Chapter 4 - Okay, Fine. Be Normal.

(...the gym...)

Gill faces the scared cheerleaders. "So, you're looking...normal. Soon enough, though, you'll end up just like me. There's nothing you can do to stop this. You may as well--"

The sound of someone clearing their throats garners the mutant's attention. Gill turns around.

The Middleton cheer squad, in all their mutated glory, stands and glares at him.

"Wait, if you're Middleton, then who the hell are they?"

One of the girls steps forward. "We're the Lowerton squad. Please don't hurt us." Gill squints a little at the girl.

"Alicia Paulson? I thought I recognized you."

It's now the girl's turn to squint. "Gil? I haven't seen you since kindergarten! How've you been?"

"Well, you know, I..." Gill shakes his head. This wasn't the time to catch up. He's a half-man on a mission! "Whoa!" He turns to the Middleton cheerleaders. "So...you've changed." He smiles at his joke.

Kim steps forward. "No thanks to you."

"Looks like it's time for me to finish what I started. Where's Ron?"

"Even if I did know, I sure wouldn't tell you."

Gill shrugs his slimy shoulders. "Well, I guess we know what comes next." A high rumbling sound comes from his throat. A gooey blob flies toward the spectators, who start to scatter. More loogies fly through the air, more people duck away.

There's an audible 'whoosh' as the doors fly open. Standing in the doorway is...

"Ron!"

"None other."

He dodges a number of loogies and rushes over to his fellow squad members. They hide behind the bleachers. Hope glares at him. "Where have you been?"

"After detention let out, I got to thinking, 'What about Barkin?'. So, I went looking for him."

"And did you find him?"

"Yeah, in Middleton Park."

"Is he here?"

"Not really. He said, and I quote, 'Don't come back without a cure. This life is getting dull.', endquote."

"Well, that's out of the way. Now, what do we do here?"

Ron thinks for a few moments. He snaps his fingers. "I've got it. Kim, you have the Kimmunicator, right?"

She holds it up. "Always."

"Get Wade on the horn. See if some scientists can't help us. The rest of you, come with me." The girls follow Ron's instructions.

Gill stands panting in the middle of the gym. He is, no doubt, spent from his attacks and the fact that he's away from water.

"Hey, Aquadud!"

The insult garners the mutant's attention. He turns around.

"You shouldn't have come back, Ronnie. You're gonna lose."

"Doesn't matter if I win or lose. As long as you don't win."

Gill puts all of his energy into shots at Ron. The blonde ducks under a bench.

"By the way, you never told me what the password was on that computer program."

"I guess I may as well tell you, given that this is the end: the password was 'swordfish'."

"You see, I'd have never guessed that."

The mutant fires at the bench, but Ron manages to slip away in time. Ron runs past Crystal, who stands with her arms folded.

He shoots muck at her, but, without losing her stance, dodges each volley.

"Why don't you like Ron?"

"Pshhh. Like I'm gonna tell you."

"Oh, you don't have to." She closes her eyes and concentrates on him.

"Ron is such a wimp. He's got girls fighting his battles. He was practically begging to be teased at camp."

Crystal opens her eyes. "Oh, that's real original."

"What?"

With a smirk, she runs away. Gill gives chase. He's stopped by Bonnie.

"You know, you're probably not that bad a guy. You just need to..." He runs off. "...associate with some good people."

Gill continues across the gym, but Liz impedes his path of rampage. "You're nothing but a archetypal bully, harassing those weaker than you, when it's really you who are the weak one."

He turns away, only to end up in Maggie's clutches. "What's wrong, Gill? You don't look so good."

Francie and Joy flank the original blonde. "I think he's coming undone."

"Yeah. He needs to rest." The trio carries him to a bench. Just inches away, they stand him up. He takes a step backward and, seeming to fall over something, hits the ground.

Marcella fades into view and gets up from her hands and knees. She high-fives Maggie and her doubles.

Gill looks up at the ceiling. He's feeling a bit exhausted because of the fall and the run-around.

"And now, it looks like the creature is down for the count. The cheerleaders appear to be using diversionary tactics on it."

"Giving you the runaround; that's women for you."

"Right you are, Ken."

Gill's view of the ceiling shrinks somewhat, like he's closer to it. He looks down. He's in Hope's hands. He groans as she spins him around.

Kim crouches on the side clutching the Kimmunicator. "Did you find them, Wade?"

"I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that I've found some of the geneticists. I've given them the scoop and they're on their way."

The redhead pumps her fist. "Yes! Wait, so what's the bad news?"

"They were available yesterday, but I couldn't contact you; slight power failure."

