Unexamined Life

by WhosJeebus

Nearly fifteen years after being forced apart from the one he loves, Joey Wheeler reminisces on the events leading up to their separation, and holds onto a dim hope that they might one day be reunited. Can things EVER really go back to the way they were?

4. Part IV

Title: Unexamined Life - Part IV

Author: WhosJeebus

Rating: M (lime ahoy!)

Pairing(s): Seto/Joey, Tristan/Joey (with brief hints of Yugi/Téa, Joey/Mai, Tristan/Duke & Duke/Mai)

Beta: Jennie B. & Angryhamster (teaming up to save the world from bad grammar once again!)

Spoilers: Slight mentions of the ending of the anime series.

Disclaimer: Don't own it. Would like to, but they won't let me. Wonder if that restraining order is still in effect? Mr. Takahashi, it was all just a big misunderstanding, I swear...

Summary: Nearly fifteen years after being forced apart from the one he loves, Joey Wheeler reminisces on the events leading up to their separation, and holds onto a dim hope that they might one day be reunited. But, after hardships faced and conquered, can things ever really go back to the way they were?

A/N: This fic counts as a space age A/U with no specific setting, based loosely on a number of popular science fiction premises. Though it does technically have a sci-fi premise, the futuristic aspects of this fic are meant to be a bare bones backdrop to the overall story itself. Do not expect to see wildly OOC behaviour or ridiculous notions such as 'Space Captain Kaiba Saves the Universe'. That's all in the sequel, folks. Not.

-- Seriously people, I'm a total feedback h0r. Take the time to let me know what you thought of the fic, even if it's just to say, 'you suck' or something, OK? I'm starting to get totally discouraged here. :-( Be forewarned, I freely glomp those who leave favourable comments... --

This fic was written for the 'Love or Lies Anniversary Challenge' at 'A Dragon's Lair'

xxxxxxxxxxXXXXXxxxxxxxxxx

"... Joey?"

"Mmm...?"

Seto smiled down at Joey in fond exasperation. "You were going to tell me what you and Tristan had found out?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry, Seto. I was just lost in the past for a minute there."

"Was it something good?" Seto leaned up to playfully tug on a lock of Joey's hair. "Maybe even that time you had your wicked way with me in the flight simulator at Kaiba Land?" He grinned rakishly and waggled his eyebrows a bit.

Joey couldn't help but laugh out loud. "Heh. No, it wasn't. If I start thinkin' about that, I won't remember anything I wanted to tell you about."

Seto smirked. That really had been one of his more innovative escapades with the blond. And who knew that Joey could be so aggressive? Apparently , sex in public places was a little known kink of his, and it brought out a side in his lover that Seto had never seen before. They'd definitely have to do that again sometime...

His smirk faltered and disappeared as the reality of the situation crashed down around him again. He fixed Joey with a piercing stare. "So tell me what you've found out. I know you and Tristan have been busy over the past week. Yugi's told me that you were like a man possessed, trying to prove my innocence. I truly don't mean to belittle your efforts, I'm just so glad to see you." Seto leaned forward again and wrapped Joey in a tight embrace. "You're all I've thought about this whole time, you know."

"Seto, I..."

Seto cut him off before he could finish his sentiment. "Now; what have you two amateur sleuths uncovered?" He pulled his feet back under himself, sitting up against the pillows at the head of the bed and bringing the full force of his attention to bear on the blond.

Joey felt the scrutiny of that steady blue gaze like a tangible weight on the back of his neck. God, how he would hate to be an executive or adman whose very livelihood depended on making a successful presentation before this intense young man. Seto's stare wasn't malevolent in the least, but nevertheless Joey felt measured, assessed and found lacking. He nervously fumbled for the scraps of paper he'd shoved back into his pockets earlier, spilling several to the floor in his haste. His fingers trembled with urgency and anticipation. So much was riding on this, surely there was something that Seto could accomplish that Yugi couldn't...?

"Relax, Joey. I'm not going to bite you or anything." Seto considered his own statement for a moment. "Not until later, anyway."

Joey smiled and tried to unwind a bit. He herded together his scattered thoughts and tried to think of the best place to begin. Might as well start with some of the most damning evidence of all...

"You didn't kill Mai, but the blood on your hands was hers."

Seto visibly flinched at this blunt statement, as Joey nodded to himself absently. "Yeah, we figured as much right from the beginning. Whoever did kill her must have put it there, And, we have reason to believe that your so-called drug test was tampered with. There's no way it came back 'inconclusive'."

