Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: Hey everyone. First of all, a huge thank you to y'all for being so understanding. And once again, I just want to reassure people that this will be SS/HG in the end (when I get there lol), though Percy is going to make one more ! HUGE ! appearance before this is wrapped up. So even though you'll hate seeing him back in, don't hate me since I'm assuring you it's going to be SS/HG :-) okay? Lol. Oh, a special thanks to Droxy for the funny review that made me laugh, and to Acila also- thanks for the idea. I've got a "major twist" in mind, but I was debating whether or not I should use it, and when. Now as for the rest of the chapters; I've decided to make them longer, so maybe I can wrap this up in a couple more chapters. Funnily enough, knowing I didn't have to write and y'all would understand, made me want to write. Now for the chappie.
Playing Pretend
Chapter Twenty Five: Another Breakup?
"Draco, Blaise, Pansy, Daphne, and Millicent, my quarters now!" Hermione demanded upon gaining the Slytherin common room's attention. It was two days after she and Severus had reconciled, and she had been too busy with classes to thank them.
"What do you want?" Draco sneered as they walked into her room.
"To say thank you," she smiled brightly, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then doing the same to the others.
"Thank Merlin you've more Ravenclaw tendencies than Gryffindor," Blaise threw up his hands with a wide grin.
"So you've worked things out then, we can assume?" Daphne looked at her.
"For now anyways," Hermione nodded. "Though I'm sure we'll end up at odds with each other again."
"Well that's only natural with your personalities," Pansy pointed out. "And I'm sorry by the way; we all are."
"But you do realise we only did it because you had to learn to deal with him yourself, don't you?" Millicent asked.
"I know," Hermione reassured them, then whirled about to face Draco. "Though you didn't have to call me a mudblood."
"Well it worked at any rate, didn't it," he smirked.
"He's right," Pansy pointed out. "It got you to realise you're in love with him."
"I don't know what I'm in with him."
"I don't think it's love," Draco interjected, speaking to both Pansy and Hermione.
"Why not?" Pansy looked confused.
"Well maybe she is, but quoting Thomas Merton, the beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them," Draco explained, looking at Hermione. "I wonder if you're not really falling in love with him, but the idea of who you can make him. I wonder sometimes that you're more in love with the idea that you can help redeem him or help him fight his emotional battles. Not that that's always a bad thing, but I think you might be putting that notion of love above the type of love where you just care about him as he is."
"I see," Hermione frowned slightly, not particularly liking that notion, but she considered what he was saying.
"Now don't get me wrong, I think you'll do wonders for him," Draco continued. "But you know you have a long way to go with him. I mean, I think he's doing the same thing to you; twisting you to fit his own image. I don't think he can quite help it, it's in his nature. The same way it's in yours to help others. I just think you two will have to work on truly seeing each other as you are."
"No, you're right Draco, I understand what you're saying," Hermione smiled slightly, her brain still dissecting and analysing what he had said. It was a lot to think about, as if she didn't have enough already, what with school and head girl duties. But think on it she would.
Over the next month or so, Draco's words would not leave her mind, making her all too aware of how she and Severus acted around each other. On the surface, they appeared to be a fairly normal couple, if they had conformed to societal norms and declared themselves such. When she wasn't occupied by head girl duties or school work, she would either be working with him, or just spending time with him in general. They spent many evenings sitting on the couch reading together, or discussing some arcane bit of potions information one of them had read about. Hermione noticed that since that first blow-up, they had become closer, physically that is. More kisses were shared, as was a bit of exploration, though nothing too far. Neither was ready for that. But Hermione noticed that even though there was a new degree of closeness, at times it felt as if there were walls up between them, keeping them apart in a way. There was progress, but sometimes it felt like there was still something blocking them.
Hermione wanted to talk about that with him, but Halloween was only a week away, and due to student persuasion, he had agreed to give a Halloween costume ball for all fourth years and up. The first through third years would be given a special trip to Hogsmede as well as a party in the afternoon. So she and Blaise, along with the help of the prefects, had to finalize the ball arrangements. The food, decorations, entertainments, and so on. Not to mention she had to find a date as well as a costume. Well, she had an idea about both, but needed to proceed carefully.
"Severus," Hermione spoke up that Wednesday before the Halloween ball, which would be Friday.
"Hmm?" He didn't look up from the potions journal he was reading.
"You have to chaperone the ball, don't you?"
"Yes," he said slowly, looking up, wondering what she was getting at.
"Well, I need an escort-"
"No," he said shortly, interrupting her.
"But why? As your apprentice, it wouldn't look at all odd for us to show up together. And it's not like you'll have to hang around and wait on me hand and foot or anything," she continued to plead when she saw him open his mouth to refuse. "Please Severus? As a favor to me?"
He simply stared at her, and she gave a sigh, as she assumed he was going to simply refuse again.