Hope tosses Gill away. He lands on his hands and springs onto his feet. With a gasp, he falls onto the floor. His breathing is somewhat labored.

Tara stands over him. "You know, I should probably thank you for your little trap. Without it, I might never have had the courage to stand up to you."

"Why do you have different colored eyes?", he asks wearily.

"Well, that's a funny story. You see..."

The doors of the gym fly open, cutting Tara off. In steps a number of men in white lab coats.

"And it looks like a group of what appears to be scientists has entered the arena."

"They're wearing white coats. That really makes sense for what's going on."

"Indeed!"

One of the men adjusts his glasses. "We came as soon as we got the news."

The Middleton girls gather near the lab-coated ones.

Kim speaks up. "So, who are you?"

"Dr. Barry Larkin. I specialize in radical genetic mutation. I'd heard from your friend about the situation and found it rather interesting. It's not every day that I run across something like this."

"Will you be able to help us, Dr. Larkin?"

"I believe we can. My team and I took samples from Lake Wannaweep and worked up an anti-serum. There is a chance that you can be returned to normal."

"Wonderful. And what about him?" The redhead jerks a thumb toward Gill.

"Him...he's been like this for much longer than you. It may take some time to cure him."

The doctor's team - two other men and a woman - wheel in a cart with needles and a glowing green liquid.

"I'd like you to meet Dr. DuFine..."

"Hey, there." He gives a slight wave.

"...Dr. Schwartz..."

The woman smiles. "Hello."

"...and Dr. Negrete."

He claps his hands together. "Right, now when do we operate?"

Dr, Larkin whispers to the squad. "We purposely had him mistrained...as a joke."

"If you've got a disease, I'll cure it!"

"Now then, who's the first to be..."

The girls stand anxiously in wait. Ron is a little taken aback. "Are you sure you want to go back to your everyday lives? I mean, you make a pretty kick-butt team."

Needless to say, the girls had their reasons, hidden with a lot of hemming and hawing. Sure, Liz aced her tests, but there was still the nerd factor to deal with. Marcella had to admit that, despite her family's dependence, she missed them. Maggie appreciated having some extra hands, but, at the mall yesterday, those hands got a little too...handsy. She had no idea she might've felt that way, and thought it best not to say anything.

Bonnie...well, she's kind of self-explanatory. Hope liked the strength, but wasn't particularly fond of the whispers that went with it. And as for Crystal...Rich took her home last night and...well, let's say that there are some things that can't be unread, like learning why her underwear ends up stretched out...

Kim puts a clawed hand on Ron's shoulder. "Ron...this is for the best."

"I guess."

(...twenty minutes later...)

The girls stand rubbing their arms, now a mere pale shade of green. That means it's working. Gill, meanwhile, is strapped in a Lecter-style harness. He groans a little.

Ron walks over to Tara, who's sitting on the bottom row of the bleachers. He joins her on the pine.

"Hey, Tara."

"Hi, Ron."

"This has been a crazy couple of days, hasn't it?"

"Yeah. Pretty crazy." There doesn't seem to be much feeling behind her statement, something Ron picks up on.

"So, do you, maybe...want to go...do something?"

"I...You're a great guy, Ron, and..."

"Oh, man. Don't tell me. This is where I get off, right?"

"No! No, no. It's just that...I need some time alone."

Ron looks down.

"Is that okay?"

"Oh, yeah. That's okay." The young man walks away. They both know that it's not.

He walks past Kim, who is conversing with Dr. Schwartz. "So, what you're telling me is that the girls ended up with these comic booky powers because..."

"...because of genetics. God bless the x-chromosome." They both laugh a bit. The slowly regressing redhead walks over to Dr. Larkin.

"I'm curious. Just what was this 'find of the century' that kept you from getting here?"

"It's the strangest thing. In England, there was this Lord who spent his fortune having his body genetically altered...like a primate."

"Wow. Well, stranger things have happened."

Bonnie steps forward. "I suppose we'll need to send a vial to Barkin."

"Yeah."

(...Bueno Nacho...a week later...)

Kim and Ron sit in their usual booth. She suspects that there's something wrong with her life long friend; there's a chimmirito in front of him that hasn't been touched, much less eaten.

"Spill."

"What?"

"What's wrong? Everyone is back to normal. Wannaweep has been shut down and sealed off. I figure you'd have been thrilled."

"Yeah, that's nice."

Kim fires off a knowing smirk. "Tara."

"You got me."

"You should try talking to her. After all..." She winks. "...she's still a part of you."

Ron slams his hands on the table. "You're right." He gets up from his seat. Rufus, meanwhile, polishes off the meal.

(...the streets of Lowerton...)

