Disclaimer: It's not mine, I just enjoy messing up their lives.
A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for all the reviews to the last chapter. Special thanks to Roselle Greywood! Glad you're happy with the bit of romance. There's going to be a little more this chapter, as well as a serious conversation between Severus and Hermione. And to anyone who thought it seemed too good to be true- you know me, it is! They may have had a sweet moment there, and there will be more of them in the future, but there's also going to be some down's. And some fairly major ones at that. And a reappearance of Percy too, hee hee, I know you're looking forward to that, lol. Just kidding- don't shoot the author! Cause then you won't get another chapter. Also, we've got some more of everyone's favourite Slytherins in this chapter. Possibly reverting back to their old ways. Anyways, enough blathering, and on to the chappie!
Playing Pretend
Chapter Twenty Three: You Know What They Say- If it's Too Good to be True, it Probably is
"Hey," Hermione smiled as she walked into the lab. It had been a week since their first kiss, and though they hadn't done so again, they were spending more time together.
"Good evening," he returned the smile as she came over and hugged him.
He had to admit that he both hoped and feared that she would kiss him again. A large part of him wanted to feel that swell of emotion again, though things were already so different. Every little touch or hug, while no different from those during the summer, felt so incredibly intimate now. And yet, he was scared at the same time, a rare feeling for him. He hadn't felt this way about anyone since Bella, and he didn't know what would happen if she gave up on him. He didn't know if he could go through that again.
"Are we ever going to talk?"
"About what?"
"You know very well what," she replied, her voice amused. "If you don't, I'll respect that, but…"
"You'd like to know."
"Yes," she nodded.
"All right," he sighed. He couldn't refuse her. And if he were being honest, he wanted to know what she was thinking. "Let's move this to my quarters though."
"Good. I wasn't looking forward to having our talk while sitting on these cursed stools. Bloody uncomfortable things," she laughed, walking into his living room and taking a seat on one of the chairs.
"All right," he repeated, easing himself onto the couch, feeling decidedly nervous about this conversation for some reason. "What questions do you have exactly?"
"Well, some things I think I know already, but I'd like them confirmed," she looked to him, and continued at his nod. "I think you liked when we kissed, and I think you felt something too. I just want to know what it was."
"You have to start with that which is undoubtedly the most difficult to put into words," he muttered.
"You don't have to answer," she immediately said, but he could see her trying to hide her disappointment. "I understand."
"No, it's just…hard to explain," he looked at his hands, his feet…anywhere but at her. "You know my past, and you understand how uncomfortable I am in situations that delve into my personal life."
"That I do," she nodded.
"Then you should also know that I have shared more with you about my past than anyone, and sometimes I don't have the slightest clue how to act around you," he sneered slightly out of habit. "I don't know how to be myself around anyone, since I can't even be myself when I'm alone. I'm constantly putting on an act out of habit, and don't know how to stop. Even around you."
"Well with everything that's happened, that's understandable," she smiled at him, vaguely reminding him of Albus and his all-knowing grin. "But using your words against you, last night, you asked me if I trust you, and I said yes. I'm assuming the feeling's reciprocated, but I'm going to ask you anyways; do you trust me?"
"I do," he nodded, slowly, yet resolutely.
"Well then, you should know that whatever you say or decide in regards to us, I'm not going to get mad, or upset, or run away," she got up and walked over, sitting down next to him. "I'm still going to be your friend."
"I believe you," he whispered after a moment, cursing himself for how weak that sounded. But she was affecting him, and they weren't even touching.
"Good, now what did you feel when we kissed?" She asked again, trying not to reveal how eager she was to hear his answer.
"Hope," he said, so quietly she almost didn't hear him. "It has been so long since I thought I could feel that sort of emotion again."
"Thank you," she reached a hand out and took his in both of hers. "For telling me."
"I shouldn't have," he shook his head. "Kissed you. You're my student, and apprentice, and I'm your professor. I'm in a position of authority over you, and many would say I'm abusing that authority."
"And people might say the same in regards to me. That I'm taking advantage of you emotionally, or that I'm only trying to secure myself a successful potions career and good school grades by whoring myself out to you."
"But you're not."
"And neither are you," she smiled at how literal he sometimes took things. Without warning, she reached a hand up and stroked his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the warmth. "I know that, and you know that. That's all that matters."
"No one else is going to agree," he said softly, eyes still closed, willing himself not to look at her. If he did, he knew he wouldn't be able to resist kissing her again.
"And haven't you realised by now that I don't care what people think? I mean, I've befriended the Slytherins, become your apprentice, and if the rumors are to be believed, betrayed my house in favor of joining the dark side," she laughed lightly. "What I care about is what I feel. And when we kissed I felt something indescribable. I want to take a chance…no, I want you to take a chance, with me, and explore what that something was. I don't want this to pass me by without seeing if it could lead to something more."
