After We've Said Goodbye, chapter 4
Written by Carolyn, Carolyn984@aol.com
A/N: So this last week has been a rough one for me, and next week isn't looking too hot school-wise. Hell week is fast approaching, so I guess it would be wise of me to post chapter four now, before I am swamped with work. It's been done for a while now, but I always like to wait until I get a chapter or two ahead before sending out another one. It gives me, I don't know, a space-cushion or something. I originally had planned to end it with this chapter but then I got new ideas and typed up chapter 5 just a few minutes ago. It'll be a while before you all get to read it though. ;- ) Without further ado, chapter four!
For Coach Bennie, 1967-2004. Always in our Hearts.
"I rise and fall, but through it all, this much remains. . ." Whitney Houston
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Out of simple courtesy, I hollered to Laura that I was going down the hall for a little while to meet someone, and got a toothpaste-obstructed "o-tay" in response. I looked myself over in the mirror—with my hair straightened and grown long, and my skinned still lightly tanned, I must admit, I was looking quite fine. All I needed was a little dab of under-eye concealer and some lip gloss, and I'd be all set. I mean, I didn't want to look all frumpy the first time I saw Jesse in, like, forever. Honestly. I'm no fool.
So, I ran my brush through my long chestnut hair, gave myself a final once- over, and steeled myself to step out the door. It pulled closed behind me—slammed, really, as those creaky dorm doors typically do—and I headed down the hall, my heart racing faster than it had in as long as I can remember. The slam of the door echoed with finality, with irreversibility. There was no going back. I was still kind of in a haze, what with Jesse just showing up miraculously, breathing life back into my lungs, and somehow setting the world back on its axis again.
Seriously, Six Flags should come up with a new roller coaster ride: The Suze Simon. How's that for a thriller? I'm not even kidding. With all the sudden ups and crashing downs in my life, it would be the biggest money- maker in theme-park history.
I saw Jesse's form leaning against the balcony (not, might I add, something I would recommend anyone with actual matter do), and my breath quickened. I couldn't even begin to imagine what had happened to him in these past six agonizing months, and you know what? Part of me didn't even care.
Oh, sure, I *cared*. I mean, there wasn't a bone in my body that didn't want to know what had kept him from me all this time. But then, there was this other part of me that felt that it just didn't matter. I mean, Jesse was back! All of the sudden, my life, which had become gloomy and dismal since that fateful day, had come shuddering back into motion. I could breathe again.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out onto the abandoned ledge. The soft, warm breeze caressed my face, sending my dark hair billowing about my shoulders. I settled beside him, trying, with moderate success, to keep my emotions in check.
Let me tell you, that was so not an easy task. Not with Jesse staring into my eyes, his dark liquid orbs burning into me, just as I had remembered them doing so long ago. I felt my breath waver. Resolve was definitely not at a high point.
He reached up with his left hand and touched my face gently, almost as if he was making sure I was really there. Right, like *he* was the one who should be skeptical. My whole body shook with his touch, as if the blood that had been frozen in my veins for over half the year had suddenly thawed and began circulating once again.
I stared up at him, at a total loss for words. What could I say? I couldn't even think straight.
"Susannah," he whispered in that silky voice of his. God, how I missed hearing it. "I'm. . . I'm so sorry. . . about everything."
Okay, I'll admit it. I completely lost it. Every emotion, every feeling that I had bottled up so tightly inside of me since last summer when my heart was torn out and shredded broke through my steely walls and poured out. Not even poured. Crashed.
"Oh, Jesse," I said. Okay, sobbed. As if his touch turned me into an instant wreck. I threw my arms around him, probably shocking him quite a bit, and breathed shakily into his white shirt. "I. . . you. . . I missed you so much. . ."
Fantastic. Not even a minute into our conversation, I had turned into a bawling, incoherent waterfall. Great. Just great. I told myself as I walked hazily down the hallway that I would be strong about this, listen to what he had to say, and take it all in maturely. I said I wouldn't let my aching heart get the best of me.
