It just gets better and better

Disclaimer: bla bla, I don´t own them because seriously, jess would have stayed so put! I´m not

making money because a.) I´m not allowed to and b.) I wouldn´t make much!

A/N: English is not my first language, it´s not even my second language, I just learned it in school and from tons of dvds and books. Now on with the story that of course is going to be a LIT, ( because anything else is simply illegal)

Rating: T/M I have no idea about the rating system in the US, just tell me if it´s not right.

We were happy, we were really happy. Pay special attention to the tense, it´s past tense. Lately I feel like I don´t even know her anymore, she doesn´t let me in. She comes home from work and I even stopped bothering asking about her day because the only answer I´d get would be a shrug that means: don´t ask, I don´t wanna talk to you! What did I do wrong? Where did we go wrong ?

We met when we were teenagers, she naïve, me too cool for school, but maybe that was just the right recipe for a great friendship because that´s as what we started. Friends, I wouldn´t say best friends, but really good friends. I was different from her other friends, because I didn´t expect much of her, she didn´t have to pretend for me … I loved her just the way she was. And the thing that hurts the most is that I still love her. She´s the reason I went to school, she´s the reason I graduated college, she´s the reason I have woken up every damn morning, it may sound corny, but that´s just it, I´m just in this specific mood where nothing is right and where I don´t have a reason to wake up in the morning anymore, because I don´t have her anymore…she told me yesterday :

" jess, this doesn´t work!" I was surprised she started a conversation, but I was totally stunned by what she had to say to me.

" I´m gonna move out. I´m moving in with Paris, I need space and time from…"

"from me?"

She shook her head, I realized too late that she meant to nod.

"yeah"

My head was spinning, I couldn´t think straight, I couldn´t breath, I started sweating… this would be a nice situation to suffer from a heart attack, but I knew it wasn´t something physical, it was simply the great emotional pain that shot through me.

"why?" my voice was just slightly audible …. I was afraid of the answer, what if she didn´t love me anymore? I didn´t want her to answer the question, I wanted to cry and maybe, in the back of my head I wanted to die.

" it feels wrong"

"Rory, how the fuck can it feel wrong after 7 years …? Did u just wake up one day and thought, well no, this isn´t right? Rory, I deserve an explanation. I fucking do!" I saw the tears forming in her eyes and I knew I should have stopped right there, but I was sad, I was upset and as I said earlier I couldn´t think straight!

"Why rory ?´all of a sudden I´m not good enough for u ? what is it rory, and don´t give me this " it´s not u, it´s me" shit. I´m not falling for this!"

Her piercing blue eyes looked straight into mine, which I bet were nearly black. Rory always used to make fun of my eyes when I was angry. She would always say, it would make me look passionate and that she had real trouble to keep her hands off me in these specific situations. Once, she couldn´t restrain herself and she went down on me in public… well not like on the time square but at a Mc Donald´s restroom…I got the weird feeling that´s not what she was thinking right then when she told me that she wanted to go on a break….rory always made me watch friends, so tell me, Ross and Rachel really didn´t actually hit it off afterwards, now did they?

I left her standing in the apartment and went out, I needed to clear my head, I needed to think , I needed to forget, short: I needed to get wasted. I got wasted that night, in fact that wasted that I have no idea how I got home, or how I made it safely in my bed . I feel the soft fabrique of the sheets under my bare back, rory loved these sheets. Despite the urge to go back to sleep I got up and changed the sheets into those ones I used to have when I had my first bachelor pad. it´s not like rory and I were married, because we both think that it´s not necessary to get married just because u get to pay less taxes. We loved each other that was enough for us. We had us.

Flashback:

It was a couple of months since we started going out, both 18 years old and in love ( I was always proud of our love because it didn´t seem to fade over all these years but it seemed to grow stronger every moment we spent together)

"jess?"

"hmm…" I was lying on my back on my bed and was too exhausted from hours of working my ass off at Wal-Mart.

" do u believe in soul mates?"

"huh?"

"I asked if u believed in soul mates?"

"hmm, I´ve never really thought about that. Well, I think u realize in the first five minute of´ being with someone if u hit it off or not, but I think for feeling like being soul mates u have to put a lot energy into any kind of relationship…" rory fell silent and buried her head in my chest. I knew she had to think about my words.

"but" I continued " I think in the near future I will have to start referring to u as my soul mate because I feel like. What I mean is…. Well, u know what I mean right ?"

"No, tell me!" she demanded, voice clear and full of energy.

"well I mean I feel like we fit, I mean like really really fit. it´s like sometimes u look right through me, as if u got x- rays eyes that scan my soul, that´s never happened before in my life but on the other hand u know exactly when to leave me alone.

" so u think we´re soul mates? I mean like meant for each other?"

" I like to think so!" She snuggled into my body and released a content sigh

" and I was so afraid that it was only me, jess."

"no, it´s not only u, it´s not only u" I murmured while drifting off to sleep.

