Disclaimer: They're not mine, I just enjoy messing with their lives.
A/N: Hey everyone. Thanks as always to the wonderful response for the last chapter. And a special note and thanks to The Grim- I'm taking everything you said into consideration, thanks for the constructive criticism. Of course I enjoy just plain flattery, but it is nice to hear everyone's thoughts on what I could do to improve things :-) so thanks for that! And it was a slight typing error on my part; Hermione was the one who was supposed to say "Harry, Ron, Ginny…I'll see you guys later." I've gone and fixed that now. As for Sev's progression- I don't think I've done a horrible job of progressing his character. I mean, I've tried not to go to fast, and I've tried to keep some of his signature characteristics there- the snarkiness, the sarcasm, the attitude. I agree with you that he's OOC, but I'm not horribly sure how to keep him canon. Any advice on that? And have no fear, the romance is still going to be slow in coming between them- it's mainly a further progression of their closeness as friends that will be appearing in the next few chapters. Now, for everyone else, onto the chappie!
Playing Pretend
Chapter Twenty: Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry
"First Hogsmede weekend, you're so lucky!" Ginny clapped her hands as she sat down across from Hermione at breakfast on Saturday morning. "And you, I'm sure you're excited to see Percy again."
"Huh?" Hermione looked up as if only just noticing her. "Oh, yeah. I am."
"Are you okay? Should I get Professor Snape?" Ginny's look of excitement changed to one of concern.
"No, I'm fine," Hermione gave her a reassuring smile. "Just a little tired. I was up late working on some homework and studying."
"Well, if you're sure…"
"I am, really. But thanks all the same. And please don't tell Severus; he'll just lecture me about not getting enough sleep."
"Really?" Ginny looked surprised.
"Really," Hermione nodded. "He's become even worse than Harry and Ron, though he's not obvious about it. It's just the little things like glaring at me during dinner if I haven't touched my vegetables, or dismissing me early from our work sessions."
"Hah, that does sound like the boys. As much as I love them, they can be too damn overprotective. Ginny, put a sweater on, it's cold in the castle. Ginny, make sure to eat all your dinner. Ginny, go to bed cause you need to get plenty of sleep," Ginny made a face as she mimicked her brother.
"Well it's only because we love you," Ron came up to sit down next to his sister while Harry took a seat next to Hermione. "And besides, if we don't take care of you, who will?"
The girls rolled their eyes while Harry and Ron began piling there plates with food. They wolfed down their breakfast at an amazing speed, and all Hermione and Ginny could do was stare at them in shock. Once they had finished, they made their way to the carriages and climbed into one getting ready to leave. The boys promptly began talking about quidditch, but Hermione's thoughts drifted between two very different men. She couldn't get Severus out of her head since their almost-kiss. And knowing she was going to see Percy today only added to the guilt she was feeling. Shaking her head, she came out of her musings to see they had just pulled into Hogsmede.
"All right, I'll see you guys later," Hermione waved good-bye to Harry, Ginny, and Ron as she caught sight of Percy.
"Hello love," he greeted her with a big smile and a quick kiss.
"Hey," Hermione gave him a weak smile as he grabbed her hand and they began browsing through Scrivenshafts. After that, he led her to a bunch of other places, though Hermione honestly couldn't say she remembered a thing, she was so focused on what she needed to tell him. Back on the main street two hours after they had begun browsing in and out of shops, Hermione finally gathered the courage to say what she need.
"What's wrong?" He asked, noting the change in her demeanor, immediately concerned.
"I…Can we take a walk?" Hermione changed the subject.
"Sure," Percy complied, though he was obviously confused. They began walking through Hogsmede, and beyond, till they came to a small meadow, out of sight of the town.
"We need to talk," Hermione started, turning to face him.
"Well those are four words no guy ever wants to hear," he joked, trying to make light of what he feared was going to be an unpleasant conversation.
"I…I almost kissed another guy," she whispered, looking down at her hands.
"What?"
"I didn't!" She was quick to assure him. "I could never cheat on you, but…"
"You long for him the way I longed for you," Percy sighed.
"Oh Percy, that's not-" Hermione started, but was cut off.
"Don't oh Percy me and assume that I have no idea how you feel," he began pacing back and forth. "I can see it all over your face. I see the look in your eyes, the way you've been distracted this entire time we've been together. I know how you feel cause it's the same damn way that I do. You love him!"
"What?" Hermione couldn't help but gasp, thinking, 'He knows?'
"I don't know who 'he' is that you love, and frankly, I don't want to," Percy held a hand up, and Hermione couldn't help but breathe a guilty sigh of relief.