"I repeatedly informed the police that I had lost consciousness at some point. The last thing I can recall clearly is Mai screaming as I came back from the kitchen. I remember feeling a sharp prick on the side of my neck, and when I woke up next, I was being read my rights."

Joey latched onto this eagerly. "You were sedated somehow, I'm sure of it. Even the arrestin' officers were willin' to admit to me and Tris that you were way more disoriented than a simple shock from a stunner could account for. Funny that both of them were conveniently transferred to precincts outside of Domino Colony so suddenly, ain't it? And it's not just that, either. The anonymous call that they received was traced, despite what the DA said, but the records mysteriously disappeared just prior to your trial. That's just too many coincidences at once, right? So the long and short of it is, we smelled a rat."

Seto was suitably impressed. In less than one week, and with no formal training whatsoever, Joey had methodically set out to prove his lover's innocence, and had managed to get further along in that endeavour than any of Seto's own overpriced attorneys or the legions of detectives at Kaiba Corp's disposal. From the beginning of their relationship, Seto had made it a point to help bolster Joey's self confidence, telling him that he could accomplish anything that he set his mind to. He only wished that the ultimate test of Joey's drive and determination hadn't come under such trying circumstances. Attempting, most likely in vain, to absolve his boyfriend of a murder rap was really not the practical application Seto had had in mind...

Meanwhile, Joey seemed to be waiting expectantly for him to say something. Seto cleared his throat lightly and asked, "So, we know that Mai had to have been killed by someone else. Someone who obviously didn't want me to find out why she had asked to meet me that night. But who? And, more importantly, why?"

"Well, it's obvious to me that you were framed because they're afraid she might have told you something before they were able to get rid of her. The thing is, they couldn't be certain of it, or you'd be dead too. It was important that you be discredited, more than anything else."

Seto blanched. Joey had a point, and not one he really cared to dwell on for very long, either.

"That's where me and Tris started with our line of reasonin'." Joey glanced down at one of the ragged pieces of paper in his hand as he recited, "Point number one: What did Mai know and who else might have known it too?" He looked up at Seto with an open, serious expression. "What was so important to hide that nearly two people have already been killed over it?"

"Two?" Understanding dawned on Seto abruptly. "You said that what happened to Duke was no accident?"

Joey nodded affirmatively. "You were payin' attention," he joked. "Duke had been workin' as a freelance journalist since he graduated college. I mean, we all knew that, but what we didn't know, was that he'd been undercover for almost an entire year, diggin' up some huge kind of story or scandal. And that's not all. Apparently, he and Mai had been seein' each other the whole time, and they hadn't told anyone about it, neither."

"And you think this 'big story' has something to do with why Mai was killed?"

"I know so. Duke's car wreck was no freak accident." Joey paused for full sensational effect, his voice dropping to barely a whisper. "He was silenced." He paused for emphasis, allowing time for his words to sink in.

Seto rolled his eyes and barked out a short laugh. "A little overly dramatic, don't you think?"

Joey's reaction wasn't so much affronted as it was morally outraged. "God dammit, Seto! How can I possibly be overly dramatic about something like this! Duke is twenty-one years old, spendin' the rest of his life in an institution, not able to feed himself or even remember his own name!"

Seto felt slightly ashamed at his comment, but he instinctively lashed out in anger. "And I'm also twenty-one years old, about to lose everything that I've built in that time! You, and all that we've shared. My brother, my company. Each and every life experience I have stored away, every single thing that makes me ME will be wiped out! It will all be gone, and the person known as Seto Kaiba will cease to exist! I think I deserve to be a little bitter about it!"

Joey said nothing at first, he merely looked down at his feet as Seto stood there, panting heavily and allowing his temper to spiral back down to a more rational level. He felt compelled to apologize for his outburst, but stubbornly refused to do so. Sometimes, he wondered if that stubbornness was all he had left.

Still staring pensively at the ground, Joey's soft voice carried clearly to Seto's ears. "You have every right to be bitter, Seto. I only wanted you to know that I haven't given up all hope yet. Maybe you'll realize that by the time I'm done."

Seto was once again mildly ashamed of himself, but refused to accede the point. He merely inclined his head in Joey's direction and mumbled, "Go on."

The blond lifted his head after a moment, picking up his narrative where he had left off. "We know that Duke's story started out as a bio piece on Marcel Binoche, the inventor of the MDD itself. If you remember your history correctly, and I know you of all people do, we're comin' up on the fiftieth anniversary of the mnemonic display technology bein' used in law enforcement." Joey grinned sheepishly. "I actually had to go and look that up."

