Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?
AN: I feel really loved. All the reviews pouring in are way more than I had originally expected.
--------------------------
Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.
--------------------------
As I Bloom
Winds of Fortune
Chapter 5
There are times when I think that I'm two different people. There's the Kaoru that's with you and the Kaoru that is not. I don't know which one of us is fake. It scares me to think that I am fake around you. I am afraid that you should like me, afraid that the "me" you like isn't the real me, afraid that I would change and that that would disappoint you. I just want to be with you.
I want the times we have together to stand still, because with you, I feel like a fairytale has come true and all the world has fallen away for me and you. I don't want us to change. In our secluded world, we are as we are, but.. with other people? I don't want our time together to slip through my fingers. I just want to be with you.
--------------
I was surprised to see you here. When Misao finally decided to share the news about a blind date to me, I almost strangled her. But given that she was the one driving, I wasn't about to kill both of us in a rage. No, I'd wait till her beloved Aoshi could see me rip off her delicate head full of evil scheming.
I was pissed; insulted that she would think she needed to set me up on a date. I was capable of getting a guy on my own! Okay, so I can't exactly cook. And.. I guess I'm not exactly.. nice. I don't have a "great bode" nor do I have a pretty face. I don't have a guy who obviously cares about me like Aoshi does Misao. All I had was an infatuation with a married man. The simple idea of a blind date made all my insecurities resurface.
But suddenly, everything seemed okay because I saw you.
You stood in all your red haired glory, a deadpan look on your face. You didn't look particularly happy at the event of being at the movies. Seeing that smile lit up on your face when you saw me.. it felt like a million bubbles exploded within me. I knew that smile was for me, and only for me.
I knew that perhaps we shared mutual feelings for each other.
Without slowing my step, I walked straight into your embrace. You were so warm and comfortable. "Kenshin," I breathed, "what are you doing here?"
It was like the world stopped for us.
"Kaoru, it is good to see you," you murmured into my ear, your arms gently holding me against you.
It was the first time we had such close contact with one another. It was the first time we held each other, the first time I was able to show my feelings without restraint. It felt so good that it felt wrong.
"Familiar are we?" Misao commented. Aoshi curled an arm around her waist and proceeded to drag her away, but not before she could yell back at us. "Movie's done in two hours! Have fun kiddos!"
For a while, we just stood together, breathing in each others scent, absorbing each others warmth. I wanted to memorize every smell, every feel: the touch of your hair, the smooth skin of your cheek, the smell of light aftershave. There was a kind of relief that built up inside me. I could feel my heart beating at the base of my stomach. I didn't want to move.
And then, like a tape fast forwarding, my mind began functioning again. I was here on a blind date. Instead, my date was you. But..
But you were already married.
Sharply and suddenly, I pushed back away from you.
"Kaoru?" you gasped in confusion as I roughly pushed you away, stumbling out of your grasp.
"You're married!" I managed to choke out.
"Wait –"
You were married! I felt like we were cheating on your wife. It was unethical. Sure we weren't doing anything, but it was wrong all the same. I couldn't believe you. The nerve! To embrace another woman other than your wife. And in public to top it off. You definitely had a death wish. No matter how much I liked you, I wasn't about to let you cheat on your wife. In a way, I was disgusted with myself. I felt all the guilt wash over me like I was sinking in thick warm quicksand. Guilt that I allowed myself to be so close to you. Guilt at being so easily affected by you.
"How could you do such a thing to your wife? I'm on a date and YOU'RE my date. You're married, Kenshin, what is this?" I stomped my foot on the ground in frustration, grounding out my words. "Do you have a bad marriage or something? Trying to escape by getting your friend to hook you up with someone? I – I'm disgusted!"
Blindly turning away from you, I stumbled in any direction that was not towards you.
You're cheating on your wife.
-------------
"My father was a good man," I said, putting your roses together. "He taught kendo. He always said it was a beautiful form of art from the past that should never be allowed to die. He trained me hard to be his successor. I guess he'd always hoped that I had been born a boy so I could do 'mainly' sports with him."
You looked comical in your black suit, helping me water my plants with a colorful watering jug in your hands. Your head looked like it was on fire. The setting sun cast its orange glow into my shop, creating edges of light and shadow on your face.
"Father was always so strict, but he taught me well. Sometimes, though, sometimes I resent him for passing away." My fingers tightened the ribbon at the base of the bouquet before reaching for a pair of scissors. "I can't believe he left me all alone to fend for myself. It sounds silly but.. it's as though I want to blame something and he's all I have to blame." I cut off the tips of the bouquet to even out the stems.
