Summary: Kamiya Kaoru is the young owner of a flower shop. Every day of the week, her customer, Himura Kenshin, comes to pick up fresh white roses, a dozen of them, for his late wife. Kaoru can't help but fall in love with this mysterious customer. But how can things ever be if Kenshin's still grieving the death of his wife?

AN: K, it's summer! Gimme a break. =P At least I finally finished the chapter! I ThiNk the next chapter is the last, but I have this weird feeling that there will be a 9th chapter. Well, we'll see won't we? Enjoy

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Declaimer: I don't own Kenshin.

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As I Bloom

Winds of Fortune

Chapter 7

Perhaps you were ill or had an accident. My mind wandered aimlessly, lethargically. It was late, later than usual at least. You were not usually late and I found myself worrying. I didn't know what to do. Maybe you were avoiding me. Perhaps it was the conversation we had the previous day. Maybe you don't want to see me anymore. My hand closed tightly around the stems of the dozen white roses. Where are you?

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My eyes were red and puffy from crying, and I thought I must have looked terrible. Turning away from you, I tried in vain to cover my face. But you were too insensitive, too unaware of the female mind.

"What's wrong?" you asked, trying to carefully bring my face back towards you. I brushed your hand away impatiently.

"No, you idiot, my face just looks bad because it's all red and puffed up and I'll bet I look a mess."

Your hand reached for my face again. "I don't care," you said lightly, "and your face doesn't look bad, you look beautiful."

I wanted to laugh as I looked back into your warm violet eyes. "Thanks." No matter how corny and overused his statement was, it made my heart flutter all the same.

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The sky had begun to darken. The neon pink and purples lined each cloud and scattered their colors in a last attempt to stay. I hadn't really thought about it, but this would be the second year since I first met you. I remembered the time I first knew I loved you. I remembered the insecurities I felt. I remembered that beautiful feeling of longing. They were all coming back now, flooding into my memories. Where are you? I pleaded softly to the sky. The store clock read six twenty, an hour and twenty minutes after closing time. You were not normally this late.

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"There was a time, a long while ago, when you asked me what my occupation was." You said to me when I'd finally stopped crying. As we sat on a bench with the water fountain behind us, waiting for Aoshi and Misao, you spoke.

"It was a long time ago," I stated, "I asked many questions that were not my business."

My mouth said one thing, but my mind yearned for you to tell me all your secrets. I hated being kept in the dark.

"Ten months before I met you, my wife.. died." You began.

Your hands rested on your knees, clenching on tightly as though you were afraid to speak. I laid my hand over yours gently. "You don't have to tell me."

But you didn't really hear. Instead, you took a deep breath and went at it from another direction. "In a world of black and white, one could say that my past was as bleak as the darkest night. I worked in a yakuza, a mafia. When I ran away from my guardian, that was where I ran to. It was .. a different life than one I'd ever led before. There were things I saw, things I learned, that one could never experience elsewhere.

"I – I was sent to do the easy jobs at first. I was something like a delivery boy. But it was a dangerous job. Aoshi.. he pulled some strings, and got me to the top of the game by age 15. He'd always looked out for me, even before my time with the yakuza. I thought that by being in the yakuza, I was doing something with my life. That's what I wanted, a direction.

"That's where I met Tomoe, my wife."

Your voice was monotonous. You sounded like you were speaking through the pages of a journal yet to be written, like you'd been rehearsing yet unable to place all your thoughts in order. I didn't know what to say.

"She was actually an assignment. I was told to marry her but I ended up falling in love with her and her in me. When I met her, my life changed again. I suddenly wanted something different. I wanted a life where I wasn't ruled by men in black suits smoking cigars. I wanted a life where I didn't have to carry a gun with me everywhere, sit in sleek black Mercedes, and talk in code. I wanted out of the mafia, but I knew that that was asking too much.

"Once you're in the game, you're in for life. That's what Aoshi always told me."