Seto nodded absently. Where was Joey going with this?

"To make a long story short, and don't you dare say 'too late', ya big smartass, Tris and I believe that Duke uncovered evidence that the device is faulty and he was goin' to go public with it. They had to shut him up then. And if he told Mai about it..." Joey hopped up from his seat on the bed, pacing the length of the room and waving his hands animatedly as he became more and more excited over his subject. "Imagine it, Seto! The cornerstone of our modern justice system, proven to be ineffective! The exact same means they used to convict you, not only faulty but able to be manipulated to suit anyone's purposes. I'm positive that's what happened in your case; there's no other explanation! Now all we have to do is --"

"Joey, slow down. You're putting the cart before the horse, don't you think?" Seto ran his hands through his hair in exasperation, biting back an angry snarl as he saw Joey's face fall once again. "Look. Do you have evidence to back any of this up?"

"Yeah, of course, " Joey sulked. "Tris and Duke used to have a thing goin' on back in high school, and lucky for us, he hadn't changed many of the passwords on his home computer. I'm guessin' the bad guys didn't have the same luck, or else they just got the hard copies and left the rest. Anyways, it's all a bunch of techno mumbo jumbo that Tris claims to understand. I'm not really sure if I believe him or not, but we've got Rebecca standin' by, and she's willing to back us up on it. She's the only person I know who's better with tech stuff than you are, and if she tells them that the --"

Seto held up one hand. "Hold on! What do you mean 'better' than me?"

Joey paused in mid step and turned to give Seto an incredulous stare. "Seto, this is not the time for me to be pamperin' your massive ego, OK? Now, what was I sayin'? Oh yeah. The techno crap isn't my department, you know. I'm more of the 'legwork' guy, and those two are the brains of the operation." He grinned mischievously, giving Seto a sly wink. "Believe it or not."

Shuffling through his notes once more, Joey's eyes lit up. If possible, he became even more excited, as he scurried over to kneel at the bedside, grasping Seto's hand in both of his. "And here's the part that's gonna get you out of here, wait and see. From what we can tell about Duke's investigation, it looks like several members of the Ruling Council already knew about the problems with the MDD and they've been quietly covering it up for years. Who knows? Maybe even one of them was behind what happened to Duke and Mai."

Seto gaped at Joey in mute horror as the full implications behind this theory dawned on him. Snatching his hand back out of the blond's clutches, he grabbed a fistful of Joey's t-shirt and dragged him across the bed. Nose to nose, Seto stared straight into wide amber eyes and spat, "Joey, you could have been in danger! You probably still are! What the fuck were you thinking!"

"I was thinkin' about you, Seto. What else?"

"Well don't! It's not exactly your strong suit!"

Joey turned his face away from Seto and clenched his fists in anger, biting his lip fiercely to withhold the spiteful retort that threatened to spew forth. Seto read everything he needed to know from the blond's wounded expression, and his own face immediately flushed with remorse. His damnable temper still got the better of him on occasion, and the problem was frequently compounded by the fact that more and more often, Joey seemed to be the level-headed one of the pair these days. He was showing remarkable restraint even now, and with a resigned sigh, Seto released his hold on the other boy's shirt. "I'm sorry, Joey. I was just worried about you. Something terrible could have happened -- could still happen -- if the wrong person finds out what you know. Have you told Yugi about any of this?"

Huffily setting his clothing to rights once more, Joey refused to look Seto in the face. "No. Tris figured we better play our cards close to our chests for now. Besides, Yug' has to deal with those bastards on the Council every single day, and we didn't want to endanger him, what with the baby on the way and all..." Joey stood and walked away again, scuffing his feet aimlessly as he went. "But now that we have proof, I can go straight to the DA and get her to --"

"You'll do no such thing!" Seto leapt up from the bed, grabbing Joey by the upper arms and spinning him around forcefully.

"Huh? But -- but why!"

Seto tightened his grip on the blond until Joey grimaced in pain. He knew he was hurting his lover, but he had to make sure Joey understood that going public with his discoveries was not an option. "You're just not seeing the big picture here!" Seto punctuated his words by giving Joey a firm shake. "Think of the upheaval a revelation like that would bring, Joey. The MDD is the universally accepted means of conviction throughout all the colonies. Combined with using mem-wipe as a punishment for the most severe offenses, it's been the single most effective crime deterrent in human history. Felonies and misdemeanours both are at a record low, the death penalty is obsolete, and everyone is happy with the status quo. Thanks to these developments, traditional incarceration is practically unheard of; hell, prisons don't even exist any more, and rehabilitation is as simple as the push of a few buttons. Coupled with the fact that all forms of memory erasure are permanent and irreversible, you've got a near perfect system of justice that only an idiot would want to mess with." He smiled slightly to take the sting out of his words. "No offense."