"I want the same," he admitted in a whisper. "But I don't know how to go about…this…relationship."
"Well you know, neither do I. So I guess we'll figure it out together," she rested her head against his for a moment before kissing him hesitantly.
"I suppose we will," he pulled back and opened his eyes. They were burning with pent-up emotion and an ignited passion that he was fighting to control. He knew at that moment that he was letting the last of defenses around his heart crumble.
"You know, as much as I enjoy talking, I'd really rather you just kiss me Severus," she whispered into his ear.
Those words completed his undoing. Letting out a low growl, he swiftly captured her lips with his. For once abandoning all reason, he let the emotion and passion he was feeling fuel the kiss. It was a desperate kiss on his part, and Hermione relished it. She relished the fact that he wasn't holding back; he was kissing her with everything he had. And finally she had the recognition she wanted from him; that he saw her as a desirable young woman, and not just a student.
"I-" he pulled back abruptly.
"If you're about to apologise for kissing me like that, then don't," Hermione interrupted him with a swollen-lip smile.
"As my lady commands," he gave a soft chuckle, releasing a good deal of tension that had built up during their conversation.
He leaned over and wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her onto his lap. He couldn't resist smiling into her neck at the tremor that ran through her body as his hand just happened to slide across her bottom and along the side of her thigh, coming back up to rest low on her hip. His other hand went to her shoulder, almost cautiously, brushing away her long, thick hair which had come out of it's bun at some point. His fingers lightly traced along the smooth lines of her neck, almost hesitantly, before his lips replaced his fingers. Slowly, he let his lips warm her skin, tasting and teasing the soft flesh encountered. He felt himself respond as Hermione tried to fight back a moan, but couldn't. He willed himself to stay in control. He didn't want to do anything they'd regret.
"I think, if you keep doing that, we're going to get ahead of ourselves," Hermione whispered, really not wanting to.
"I know," he pulled back and grinned devilishly at her. "I just thought I'd tease you a bit. Get you all hot and bothered you know."
"How kind of you," she smacked him on the shoulder before wrapping her arms around his torso, leaning her head against his shoulder. They sat in silence for several minutes, watching the flames dance.
"I think I could get used to this," Severus said after a moment, and Hermione could hear the surprise in his voice.
"Used to what?"
"Holding you. Being needed," he replied, tightening his arms slightly. "It's been so long since I've felt like that. Other than being needed for the Order, but this is different."
"Mm," she rubbed a hand over his back comfortingly as she felt him tense, no doubt remembering what all he had done for the Order as a spy.
"I think, perhaps, it is time for you to be returning to your quarters," he said abruptly, standing up and lightly setting her on her feet.
"What?" Hermione looked at him in bewilderment as he walked over to the door that led to the potion's lab and opened it, looking at her pointedly.
"It is almost curfew, you should return to your rooms," he repeated.
"Severus, what's wrong?"
"What makes you think something's wrong?" His tone was back to the icy formality that she so detested.
"Don't push me away Severus," she pleaded, walking over to him, looking up at him with a mixture of hurt, confusion, and concern.
"Well I wouldn't have to if you wouldn't cling so," he snarled, and turning his eyes away from her face, took one hand and none-too-gently forced her through the doorway before closing and warding it against her.
Hermione stared at the door, feeling utterly confused by what had just happened. She knew she had been taking a huge chance with that kiss at the quidditch pitch, not really knowing how he felt, or how he'd respond. And tonight, she had done so again by asking him to talk and share his feelings with her; something that she knew he still wasn't comfortable with, even though he was getting much better about it, at least in regards to her. She was glad she had, because it was so completely worth it to feel him kiss her as a woman. Merlin, she could still feel his hand sliding along her thigh…oh she could've just melted into his touch right there and then. Fighting back a giggle at her thoughts, she shook her head to clear them. Six years of living with Lavender and Parvati had worn off on her.
Turning to go back to her room, she took one last look at the door, her heart willing it to open and allow her back in. Giving a little sigh, she went into her room, but instead of getting ready for bed, she suddenly changed her mind and left her quarters, and walked down to the Slytherin common room and entered it. She was greeted with some waves from the youngers, as well as a few still-suspicious looks, but ignored them as she saw Draco, Blaise, Pansy, Daphne, and Millicent gathered together to the side of the fireplace.
"Good evening Hermione," Draco nodded as he and Blaise stood up as she neared, the girls following suit.
"Good evening Draco," she replied. "Blaise, Pansy, Daphne, Millicent."
"How are you Hermione?" Pansy smiled, giving her a hug.
"Um, well…confused actually," she replied after a slight hesitation. She was about to test out the Slytherin-trust-and-loyalty she had heard so much about.
