To my reviewers,

Dudes thanx again for the reviews. Im so sorry this was soo late but I've been lazy for the past few days and knew what I wanted to happen, knew what to write but just didn't feel like doing it. Yeah I know I've got issues. But hey heres the next chapter and I personally don't know if its any good but hey I tried. So hey please read and review this cuz the reviews are my only motivator at times to keep this up.

Storms Winter: Hey thanx for the review, and yeah it hurt me to kill them. But im stoked that you loved it! And I hope this chapter isn't too much of a let down though I fear it is.

Kyogue: Dude thanx for the review. Fantastic? Man wow, I dunno if im quite that good but thanx. Yea sorry bout killing off Tristan and Lance, but it had to be done to bring Angel back. Thanx for the review though and I hope you enjoy this update.

Storm of insanity: hahah yeah that chapter was a quite a bit longer and looks like Angel and Kai are back together and if u liked that then hopefully you'll like this next chapter and yes I know its OOC for Kai but hey when you like somebody you act differently than you normally would. Thanx for the review and hope you enjoy.

Morjonse: Genius? Wow lol. Well im glad you enjoyed and I thought it was a lil clever idea. All I can say is wait till you see what lies ahead. I think it was pretty cool but hey im weird. Thanx for the review and I hope u like this next chapter.

Tenshi Hikari: Yeah, I brought Angel back just cuz people missed her and I kinda felt bad for destroying her life.lol. Your right though, I tried to make Tristan less of a jerk so you wouldn't hate him as much. And it is sad that he died but whats done is done. Well hope you like the next chapter. And thanx for the review.

Sugar911:lol thanx for the review and sorry my updates so slow. Ill try to be quicker bout it. Hope u like the next chapter.

Well without further ado….

Chapter 20: Escape from myself

Haunted green depths stared out woundedly into the darkness surrounding her. The wind blew gently, softening its touch against the figures weakened body. Angel had awoken a few hours ago to find herself in a strange bed and stranger still…alive. She looked around her questioningly and found Kai lightly sleeping against the bed, his head resting wearily next to her hand. Easily she guessed he must've watched over her all night only to finally give in early this morning to sleeps calling. A few other figures lay sprawled out along the floor and couches but she knew that they probably didn't care if she was alright. As she stared around the room thoughtfully the pain of yesterday descended upon her like a 80ft wave. She had to get away, she had to think, she had to get her emotions under control. She had to become strong. Suddenly the figure next to her bed moved and she glanced over to see crimson eyes stare at her widely.

"Angel!" Kai stated in a hoarse whispered tone.

Angel merely stared at him not knowing what to say. She couldn't handle this…she had to escape. She was overcome with so many emotions that she didn't know what to do, she wanted to run but at the moment she couldn't. Kai in a surprising move, suddenly had his arms wrapped protectively around her holding onto her tightly as if afraid to let go for fear of her disappearing. Overcome by the feeling of security Angel slumped against him cowering in the safety he offered. He held her joyously, she was alive and know she was back, yet somehow he could sense something was wrong. Try as Angel might she couldn't hold on to the secure feeling much longer as feeling of guilt, anger and ,most of all weakness washed over her. She suddenly pushed away from Kai leaving him sitting on her bed looking confusedly up at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked knowing something definitely was up.

"Nothing." Angel gritted out as she would no longer look at him.

"Angel?" Kai questioned again more firmly as he stood as well.

"I don't need your help Kai, and I don't want it, nor do I appreciate your pity." she suddenly snarled before bolting out the balcony doors. Kai started to follow when there was a sudden knocking on the door. He went over to answer it hoping it was Jessica for perhaps she could explain to him what was going on with Angel. Opening the door he was thrown aside by Jess as she stormed in with a bag of bandages and injections.

"Where is she?" Jess asked anxiously before noting the exhausted and bewildered look in Kai's eyes.

" I don't know where she went." Kai said staring confusedly out the door his longing to run out them and find Angel strangely apparent in his eyes.

"What happened Kai?" Jess said gently motioning for him to sit next to her on the bed.

Kai sighed before sitting and staring at the carpet before him as he told Jess what had just happened. Sitting back more comfortly on the bed jess simply sighed as if she'd seen this before.