Joey shook his head throughout the entirety of Seto's lengthy speech, denying the truth he didn't want to see. "You don't know that for sure! People would want to know that the system's corrupt. They deserve to be -- "

"Dammit Wheeler! Open your eyes!" he lashed out reflexively. "If it came to light that the Colonies' one and only method of determining guilt or innocence, used exclusively for almost fifty years now, was not, in fact, totally infallible, can you even begin to imagine the chaos that would be unleashed? Hundreds of thousands of people have been mem-wiped since the technology was first introduced. Every single one of them was someone's lover, friend, or family member. Do you think the rest of the public is going to accept that it was all some huge, horrible mistake and just move on with their lives? There's no kind of all-purpose apology that covers a monumental fuck up like this, Joey. Protests, rioting, governmental meltdown, and martial law would just be the beginning. Countless people in every corner of the Colonies, from every walk of life could be hurt and/or killed over this. Are you prepared to risk all that for my freedom?"

"YES!" Joey cried, tears streaming anew down his cheeks.

Seto released Joey's arms, reaching up to tenderly cup the blond's face in his hands. He pressed his forehead against Joey's and murmured, "If you don't care about what happens to other people, which I find difficult to believe, then at least be realistic about this. The most likely scenario is that those in power ignore the evidence, and then covertly do away with you and anyone else who knows what you've found out." Seto brought his mouth down to brush against Joey's own, his tongue sliding out briefly to moisten the other's lips. Breathlessly, he tried reasoning with his lover one final time. "I'm sorry to be painting you a picture that you refuse to acknowledge, but this is one gamble you don't want to take, Joey. Trust me on this, please. They're not going to just let me walk out of here with a 'Sorry for the misunderstanding, Mr. Kaiba. Please feel free to return to your everyday average life. No harm, no foul.' Even you have to realize that."

Choking with the strain of holding his sobs in check, Joey adamantly pushed the issue. He wouldn't, couldn't face giving up on Seto, not with all that was at stake. "That's not the way it would happen, Seto. You're just too stubborn to admit it. You'd be a figurehead, a way to show everyone how the Council wants to win back the public's trust. You're well known and respected; that's why Mai came to you in the first place, I bet. If they showed everyone that they were makin' an effort to fix what's broken, and held you up as an example..." Joey trailed off, realizing he was grasping at straws now.

Seto pulled away, turning his back on the blond. "My God, would you just listen to yourself? This isn't some seventeenth century class struggle, and despite the irony of the situation, it's not 'Crime and Punishment', either! Supposing we do somehow manage to get my conviction overturned; then what? Even you aren't naive enough to think we'll just ride off into the sunset together. It's time to face the facts. This is going to happen, and there's nothing that either of us, or anyone else for that matter, can do about it. Whether I'm a martyr for the cause today, or fifteen years from now, the end result is the same." Seto whirled to face his lover, his own wide sapphire eyes pleading mutely, brimming with unshed tears. "This is it, Joey. This is the end of everything, and I am so fucking scared right now. Will you please just drop your pointless crusade and hold me, one last time?"

All of Seto's iron control broke free at that moment, and as Joey rushed into his arms, throwing him forcefully against the far wall, he sobbed bitterly, hating himself for being weak, hating life for being so God damned unfair.

"Christ Seto, " Joey grated out against the brunet's neck. "This is really 'takin' one for the team' on a cosmic scale, y'know that?" He leaned away in order to meet Seto's eyes as he forced a shaky smile. "Why can't you just be selfish for once, huh?"

Smiling through his tears, Seto said thickly, "I'm always selfish, Joey. I've never done anything noble in my entire, worthless life. Let me have my moment, will you?"

"Shut up." Joey crushed his lips to Seto's, claiming his mouth in a fierce, searching kiss. The brunet found himself humming breathless encouragement as Joey's tongue curled frantically around his own. Overwhelmed with lust and longing, the only thought that surfaced in his beleaguered mind was, "God, how much I've missed this..."

