Disclaimer:
I have no rights to nor do I have any ownership of Ranma ½
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
Mousse was whispering into Ranma's ear, making sure the martial artist knew what he had to say, and how to say it. Normally, Ranma had all the tact and formality of a wrecking ball to the face, and Mousse didn't want him to go off on his own.
"I seek retribution against Ryoga Hibiki for crimes against Akane Tendo and Kasumi Tendo." Ranma almost stumbled on retribution. Why couldn't he just say he wanted Ryoga to pay for it? He decided, from the way it had taken to get this court set up to the way both he and Cologne were talking, it was probably a very old tradition, like having an audience with the Emperor. There were certain rules and things you had to do, and was dishonorable (not to mention rude, fatally so) to go against it. Well, if it's tradition and honor that makes us do it this way, I guess I'd better go with it.
He still, however, felt sick. Not from the court, but he could remember what he was thinking when he had been trying to kill Ryoga. He hadn't cared that he'd been about to murder Ryoga, and he sure as hell hadn't cared he'd had to turn on everyone else because they'd gotten in his way. Sure, he understood why they were against him, but he couldn't stand that at the time, he'd beaten them up just for being against him. And he'd found it funny when he had his hands around Ryoga's neck. If it wasn't for the fact that he could tell himself over and over that it was the fault of the damn potion, and that he himself would never think like that, Ranma would probably have thrown up after he had been stopped and blindfolded.
He'd rather eat Akane's cooking every day and night for a year than to start thinking like that for real.
"What has the pitiful male done to have your retribution placed on him?"
Jeez, just how formal is this going to be? Ranma thought as Mousse whispered at him again. But pitiful male I can go with, if it's Ryoga. Oh, wait, prisoner? Thanks, Mousse, I like that even better.
"The prisoner has a Jusenkyo curse. A small black piglet." Sucker, Akane figured it out for herself. "He used it to sleep in the beds of Akane and Kasumi without them knowing it was him." Oops, forgot their full names. Oh, well, it doesn't look like the old ghoul cares. "As well as watch Akane Tendo bathe, and change, and pretended to be her pet so she would tell him her secrets."
"Are there any other crimes?"
No, Elder, that is all, whispered Mousse.
"Yes, Elder, there is one more. A crime of honor."
Mousse shot Ranma a disturbed glance. Not like Ranma could see it, or anything else, but Mousse hoped to hell that Ranma knew what he was doing.
"Speak the crime."
"Ryoga used my honor as a martial artist against me to hide his secret."
"Are there any other crimes?"
"No, Elder, that is all."
Ryoga howled.
Cologne turned, and saw the boy clutching his broken arm, like someone had hit it. Soun stood next to him, with a minor demon-head on. He noticed Cologne's stare, and reverted back to normal. "He moved."
Cologne chuckled. "Of course he did. Thank you for reminding him to stay where he is."
Ranma snorted in amusement as Mousse whispered into his ear.
Soun Tendo hit Ryoga's broken arm with the back of the Tendo family sword.
"Do you have any witnesses to the first crime, young warrior?"
One, two, three, or if there's more, you say 'many.'
"Three."
"Name them."
"Akane Tendo, Kasumi Tendo, and Soun Tendo." Ranma had been about to name himself as someone else who had seen Akane with her pet, but Mousse told him that it wasn't allowed. He could, however, call upon himself for the matter of his word of honor.
"Do you have any witnesses for the crime of honor?"
"Two."
"Name them."
"Myself, and the prisoner."
Ranma found he liked this set up much better than normal courts He'd been in them a few times for his pop on their training. You had... what were they? Lawyers? arguing, the jury to decide, and the endless questions from the lawyers from both sides of all the witnesses. It took forever. This would be done tonight.
"Akane Tendo, tell us what you know."
Ranma leaned over to Akane. "Just tell them about all the things you and P-chan did together."
Akane shot him a murderous glance. She didn't fully understand what the hell was happening, or why everyone was going along with it. She just wanted to beat the hell out of Ryoga and make sure he understood to never come back.
Maybe kill him. He'd gone into her sister's bed!!
"Why?" she hissed at Ranma.
"You asked me to trust you. Trust me?"
Akane sighed. "Fine."
"You don't have to get up, just tell Cologne about it." He paused. "And call her Elder."
Akane's Testimony
She fidgeted uncomfortably. Akane wasn't sure where to start. Thankfully, Cologne spoke up.
"Tell me, when did you take the pitiful male's cursed form as a pet?"
"A little after Ranma moved in. I thought he was just a cute little pig."
"By the warrior's admission, he knew about the curse before you took the pitiful male as a pet."
Ranma frowned until he realized that 'the warrior' was him.
"I take it from the way the warrior behaved, he did not like the way you adored your pet. Did he never try to make a hint of what he really was, or give you some sort of clue?"
Always calling Ryoga P-chan right in front of her and calling the pig Ryoga I don't know how she missed all of that didn't she figure out why her precious P-chan was always attacking me on sight or that the pig has the same lousy sense of direction I should have been faster those times I snuck into her room with the hot water at least she should have noticed that they wear the same damn bandanna
Akane flinched at the mental tirade. "I thought he was just jealous."