I guess I also should've told myself to stop kidding.
Instead of staring down at me like I was a fool (which, believe me, I felt like, underneath that curtain of tears and wails), Jesse wrapped both arms around me and held me tightly. He kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair, whispering soothing Spanish words into it. Subconsciously, I was thankful my new Herbal Essences Fruit Frusions shampoo smelled positively delectable, which I was hoping he noticed.
Odd, the things I think of. Really. Why was I thinking about my shampoo at a time like this?
What seemed like hours later, but what probably was only a minute or so, I pulled my head back and broke away. "I'm sorry. It's just that. . . well, you know," I sniffed, surprised that I wasn't even embarrassed.
Jesse clasped my hand in his. "Querida," he stared straight at me, forcing me to look into his deep eyes. "Do not apologize. Not to me."
I couldn't help smiling just a little. It was still him. Still the Jesse I knew, and yes, loved. Feeling the need to change the subject, I ventured, "Where, um. . . where did you go?"
"I was obligated," he sighed, "to return to the shadowland." Before I could interject, with God knows what, probably some hasty accusation that Paul had gotten his greedy mitts on him again, Jesse continued, "I was assured that it is a standard procedure, for spirits who have not yet moved on after such a great deal of time. I was questioned as to why I had not left the living world, and pressured to do so, but," he said with a slight grin, "I managed to convince my superiors that I was still needed here."
Instead of asking him what he said, which I desperately wanted to know, because surely he had to have mentioned me in there somewhere, I blurted, "And that took *six months*?"
Jesse, unlike me, found my exasperated tone rather amusing, which only made me more frustrated. There he was, laughing at me, while I stood there confused and bewildered as a result of him. He was *laughing* at me! I couldn't believe it.
Just like old times.
God, it was so good to have him back.
----------------------------------------------
2004 by Carolyn
Thanks everyone for reviewing! Chapter 5 will come in the near future. ;-)
Written by Carolyn, Carolyn984@aol.com
A/N: So this last week has been a rough one for me, and next week isn't looking too hot school-wise. Hell week is fast approaching, so I guess it would be wise of me to post chapter four now, before I am swamped with work. It's been done for a while now, but I always like to wait until I get a chapter or two ahead before sending out another one. It gives me, I don't know, a space-cushion or something. I originally had planned to end it with this chapter but then I got new ideas and typed up chapter 5 just a few minutes ago. It'll be a while before you all get to read it though. ;- ) Without further ado, chapter four!
For Coach Bennie, 1967-2004. Always in our Hearts.
"I rise and fall, but through it all, this much remains. . ." Whitney Houston
---------------------------------------------------
Out of simple courtesy, I hollered to Laura that I was going down the hall for a little while to meet someone, and got a toothpaste-obstructed "o-tay" in response. I looked myself over in the mirror—with my hair straightened and grown long, and my skinned still lightly tanned, I must admit, I was looking quite fine. All I needed was a little dab of under-eye concealer and some lip gloss, and I'd be all set. I mean, I didn't want to look all frumpy the first time I saw Jesse in, like, forever. Honestly. I'm no fool.
So, I ran my brush through my long chestnut hair, gave myself a final once- over, and steeled myself to step out the door. It pulled closed behind me—slammed, really, as those creaky dorm doors typically do—and I headed down the hall, my heart racing faster than it had in as long as I can remember. The slam of the door echoed with finality, with irreversibility. There was no going back. I was still kind of in a haze, what with Jesse just showing up miraculously, breathing life back into my lungs, and somehow setting the world back on its axis again.
Seriously, Six Flags should come up with a new roller coaster ride: The Suze Simon. How's that for a thriller? I'm not even kidding. With all the sudden ups and crashing downs in my life, it would be the biggest money- maker in theme-park history.