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It was seven o'clock and still no sign of you. There wasn't a glimpse of red hair anywhere. The sky had already darkened. My hands shook as I locked up my store, still cradling the not so fresh white roses in my arms. Were you not coming? I stood outside the shop, leaning my head against the glass door with the white "closed" sign up. I wanted to find you, and give you the roses. I wanted to go home and cry. I wanted to call my friends and confide in them. And I wanted to be here when you came, because some small part of me refused to believe that you won't come for your roses. How could it be? You had been here every single day for the past two years.

"Rain or shine, all major holidays included-" I said to myself. I didn't realize how big a part of my life you had become.

And of course, someone you saw everyday must impact you in some way. But it wasn't just that. You had become something constant in my life. You gave me support in your own way. Seeing you at my shop daily let me move on through life.

And plus you made me fall in love with you.

I groaned and slid down to the ground, leaning my back against my flower shop. Why had I fallen in love with you of all people? A smile played across my lips as I touched the velvet petals of a white bud. I knew why.

It was because you were you, and that was all that mattered.

I didn't care about your past, about your wife, about what happened. All I cared about was here and now.

Kenshin, if I have to wait a lifetime, I would sit here and wait for you to come.

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Your eyes were a deep violet, tinged with gold, as you gazed into my own. "Do you understand, Kaoru?" Your voice pleaded softly. "I was.. a horrible person in the past."

My mind was still slowly processing what I had heard. You, Kenshin, had been in the mafia. Aoshi, too. "I – I guess it's nothing. Right?" I laughed uncertainly. "I mean, it's not as though you've killed anyone."

Your unwavering gaze began to unnerve me as the silence stretched on.

"Have you?" I ventured to ask in a small voice.

"Sometimes some things just have to be done whether you like it or not."

"And now? Are you okay now? I mean.. like.. free from the mafia? There's.. no one hunting you down or anything?"

"No one but my conscience."

I breathed better. "Then, Kenshin, I don't see why you needed to tell me."

Your eyes were confused. "I wanted you to understand me. I wanted you to see the real me before .."

You let your sentence trail off into nothingness. The trickling of water behind us continued it's steady soothing symphony.

No ties, no indication of what this would mean. I didn't understand. Where do I lie in your future?

You were watching me, as usual, with that penetrating gaze that made me a tad uncomfortable. I brushed my hair from my face, looking for something to do with my hands. "I understand that .. you're a man with your own past. I understand that you want more than anything to pay for what you have done." I looked at you now, letting you understand how I felt. "I understand that regret, pain, and guilt are keeping you from me."

A barrier was erected long before I even met you. It was a barrier between us that I can't even hope to break down.

I understood that I can't have you.

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The night was drawing out long and dark. It was cold, and in my flimsy clothing, I could only huddle there and shiver. Midnight, it was. The streetlamps were bright enough, and I had long ago adjusted to the darkness. I could only pray that no psycho comes ambling my way this dreary night.

Kenshin, you stupid stupid man. I admonished quietly in my head. Why must you hurt me?

"You promised me that there was room enough for me in your heart."

If so, then why aren't you here with me?

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"Kaoru," you murmured, regrettably. "I like you very much, and I can't imagine living without you. But there's a part of me I haven't learned to let go of yet."

"And me? Where do I fit in all this? Because no matter how much I try to tell you that I don't care about your past, you can't stop living in it."

The doors to the theater opened and a wave of movie goers began to poor out. Misao and Aoshi's movie was probably over now.

You took my hand in yours. "I promise you, love, that as I deal with this monster of my past, you will be a part of my life."

I shook my head lightly. There was so much going on all at once. "I don't – I want to help you. We'll deal with it together." My sapphire eyes lit up excitedly. "I'll help you. Okay, Kenshin? Let me help you, please."

Please – I don't want to lose you.

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It was close to dawn. The skies were lightening. My mind was as blank as a starless night, calm.

"I don't want to lose you." I whimpered into the silence.

And through that silence, I heard the slow footsteps, uncertain but steady, slowly making their way towards me.

As I raised my head from my knees, the silent tears fell.

:End Chapter 7:

AN: Sorry this took so long! Y'kno how it is, summer and all.

8.19.04