Title: Tears
Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR or any songs that are sung.
"SHADOW KILLER! How could you! See if I ever call you Rai ever again!" I said anger fuming all around me. The back round of my dream had fire all over it and it was a very frightening sight. But to me it seemed to fit my mood and I liked it despite the fact that it looked dangerous. I looked around my fiery new world and couldn't find Shadow Killer. Figures.
Unknown to me Legolas had been the one that had caught me before hitting the ground and was now carrying me as the Fellowship walked toward the woods. And to add to my embarrassment that I will have when I wake up I was crying in my sleep because of a dream I had after I let all my anger out. By now I was able to tell if it was the dream was real or not. It was about the fact that if I ever did return home. How would my family react to how different I am now? I know my mom would be having a hard time with it and insist on removing anything that doesn't belong and getting me brown contacts to cover the golden eyes, despite the fact that I hate contacts. My older brother and father would probably try and accept me and try to comfort my mom with the situation. As the dream went on I began to realize that no matter how much I may want to, it would be best if I never saw my family again and thus leading to the crying in my sleep.
I woke up to see Legolas looking at me with concern as he carried me. I yelped in surprise. (Yes Michael Jackson Fan I yelped) and struggled to be let go but he had a tight hold on me. Then I sighed giving in and looked at him with a confused face. I couldn't remember a single thing that had happened; not even in my dream except my family dream part.
"How are you fairing." Legolas asked still holding me.
"Fine. Just fine. What happened? My memory is a little fuzzy." I said. All I remember is being left behind by those GODFORSAKEN elves after I ran into a tree. And being surrounded by orcs then having a conversation with all my canine friends then walking a lot and comforting Merry and Pippin. Then everything is a blank. Oh, good thing I didn't say that stuff out loud or I probably would have insulted Legolas.
"You started talking about being a princess and that your followers would not allow you to die unless you had a child and that you were immortal. Then you started crying saying that 'Rai' had no right to take over your body." Legolas said looking at me. I think he wants an explanation along with the rest of the fellowship who has currently decided to stare at me. Boromir was the only one with suspicion and hatred.
"So Rai took control of my body and I'm immortal… THAT LITTLE WENCH! I never agreed to being immortal I just agreed to the fact that I was her reincarnation. She never said anything about controlling my body! JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON THAT ALREADY DEAD WARG PRINCESS!" I shouted with lots of anger in my voice. Though it didn't help Legolas to be holding me with the shouting cause he was flinching at every word I shouted.
"Sorry Legolas. I was just angry I didn't mean to shout." I apologized realizing what I did.
"'Tis alright." Legolas said.
"Erm… can you put me down?" I asked and I could have sworn that Legolas blushed but maybe that was just me. He put me down and I smiled at him politely. The dream I was having before came back to me and I turned away not wanting them to see me cry.
"Um, I'm going for a walk. I will be back later… If I'm not then go on without me…" I said walking away and to stopping the tears until I was out of earshot, unfortunately I was being followed by none other than Legolas. I reached a river and looked at my reflection in the water. My fox ears were bent back showing that I was upset and my golden eyes were slightly red and threatening to spill any tears. I closed my eyes imagining a new cleaner shirt and pants on me I opened my eyes to see a black shirt that said 'I shall suffer alone for I do not wish for anyone to suffer with me' and some baggy black pants. I chose black cause to me it signified sadness and loss but not evil. I am not evil at least I hope I'm not.
"Shadow Killer… Was she evil? I am her reincarnation so if she was evil would that make me evil as well? No… I am my own person, I won't let the person I was before affect who I am now. So I'm not evil and I do not wish to be evil." I said not knowing that I said it out loud. Legolas stared at me in amazement wondering how my clothes changed so quickly but I was still unaware of his presence and he did not wish to reveal himself away wanting to see what will happen next.
"Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I don't want to be the one
Who battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight"
I sang stuttering at first but then it grew stronger and louder so the fellowship could hear me clearly. Legolas looked at me as I started to sob.
"I really didn't want to be here, I really didn't want to be immortal, I really didn't want to be a princess I really didn't, I really didn't, I really did'nt."I said out loud . More tears came out as I closed my eyes, I got up and passed Legolas without realizing that he was even there and I headed back to the place where they were staying. As soon as I got there, Legolas behind me, the hobbits wanted to know why my eyes were red and I just smiled at them.
"I was crying for Gandalf. If you will excuse me I think I need some sleep." I lied. I wasn't crying just for Gandalf but for all that I have already lost. My dog, my three uncles, Gandalf, and most importantly my family who I know will never accept what I have become who I will make think I am dead for not returning home or not ever waking up like I did in the hospital. I lie down and turn my face away from everyone.
'I really didn't want to be here, I really didn't want to be immortal, I really didn't want to be a princess.' I thought to myself as I drifted into a deep sleep.
Fk306: That is chapter ten. Hope you like!
Bucky: I didn't.
Fk306: No offense Bucky, but you don't like anything except fish and mice to eat. After all you are a cat.
Bucky: Shut up! Not everyone knows I'm a cat!
Fk306: I know that's why I'm saying that. Michael Jackson Fan thanks glad you like it.
Bucky: I hate you.
Fk306: I know that. Alaterial567 yes I think its one of my best stories too it's also my longest and as for Shadow Killer. You will just have to wait to see cause there is no way I'm telling.
Bucky: Please read and review…