"Something to do with one deliciously dark potion's master?" Blaise raised an eyebrow as he grinned at her.
"I swear Blaise," Pansy looked at him, disgusted. "If I didn't know you were straight, I'd swear you were queer on Snape."
"Hey, I'm a guy, and I love women," he replied. "But that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the fact that Snape has an undeniable presence. I mean honestly, it's not fair that girls can admire and comment about hot guys, and other girls are, and no one cares, but if a guy so much as happens to blink in the direction of another guy, they're immediately labeled as queer."
"Whatever, get over it Blaise," Daphne rolled her eyes at him before directing her attention back to Hermione. "Is what he said true- this has something to do with Snape?"
"Yes," she nodded slowly, not looking at any of them.
"I think we should move this to my room," Blaise announced. As head boy, he had his own set of quarters within Slytherin. He led them to his quarters, and the three Slytherin girls immediately hopped onto his luxurious king sized bed. Draco too climbed on and leaned back again the headboard, seating himself next to Pansy who immediately turned and curled up against him.
"Now, how long have you and Snape been shagging?" Blaise asked with a smile.
"BLAISE!" Hermione gaped at him. "I'VE NEVER!"
"All right, don't get your knickers in a twist," he continued smiling. "Just thought that'd be a good way to get the awkwardness over with."
"Oh. Well I guess you're right, it helped," Hermione laughed, once she had calmed down and considered his words rationally.
"Now, what happened?" Millicent asked, and Hermione promptly launched into an explanation about everything. Their potion's apprenticeship relationship, and the journey to become friends, and now about how they'd kissed and just had a rather intimate moment not long ago, and how he'd pushed her away, seemingly for no reason.
"Well you can't tell me you weren't expecting it," Pansy smirked slightly.
"I wasn't expecting it," Hermione looked at her curiously.
"Well that's stupidity on your part then, isn't it?" Pansy replied airily, closing her eyes with contentment as Draco began to lazily trail his fingers up and down her arm.
"What do you mean? That it was stupid of me to not think that after we kissed he was going to abruptly kick me out?"
"Yeah, more or less," Daphne nodded.
"Why!" Hermione looked at each of them, noticing they were all nodding in agreement.
"Because it's Snape," Millicent drawled as if that explained it all.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Honestly," Daphne huffed. "Being so head over heels for him you ought to know why."
"That is no help whatsoever!" She felt like yelling. She had come to talk to them, expecting more of the great advice and comforting they had previously supplied.
"Don't whine, it's not becoming," Draco drawled, looking at her. "Honestly, you claim to know Snape so well and have his trust, then you ought to be able to figure it out yourself mudblood. Now leave us, I tire of your presence."
Staring at him in shock, she looked to everyone else for support. When she saw none forthcoming, she felt her eyes well up with tears. With a stifled sob, she turned and fled from the room.
"You know love, that was really harsh," Pansy chided him gently.
"And you all agreed," he retorted. "She needs to toughen up. I mean, you saw her tonight. She came to us after a bloody kiss and a slight snub."
"Well that's Gryffindors, they worry," Millicent said.
"Yes, but Draco's right," Blaise jumped in. "Hermione needs to toughen up. She can't just break down or run away any time her feelings are hurt. And we all know that's what Snape will do. He'll let her in, and push her way, back and forth. He's got issues, and he doesn't know how to work through them."
"Hermione needs to learn to keep pushing in, even when he's pushing her out. That's why we can't let her keep coming to us every time something happens. She has to deal with things on her own, you know that," Daphne said resolutely. "Hence the reason we had to turn back into bastards."
"I know," Pansy sighed. "But I still feel bad."
"Well don't," Draco leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "She'll run back to her room, or to the Gryffindors, and cry and fuss about how mean we are, and how Snape's confusing, but then she'll calm down and see what he was doing. We gave her several clues to go on."
"And she'll figure them out, of that I have no doubt," Blaise stated firmly, and the others nodded their agreement.
OooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooO
A/N: Okay, well, I just want to say that I know some of you might think the conversation at the beginning between the two of them was OOC, but for those who have ever kissed someone, you know that once you do, things change. Whether or not you want to admit it, the dynamics of the relationship changes, and some people open up, others close themselves off, some become defensive, and others, like Severus and Hermione, have a mix of those things happen. I can see Severus being fearful of opening up again after Bella, but as explained in previous chapters, she's knocking his walls down, and he can't help but trust her and care for her. As for the Slytherins- they're back to being "bastards" again. But it was for a good cause, as was explained. Hermione needs to be able to figure things out on her own when dealing with him. She needs to learn to stay by him when things get rough, and not run for help each time. But anyways, whether or not you agree, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and leave a review to let me know if you're so inclined.