Strong, calloused hands cupped his face briefly before gliding down to his shoulders, his chest, his nipples, demanding responses that Seto couldn't have held back, even if he'd wanted to. His own hands found Joey's nape, fingers tightening in silken locks as his lover's thumbs circled and teased and moved on. He found himself reaching for Joey's button fly with hands that suddenly wouldn't cooperate, and he cursed his own nervousness. Shaking off his uncharacteristic hesitancy, Seto grabbed the waistband of Joey's jeans and roughly pulled the blond's groin against his own, taking back control of the situation. Pulling away briefly from their passionate kiss, he tilted his head to one side and bit down sharply on the side of Joey's neck. Hearing his lover's submissive whimper, he smiled knowingly against the heated flesh. "Beg me," Seto growled, low in his throat. "Beg me to take you."

"Please," Joey gasped out, tossing his head and arching his back, desperately pleading for more contact. "Please fuck me."

Seto smiled his predator's grin once more. "No. We'll do this slowly."

Joey groaned in protest and drove his pelvis against Seto's own, needing to establish more pressure, more sensation through the bothersome barrier of their clothing. Seto relented long enough to allow Joey to undress them both, having learned long ago that the simple act brought his lover a modicum of enjoyment all on its own. Once they were both naked and panting yet again, Seto reclaimed the upper hand, forcing Joey back onto the small bed and rapidly bringing him off once, then twice, with his talented mouth and hands, until by the time Seto gently turned him over onto his stomach, the blond was pleasantly boneless and half asleep with sated bliss.

"Joey."

"...Mmm?"

"I'm afraid I don't have anything to use for lubrication. It wasn't really a request I felt comfortable making on my own behalf, you understand," the brunet said sardonically. "The uh, hand soap in the bathroom has been working just fine for ME thus far."

Joey gave a soft laugh at that. "You mean you've been..." He left the rest unsaid, his voice teasingly scandalized.

"Of course," Seto agreed amiably as he kissed his way up Joey's smoothly muscled back. "I did say that I've been thinking of nothing but you this entire time, didn't I...?"

"S'OK, Seto. I know you'll make it good. You always do."

Seto set about doing just that, as he trailed his tongue up along the base of Joey's spine, eliciting a deep moan and a full body shudder for his efforts. The blond spread his legs wider and crawled forward on his belly, shamelessly displaying his most private recesses, trusting his lover to bring him only more pleasure and comfort. Seto slid his hands between the firm cheeks, spreading them apart and baring the hidden crevice to his eager view. Seto kissed and licked all the tantalizing areas he had unrestricted access to, without pushing any further, though he made a point to keep returning to the center. Using his thumbs to rub firmly against the skin behind Joey's balls, he entered the blond with his tongue, lightly thrusting in and out, teasing mercilessly around the puckered opening. He delighted in the sheer abandonment and feral quality of the noises the smaller boy was making under his expert ministrations, probing deep and feeling for the tense muscles to gradually loosen. When he judged that Joey was finally relaxed enough for the next step, Seto deftly inserted two slim digits into the clenching passageway, listening avidly for any signs of distress. As he ruthlessly manipulated the small gland within, Joey cried out loudly, bucking wildly against Seto's hand. At last, the brunet could no longer deny himself the much anticipated pleasure to be found in Joey's ready and wanton body.

Removing his fingers, Seto guided the other boy up onto his hands and knees, and positioning his straining arousal at his lover's entrance, the brunet carefully pushed inside, groaning aloud as the head of his cock slipped past the tight ring of muscle. Joey sucked in a sharp breath of air, instinctively lurching forward, away from the painful penetration. Seto stroked the blond's shoulders soothingly as he pressed slowly onward, feeling the tight heat surround his aching member, desperately denying the savage part of him that wanted to break free and ravish this beautiful creature spread so temptingly before him. After an interminable amount of time to his delirious, ecstasy clouded mind, Seto was fully sheathed inside his golden lover, and he fought to regain control over his runaway senses. Leaning forward over the other boy's violently trembling back, Seto ran his strong hands through the soft, sweaty blond tresses at the base of Joey's neck, murmuring nonsense words to help ease the discomfort of the burning intrusion. Seto closed his eyes tightly, fighting unsuccessfully to bring his traitorous body back in line with his brain. Giving in after only the briefest of struggles, he grated out through clenched teeth, "Oh God, Joey. I know I need to take this slow, but I just can't. I'm sorry..." With that, he pulled back and then immediately thrust forward again, drawing a strangled moan from deep within the blond's throat.

"It's alright Seto," Joey gasped out, his breath hitching again in pained pleasure as the brunet flexed his hips and drove ahead once more, hitting that spot deep inside. "Don't be sorry. This is hnn... exactly how I've always seen you. This is how you love me."