"Did you truly change, bathe, sleep with him when you thought he was just a pig?"
She directed a hateful glare at Ryoga, who didn't look up to see it. "Yes."
"Did you truly tell him secrets, or problems, believing that he didn't understand them?"
The glare went from hate to fury. "Yes."
"When he saw you in... less than decent amounts of clothes, what did he do?"
Akane blinked, trying to remember what her P-chan's reaction was.
"At first, he'd get nosebleeds and turn away. I didn't think about it. But after a while, he stopped turning away, and started watching, but he'd still get the nosebleeds."
"Is there anything else you wish to say?"
Akane turned to stare at Ryoga, and if looks could kill, it would probably have taken out the wall behind him after his heart collapsed. "He used to snuggle into my... chest... whenever I picked him up. Can I kill the perverted freak now?"
Cologne smiled at her as the mental Ranma made a sound that gave her the impression of a snort in amusement. Ryoga shrieked again.
"I'm telling you, the boy keeps moving!"
"Of course he does, Soun Tendo." Cologne turned back to Akane. "Not just yet. Thank you, that's all I needed. Kasumi Tendo, tell us what you know."
Kasumi's Testimony
It took her sister holding her while Kasumi clutched back, and telling her that it was okay, she only had to talk for a minute, to get Kasumi to speak.
"When did you first take the pitiful male's cursed form into your bed?"
Kasumi didn't look up. "After Akane came back from Ryugenzawa."
"Was anyone aware that you had taken him into your bed as a pet?"
"No. I just th-thought I was comforting him. He was just a pig. A-Akane's P-chan..."
"When he saw you in less than decent amounts of clothing, what did he do?"
"He'd... he'd get a nosebleed, b-but he'd watch..."
Ryoga screamed.
"Well, if you'd quit moving, I wouldn't have to stop you!"
The Ranma in Akane's head giggled in onna-Ranma's voice.
"Is there anything else you'd like to say?" Cologne ignored Soun's attempts at stopping Ryoga from 'moving.'
"When, when I picked him up, he would.... he would..." Kasumi started crying again.
Akane hugged her sister tighter, and said something to her. Ranma couldn't quite catch it, or Kasumi's whispered reply.
Akane looked at Cologne. "He did the same thing to her that he'd do to me when I picked him up.
"Is this true, Kasumi Tendo?"
Kasumi still didn't look at Cologne. "...yes."
Ryoga screamed again.
"I assure you, Nodoka, that was not necessary. I may be out of practice, but I can still stop him from moving by myself."
"Then by all means, do so."
Ryoga shrieked.
"Is there anything else you wish to say?" Cologne's face was twitching, and Akane realized that she was fighting back laughter.
"Can... can I..." Kasumi looked up at Cologne. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "Can I kill the perverted freak now?" she asked.
Cologne turned her head to hide the grin. Akane stared at her sister in almost shock while Ranma's mental voice just about killed itself laughing.
"N-not just yet. T-Thank you, that's all I needed." Laughter stained Cologne's voice, before she winced and gently touched one of her bandages. "Soun Tendo, tell us what you know."
Soun's Testimony
"When did you first see Akane Tendo with her 'pet'?"
"The first time, I saw Ranma chasing it, and my daughter chasing him for chasing it."
"Were you aware that the pig was the pitiful male's cursed form?"
"No. I didn't even know the he had a cursed form."
"Why did you let Akane Tendo take in her... 'P-chan?'... as a pet?"
"I thought she could learn some responsibility from it. Maybe learn to be a little nicer."
"Any other reason?"
"Well, ah, the boy did seem to be jealous of all the attention she gave it. And I thought-" whack. Scream. "Stop moving! I thought maybe if he was jealous, then somehow it might get them together."
Cologne rolled her eyes. Mousse got up and went into the kitchen at Ranma's prompting.
"How often have you seen Akane Tendo with the prisoner's cursed form, P-chan?"
"Whenever I see... P-chan... he is with Akane."
"Thank you, that's all I needed."
Mousse came back and sat down next to Ranma.
"Warrior, do you have any evidence other than those who have witnessed this?"
"Yes, Elder."
"What is it?"
Ranma held up a glass of cold water.
"Show me."
"Pops? Could you...?"
Ranma felt the glass being lifted from his gloved hand, followed quickly by a splash.
If Kasumi still hadn't been holding onto her sister, Akane would have rushed the small black piglet that appeared at Ryoga vanished.
"Is that your 'P-chan'?"
"Yes, Elder." Akane's eyes drilled into her former pet.
There was another splash, and Ryoga lay on the floor, cringing.
"The prisoner's guilt for the crime of using a Jusenkyo curse to take advantage of Akane and Kasumi Tendo is proven. Tell me about the crime of honor, warrior."
"When I discovered the prisoner's curse after he arrived, I swore upon my honor as a martial artist that I would not reveal it, since as a tiny black pig, the prisoner was weak and could not fight. It was only after I had sworn not to tell anyone that he began sharing their beds at night."