"What's wrong with her?" Kai asked simply knowing Jess definitely must know something.

"I should've known she'd do this Kai." Jess started a bit sadly before continuing, " Its not anything you did thought, so don't think that you made a mistake, its just the way Angel is."

"What do you mean?"

"Whenever Angel feels like she's lost control or especially if she feels weak and vulnerable , she separates herself from everyone who wants to help her. She pushes away because it makes her either become as strong as she feels she needs to be or it makes her fall. That's exactly how Angel is. She likes to throw herself into situations that are sink or swim to prove to herself that she is strong enough to take what is dealt her. Right now Angel has a lot of guilt I think and perhaps she feels weak for not fighting off the drug. All I can tell you is that right now Angel's trying to be strong not because she is, but because she hates being weak, and appearing so."

"How do you figure these things out about her?" Kai said in understanding.

"I didn't." Jess admitted a bit sadly.

Kai looked at her curiously wondering what she meant.

Jess sighed before looking away from his piercing gaze,

"Tristan told me."

"What! I thought you'd never met him?"

"I didn't realize I had till recently."

Kai looked at her perplexed wondering how she could've met him without knowing she had.

"Look it happened back when we were captured by Genecite. The first night they beat Angel pretty badly and they kept taking her away and bringing her back all night. Each time she came back she looked worse and worse. We tried to comfort her and the guys tried to protect her from the guards but only got themselves knocked unconscious. After that when Angel came back she became pretty distant with us. She wouldn't speak to us anymore and she sat as far away from us as she could. I tried to help her a few times when she would try to stand to her feet but she'd only push me away roughly and glare. I couldn't understand it. I thought I had lost her or something and was crying softly in a corner of the cell when I heard a voice speak hoarsely from the darkness next to mine. He told me what Angel was doing as if he'd known her for years. I understood then that he was right, but before I could find out who he was they took me and the guys away. I finally figured out that it was Tristan…before he changed."

Kai simply stared out the door longingly before deciding on a course of action. He stood up and started for the door when Jess' voice made him pause,

"As soon as your done talking to her or whatever it is you planning on , bring her back here, I need to make sure she's alright." Jess said while Kai glared at her implication before walking through the door and closing it behind him. She wasn't on the balcony and knowing her injuries she most likely hadn't jumped from the balcony and gone wandering. That left one place, the one place he himself would go. The roof. Climbing quietly he peered over the edge to see her sitting beside the corner edge deep in thought. Noiselessly he walked over to her and sat beside her. Waiting for her to make the first move.

For a long time they sat in silence watching the dim hours before sunrise start to fade.

"I'm sorry." Angel finally muttered quietly knowing he had heard her anyways.

"Its okay." he stated gently staring at her.

She looked over sadly before noticing the scars along his arms. Her eyes visibly darkened as she winced in guilt and sorrow at the sight of the gashes and cuts. Gently her hand went over them as if in shock.

"Its my fault" she mumbled to herself but Kai still heard her.

"no its not." he said seriously taking her hand in his, " you didn't do this."

"I didn't stop it from happening Kai. I let Brooklyn do this to you. I was just too weak to fight the drug, even when you were being hurt." Angel spoke pain and guilt drenching her voice in the tears she wouldn't shed on the outside.

"Angel," Kai said sternly lifting her head to look at him and make eye contact him, " It wasn't your fault that you couldn't stop Brooklyn, and it doesn't mean that you're weak, because you aren't."

A silent tear made its lone way down Angels cheek before being wiped away gently by Kai's thumb. Carefully Kai pulled her into an embrace as she allowed him to do so, and buried her face in his shoulder as he held her soothingly.,

"you've been weakened Angel, but that doesn't mean your weak. Let me help you Angel, please, just let me be here for you." Kai whispered in her ear comfortingly.

For awhile both sat in silence as a few more silent tears slid down Angels cheeks and were instantly absorbed, by Kai's shirt, as if it could absorb her pain as well. Soon after the tears stopped as Angel collected herself yet still accepted Kai's protective and soothing embrace as she stared at the sun which had started rising around them.

"I have to face up to what I've done." she suddenly voiced quietly, just above a whisper.

"It wasn't your fault you know." Kai stated as he leaned his head on top of hers.