You set the now empty watering jug in its rightful place before taking the finished bouquet from my arms. As we drew out of the shop, you spoke. "No matter how much pain the death of a loved one causes, I believe it is worth all the happiness that person may have brought into your life before."
"Ah – well," I gazed thoughtfully into the distance. "That is true."
--------------
Pushing my way through the crowd, I headed for the huge fountain in front of the movie theater. I wasn't really running away from you, I just needed time to think. But you wouldn't give me time. Your hand closed carefully around my wrist, halting me.
Spinning around angrily, I yanked my arm out of your grasp. "Kenshin, quit following me."
You idiot.
"Kaoru, please listen to me."
"Listen to you justify your actions? I don't think so."
I plopped down on one of the benches around the fountain, determined to wait for Misao to drive me home. Because of your stupidity, I had to miss a movie. You sat down beside me, watching me with your penetrating gaze.
"I told you I was married –"
"Damn right you did." I spat out.
"In a way I was lying –"
"What the heck does 'In a way' mean anyway?" I interjected furiously.
Your fingers closed gently around my mouth, gently but firmly. Shooting you a death glare, I tried in vain to either pull away or pull you away. Struggling wildly didn't do much except force you to hold me in a semi headlock to keep me from getting away from you.
"Kaoru," you spoke quickly, quietly, "I was married once. I married a wonderful woman named Tomoe. She's dead, Kaoru. Tomoe died."
I stopped clawing at your hand abruptly.
I was angry. I was sad. And I was happy.
You were married once.
Should I rejoice because we can be together without wronging anyone?
Should I slap you for keeping this from me, for preventing us from getting together before?
But she passed away.
Should I sympathize with you when you are obviously in pain?
You brought your hand down, but I didn't move. My back was leaning against your chest, and your arms were encircled around my waist. Sitting there on the bench with the water from the fountain trickling, it was as though time stopped yet again.
"Kenshin." I could hear your heart beat in unison with mine. "I'm sorry about your wife."
I wanted to hit you for all the lost time. I wanted to hug you for our new opportunity.
I decided with both. Twisting out of the comfortable position to face you, I slapped you hard across the face. But before that shock registered in your eyes, I had already thrown myself into your embrace again.
I was crying and I didn't know why.
Hesitantly, you patted my back, turning your face into my hair. "Shh," you murmured, "don't cry."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I sobbed like a child into his shoulder, completely oblivious to the stares we were getting from other movie goers.
It was a long while before you answered with a simple "I don't know," and continued to hold me till my sobs subsided.
I didn't think I could love someone anymore than I did you that moment.
You were such an idiot.
:End Chapter 5:
AN: That was a lot of weirdness going on. O.o I think I could have delivered it better. =P Too lazy.
.
Thx to my reviewers:
.
allin656 / Laurika / rain angst / MZ.AMbER EYES / kean / Nguardian / Kitsune / Lendra-chan / french peach / Crystel / LYKAchan / VolleyGurly / agaxris – Well.. big thanks to everyone. You guys are too awesome. As for seeing it like a movie, I admit that's how I viewed it. Maybe that's why it's a little confusing, because I just write whatever comes into mind. And stories run like movies in my head. And I love angst, but have never been able to write it, so I'm glad I'm achieving that somewhat depressing scenario. =P Aoshi will show up a bit later on, but not much. He'll mainly be in explanation of Kenshin's past (which I've got figured out – Finally! Wheee).
ShinRa Inc. - sorry for the mistake, I wrote "que" to begin with, but I think it changed it automatically. O.o weird computers.
Wistful-Eyes / Nigihayami Haruko – They say setting is what makes a story. I'd like to think it's the emotional setting. Thx for ur comments. Writing this really affects my mood, so w00t, it does the same for you! I think this fic'll run longer than expected, so hang tight.
Alli – in my other fic, I explained flashbacks and things in my writing. But I felt like it really disrupted the flow of things. Thx for the advice tho.
Eevilfaerie – first person who thought my summary was a turnoff about this story. =P At least you still read it, and that's all that matters.
yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds – truth be told, I don't know what kind of cancer. I don't kno any cancer except for lung cancer. It'd be fantastic if you could offer me some information on .. er cancer. Yea, seems like something I can easily get off the net. But any help is appreciated.
Mizu-Ryuuseisui Inc – I didn't realize there was a movie like this. I did not base this story off anything, so I'm surprised. Wow, I feel kind of bad now that I know this story has a similar plot to a movie. -- Well, I hope you can read it without any biases.
