Disclaimer: We own Saiyuki, yes we do! We like to lie, do you too?
Moi Musings: CRACK FIC! Not too bad. Lil sis was helping so she kept Big sis restrained. But if you review, we may post the uncensored version.
"Onlyyyyy yoooooooooooooooouuuuu…Can take my baaaad heart and make it goooooooooooooooooood….."
"MAKE IT STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF KAMI! MAKE IT STOP!"
The famous Sanzo-ikkou, famous for slaying all sorts of demons, restoring peace to the world and what-not, walked into the sleazy bar just in time to watch the balding man thrown out the back door by two buff bouncers with 'MOMMY' tattooed on their arms.
"Whoa," noted the redhead. "That had gotta hurt." Hakkai smiled. Goku nodded, mouth open. And Sanzo, being Sanzo, acted Sanzo and simply smoked his cigarette. Gay Guy 1 sidled up to the four men and rubbed against Sanzo invitingly (ok, so the guy wasn't gay, but he acted gay, so we're calling him gay guy 1, much to the protests of his wife, who says he isn't gay, but do we care! NO!). Gojyo snickered, Goku didn't seem to understand, Hakkai blinked and Sanzo looked ready to start World War III. His gun's safety clicked off.
"May-we-help-you?" Sanzo asked through clenched teeth as he twitched menacingly.
"Wooould yooou like me to get yoooou a table, sirrrrrrrrs?" Gay Guy 1 asked in a gay voice. "Or a rrrrroooom? Forrrrr just the both of ussssss?"
Meanwhile, in a room in a mansion in a land far, far away, the Grim Keeper checked his list on who was about to die. The first person on the list? Gay Guy 1.
Back to the sleazy bar in a village in a country in a land not-so-far away, a gay man lay in a steaming heap on the floor. Gojyo snickered. Hakkai sighed, but didn't bother trying to revive Gay Guy 1, and Goku still didn't get it. Sanzo pocketed his handgun.
"Let's go get our table."
No one protested.
When they finally found a table (the nicest one, mind you! With a jar of roses and salt-and-pepper shakers in the shape of cigarette packs). At this moment, Gay Guy 2 took the opportunity to glide up to Sanzo and copy what his (ever-so-stupid and therefore dead) predecessor by rubbing against Sanzo. Hakkai barely managed to restrain the fuming man (who apparently was a very good gay guy magnet).
When our favourite trigger happy blondie had partially calmed down, Gojyo decided to ask. "Well? What do you want beside a night with our Sanzo?" He just only dodged the bullets from the angry priest.
"Well," replied Gay Guy 2, completely unfazed by Sanzo's shooting frenzy, as though crazy monks came in everyday and shot everybody in sight. "I was wondering if you'd like to try our karaoke." He winked. "How about it, hottie?" Sanzo glared.
"No."
"But why?"
"Because he's tone-deaf."
All eyes turned to the kappa. Gojyo simply lit another cigarette.
"Repeat that."
"You heard me well enough, Princess."
Well, that did it. Out came the paper fan and WHAKETY WHACKETY WHACK WHACK. And wouldn't you know it, Gojyo didn't stop there!
"Face it, Doll, you can't sing for a pack of cigarettes!"
Sanzo twitched but miraculously didn't attempt to murder Gojyo. Instead he got up, whipped out a microphone (!) and tore off his robes (successfully causing a few women to swoon). Without another word, he strode up to the stage. Gojyo cackled, but Hakkai and Goku shushed him. Sanzo sent a trademark death glare in his direction before clearing his throat. He raised the microphone to his lips and the music began to play…
(This is a song. Go download it if you want from http/www.c4s-alternate.tk/) (It is really sung by Sanzo!)
Imi o motomete kizuguchi o mata hiraita
Kotae nado nai wakatte iru no ni
Byretto no hitotsu demo
mitsuketai ore wa
nani o mitai
There was a dull thud as Gojyo, who had apparently choked on his cigarette, fell unconscious to the floor. Hakkai and Goku simply shushed him.
Tsumi o kizande batsu o seotte nemureba
Itsuwari dake ga kazunde yuku no sa
Yasuragi to hohoemi ni
hikigane o hiita
ano hi kara
CAN'T YOU SEE? IT IS MY SOLITUDE
itami dake ga shinjitsu naraba
CAN'T YOU SEE? IT IS MY SOLITUDE
kodoku dake wa tebanasanai sa
Goku couldn't believe his ears. Sanzo was singing. Sanzo had a nice voice. Sanzo looked cool.
Ano hi kara
CAN'T YOU SEE? IT IS MY SOLITUDE
Itami dake ga shinjitsu naraba
CAN'T YOU SEE? IT IS MY SOLITUDE
Kodoku dake wa tebanasanai sa
Sukuwarenai
Tamashii nara
Sukuwarenai
Hakkai gaped. For and grand total of three years, seven months, two weeks, four days, eighteen hours, six minutes and twenty-two seconds, he had never heard Sanzo sing. Well, at least he sounded good. Thank Kami for that.
Ano hi kara
CAN'T YOU SEE? IT IS MY SOLITUDE
Itami dake ga shinjitsu naraba
CAN'T YOU SEE? IT IS MY SOLITUDE
Kodoku dake wa tebanasanai sa
CAN'T YOU SEE? IT IS MY SOLITUDE
Itami dake ga shinjitsu naraba
CAN'T YOU SEE? IT IS MY SOLITUDE
Kodoku dake wa tebanasanai sa
Gojyo awoke, rubbing his eyes. "I swear, that was a weird dream, with Sanzo having a better voice than me! Scary…" He looked up to see Sanzo, on the stage, moving to beat as he sang sensually into the microphone. There was another dull thud, and Hakkai and Goku shushed him.
Sukuwarenai
Tamashii nara
Sukuwarenai
Sono mama ga ii
Sukuwarenai
Tamashii nara
Sukuwarenai
Sono mama ga ii
With that, the song was finished, the last few bits drowned out by the applause and wolf whistles. Sanzo smirked at the Kappa, who sadly couldn't react at that moment. (What do you expect? He's unconscious!)
Silence. A small 'ack!' as they drove over a particularly rough bump. Silence.
"Ne, Sanzo…"
"What?"
Goku scratched his head.
"I never knew you could sing…so well…"
Sanzo smirked.
"It's not like it's gonna get me cigarettes anyway."
Gojyo twitched in his sleep.
If you press that lovely button that says "Review", we might do part two!