"It was my choice. I thought they might've done this but I recklessly chose the drug anyways,. I thought I could protect them by doing so…but instead I only hurt them. Its my responsibility Kai. And try as I might I cant get over this guilt. I cant escape form what's been done through me, and I cant escape from myself."

Kai nodded in understanding.

"Then I'll be right by your side as you face this. You wont go through it alone."

"Thank you," Angel whispered smiling up at him tiredly.

"Come on" Kai said letting go of her and standing to his feet, " Jessica is waiting for you."

Angel smirked at this before Kai helped her stand to her feet. He started leading her toward the balcony when she stopped. He turned to her looking curious as to why she wasn't coming.

"Kai, I know you were the one who saved me, and watched over me last night. so…thank you."

Kai smirked before taking a step forward and kissing her gently his smirk nearly growing as he felt her surprise before pulling away gently and leaning his forehead against her,

"your welcome."

She smiled at him as he took her hand and together they walked to the edge where Kai helped her climb down easily. Angel was instantly enveloped in a hug as she walked into the blade breakers hotel room by Jess.

"Jeez Jess, you always gotta be so touchy." she laughed as Jess pulled away with a fake frown her eyes glittering with mischief.

"I see how its it, only Kai's allowed to be right."

"what! Jess were you spying on us!"

Jess laughed nervously avoiding both of the glares shot her by Kai and Angel, " did I mention that the balcony has a great view?"

"Jessica!" Kai and Angel both shouted exasperatedly.

That's when Angel and Kai both noticed that the hotel room was deserted.

" where're the others?" Angel asked.

"They went out for some breakfast I think." Jess answered.

Angel nodded her head knowing the real reason.

Suddenly Angel dropped to her knees in pain, gasping as she held her head…the symptoms were back!

Kai was at her side in a heartbeat, looking at her worriedly.

"Angel! What's wrong!"

But Angel couldn't answer. She gnashed her teeth in pain trying to fight back the screams that wanted to fall out. The pain was everywhere and it was taking a lot out of her to fight it. She could distantly hear Kai's worried voice echoed by Jess' but she couldn't answer. Her breathing quickened into short struggled gasps of pain. Then as quickly as it had come it left Angel. She collapsed and found herself caught in two strong arms before she could hit the floor. Gently she was lifted and felt herself lain on the bed as her breathing slowed down once again. She opened her eyes to see both Jess and Kai looking at her worriedly before offering them a weak smile.

"Angel what was that?" Jess asked though Kai looked as though he had realized what was going on.

"Side-effects from not taking the drug. They'll keep intensifying until I take it again or…"

"or what?"

"or they'll kill me."

Jess looked at her in horror while Kai looked at her sadly though she could see anger and fury buried deep behind his eyes.

"what is the antidote for it?"

"There is none save that drug."

"there has to be!"

Angel smiled at her friend though it was a bit weak, " Perhaps there is."

Suddenly the door was thrown open as Max and Tyson walked cheerily in from breakfast talking about where they were off to next. They stopped when they saw Jess, Kai and Angel all staring at them, frozen to the spot.

"Kai, Jess" Angel started sitting up, as Kai helped her. " I need to talk to Tyson and Max, alone."

All four looked at her in shock, well two out of fear.

"Are you sure?" Kai asked.

Angel nodded slightly before Jess walked out the front door while Kai stopped between the two gaping teams and lowered his voice so only they could hear, "hurt her, and I'll kill you"

Their eyes widened as he walked on by shutting the door behind him. Leaving them alone with Angel.

Angel stared at the floor fixatedly for awhile before Tyson finally broke the silence,

"So umm, what did you want to talk to us about." he asked nervously.

For awhile more Angel stared at the floor before lifting her haunted and pained green eyes to look at them. The pain and guilt they showed shocked both of them as they listened to her speak,

"I need to ask for your forgiveness. I have hurt you and your friends, though I did not wish to , nor did it voluntarily. I take responsibility for my actions and I'm begging for your forgiveness."

Max and Tyson exchanged a surprised glance before looking at Angel, sincerity filled her troubled and pleading eyes and they couldn't help but comply.

"We forgive you Angel, though we would like to know what happened."

Angel nodded, " I will tell you all as a group soon but right now I don't have the strength to."