Seto fell against his lover's back, biting, mouthing wetly at the side of Joey's neck as he rasped, "How's that again? How do you see me?"

"Tender and beautiful, but with an, ahh! With an edge..."

Joey's husky words, combined with the heat and nearly unbearable tightness of that lithe body surrounding his eager cock, snapped the last thread of Seto's self restraint and he started to move in earnest now, striving for the perfect climax that lay just out of his reach, beckoning him onward. His body established a rapid, rolling rhythm completely of its own volition, and Joey responded willingly, pushing back against Seto's harsh thrusts with a natural grace born of practice and perfect symmetry. As Seto threw his head back and growled out his passion to the heavens, Joey fell forward onto his elbows, his cries escalating in pitch and volume as he too, skirted the edge of completion. "Ah God, Seto -- harder! Fuck me HARDER! Ungh... Make it hurt! Make it -- ahh! Please! I don't want to ever forget this!"

The words hit Seto like a sledgehammer to the gut, and he felt his throat tighten restrictively. Joey couldn't know what he was saying, how much it struck directly at Seto's very soul and made him want to shake his fists and curse the cruelty of fate with his last, defiant breath. Not so very long ago, when he and Joey had made love for the first time, it had been a new experience for the both of them, neither having ever been with a another man before, and despite the fumbling and awkwardness of the whole affair, it had been sheer perfection as well, right down to the moment when Joey had shouted out his love for Seto as he climaxed. The blond had been remorseful and embarrassed immediately afterward, but Seto had merely soothed away his fears, returning the sentiment and quietly advising his new lover to never regret the utterances of passion. They were the only truths ever spoken directly from the heart, he'd told him, and Seto certainly couldn't fault Joey for revealing his heart now, no matter how painful it was for him to hear. Not when he himself wished so desperately for the very same thing.

As Joey continued to whimper and beg for release, Seto sped up his thrusts to the point of mindlessness, snaking one hand around the blond's hip and wrapping his long fingers around his lover's engorged cock, stroking it firmly in time with the rhythm he had established. Joey came almost instantly, crying out raggedly as his legs collapsed underneath him, his hands curving into sharp talons as he dug his fingers forcefully into the mattress below. The moment Joey's support gave way, Seto's arm shifted beneath the smaller boy's now limp figure, grasping him firmly around the waist and holding the blond's exhausted body tight against his own. He grunted with the effort as he pumped several more finishing strokes into the still convulsing channel, all pretense at gentleness long since abandoned. Hoarsely screaming Joey's name, Seto finally allowed his own orgasm to overtake him, his body wracked with almost painfully intense shudders as he spilled his essence deep within the confines of his lover's body.

Collapsing overtop of the smaller figure, Seto fell into a brief stupor, moving in and out of awareness until he felt Joey stirring slightly under him. The restless movements brought him rapidly back to full hardness, and still buried snugly in the embrace of his lover's clinging passage, Seto began to rock slowly, softly against the sleeping figure beneath him, bringing the blond to gentle wakefulness. Joey keened quietly into the bed pillows as the brunet made love to him with infinite care, as if to atone for his earlier ferocity. When they reached their sated conclusion as one entity, Seto at last drifted into full, blissful slumber, descending swiftly into darkness as he murmured breathy 'I love you's' against the nape of Joey's neck.

When he awoke again, Joey was lying on his side next to Seto, gazing down at him intently in the near total darkness. "I love you," the blond said simply, and he kissed the taller boy with such tenderness and longing, Seto thought for a moment that perhaps his heart had stopped beating in his chest. Methodically, Joey worshipped Seto's body as if it were the holiest of relics, taking his lover skillfully to the edge and then back again repeatedly, until the brunet was delirious with pleasure and begging for release once more. Joey's hands were everywhere at once, caressing his face and shoulders, chest and sides, and he stared down at his lover, awestruck and somewhat bemused as he slipped easily inside Seto's waiting heat. Thrusting smoothly, Joey never once closed his wide, amber eyes in bliss, nor looked away from the beloved visage below him. When the blond reached his peak for the final time that night, Seto watched in fascination as his lover transcended every possible definition of the word exquisite, his face transformed with amazement, luminosity and simple, aching gratitude. Seto followed quickly after him, too exhausted to cry out, carrying the memory of Joey's beatific expression with him as he spiraled down into oblivion. The last thing he heard before sleep claimed him permanently was a whispered, "Happy anniversary, Seto."