"Percy-" she tried to start again, but he cut her off again, almost as though he hadn't heard her interruption.
"I don't want to know, because I'm afraid that by knowing who he is, he'll become an even bigger reality for me. And as long as I can, I don't want to know, because that's all the longer that I can pretend that I still have a chance," he stopped and looked at her, his eyes blazing with unspoken emotion. "I can pretend that someday…someday you might return my feelings again."
Percy smiled at her, but it was an ugly smile; hard and sad, and it broke Hermione's heart to see it and know that she was the cause of it. It wasn't that she had wanted to of course, but she knew she felt something between herself and Severus, and she couldn't deny her heart the chance to see what that might be. Whether it was love, or infatuation, or lust, or whatever. She wasn't really sure at the moment what she was feeling for him.
"I promise I won't speak of this again unless you bring it up. Just…if he hurts you, or you find that it won't work, I ask that you give us another chance. Someone once said that love isn't perfect, but love is just love. And I promise you will never find a love as true as mine."
And with that declaration, he left without a backwards glance. If he had turned though, he would've seen a silent Hermione falling slowly to her knees, the warm glow of the sunshine reflecting off a trail of tears running down her face.
"Merlin, I didn't think it would hurt this much," she cried softly to herself. She hated to upset people, or see them upset period.
"What's wrong Hermione?" She looked up to see Draco and Blaise standing over her, though Blaise quickly knelt down when he saw her tears.
"Why do you care anyways? Before this year you never gave a rat's arse whether or not I was upset, so what the bloody hell has changed!" She glared up at them, her voice laced with anger.
"Snape trusts you, so we trust you. Not to mention you're our Head of House in a sense, and therefore a Slytherin in a sense," Blaise explained, pulling a handkerchief out and handing it to her to dry her eyes and cheeks off. "We take care of our own."
"Now come on, let's get you back to Snape," Draco said, bending down and scooping her up.
"Put me down for Merlin's sake, I can walk," she snapped at him, but didn't put up a fight. She felt too drained at the moment to risk being dropped flat on her arse.
"Not until you tell me why you were so upset," Draco smirked. "Better hurry too, cause the town's right around the corner here, and you wouldn't want your friends to see you in my arms, would you?"
"Bloody Slytherins," she muttered. "All right, all right, I'll tell you."
"Go on then, and without the cursing. It doesn't become you."
"I broke up with Percy," she stated, then sighed with relief as he set her gently back on her feet.
"And you're crying why?" Blaise stared at her. "I mean, if you cared so much for him, why dump him?"
"Because I hate myself for upsetting him. Honestly, after six years of knowing me, haven't you realised that I try to please everyone? I don't like to anger or upset people. I hate being on the outs with a person. And Percy loves me, so that just makes it all the more terrible."
"Did you love him?" Blaise asked, curious to see what she would say.
"A part of me did…does even," she sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. "I think even more though, I love who I got to be with him."
"How poetic," Draco drawled. "Well, now you can devote your romantic interests elsewhere to whoever it is that you really fancy."
"Oh that's so kind of you to say," she sneered, shaking her head in disgust at him. "And why do you assume there's someone else that I like?"
"Well, it's rather obvious," Blaise conceded as they began walking again. "First off, you're a Gryffindor, so you're not going to allow yourself to even truly consider another guy until you've broken up with Weasley. Second of all, from everything we've heard, you and Weasley were rumoured to be very happy together, so you wouldn't just break up with him without just cause. And third, you Gryffindors like to live life to the fullest and all that, so you're not going to allow a chance to pass you by without at least giving it a shot. All that sentimental, follow your heart, stuff and nonsense."
"You guys really do know a lot more than you let on, don't you?" Hermione asked curiously, not even noticing they had entered town and were receiving odd looks from some of the other students.
"Of course, we are Slytherins, cunning and sly and all," Draco smirked. "I mean, Crabbe and Goyle are actually fairly intelligent. I mean, how else would they have passed their finals and O.W.L.S.? But they don't let on that they are. People tend to have much looser lips around them since they think Crabbe and Goyle don't comprehend anything. Works really well for us though, come to think of it. We know most of the gossip about everyone in the school before they themselves do."
"I had wondered how they kept moving up each year," Hermione laughed slightly. "I suppose that explanation makes more sense than it doesn't."
"This is where we leave you," Blaise bowed slightly, reminding Hermione of times forgotten with his formality. "We're joining some friends in the Hogs Head Pub."
"Will you be all right?" Draco asked with a touch to her shoulder, surprising Hermione with the actual caring in his voice.
"Yes, I'll be fine," she assured them with a nod. "And thanks."