I saw Jesse's form leaning against the balcony (not, might I add, something I would recommend anyone with actual matter do), and my breath quickened. I couldn't even begin to imagine what had happened to him in these past six agonizing months, and you know what? Part of me didn't even care.
Oh, sure, I *cared*. I mean, there wasn't a bone in my body that didn't want to know what had kept him from me all this time. But then, there was this other part of me that felt that it just didn't matter. I mean, Jesse was back! All of the sudden, my life, which had become gloomy and dismal since that fateful day, had come shuddering back into motion. I could breathe again.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out onto the abandoned ledge. The soft, warm breeze caressed my face, sending my dark hair billowing about my shoulders. I settled beside him, trying, with moderate success, to keep my emotions in check.
Let me tell you, that was so not an easy task. Not with Jesse staring into my eyes, his dark liquid orbs burning into me, just as I had remembered them doing so long ago. I felt my breath waver. Resolve was definitely not at a high point.
He reached up with his left hand and touched my face gently, almost as if he was making sure I was really there. Right, like *he* was the one who should be skeptical. My whole body shook with his touch, as if the blood that had been frozen in my veins for over half the year had suddenly thawed and began circulating once again.
I stared up at him, at a total loss for words. What could I say? I couldn't even think straight.
"Susannah," he whispered in that silky voice of his. God, how I missed hearing it. "I'm. . . I'm so sorry. . . about everything."
Okay, I'll admit it. I completely lost it. Every emotion, every feeling that I had bottled up so tightly inside of me since last summer when my heart was torn out and shredded broke through my steely walls and poured out. Not even poured. Crashed.
"Oh, Jesse," I said. Okay, sobbed. As if his touch turned me into an instant wreck. I threw my arms around him, probably shocking him quite a bit, and breathed shakily into his white shirt. "I. . . you. . . I missed you so much. . ."
Fantastic. Not even a minute into our conversation, I had turned into a bawling, incoherent waterfall. Great. Just great. I told myself as I walked hazily down the hallway that I would be strong about this, listen to what he had to say, and take it all in maturely. I said I wouldn't let my aching heart get the best of me.
I guess I also should've told myself to stop kidding.
Instead of staring down at me like I was a fool (which, believe me, I felt like, underneath that curtain of tears and wails), Jesse wrapped both arms around me and held me tightly. He kissed the top of my head and stroked my hair, whispering soothing Spanish words into it. Subconsciously, I was thankful my new Herbal Essences Fruit Frusions shampoo smelled positively delectable, which I was hoping he noticed.
Odd, the things I think of. Really. Why was I thinking about my shampoo at a time like this?
What seemed like hours later, but what probably was only a minute or so, I pulled my head back and broke away. "I'm sorry. It's just that. . . well, you know," I sniffed, surprised that I wasn't even embarrassed.
Jesse clasped my hand in his. "Querida," he stared straight at me, forcing me to look into his deep eyes. "Do not apologize. Not to me."
I couldn't help smiling just a little. It was still him. Still the Jesse I knew, and yes, loved. Feeling the need to change the subject, I ventured, "Where, um. . . where did you go?"
"I was obligated," he sighed, "to return to the shadowland." Before I could interject, with God knows what, probably some hasty accusation that Paul had gotten his greedy mitts on him again, Jesse continued, "I was assured that it is a standard procedure, for spirits who have not yet moved on after such a great deal of time. I was questioned as to why I had not left the living world, and pressured to do so, but," he said with a slight grin, "I managed to convince my superiors that I was still needed here."
Instead of asking him what he said, which I desperately wanted to know, because surely he had to have mentioned me in there somewhere, I blurted, "And that took *six months*?"
Jesse, unlike me, found my exasperated tone rather amusing, which only made me more frustrated. There he was, laughing at me, while I stood there confused and bewildered as a result of him. He was *laughing* at me! I couldn't believe it.
Just like old times.
God, it was so good to have him back.
----------------------------------------------
2004 by Carolyn
Thanks everyone for reviewing! Chapter 5 will come in the near future. ;-)