Disclaimer: They're not mine.

A/N: Hey y'all. Thanks for the overwhelming response to the last chapter. I'm so glad y'all enjoyed it! Oh, and SwissMiss1, yeah, you're right, it should say "last week," instead of "last night" so thanks for that. And thanks for bringing up some good points. But the way I see it, the Slytherins wouldn't go tell anyone cause Snape is their head of house and they respect him a great deal, if maybe not Hermione. And I think Hermione has matured since fourth year, and personally I think she didn't tell anyone about Krum because she wanted to annoy/surprise Ron and Harry. Now without further ado, onto the next chapter.

Playing Pretend

Chapter Twenty Four: Pity Party Time

Hermione ran from the dungeons, not entirely sure where she was running to. Without even quite realising how, she soon found herself outside on the grounds, and eventually came to stop outside of greenhouse one. Looking back towards the castle, she shook her head, not particularly wanting to go back there. Turning back to the greenhouse, she looked around before turning the handle and pushing the door open. Walking in, she took a deep breath, enjoying the scent of the earth, mulch, and plants all mixed together, coupled with the warmth from the trapped heat.

"Hermione?" A voice from behind caused her to whirl around in fright as she immediately grabbed for her wand, belatedly remembering she had left it in her room.

"Oh Merlin, Neville," she breathed out shakily upon realising who it was. With relief, she sat down on an upended wood crate nearby. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," he apologised sheepishly, walking over to her slowly as it was growing dark in the greenhouse. He still managed to bump into a table though, yelping loudly.

"Maybe you should provide some light?"

"That would be a good idea, wouldn't it?" Neville said, and Hermione could practically hear him blush. "Lumos."

"Much better," Hermione looked down so he could see the tears she knew would be visible on her cheeks.

"You know I'm not quite as oblivious as Harry and Ron," he said gently, sitting down in the dirt in front of her, unmindful of his robes. "I could hear it in your voice, and I can see it in your face now. You are upset, either by or with someone or something."

"Maybe I am. It's not like I can do anything about it though."

"Hermione, you've always been there to listen to me when I've needed an ear, and though we're not close, I'd like to return the favor."

"I think I'm falling in love with some," she blurted out a moment later, then cringed in preparation of the outburst she was expecting. "And people would say he's too old for me, and that I hardly know him, and all sorts of other things, but I think I am."

"Okay."

"Okay? That's all you're going to say?" She lifted her head to stare at him incredulously.

"Yeah. Why, do you want me to act like Ron and go into a rant about how you've gone bloody insane?" Neville mimicked Ron, bringing a slight smile to Hermione's lips. "Well I'm sorry, but I won't. Don't think I've got the lung capacity for that."

"Ron does have a set of pipes on him," Hermione agreed. "But you're really not mad or anything?"

"Well I'll admit it's a surprise since you seemed to be so taken with Percy if the gossips can be trusted," he conceded. "But it's not like you can control who you fall in love with. The heart has no criteria it follows. All that matters is that you're happy and taken care of, right?"

"Right," Hermione agreed.

"Good. Now why does the fact that you're falling in love have you reduced to tears?" He asked in concern, pulling a handkerchief out and handing it to her to wipe her eyes.

"Well, he and I were together earlier, talking, and got to snogging a bit, and then he just pulled away and told me to leave!"

"Well what were you talking about?"

"Why do you want to know? Is it that important?"

"I don't particularly want to know, but you might need to remember. Like is there a chance you said something that caused him to get upset? Maybe make him angry or unworthy feeling?"

Hermione looked up for a moment, and Neville assumed she was re-thinking what she and her mystery man had talked about. Abruptly, she sat straight up and he could practically see the wheels in her mind going at the speed of light. Then she looked at him, almost calculating like.

"What?" Neville furrowed his brow when he saw her studying him.

"You're going to make some girl very happy someday," she answered, then leaned forward and impulsively kissed his cheek, causing him to blush.

"Nah," he tried to shrug off her compliment as nothing, but she could hear how pleased he was by her honest compliment. "If anything, some girl is going to make me very happy someday. But are you going to be okay Hermione?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I know what went wrong. Thank you Neville."

"Anytime!" He called after her as she raced out of the greenhouse, jumping over a pile of pots.

She made herself slow to a walk about halfway to the castle. As quick as she wanted to get back and talk to him, she knew it wouldn't do for her to give herself a heart attack from running as fast as she could for the long distance it was to get back. Not to mention if she did, she'd be out of breath and unable to talk, and what good would that do her? As she walked though, her mind kept repeating a line over and over from her conversation with Severus. "I think I could get used to this…holding you. Being needed. It's been so long since I've felt like that. Other than being needed for the Order, but this is different." She remembered feeling him tense, and she had guessed it was because he was remembering all he had done as a spy. How could she have been so stupid. He had done terrible things as a death eater. She knew nothing he specifically did, but she knew a lot of what went on in general. Some of which included raping and torturing young muggle girls.