Flashback end

So here I was lying in my king sized bed, thinking about all those memories that made my life all worth living and while tears were running down my cheeks I couldn´t stop wondering if my life still was worth living without her. I got up and took a long hot shower hoping that it would clear my head, what unfortunately didn´t work…. At all.

All I could think about was rory… why? She didn´t even give me a damn reason except that " this is wrong " line. Has she met another guy ? Has she fallen in love with some other guy and at the same time fallen out of love with me?

The funny thing is that I had to call lorelai, well, we didn´t exactly hit it off at the beginning, but she grew on me and more important I grew on her. It´s weird, but sometimes I feel what it is like to have a loving mother… out of all people, lorelai Gilmore, the one woman I yelled at the first time I met her, the one who I told off, to leave me alone…. I needed to talk to her, which was a bit strange because she was also my girlfriend´s oh, I mean apparently ex-girlfriends mother. Then it hit me really hard… ex-girlfriend, we had broken up, not in a mutual way might I add. Breathing suddenly became a really important issue, rory broke up with me ? Fuck, I can´t believe it. A couple of weeks ago everything seemed to be alright, I mean really amazing between the two of us and now all of this should have been an imagination, a trick that my mind played on me? Dear boy, my life sucks…just when I was about to dial the oh so familiar number I chickened out. No I didn´t exactly chicken out I just made up my mind… I couldn´t do that… jess mariano, tough guy, wouldn´t go running to his ex girlfriend ´s mother to have a heart to heart, no way in hell… as if the fucking phone was reading my mind it started ringing. It sounded as if it was yelling at me to get a grip.

"´lo"

"jess, you gotta stop her", lorelai´s voice sounded sad and worn out. The woman who I knew as the strongest woman on earth was crying and begging me to stop her… to stop who from doing what ? I didn´t know…

"jess, she´s leaving, my baby´s gonna move to London, I don´t know what to do" her voice was nearly a whisper now and I had to concentrate really hard to hear her choke out these words.

" lorelai?" I asked as if I wasn´t sure it was her.

" she came by today all sad and tired and told me about your breakup and…."

I was surprised that rory hadn´t told her before ..

"did she?" I had to work up all my strength to go on. I took a deep breath…

"did she tell you why ?"

I heard lorelai surpress a sob on the other end of the line

"no, she just told me you guys broke up, she wouldn´t tell me why. what happened?"

I tried to answer truthfully but I couldn´t since I didn´t know either.

"I don´t know. She started acting weird after some party she had to go to and then yesterday she came home and broke it off!"

It hurt to say that out loud.

"did u have a fight, something .. Tell me, jess, why is my baby moving to England?" she sounded desperate.

Flashback:

She was standing in front of the mirror fixing her hair while I was at my desk writing an article that was due the next day.

I heard her swear under her breath.

"dammit, jess, I don´t wanna go, please come with me, we could mock my coworkers getting drunk"

I sighed

"ror, I can´t . you know that this article is due tomorrow, it won´t be written all by itself while I´m out partying!" I was tired of having the same conversation all over again this evening.

"I know, I know, I just thought maybe you would like to spend an evening with your girlfriend, I´ll make it up to you" she shot me a glance as if to check I got the suggestion.

"come on, baby, we´re gonna spend the whole next week in bed or do whatever it is u wanna do, just not tonight, but just so you know, u can wake me up when u get home" I smirked at her.

"you wish!" she giggled as she came over to where I was sitting. She sat down in my lap and started to kiss my neck. I willingly responded by taking her head in my hands and as I started to kiss her back she sighed into my mouth. She could feel my arousal, I mean, hell she was practically sitting on it. The kiss started to get more passionate and rougher. She pulled away from my lips and I protested slightly but I knew we didn´t have time for this. She rested her forehead against mine and chuckled silently. I tried to look her in the eye, surprised.

" I love you jess, u make me happy, u make me whole, thank you for being you!"

I smiled at her and kissed her one last time

" you´re the reason I wake up every morning, rory, thank you for sticking with me and my inner bad boy!" my voice sounded strange even to me. It was sincere, without the hint of sarcasm and honest. She made me this person. We smiled at each other. She got up, humming and finally got ready.

"Hey rory ? I love you too." she looked at me through the mirror and smiled.

When she left that evening with the promise to wake me up when she was home, I had a weird feeling in my gut. I had no idea why or what it was, I just wanted it to go away.

My life started to fall apart that very moment and I didn´t even know it. The thing I know is that she didn´t get home until late that night and didn´t wake me up.

Flashback end

It struck me hard.

"London?" I choked out .

"as in Europe, England, the united kingdom?"

"yeah"

"hey lorelai, I gotto go, sorry, later!" I didn´t even wait for a response I just pressed the button on the phone to end this conversation, hoping to wake up from this nightmare.

I took the keys from the table and went out of our apartment,.

First chapter of my first story up, finally. I gotta admit, I´m a bit scared, but well. Please remember that English is not my first language, point out the mistakes. Anf if anyone liked to be my beta, I would gladly accept! Review!