"All right, but I refuse to dress in some outlandish costume," he sneered, but it soon turned into a smile as she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him soundly by way of thanks.
"Well you're going to wear a costume, but don't worry, it's black mostly," she grinned, standing up and disappearing presumably to her rooms. She appeared a few minutes later carrying a bag. "Here."
"What is it?" He simply raised an eyebrow as he stared at her holding the garment bag, and made no move to take it from her.
"Your costume," she huffed, unzipping the bag and holding it out to him. "A classic black tux. The only colour is the cummerbund and bow tie, which are a light silvery-blue. My gown is a similar colour. We're going as a couple from the turn of the century, unless you've some objection?" Her look made it clear he had better not.
"No, that's fine," he conceded. "You knew I'd say yes, didn't you? This is in my measurements and all."
"Well, not for sure, no, but I hoped. If you said no, I would've transfigured it to fit one of the boys who didn't have a date that I would've asked," she answered, re-zipping the bag and laying it over the back of the couch. "I'll meet you here at a quarter till seven then on Friday, all right?"
"That's fine," he nodded, then kissed her goodnight.
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"Severus, come on out, it's almost ten till, and I'm supposed to be there on time to make sure everything's ready and to set a good example," Hermione called impatiently from where she was standing in the living room.
"All right, I'm here," he announced brusquely, walking into the room.
He stopped short as he took in the sight of her. She didn't notice his awe, but kept on talking, and came over to tuck a rose bud, white with silver edges, into his button-hole. He simply stood there, taking in the site of her. The gown was long, trailing behind her in a short train as she walked, no doubt charmed against tearing and dirt. The ice-blue coloured gown had wide straps, and a slight cowl neckline in back. In front, there was a low-cut, silvery bodice with detailed bead work, and the skirt was open in the front, revealing a silvery under-panel. Around her neck was a simply matching ribbon serving as a necklace. Her hair was smooth and shining, pulled back and up in an elegant chignon or sorts. As she adjusted his bow-tie, he also saw that she wore above-the-elbow white gloves. With her hair back and the old-fashioned gown, he was again reminded of how Bella had looked at some of the holiday parties their families had attended.
"Severus?" Hermione's voice was tinged with worry, and he forced himself back to reality.
"Yes?" He looked down at her.
"Is something wrong? For the past few minutes you've not said a thing."
"I was simply in awe of how exquisite you look right now," he replied in a rare show of emotional candidness.
"Oh," Hermione blushed with the compliment. She knew they were technically a couple and all, and that he cared about her, but he wasn't very forthcoming with adulations of any sort. "Thank you. You look good yourself. I knew this costume would suit you."
"So it does," he nodded. Of all the costumes he knew he would see tonight, his would undoubtedly be considered tame. Though he was sure it would still shock many of the staff and students that he was in costume. Usually when forced to attend such events as a chaperone, he wore his customary black robes.
"All right, now," Hermione spoke up as he pulled her hand through his arm and began to escort her to the hall. "I was just informed this morning that Blaise and I, with our dates, must open the ball. So you'll have to dance once with me, but then you can feel free to torment the other students."
"Meddling old codger," he mumbled under his breath in reply as they entered the great hall, where everyone was milling around, awaiting the beginning of the ball.
"Ah Miss Granger," Albus smiled broadly as they entered discreetly through a side door out of view on the stage and came over to where he was standing next to Blaise and Daphne. "You look lovely."
"Thank you sir," she nodded, greeting Blaise and Daphne who had come as Osiris and Isis. "I love your costumes, you two look fabulous!"
"So do you!" Daphne shared a smile with her. "I'm surprised you were able to convince Professor Snape here to attend in costume."
"Well I'm sure you're well aware of how persuasive Hermione can be," Severus interjected. "And since she had no escort for this evening, I felt it my duty as her potion's instructor to accompany her."
"As you should have sir," Blaise nodded respectfully, then turned back to the Headmaster as he cast sonorous on himself to gather everyone's attention, walking into view on the stage where the band had finished setting up.
"Welcome everyone to the Halloween ball!" He was greeted with loud applause and cheers. "Now to open the ball, please welcome your head boy and head girl!"
"Now no glaring," Hermione whispered as they followed Blaise and Daphne out and off the stage, onto the dance floor.
"How about smirking?" He asked, expertly swinging her around so she came face to face with him and transitioned smoothly into the dance- some slow song he didn't know.
"How about we just continue talking so you don't have to worry about what your face does," she looked up at him, raising an eyebrow and looking a good deal like him for a moment.
"I suppose. You know, none of the students appear all that surprised to see me escorting you," he observed with some interest.
"Well what did you expect Severus? I'm your apprentice, the head of house ad litem, as well as your friend. Everyone knows that. Everyone also knows that I'm not exactly high on the list of girls-wanted-as-a-date, never mind the fact that I was involved with Percy, and our break-up was never publicized in any way."