xxxxxxxxxxXXXXXxxxxxxxxxx

When Joey awoke groggily the next morning, he knew immediately that something was wrong. He shifted around restlessly on the bed, detecting various aches and pains that brought a smile to his lips, finally surmising that it must be the chilly temperature of the surrounding atmosphere that had woken him so out of sorts. He rolled over to pull Seto more firmly against himself for warmth, but when his arm met nothing more than empty air and rapidly cooling sheets, he snapped to full awareness, panic overwhelming him instantly. He bolted upright, gathering the sheet and blanket around his nude body, gaping in disbelief at the cell door standing wide open and unattended. "Oh God, Seto --" His eyes flew around the room wildly, lighting on the featureless walls, the bathroom door panel standing open, concealing nothing inside, his own neatly stacked clothes in a pile at the foot of the bed, a folded letter resting on top. "No," he choked. "It can't be..."

/This isn't happening! It's not, it's not, it's not.../ On and on his brain circled futilely, until he swallowed hard and forced one shaking hand out to grasp the tri-folded papers that had drawn his attention. Numbly, he opened the letter and began to read:

Joey,

I know you're not going to be very pleased with me when you get this. Believe me, if I'd thought of a better way, I would have leapt at it in a heartbeat. Please don't hate me for being a shameless coward and saying good-bye in this manner. I only wanted our final moments together to be painless, or at the very least comforting, as opposed to tragic. I want you to remember last night, always, and carry those special memories with you in place of tearful farewells. You can understand that now, can't you?

Regardless, it's past the time for useless recriminations, and that's not really the point of this letter. Enclosed you'll find a missive that I had formerly been working on for some time, trying to come up with an adequate way to sum up my feelings for you on the occasion of this, our very first anniversary together. Things didn't quite go as planned, needless to say, but I still wanted you to see that you were forever in my thoughts. And though I don't mean to torture you with pointless 'might have been's', I couldn't walk toward my fate with my head held high if I believed that you'd never truly known what our love has meant to me.

This just isn't getting any easier, and as I sit here watching you sleep peacefully, I want nothing more in the world than to curl up against you and ignore the cruel destiny that awaits me. It wouldn't do to have the guards burst in upon us, dragging me kicking and screaming from your embrace; therefore I find this a kinder, gentler parting by far. You may not agree, but I desperately hope that you can someday absolve me of my aversion and arrogance.

I'd like to be noble and counsel you to just go on without me, to be strong and move forward with your life, but as I said, I'm too selfish by far. My nature has never been self-sacrificing, and it would be a discredit to you for me to believe that you wouldn't immediately see through my ruse. Carry me in your heart for all eternity, Joey, is what I want to urge you instead. As long as the memory of Seto Kaiba resides within you, then I truly DO still exist. Even if you can never bring yourself to forgive me for abandoning you, I hope you'll think on me kindly, and with love, whenever your thoughts stray to the brief, but happy, moment in time that we once shared. In that small, special way, I will always be with you.

Love,

Seto

Joey stared at the page in his hand, reading and re-reading until the words were etched into his mind; not daring to break them down and analyze them too closely, yet still wanting so very BADLY to simply rush out of the room and put an end to his own miserable existence. /You're such a sly one, Seto/ he thought admirably. /You knew exactly what buttons to push to prevent just that, didn't you/

Setting the first page aside, Joey moved on to the remainder of the letter, this part inscribed on elegant Kaiba Corp stationery. Joey suppressed a small smile as the image of Seto, seated behind his huge office desk, hunched over and scribbling furiously, came unbidden to his mind. His stomach clenched painfully with longing, but he diligently pressed on and began to read once more:

Joey,

I find myself sitting here in my office with mountains of work to do, yet unable to hold a single thought in my head except for the desire to rush home and kiss you senseless. And yes, that IS about as poetic as the great Seto Kaiba will ever wax, so I hope it's enough to tide you over for the rest of our lives together.

I can picture you now, looking faintly surprised as you read this, hopefully with me looking over your shoulder while you do so, able to gauge your reactions and reap the benefits of a few kind words in the process. A kiss or two perhaps? Maybe something more adventurous? Maybe later, then. DOES that indeed shock you? That I want to spend the rest of my life with you? You shouldn't be all THAT taken aback; I've certainly made no secret of the fact that being with you has made me happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I never even knew that I possessed the capacity for love, Joey, much less to the depth and degree that I feel for you. I have YOU to thank for that, you know. Why wouldn't I want to hold onto that for as I long as I live?