"Anytime," they replied simultaneously.
"Oh Hermione," Draco called out, causing her to turn around and look at him.
"Yes?"
"Just be careful with his heart," he called out, and then disappeared from her line of view into the Hogs Head Pub.
Wondering what that was all about and if he knew, she simply shook her head and decided to forget about it. She wouldn't ever truly understand Slytherins, though Draco and Blaise had given her a glimpse into who they really were. She walked around a bit more, but after a while, she decided to just catch a carriage back to the castle to go lie down for a while.
Back at the castle, Severus was in his quarters, sitting at his desk and grading papers. Itzal was sitting on the corner of his desk, staring at each of the papers, and occasionally pawing at one. Severus found it funny that each one he pawed at happened to be a 100 worthy paper.
"I should just have you grade the papers," Severus smirked, leaning back in his chair slightly. "Dip your paw in red ink, have you step on all the good ones."
Itzal mewed in reply.
"No? Well, I can't say I blame you. It's rather boring and tedious. I should leave these for Hermione," Severus commented absently, reaching out to scratch Itzal on the head, bring a loud purr from the cat, who moved onto his lap.
"Hermione, Hermione, Hermione," Severus mused aloud, still looking at his cat who was looking back at him. "Damn that girl."
Itzal meowed again, but this time it almost sounded like it was a protest.
"Yes, I suppose you're right. She's a woman. A beautiful, addictive, intoxicating woman. So much like my Bella was," Severus whispered, continuing to talk to the cat, who let out a growl at that last comment.
"No, not exactly like Bella. They just share some of the same mannerisms," he explained. "Hermione's much more compassionate and kind-hearted. And not manipulative or vindictive. She's still as addicting as Bella was though. She's drawn me in, hooked her claws in me."
Severus let out a slight hiss as Itzal did just that; hooked his claws in his arm.
"Ouch! Watch it. You proved your point. Hooking claws in someone is done to bring pain, and Hermione wouldn't do that intentionally," Severus sighed heavily, fully relaxing in the chair. "She's like…no one I've ever known. And she has this…tremendous effect on me. I become someone completely different around her. The person I imagine I might've been if I wasn't so tainted with evil. Though I suppose I'm really not, if she's to be believed. She sees something in me, and I just find myself doing my best to prove to everyone that her faith in me is well-founded."
Turning around once, Itzal lied down, purring softly, his head resting on Severus' hand after he gave it a quick nudge.
"Yes, the morning she got sick. For the first time, I felt deep-seeded fear strike my heart. I haven't cared about someone like that since…since ever, if I'm being honest with myself," Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger, feeling a headache coming on. "I was afraid that she was going to die. That I was going to lose her."
Severus let out a biting laugh at that.
"Funny I was so worried about losing her, when I don't even have any sort of claim on her to begin with. Except maybe as her teacher and friend, but so do dozens of others. Nothing about me is special. And I wish there was. I wish I had some sort of relationship, beyond platonic with her, as wrong as that may be," Severus smiled slightly as Itzal rolled over on his back, feet up in the air. "You think I'm being silly, talking like this. Well maybe I am. I couldn't give her anything. I don't have the strength to sacrifice anything deeply emotional to anyone anymore. Though I don't think I could refuse anything she would be willing to give. Just being around her when we work eases the ache in my heart from Bella. Sometimes I'm afraid of letting myself be around her, especially now that I realise how much she means to me, and what a large role she's playing in my life."
Itzal tilted his head to the side questioningly, meowing yet again.
"I'm afraid that I'll simply take and take from her, and only hurt her in the long run." He closed his eyes, using his foot to slowly turn himself from side to side. Itzal gave a soft, guttural, growl. "Oh, I wouldn't hurt her intentionally, but I don't think I could help it. When I'm around her I can't seem to control anything that I do anymore. She's broken down my defenses, and I'm afraid the walls around my heart are next."
OooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooO
A/N: Okay, so, how do you like Severus' chat at the end? I talk to my cat at home all the time lol, and thought why shouldn't he? Actually, I had a couple of requests to sort of…classify…Sev's character a bit more, give a bit more insight (how was it Grim?) into what he's feeling and all. So the cat was a means to an end. Same with the Slytherins. I wanted to give a little bit more background on them, and sort of deepen the relationship between the two, just to show how they can easily accept someone once they have the "proof" that they need. She passed their test, so she's in; simple as that. At least in my opinion. Though don't worry, there'll still be a few that hold out being nice. And in time they'll be put in their place by older, smarter Slytherins lol. Anyways, I hope you all like it, and review to let me know :-)