5/16/04
AN: I feel really loved. All the reviews pouring in are way more than I had originally expected.
--------------------------
Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.
--------------------------
As I Bloom
Winds of Fortune
Chapter 5
There are times when I think that I'm two different people. There's the Kaoru that's with you and the Kaoru that is not. I don't know which one of us is fake. It scares me to think that I am fake around you. I am afraid that you should like me, afraid that the "me" you like isn't the real me, afraid that I would change and that that would disappoint you. I just want to be with you.
I want the times we have together to stand still, because with you, I feel like a fairytale has come true and all the world has fallen away for me and you. I don't want us to change. In our secluded world, we are as we are, but.. with other people? I don't want our time together to slip through my fingers. I just want to be with you.
--------------
I was surprised to see you here. When Misao finally decided to share the news about a blind date to me, I almost strangled her. But given that she was the one driving, I wasn't about to kill both of us in a rage. No, I'd wait till her beloved Aoshi could see me rip off her delicate head full of evil scheming.
I was pissed; insulted that she would think she needed to set me up on a date. I was capable of getting a guy on my own! Okay, so I can't exactly cook. And.. I guess I'm not exactly.. nice. I don't have a "great bode" nor do I have a pretty face. I don't have a guy who obviously cares about me like Aoshi does Misao. All I had was an infatuation with a married man. The simple idea of a blind date made all my insecurities resurface.
But suddenly, everything seemed okay because I saw you.
You stood in all your red haired glory, a deadpan look on your face. You didn't look particularly happy at the event of being at the movies. Seeing that smile lit up on your face when you saw me.. it felt like a million bubbles exploded within me. I knew that smile was for me, and only for me.
I knew that perhaps we shared mutual feelings for each other.
Without slowing my step, I walked straight into your embrace. You were so warm and comfortable. "Kenshin," I breathed, "what are you doing here?"
It was like the world stopped for us.
"Kaoru, it is good to see you," you murmured into my ear, your arms gently holding me against you.
It was the first time we had such close contact with one another. It was the first time we held each other, the first time I was able to show my feelings without restraint. It felt so good that it felt wrong.
"Familiar are we?" Misao commented. Aoshi curled an arm around her waist and proceeded to drag her away, but not before she could yell back at us. "Movie's done in two hours! Have fun kiddos!"
For a while, we just stood together, breathing in each others scent, absorbing each others warmth. I wanted to memorize every smell, every feel: the touch of your hair, the smooth skin of your cheek, the smell of light aftershave. There was a kind of relief that built up inside me. I could feel my heart beating at the base of my stomach. I didn't want to move.
And then, like a tape fast forwarding, my mind began functioning again. I was here on a blind date. Instead, my date was you. But..
But you were already married.
Sharply and suddenly, I pushed back away from you.
"Kaoru?" you gasped in confusion as I roughly pushed you away, stumbling out of your grasp.
"You're married!" I managed to choke out.
"Wait –"
You were married! I felt like we were cheating on your wife. It was unethical. Sure we weren't doing anything, but it was wrong all the same. I couldn't believe you. The nerve! To embrace another woman other than your wife. And in public to top it off. You definitely had a death wish. No matter how much I liked you, I wasn't about to let you cheat on your wife. In a way, I was disgusted with myself. I felt all the guilt wash over me like I was sinking in thick warm quicksand. Guilt that I allowed myself to be so close to you. Guilt at being so easily affected by you.
"How could you do such a thing to your wife? I'm on a date and YOU'RE my date. You're married, Kenshin, what is this?" I stomped my foot on the ground in frustration, grounding out my words. "Do you have a bad marriage or something? Trying to escape by getting your friend to hook you up with someone? I – I'm disgusted!"
Blindly turning away from you, I stumbled in any direction that was not towards you.
You're cheating on your wife.
-------------
"My father was a good man," I said, putting your roses together. "He taught kendo. He always said it was a beautiful form of art from the past that should never be allowed to die. He trained me hard to be his successor. I guess he'd always hoped that I had been born a boy so I could do 'mainly' sports with him."
You looked comical in your black suit, helping me water my plants with a colorful watering jug in your hands. Your head looked like it was on fire. The setting sun cast its orange glow into my shop, creating edges of light and shadow on your face.
"Father was always so strict, but he taught me well. Sometimes, though, sometimes I resent him for passing away." My fingers tightened the ribbon at the base of the bouquet before reaching for a pair of scissors. "I can't believe he left me all alone to fend for myself. It sounds silly but.. it's as though I want to blame something and he's all I have to blame." I cut off the tips of the bouquet to even out the stems.