Cologne turned to looks at Ryoga. "Prisoner."
Ryoga managed to look at Cologne.
"Is this true?"
He didn't answer. Cologne shot a look at Soun.
whack
Scream.
"Answer me!"
Wincing, Ryoga nodded.
"Your guilt is proven by your own admission." She turned to face Ranma again, and hopped off of the arm of the couch. She stood in front of Ranma, but still kept her distance. "Warrior, your vengeance is granted. Provide the punishment, and I shall deliver."
Ranma leaned forward, and whispered into Cologne's ear. Akane strained to hear.
"Yes, of course I do. Really? Oh. Oh, ho ho, that's good. I like that." Cologne marched to Ryoga, grinning madly.
"The court's decision is made! For the crime of dishonoring two girls with his Jusenkyo curse, and using the sworn honor of Ranma Saotome to do it, the prisoner," Cologne jabbed her walking stick into Ryoga's chest. He coughed as it drove some of the air out of him. "... shall be punished immediately. The usual punishment, death, has been passed over. Mu Tsu, come here."
After Mousse approached, Cologne made him take something from her robes.
A marble? Akane thought. Cologne broke it in half. She placed one half in Akane's hand, and the other in Kasumi's. They looked at Cologne, confused.
"These," she said, "represent forgiveness. When you both have forgiven the prisoner, you may give them to him. When he has them both, then his punishment will be removed. It was the warrior's idea to split it between you."
Cologne hopped back up onto the arm of the couch. "The punishment demanded by the warrior has been delivered. The Court of Joketsuzoku is dissolved. Guards, escort this filth of a man from this building before I kill him."
Confused, Soun dragged Ryoga outside, while Nodoka took his pack with them. When they came back in, Cologne was laughing, and Ranma and Mousse were both grinning. Everyone else looked confused.
"I," Cologne said through laughter and small winces of pain, "shall go home now, with Shampoo. I want Mousse to stay here and keep an eye on son-in-law. Ranma?"
"Yeah, old ghoul?"
"You'd make a good Amazon." With that, Cologne carried Shampoo outside, and left.
"See here, now, Ranma!" Soun snapped. "What was the point of all that if you were just going to let him go?!" He twitched a little as his ribs reminded him that he had recently suffered a beating.
"Who said I just let him go? I can hear Kasumi laughing a little, so she's figured it out."
Soun and everyone else turned to look at the eldest Tendo daughter. She was smiling weakly.
"It is... appropriate. But I think I shall be heading to bed now." As she left, she called over her shoulder, "I hope no one minds, but I think I want to sleep in tomorrow. It's been... a long day."
"Of course we don't mind, Kasumi," Akane said.
"I'm going to bed," Ranma announced. Nobody wanted to lay a hand on him to stop him as he walked passed Kasumi and up the stairs. "I'm... sorry about what I did to everyone. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it." With that, he climbed that stairs, and shut himself in his room.
"Kasumi?"
"Yes Auntie Nodoka?"
"What did Ranma do?"
Another thin smile crossed Kasumi's face. "Akane's holding the answer to that." She left to her room.
Akane frowned at the object in her hand. Half a marble was supposed to tell her what Ryoga's punishment was? She should have beaten him senseless when she had the chance.
Everyone was leaning over her hand, frowning at the marble. Akane blinked, then began to smile. She laughed.
"Akane..."
She kept laughing.
"Akane, daughter, what is it? What did Ranma do?"
Akane just kept laughing. When she could stop herself, she swore she would tell them. But for now, she just couldn't help it. Ryoga deserved it. Nice piggy! she thought, and laughed a little harder.
The remainder of the people in the living room, except for Mousse, stared in confusion as Akane laughed at her half of the Phoenix Pill.
A/N
Gobstopper: Well, I decided against killing him. Since I know at least one person is going to ask, Cologne delivered the Cat's Tongue pressure point when she jabbed Ryoga and announced Ryoga would be punished immediately. I'm still in the mood to write, so I'm going to work on some of chapter 13. Flames are welcome, as I need to roast some marshmallows later.
Oh, and before I forget.
ATTENTION EVERYONE:
ANYONE LOOKING FOR ONE HELL OF A LAUGH SHOULD LOOK UP THE STORY 'TENDER LOVING CARE' BY WFROSE!! YOU WON'T REGRET IT!!
You'll find it under my favorite stories list.
And now that we've gotten that out of the way, only two people even guessed at the scene from opening of the last chapter. Hououza and Xero-Ghost. I had said that you needed location, accurate names, and who said it. Hououza and Xero-Ghost both got the series (Evangelion) and who said it (Asuka), but only Hououza got where it was from (the mind rape of the 15th angel, AND he also mentioned it was from an added scene, both are true), and only Xero-Ghost got all the names she said right (Misato, Stupid Shinji, and First). I was going to institute a tie-breaker of "Who overheard Asuka saying it in the cut scene?" (Misato sitting in her room) but decided that since between the two of them, they got the perfect answer, I'll let them both win! Let me know how you want it, you two!