A van makes its way past a number of similar-looking dwellings. The vehicle stops in front of a house. Out of the van steps a surly looking teenager with dark hair. He's clad in second-hand clothing, mainly because he didn't have anything else to wear.

The young man trudges toward the house, which is bathed in pastels.

He rings the bell. The door opens.

The look on the woman's face gleams with elation. "Oh, Gilbert! Welcome back." She turns inside. "Honey, look who it is!"

A man sitting on the couch looks up. "Gilbert!" The two adults shower affection on the disinterested teenager. He so hated his full name.

"So, where in the world have you been?"

He looks up at his mother. "Out."

"Well, thank goodness you're safe. The trash needs to be taken out."

(...the backyard...five minutes later...)

The back door opens. Gil carries a big bag of garbage. So this was his life. He couldn't go back to Wannaweep; the lake - the source of his mutation...his power - had been drained.

He was both annoyed and strangely relieved by his parents: they had these illusions that their son was as well-behaved and polite as they were. What's more, they didn't really press the issue of where he was and why. As much as their naive indifference ticked him off, he had to admit that the privacy he had was nice.

In school, he seemed like such a smart kid. To engineer such a trap as the one at Wannaweep, he'd have to be. Unfortunately, he was the type more content to squander his intelligence on delinquency.

The lid of the garbage can is removed. With a sigh, Gil puts the trash inside. He looks up and catches sight of a blonde girl over the fence. Her hair is done up in an elevated ponytail.

He approaches the fence. The girl is resting on a lawn chair. He clears his throat; talking to pretty girls wasn't really his thing. Except for a bunch of captive cheerleaders the other night, this was something of a slow decade.

No response from her. He tries again, but louder. The girl sits up.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself."

"You new in town?"

"Yeah. My family moved here a couple of weeks ago. I've never seen you, uh..."

"Gil. With one 'L'", he adds under his breath.

"I'm Marie. Marie Crane." She stands up and walks toward the young man, their eyes locked the whole time.

"You really shouldn't mumble when you speak." Marie puts her hands on the fence.

The young man rubs the back of his head. "Your hair looks stupid like that."

Gil hated to admit it, but maybe the squeeb was right; maybe he did need a girlfriend.

(...Tara's bedroom...that night...)

"Thanks for having me here, Tara."

Ron sits on the blonde girl's bed.

"Well...you know, it's no big deal. I just wanted to thank you for saving our lives."

"Oh. Heck, Tara, any guy would've done the same."

She sighs deeply. "I'm just glad we can put this whole mess behind us."

"Yeah. Hey, why don't I get us some sodas?"

"Thanks. I'd like that."

(...the kitchen...moments later...)

Ron was glad for the time he had to himself. Rufus was at home with the folks, most likely having dinner or a rest. As much as Ron liked having the little guy around, he didn't want Rufus talking him out of what he was about to do...

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a vial...filled with a murky green liquid.

(...the gym...a week earlier...)

Ron had just finished talking to Tara. He passes by Dr. Negrete, who stood near the cart of needles and liquid.

"So, uh, you have your scientific...stuff arranged neatly, huh?" He played the naive rube to a 'T'. Olivier couldn't have done better.

"We certainly do", replied the doctor.

"Would you also happen to have some of the water from Lake Wannaweep?" Ron motions to Kim. "My associate and I know of some people who might want that analyzed."

"Well, we could send it to them ourselves."

"But it's no problem. If you can't trust me, who can you trust?"

Dr. Negrete thinks about it. "You're right." He reaches down and pulls out a vial containing murky green liquid.

"Are you sure?" Ron was a little nervous about doing this, and his statement reflected that.

"It's no problem. We've got plenty. I hope that the sample remains safe."

"Oh, don't worry, Doc. This will definitely end up in the right hands."

(...the kitchen...)

Ron empties the last of the vial into a cup of root beer. He grabs two cups of soda and heads upstairs.

Unethical? Perhaps. Desperate? Maybe. Insane. Most assuredly, but one can never predict how life will end up.

It's like the saying goes..."Never be normal." He chuckles a little at the wild night to come.

After all, how the hell else is he gonna get his other eye back?

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A/N: Before anyone asks, I hold "Sink or Swim" in the highest regard. Even so, I thought it would be fun to spin it off in this insane direction. Please forgive the disjointedness...unless you didn't notice it, in which case, what disjointedness?

There were two other purposes for this tale: One, as an antidote to some of the wrist-slit-lit I've ran across the KP section. I just can't get it out of my head. And two, as a giant middle finger to "Return to Wannaweep", which tried (and failed horribly) to add wackiness to the "SoS" template.

Thanks for reading and reviewing and have a nice day.