With those last thoughts on her mind, she entered the castle and quickly made her way to her quarters, and entered them, quickly walking through the lab and into his quarters. After a quick glance around the room determined he wasn't there, she moved into his bedroom to see if he was there. Just as she stepped into his bedroom, his bathroom door opened and he stepped out with nothing but a black towel around his waist.

"Hermione," he stopped abruptly as he saw her standing there, illuminated in the doorway.

"Severus," she replied automatically out of habit. Her mind was on sensual overload as she watched stray water droplets fall from his black locks onto his chest and shoulders, trailing over firm muscles to be soaked up by the towel. A fine smattering of hair covered his chest, leading to a thin trail that once again led down his stomach and disappeared behind the towel.

"Ahem," he coughed pointedly.

"Oh, I…sorry," she forced herself to look away from his body, and down at her slightly dirty shoes, and remembered why she had come. "I'm not going to let you push me away just because you keep dragging the past up. You forget, I know you've done horrible things as a death-eater. I…don't…care. You regret it- you changed, you became a spy. You did so much to help others."

"And I did so much to kill and torture others too," he sneered, crossing his arms, and once again drawing her attention to his chest.

"Damn it Severus, why can't you just forgive yourself!"

"Maybe because no one else has!"

"They have Severus!" Hermione yelled right back at him. "They have. You just can't seem to accept that. Everyone knows you're a hero, not a murderer. So forgive yourself. You're not that person anymore. You're Severus."

"I don't know who that is anymore," he glared at her.

"You're a potions master, a professor, an instigator of fear in the hearts of students everywhere," she smiled slightly, but it faded when he didn't share in her amusement. "You're a man who can't forgive himself because he feels too deeply. Everything he's ever done to anyone, he turns it around and punishes himself tenfold. And he pushes away those who care about him, though there are some who won't let him. Me for one."

"Really?" He gave her a disbelieving look.

"Yeah, and I think you know it," she met his gaze evenly. "That's why I'm standing here forcing you to talk to me, when most people wouldn't have bothered to come back. You know that, I know that, and you're stuck with me."

"That's what I was afraid of," he muttered, but made no attempt to keep his voice lowered as he sat down on his bed. Hermione could also see a glint of amusement in his eyes, and knew she had gotten to him. He wasn't going to keep pushing her away. "You do realise I probably won't be able to help but push you away again in future?"

"Yeah, but I figure I can get used to it for a while till I get you to stop. One of the perks of being friends with me. We are still friends, right?" She asked as she sat down next to him on the bed, still very much aware of his state of dress…or rather lack-there-of. "I mean, you're not too mad at me for totally calling you on your childish behavior."

"You know very well I'm not. You know what your friendship, and by default you, mean to me."

"The same as you mean to me. Now, since we've gotten that cleared up, I'm going to go study," she announced, standing up.

"Good, because I was wondering if I would simply have to dress in front of you," he said, and smirked as she tripped and nearly hit the doorframe at his comment.

"Oooh that was evil Severus," she turned her head back to glare at him, her cheeks red with embarrassment.

"Well I am a Slytherin."

"Yes, a fact I am all to aware of," she rolled her eyes before closing his door behind her as she made her way back to her room.

She hopped onto her bed, letting herself relax on her stomach with a chuckle. Merlin, she would never understand Slytherins. Reflecting, she saw Draco had been doing her a favor. By making her angry, she had pushed them away, forcing herself to figure out why they had said what they did. And Severus…he cared for her, yet pushed her away. And probably would in the future. And why? Because he didn't think he was good enough. Or he gave in and listened to the demons from his past that seemed to continually taunt and torment him.

The one thing she knew for sure though, was that she wasn't going to give up on him. She wasn't going to let him push her out, she wasn't going to let him lose what could be a chance at redemption. She wasn't going to let him lose her, because she didn't think she could bear to lose him.

OooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooOooO

A/N: IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ! Okay, now that I have your attention. I have to take a few lines here and be honest with y'all. I'm really losing my drive for this story. What seemed like such a good plot idea 24 chapters ago is slowly becoming not-so-good. I have a policy of leaving no fic un-finished or at least tied up somehow, so rest assured, this will be finished. I am going to say it may be a while. I find myself dreading writing a new chapter each week, and I don't want to lose my love of writing period. So what I'm going to do is simply write when I feel inspired. That means this story is probably going to be updated rather sporadically. So I thank you in advance for being understanding of my thoughts and decisions about this, and hope you won't be too angry.