"Okay, we'll trust you to tell us soon then." Max said compassionately smiling softly at her.

"Thank you." she replied gratitude nearly overwhelming her.

"Hey Angel, are you planning on apologizing to Mariah and Ray as well?" Tyson suddenly asked.

Angel simply nodded.

"Well you should probably do that individually, Rays still pretty upset with you. But I think Mariah would understand."

Angel again nodded, "do you know where I could find her?"

"I think she went to take a walk in the park."

"Thanx." Angel smiled before standing to her feet with some difficulty.

With a quick nod she left through the front door and started making her way to the nearby park. Soon she had arrived and walked down path after path trying to locate the pink-haired blader. 20 minutes later, she saw her. Mariah sat sitting on a lonely park bench staring off distantly deep in thought. Quietly she walked over towards her before stopping beside the bench.

"Mariah." she said quietly.

Mariah quickly turned as shock and fear were written all over her face. She started backing away expecting to be attacked but was surprised when Angel simply looked down at the ground and dropped to her knees. Confused, Mariah stopped and looked down at her expectantly.

"Please Mariah, forgive me. I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't do it voluntarily. "

Mariah stared down at the girl before her shocked. This wasn't the girl she had met at all. There was just something about her that seemed so sincere. So plagued and haunted that all one could seem to feel was compassion. Perhaps Angel wasn't like she had seemed.

"What really happened Angel?" Mariah asked motioning for her to sit with her on the bench.

Angel complied and told Mariah about the drug, about how Genecite was using her, how they killed Tristan and Lance using Brooklyn, for being obsolete. How they forced her to hurt her own friends to test the limits of the drugs control. By the time she had finished Mariah looked mortified by what she'd heard. How could anyone be so cruel? Could Angel be lying? But it would all make sense as to why Jessica an Kai stood by Angel even when she had done all those things. It just all made sense. And when she looked into Angels haunted, guilty, and pained eyes she couldn't doubt her any longer.

"Angel, I'm so sorry for what's been done to you," Mariah said enveloping a surprised Angel in a hug, " and I forgive you."

Pulling away Angel looked at her gratefully before a loud, angry voice interrupted them,

"what do you think you're doing here!" Ray screamed as he ran towards the two, pulling Mariah away from Angel.

"Ray!" Mariah retorted but he wasn't going to listen.

"Haven't you caused enough damage Angel! I wont let you hurt Mariah again. Now get out of here."

Angel stood her ground looking sorrowfully at the dirt below taking every verbal blow Ray threw at her.

"Ray!" Mariah yelled at him enraged at how he was acting, " Stop yelling at her like that it wasn't her fault! You've been acting strange ever since the tournament. Its not like you to act this way. What's wrong?"

"She's what's wrong." Ray retorted.

"Perhaps its not just her anymore," Mariah growled before leaving both Angel and Ray standing there.

Not knowing what else to do Ray stalked away from Angel and into the forest. He walked on and on in thought thinking over what Mariah had said. Had he really been acting that different? But why? She was right, he wasn't like this? Why was it that now he had a temper like this? Why was he refusing to believe that something had been done to change Angel and make her do those things he never thought she'd do? Why! Why was he so confused. Sighing he sat down near the edge of a cliff. The sun had just set a few minutes ago , revealing the only sign that he had been thinking for a long time about this.

"I know why your acting like this." A quiet and gentle voice spoke from above. He looked to his right and up in a lower branch sat Angel leaning against the tree trunk with one leg on the branch and the other laying across it on the branch underneath her leg.

"Angel" he mumbled surprised she was there, "why am I like this? I don't understand how I got so worked up so fast, and why I cant seem to let go."

" Its because of your friends and especially if not particularly Mariah."

"What do you mean?"

"You've never felt this way because you ,from what I can tell, have strong feelings for Mariah and when she was hurt you blamed yourself. You became angry at me for hurting her and then angry at yourself fro letting it happen. You felt guilt, pain, confusion and anger mounting up inside you and before you even realized it, you had given into it and it nearly consumed you."

"How do you know all of this?"

"Because I went through it too." Angel muttered as she looked out into the darkness, a distant expression on her face.

Ray nodded, understanding she didn't want to talk about it.

"Angel, can you forgive me? I have been unfair to you and misjudged you immensely."