You set the now empty watering jug in its rightful place before taking the finished bouquet from my arms. As we drew out of the shop, you spoke. "No matter how much pain the death of a loved one causes, I believe it is worth all the happiness that person may have brought into your life before."
"Ah – well," I gazed thoughtfully into the distance. "That is true."
--------------
Pushing my way through the crowd, I headed for the huge fountain in front of the movie theater. I wasn't really running away from you, I just needed time to think. But you wouldn't give me time. Your hand closed carefully around my wrist, halting me.
Spinning around angrily, I yanked my arm out of your grasp. "Kenshin, quit following me."
You idiot.
"Kaoru, please listen to me."
"Listen to you justify your actions? I don't think so."
I plopped down on one of the benches around the fountain, determined to wait for Misao to drive me home. Because of your stupidity, I had to miss a movie. You sat down beside me, watching me with your penetrating gaze.
"I told you I was married –"
"Damn right you did." I spat out.
"In a way I was lying –"
"What the heck does 'In a way' mean anyway?" I interjected furiously.
Your fingers closed gently around my mouth, gently but firmly. Shooting you a death glare, I tried in vain to either pull away or pull you away. Struggling wildly didn't do much except force you to hold me in a semi headlock to keep me from getting away from you.
"Kaoru," you spoke quickly, quietly, "I was married once. I married a wonderful woman named Tomoe. She's dead, Kaoru. Tomoe died."
I stopped clawing at your hand abruptly.
I was angry. I was sad. And I was happy.
You were married once.
Should I rejoice because we can be together without wronging anyone?
Should I slap you for keeping this from me, for preventing us from getting together before?
But she passed away.
Should I sympathize with you when you are obviously in pain?
You brought your hand down, but I didn't move. My back was leaning against your chest, and your arms were encircled around my waist. Sitting there on the bench with the water from the fountain trickling, it was as though time stopped yet again.
"Kenshin." I could hear your heart beat in unison with mine. "I'm sorry about your wife."
I wanted to hit you for all the lost time. I wanted to hug you for our new opportunity.
I decided with both. Twisting out of the comfortable position to face you, I slapped you hard across the face. But before that shock registered in your eyes, I had already thrown myself into your embrace again.
I was crying and I didn't know why.
Hesitantly, you patted my back, turning your face into my hair. "Shh," you murmured, "don't cry."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I sobbed like a child into his shoulder, completely oblivious to the stares we were getting from other movie goers.
It was a long while before you answered with a simple "I don't know," and continued to hold me till my sobs subsided.
I didn't think I could love someone anymore than I did you that moment.
You were such an idiot.
:End Chapter 5:
AN: That was a lot of weirdness going on. O.o I think I could have delivered it better. =P Too lazy.
.
Thx to my reviewers:
.
allin656 / Laurika / rain angst / MZ.AMbER EYES / kean / Nguardian / Kitsune / Lendra-chan / french peach / Crystel / LYKAchan / VolleyGurly / agaxris – Well.. big thanks to everyone. You guys are too awesome. As for seeing it like a movie, I admit that's how I viewed it. Maybe that's why it's a little confusing, because I just write whatever comes into mind. And stories run like movies in my head. And I love angst, but have never been able to write it, so I'm glad I'm achieving that somewhat depressing scenario. =P Aoshi will show up a bit later on, but not much. He'll mainly be in explanation of Kenshin's past (which I've got figured out – Finally! Wheee).
ShinRa Inc. - sorry for the mistake, I wrote "que" to begin with, but I think it changed it automatically. O.o weird computers.
Wistful-Eyes / Nigihayami Haruko – They say setting is what makes a story. I'd like to think it's the emotional setting. Thx for ur comments. Writing this really affects my mood, so w00t, it does the same for you! I think this fic'll run longer than expected, so hang tight.
Alli – in my other fic, I explained flashbacks and things in my writing. But I felt like it really disrupted the flow of things. Thx for the advice tho.
Eevilfaerie – first person who thought my summary was a turnoff about this story. =P At least you still read it, and that's all that matters.
yuhi-thedoerofevildeeds – truth be told, I don't know what kind of cancer. I don't kno any cancer except for lung cancer. It'd be fantastic if you could offer me some information on .. er cancer. Yea, seems like something I can easily get off the net. But any help is appreciated.
Mizu-Ryuuseisui Inc – I didn't realize there was a movie like this. I did not base this story off anything, so I'm surprised. Wow, I feel kind of bad now that I know this story has a similar plot to a movie. -- Well, I hope you can read it without any biases.
5/16/04