"I suppose. All the better for me I suppose. Or rather, all the worse; this will prove to some of the students that I'm indeed human," he huffed, a bit put out at that.
"Oh don't worry, I think your reputation is safe," Hermione laughed. "After all, you're only like this with me, and that's because I'm your girl."
"Only you Bella," he said softly, remembering a time Bella had said the same thing.
"I beg your pardon?" Hermione said, not having heard that last comment.
"I said only you Hermione," he gave her a quick reassuring smile, then bowed slightly as the song finished, and led her off the floor to where Ron, Luna, Harry, Ginny, and several other Gryffindors were grouped together.
"Thank you Professor," she smiled as he left to go sit down at the professor's table. He didn't make it half-way around the room though before Madame Hooch snatched him up for a dance.
"You look pretty Mione," Harry complimented her once she had turned back to them.
"Yeah, you look good," Ron added belatedly after a nudge from Luna.
"Where'd you get the idea for your costume?" Lavender asked, and the girls all immediately grouped together, discussing costumes and charms for hair and make-up and the like. The boys shared a collective eye-roll, and moved a ways apart to discuss quidditch, of course. That didn't last very long though, as soon enough the girls were wanting to dance, and pulled their respective dance partner onto the floor. Hermione accepted Neville's invitation to dance, though she made sure to keep as reasonable a distance as was appropriate, in order to save her toes.
The rest of the evening, when Severus wasn't being forced to dance by Hooch or McGonagall, or on one occasion, Ginny, he kept to sitting at the table reserved for staff. On and off throughout the dance, Hermione would also join him, though never for long. She had underestimated her popularity with the young men, and often found herself on the dance floor. Potter, Weasley, Thomas, Finnegan, Blaise, and Draco. Not to mention the youngers who worked up to courage to ask her to dance. Not that she ever refused any of the sniveling little brats, but each seemed to think his invitation to dance wouldn't be accepted.
"Come now Severus," she smiled as she walked over to him, hands out. "It's the last dance. We opened the ball together, so it's only fitting we close together."
He gave her a mock glare, but didn't refuse her. He had once again been pulled into the past of his mind, on an occasion where he and Bella had spent much of an evening like this dancing it away together. Scolding himself, he focused on the fact that he was dancing with Hermione. Not Bella, but Hermione. Giving Hermione's hand a slight squeeze as his other hand went to rest below her shoulder blade, he led her through a few simple steps, not at all surprised when she followed his lead with ease.
"Holding back on everyone?" He whispered silkily after spinning her out and bringing her back in.
"No. It's just there are few who know how to dance," she replied. "I don't even know much more than what we're doing. And this is only because my father taught me a bit at a few weddings we've attended over the years."
"You should look into lessons then," he suggested. "You've a natural grace and poise for it, so it appears."
"Why don't you teach me?" She asked, smirking impishly. "Then maybe we can try the horizontal tango."
"Hermione," he glared at her, barely able to keep himself from stumbling in surprise at her audacity. "Watch your tongue."
"All right, but just remember you told me too," she gave another smirk before dissolving into giggles. "I'm sorry, I'll stop. Honestly, it was all Ginny's idea. She wanted to see if I could embarrass you."
"Well you didn't succeed, though I'll admit you had me greatly surprised with your words." He made a mental note to assign Ginny a week's worth of detentions."
"If you say so. And no retaliation allowed."
"Damn," he muttered as the song came to an end, but he couldn't fight the proud smirk that graced his features.
"I'm going to say my good-byes, and then we can leave. The prefects have clean-up duty," she smiled happily, looking around at all the mess to be cleaned.
"I'll be ready when you are," he nodded, then went to go speak with Albus.
"Splendid costume my boy," Albus greeted him jovially with a hug and a smile.
"As is yours Albus," Severus said politely, though he truthfully thought that whatever it was he was wearing was horribly garish in appearance.
"And Miss Granger looks lovely too, might I add?"
"Yes," Severus answered shortly, seeing that damnable twinkle appear in Albus' eye.
"Oh come off it Severus," Albus chuckled. "I may be old and half crazy if the rumors are true, but I'm not blind. You two make a wonderful couple."
"Who says we're a couple?"
"I do, and as the rumors say, I'm never wrong, so in fact I'm right about this. Besides, anyone can see the love she has for you. And that you too care for her, if a bit hesitantly."
"Hrmph."
"My child, if you ever listen to what I have to say, do so now. Open your heart to her, I beg you."
Severus turned to look at Albus with some degree of surprise and amazement at the heartfelt plea he had given. Before he had the chance to reply though, Hermione had come over and was bidding Albus farewell for the evening. Still thinking about Albus' words, Severus absently held out his arm to escort Hermione back to his chambers.