"Yes, though you have to admit, I did give you enough reasons to doubt me. Just understand Ray, it wasn't what I wanted. It tortures me to recall what happened. All that I did."

"But it wasn't you was it."

"It was a side of me that I have never allowed myself to willingly become. The side I chose to deny. In a sense it was me, but it was involuntarily in control, and it will forever haunt me. My punishment, my curse."

"Why? Why cant you let go of it?"

"Because it will not let go of me, and though I have escaped many things in my life, and run from many things, where can I run to escape from myself?"

Ray nodded in compassion and understanding. As both were silent for a while.

"Angel, I forgive you as well."

Angel smiled weakly down at him, " Thank you Ray."

He smiled back, glad to be himself again. When a huge grin grew on his face, "You do know Kai's watching us right?" he whispered lowly, using the light wind to carry his voice to Angel.

She smirked as well, "yes, I think he's become over protective of me of late." she whispered back.

"You implying that I don't have good reason to be?" came a deep voice as a figure walked out from the shadows and into the moonlight.

Angel and Ray laughed lightly realizing that he must truly hear everything that goes on.

"He's got you there Angel."

Angel stuck her tongue out at him playfully seeing the glimpse of mischief flame up in his eyes. While Ray looked between the two in now silent amusement.

"Don't make me show you how over-protective I can be." he smirked looking up at her.

"Right, Kai." Angel challenged playfully not expecting Kai to do anything, but to her shock…he did.

Without hesitation and with a growing smirk he quickly climbed the tree and through a shocked Angel over his shoulder before climbing down again though not putting her down.

"Kai what are you doing! Put me down!"

"Tree's aren't safe, you could fall and get hurt." he grinned. Making Ray laugh.

"I said put me down!" Angel yelled trying not to laugh herself and attempting to pout.

"No you could trip and hurt yourself. Your staying where you are."

Ray couldn't help himself from laughing even more, he just never thought he'd see Kai of all people acting like this. It was completely obvious to him that he definitely had strong feelings for Angel. And he was definitely thinking vise-versa.

"Ray make him put me down!"

"No way, Kai'd kill me" Ray laughed, "besides this is too funny".

"Kai, Ray's laughing at me." Angel whined, deciding to play at Kais game.

Kai caught on and his smirk grew, "Well then that's 2 hours of extra practice for laughing at Angel."

"What!" Ray questioned, his laughter quickly dying.

"As I recall you laughed twice, so that's two hours of practice. "

"Please tell me you're kidding!"

"Not in the least."

"You sure we cant make it 3?" Angel asked

"Hmm" Kai said aloud considering it.

Without a second thought Ray bolted from the spot leaving Angel laughing and Kai smirking behind him.

"Alright Kai can you put me down now?" Angel asked when she stopped laughing.

"I'll think about it." Kai mused.

"Kai!"

Chuckling to himself, he gently set her down.

"Jerk" Angel mumbled only making Kai grin.

She suddenly shivered in the now cold wind, realizing she hadn't brought her uniform jacket with her.

"Cold?" Kai more the less, stated.

Angel shook her head but Kai put his arm around her anyways,

"Liar." he whispered. As he felt her cold bare arms.

Angel simply smirked up at him making him smile down at her.

"Come on, lets get you home."

They both turned and started walking out of the park when Kai stopped by a bush whispering lowly down to it,

"3 hours."

Angel laughed when she heard a groan and they continued on. By the time they arrived at her and Jess apartment, Angel was tired and leaned on Kai as he led her to her into her and Jess' room. Jess was already asleep as Kai steered her to her bed and helped her lye down. He gently kissed her forehead and smiled at her before turning and leaving. Angels eyes closed as she heard the front door close and drifted off to sleep. Yet no matter how she tried, the question that plagued her in the day cursed her at night. Where? Where could she escape? Escape, from what she'd been forced to do. Escape from what had happened. Escape from the pain and the vulnerability. Escape from the cold evil and the guilt. Where could she escape from herself?

Yeah I know that's most likely a lame chapter, but hey least you got one. Well anyways please review and tell me what you think. There's gonna be a big twist coming up soon within the next few chapters so help me update by annoying the heck outa me.lol. J/p but hey guys keep reviewing and once again many apologies for being soo late.