kettle. "Just try to keep it down a bit tonight, okay?"
"Sure thing," Link nodded. Zelda nodded as well.
Peach and Impa lied in their futons wide-awake once again. Zelda had apparently gotten enough of her voice back in time to keep them up.
"Maybe I should just stop them myself?" Peach said.
"You seem like the person who's never seen nor experienced that sort of thing before," Impa said. "I doubt you'll be able to do anything about it."
"Is that so?" Peach said, getting up and walking out. As Impa expected, Peach returned a few minutes later, looking downtrodden.
"Didn't have the stomach for it, huh?" Impa asked.
"Shut up," Peach muttered, letting herself fall back onto the futon.
"Don't worry too much. The way they're going at it, there's no way they'll be able to go as long."
"OH SWEET FARORE, LET IT NEVER END!"
"Well, they'll be too sore to do anything tomorrow," Impa said optimistically. "At least, I know I wouldn't be able to."
One week later…
"No, Peach!" Impa grunted, holding Peach down. The irate princess was trying to leave the house to end the routine once and for all.
"Let me go! No one has the right to take away that much sleep from me! I'll fix them!"
"As Zelda's bodyguard, I can't let you do that!" Impa said. "You're not thinking straight. You'll just hurt them!"
"That's the point!"
"…She probably bleeding by now," Impa said after some thought. Peach stopped struggling immediately.
"That's not funny," she said, lying down. "But something has to be done. My stomach is really hurting and I need my beauty sleep."
"I promise I'll fix this…peacefully," Impa assured her. "Believe me, staying up in the dark is no fun for me either."
It was the next evening, and everyone had finished eating. Peach had been unusually hostile the entire evening from sleep deprivation. As Link and Zelda got up to leave, Impa stopped them.
"Hold it, you two," she said.
"Something wrong?" Link asked.
"I'd like to be one person again within the next year," Impa smirked, "so I think we'd better make some changes in the sleeping arrangements."
"Like what?" Zelda asked.
"Awfully convenient to get your voice back now…" Peach muttered.
"Zelda, you're sleeping with Peach tonight," Impa said. "Link will be staying with me."
"What?" Link exclaimed.
"I want everyone to sleep in pairs for safety reasons," she explained. "And this way, everyone can get some rest…even though we're the only ones left in the village."
"I'm not sure I like the idea of you sleeping with my husband," Zelda frowned.
"Would you rather I sleep with him?" Peach asked in a surly voice.
"Have you…have you been drinking?" Zelda asked uncomfortably.
"And so what if I have!" Peach yelled. "It won't be my fault if anything happens, 'specially since everyone is so interested in my peaches!"
"Well, you do have a nice peach," Link admitted.
"Impa and Link it is," Zelda quickly. "Come on, Peach."
"Oh, shove it, Zelda!" Peach growled, following her out. "But wait! That's right; Link did it for you. He's been doing it for you every night of the week! And where I'm from, no one needs to…" Her rant continued out the door, while Impa and Link stood by anxiously.
"She's the nicest person I've met," Impa began, "but she really does have a temper."
"That Peach does have a nice peach though," Link said, immediately going to the futon.
Peach woke up fully refreshed. She happily opened the windows wide to let in the sun. She healed herself fully and tore off her bandages as the door opened. Link stood there, caught by surprise at the sight of her, with his face quickly turning red. She was frozen in place as well. They both turned their backs to one another awkwardly.
"Heh, heh…" Link laughed nervously. "Just wanted to get Zelda…the bandages looked good on you…Uh, bye!" Then, he speedily walked back to Impa's house while Peach closed the door and set about looking for her bra.
Once Zelda had awakened, she immediately went out to look for Link. Peach went to Impa's house and found Impa still in her futon. Peach had recovered the pink dress she had worn in Hyrule so far. It was repaired and washed during the week of no sleep.
"Impa? Wake up."
"Ohhh, wha?" Impa said groggily. "Oh, sorry Peach. I didn't sleep too well last night. Spent too much time thinking…What time is it"
"A little after eleven," Peach said. "We made good time. I think we all may have slept an entire day… The others are up and…er, washing up…together…at the same time…loudly."
"At least I can't hear it from here," Impa sighed. "Okay…here's the deal. I'll be ready by three in the afternoon. That should be enough time. Be ready by then. And for the love of Nayru, keep those two from waking me up."
The four warped into place, ready to face the dark half of Impa that waited within the Shadow Temple. As they descended the stairs, Impa spoke, "Okay, we'll split into two teams. Zelda and me, and Link and Peach."
"Any reason for the pairings?" Zelda asked.
"I wanted to make sure Peach has the most protection," Impa explained. "That's Link's designation. Zelda, I might need that light attack you mentioned earlier since we don't have any Light Arrows. Besides, I'm already your bodyguard, so why not?"
"I see."
"Remember, Dark Impa will try her hardest to convince you that she's the good one. She'll no doubt play on your emotions and childhood memories. I need you to do most of the heavy attacking, while I get in whatever I can. Remember, she won't kill you…And that goes for Zelda only."
"So, that's why you put me with Peach," Link nodded.
"Yeah, plus I want each team to have someone with an idea of where they're going," Impa smirked. She stopped the girls and looked to Link upon reaching the entrance. There was a pedestal in the center surrounded by unlit torches. The stone door in front of them had the Eye of Truth on it. "Link, if you'll do the honors?"
"Right, stand back," he said, stepping onto the pedestal. He concentrated briefly and went through the movements of Din's Fire, finishing by pounding his palm to the floor. A dome of fire grew from the impact point and lit the torches all at once. A familiar sound echoed and the stone door grindingly lifted, revealing the darkness within.
As they all entered, Peach shuddered wildly. "Wow…that felt strange."
"You must be incredibly pure hearted," Impa said, stopping at a gap in the floor. "This is a place of great evil. It used to be a Sheikah sanctuary… Now, it's more like the upper part of Hades. There's certainly enough evil spirits locked away in here." She backed up and got a running start. She ran a short distance along the wall landed on the opposite ledge. Peach floated across the gap to join her.
"I'm not sure if this Hookshot will…" Zelda began, taking out her Hookshot.
"Don't worry," Link smiled. "I always hold onto the one I got in Termina." They both took aim with their Hookshots and were pulled across the gap.
"Where now?" Peach asked, since there was a wall in front of them. Then, appeared to hear something and looked at the wall strangely.
"…Did you bring the Lens of Truth?" Impa asked Link.
"Got it…but what about you?"
"I'll manage," she said, walking through the wall.
"How did she…?" Peach began.
"It's an illusion," Zelda said, following. Peach and Link followed and saw Impa pushing a stone tab of a rotating raven statue. The room was dark and eerie. There were strange designs of what seemed to be ugly smiling faces on the walls. Once Impa stopped pushing the tab at a skull post, the sound went off again. Across another larger gap, there was an odd statue head in the wall with its mouth open and its tongue hanging out as a floor. A gate within the mouth opened.
"All right," Impa sighed, apparently also being affected by the dark atmosphere. "Zelda we're going this way. Link, Peach, you're going across the gap."
Link took Zelda's cheek and kissed her gently. "Stay safe, okay?"
"I will," she smiled, embracing him briefly. "Take care of Peach."
"You can count on me," he smiled.
"Come along, Zelda," Impa said, walking halfway through one of the designs. And thus, the party split ways.
Warning: The next two chapters might be a bit much for some people. But if you've stuck with me this far, you can handle it... Oh, and Nintendo owns pretty much everything in this story except the plot.