"That was fun, thank you for agreeing to go with me," Hermione smiled as she fell back onto the couch.
"Mm-hmm," was his absent reply.
Hermione watched him as he went about preparing some tea. She hated these little moods of his. When he got in one, it usually had something to do with memories of his past, and that could be a hard place to pull him back from. She was falling in love with him; hard. But there was a part of her that was holding back, because she knew he was holding back. And while she knew that she would give him her whole heart if only he asked, she didn't think he would do the same.
"Severus," she spoke up, finally catching his attention.
"Yes Hermione?"
"What am I to you? And I want the truth," her tone left no room for argument.
"You fill the void in my heart," he replied after a moment, not meeting her gaze as he sat down in one of the chairs in front of the fire, a mug of tea in his hands.
"I could never fill it completely," she said sadly. "And I refuse to be jealous of the memory you're constantly comparing me to."
"Well what did you expect?" His voice was harsh and loud. "You knew damn well what you were getting into when you got involved with me. I can only be myself Hermione, not whoever it is you're imagining me to be."
Hermione had a sense of déjà vu, remembering Draco's eerily similar words. Was she? Shaping him to fit her image of him?
"That's not what I'm doing Severus!" She all but screamed at him. She took a couple of deep breaths, unclenching her fists. "All I want is for you to see me. Not Bellatrix. But me, Hermione. I want you to love me Severus. I'm falling for you, as juvenile as that may sound. And all I'm asking, is for you to open your heart to me."
It was Severus' turn to experience a sense of déjà vu as his mind ran over Albus' words.
"I can't," he said softly.
"You could try!" Her voice was full of hurt. "All I'm asking is that you try."
"I can't," he repeated.
"Can't, or won't Severus?" Hermione got up and walked over, crouching down in front of him, taking his hands in hers.
"Won't," he barked, snatching his hands back. "I can't, I won't. Now get out."
"Severus," Hermione's tone was a good deal softer, almost apologetic.
"Get out, and don't come back," he seethed.
She stood up, looking shocked at the utter coldness with which he spoke. She walked over to the door that led to the lab, and paused, looking over her shoulder. He knew she was hoping he would call her back, or tell her to stay, or apologize. She gave a heavy sigh, and he could almost hear the tears she was silently crying as she walked through the door. It closed with a click that left an over-powering silence in it's wake.
He was glad she had left. He was getting tired…so tired…of dealing with all the emotions and demons that threatened to overwhelm him.
"Damn it!" He threw his mug at the fire where it exploded from the impact against the wall.
Why couldn't she have left well enough alone? Things had been pleasant, comfortable even, between them. He enjoyed their time together, most of it spent sitting in front of the fire reading, or just enjoying the silence wrapped in each others arms. But she had been right. He couldn't seem to stop comparing her to Bella. Merlin knew he tried, but then she'd say something, or make some gesture that was so completely Bella, that he forgot she wasn't.
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"Oh Merlin, what have I done?" Hermione cried furiously, wiping harshly at her eyes.
She had called him on his behavior, and he had called her on hers. It was true, he and Draco had been right. She had been trying to change him, even though she thought she was helping him. Now he couldn't stand her, and she was sure she had lost all hope of reconciling with him. It was over.
"I can't stay here," she gasped, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in her quarters.
In a panic, she grabbed her wand and shoved it in her pocket, and ran from her quarters. She wasn't sure where she wanted to go, but her feet seemed too, and brought her to the statue of the one-eyed witch. Saying the password, she slid down and ran through the tunnel as fast as she could, and up through the trapdoor in Honeyduke's. She barely took notice of the alarm that sounded as she unlocked the door and ran out. Looking around, still in a panic, her inner instincts took over, and she disapparated with a pop, leaving only the dark night behind.
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A/N: Hey y'all. Well, it's another chapter at any rate. Sorry about the ball- I know they're cliché, and I know I had one at the beginning of the story, and I didn't particularly want to do another, but it gave me something to write, ya know? And it also kinda gave me something to "look forward" to so to speak, and jump time in the story a little bit. Now, the break-up…I'm sure a bunch of you are ready to curse me out and pepper me with tomatoes and other rotten fruits and vegetables, but don't! Cause of course, it'll take me all that much longer to write, and secondly, it was another one of those pesky little necessary plot devices. Breaking up with Severus will send Hermione back to Percy for a much more serious development in their relationship, as she's going to give it her all. And of course, that will eventually cause dear old Severus to pull his head out of his arse and try to get her back. So don't be too angry, cause I just told ya what's gonna happen, and y'all know that they'll end up together in the end. Oh, and just in case anyone is curious, the link for Hermione's gown is www . malabar . net / rentalgal / couples / turncen7 . htm. Just take out the spaces, and you'll see it hopefully. And review- cause I love it lol.