Chapter 4,

Still don't own them.

Rory POV:

The minute I left our apartment I felt lost. With every step I took I erased my past, my past with him. I knew I couldn't go back then, I screwed up too much, I hurt him too much. The funny thing is though, I was hurt as well, but it was my own doing. I was the one getting drunk, I was the one sleeping with another guy. I cheated, I'm a cheater. What did Rachel's mother tell her in Friends: Once a cheater, always a cheater.! Despite the urge to go back in to wait for him, maybe explain my actions to him, I kept walking. I fiddled the keys for my car out of my purse and got in the car. I had to tell mom,

I sat behind the wheel taking a deep breath. I looked back to the apartment we shared for over a year now and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I inspected myself in the back mirror. Bags under my eyes that weren't as blue as they were supposed to. They were clouded over with a dark shadow of sorrow, guilt and the feeling never to be happy again. I shut my eyes tightly to suppress the sobs that were now announcing their arrival. I bit my lower lip until I could taste the blood on my tongue. It didn't help, as I was starring at this unfamiliar face in the mirror, I broke down completely.

When I got the my childhood home, my eyes were puffy and red. The mascara was all over my face. I could still taste the salt and blood on my lip. I couldn't stop thinking: You get what you deserve.

I knocked on the door, it was silly I knew that, but ever since mom and Luke moved in together I felt like I should announce my arrival especially since they didn't know I was coming over.

"mom?" I yelled as I stepped into the house after minutes of waiting outside in the cold. After all it was nearly October. " Mom?" I yelled again, this time louder. I just wanted to take out my cell phone to call her I heard laughing outside on the porch. I spotted my mom sitting on the steps of the porch, Luke's arms around her, as if he wanted to keep her warm. She looked him into his eyes leaned forward to whisper something in his ear. He smiled and tightened his grip on her. Suddenly mom jumped up yelling " hey, that's Rory's car. My baby's home!" I heard the door open with a loud thud , nearly knocking the windows out. She hugged me before I could even blink. " offspring of mine, what a surprise." I hugged her tightly not wanting to let go off her, just for once I wanted to feel as if everything was alright. Oh boy. Being mom's little girl, I couldn't control myself any longer. I was shaking uncontrollably, my sobs getting louder and more desperate. My mom tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let her. I needed her to hold me. I needed to know she still loved me. That's when I figured that I couldn't tell her what happened at this party and afterwards. I didn't want to to disappoint her. I didn't want to lose her love as well.

"Rory, honey, what's wrong?" I could hear the fear in her voice. She was scared shitless to see me like this. I always was the strong and confident one in this relationship. I would be the one to calm her down when she was freaking out. I used to be the rational one… used to be.

"mom", I tried to choke out between two sobs. I cried so hard I was hiccupping already.

"honey, what's wrong?" she would ask the question all over again, getting more and more concerned every time she asked.

"Rory" now, she was shaking my shoulders as if to say: get a grip! "Rory, did something happen to jess?" she was now yelling so loudly, that Luke came running in the room. He looked from me to my mom and his face paled visibly. He adjusted his cap and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He swallowed and finally he could put the words together.

" Jess's alright, isn't he?" it was a rhetoric question he didn't want an answer because I knew that it would kill him inside if the boy, the man he considered his son was physically hurt.

I saw the shock and fear on both their faces and realized that they were imagining the worst scenario.

"he's okay, it's just that…" I took a shaky breath and then locked my eyes with my mothers´.

"Ibrokeupwithhim" I let it all come out in a long breath.

Mom gasped: " I beg you pardon?" she knew I wasn't joking, she was there when I had my breakdown just a minute ago.

Luke just looked at me, mouth hanging open, his eyes avoiding mine. The tension in the house was high, you could have cut it with a knife.

And then I don't even know who it was asked the mother of all questions.

"why?" such a simple word, one syllable, three letters but for me this word symbolized the end. The end of the road, the end of growing up, the end of my life with jess.