Next week is our one year anniversary and I can't help but want to do something extravagant, something outrageous even, to mark the occasion. Hopping a red-eye transport to the Paras Nebula and having a romantic dinner at the top of the observation station seems too cliché d somehow, don't you think? Trust me when I say we'll do all that and more someday, but for now, I'm finding it a chore just to put my own thoughts and feelings down on paper. You DO realize that if this letter ever finds its way into the wrong hands, I'll have no choice but to disavow its existence, right? But never you, Joey. Never US.

Again, putting these thoughts into words isn't going as smoothly as I'd first hoped when I started writing this, but there ARE a number of important things I wanted to tell you, and I'll gladly say them to you again in person, when we celebrate our year of happiness together and toast the countless years to come, but for now, I'll settle for giving you some heartfelt advice, direct from the heart of one who owes you so much, the one whose life has been irrevocably changed for the better, in the hopes that I can do the same for you.

The one positive thing that Gozaburo ever did for me was to impart his own admiration of the Greek philosophers, and in particular, the writings of Socrates himself. My favourite quote by far reads as follows:

'The unexamined life is not worth living.'

Straightforward, simple, and to the point; or so I'd always thought. I took Socrates' words to mean literally that knowing oneself, on an intellectual level, to analyze and break apart all that is logical and reasonable, and apply it to one's own life, was the key to happiness itself. I did just that, tirelessly, religiously, and for years on end, until there was nothing left in my own psyche that could ever surprise me to happen upon, and I thought that I was happy because of it.

And then YOU came along.

We're opposites, you and I, in too many ways to count, but that's only on the surface, Joey. Your strength of character and inner drive are more than a match for my genius and cool logic in every way. I can see that look on your face again, and I can say with one hundred percent certainty that you NEVER expected to hear those particular words from me, did you? THE Seto Kaiba, admitting that he has an equal? Yes. Undoubtedly and without hesitation I hold you up as a shining example of all that is possible through compassion, bravery and the triumph of the human spirit. Now all I have to do is convince YOU that it's true.

Your lack of self esteem and doubt in your own abilities is a source of endless frustration to me, Joseph Wheeler. Like myself, your life hasn't been easy, and how you've struggled through it all and managed to come out the other side unbroken, never allowing your misfortunes to harden your heart against others, has frankly never ceased to amaze me. But I don't want your upward climb to greatness to stop there, when I know in my own heart and soul that you're capable of SO much more, if you'd only learn to tap that inner desire, to find the willingness to take that initial step forward and examine your own life, and all that it still has to offer you. I'd like to make that my first gift to you, if you'll let me, on the esteemed occasion of our one year anniversary -- The gift of a hand to hold and guide you on your way as you set out on the journey to seek the happiness you so richly deserve, and the reassurance that comes with knowing that no matter how far you roam or what difficulties you may encounter on that journey, you'll always have someone to come home to at the end of it. Promise me that you'll do me the honour of accepting my humble gift, such as it is.

With Love Always,

Seto

xxxxxxxxxxXXXXXxxxxxxxxxx

Back in the present for the time being, Joey idly stroked the now tattered sheets of paper that he carried with him always, reflecting on how he'd taken Seto's advice to heart, enrolling in college and then law school, eventually finding the way and the means of going public with his discoveries about the MDD. He'd almost single-handedly brought down the corrupt system with a minimum of upheaval, and earned himself, Tristan and Rebecca a place in history as well as reputations for being staunch crusaders against injustice. Joey had been extremely vocal in his denunciation of the mnemonic technology, and the practice of memory erasure in particular, holding up his three contemporaries, Duke Devlin, Mai Valentine, and the famous in his own right Seto Kaiba, as examples of a well meaning corrections system gone horribly wrong. They had become modern day martyrs, not that any of the unfortunate trinity could possibly care less, but every soul in the Colonies now knew their names and their involvement to Joey and his tireless efforts -- few knew of the real relationships behind the headlines, however, and the sad tale of all that had been lost in the process from realization to actualization.

Joey had even gone so far as to use the connections that came with his fame and influence to covertly launch a search for Seto and his new identity, never quite letting go of the hope that he might one day be found. The blonde harboured a secret and desperate hope that upon being rediscovered, one look at his lost love would magically restore all that had been stolen from Seto, and their life together would begin anew. This dark fantasy was, of course, hideously unfair to Tristan, though Joey still couldn't bring himself to be thankful that the search had never borne any fruit. It remained nothing more than a shameful daydream to be taken out and examined only on rare occasions, and with much guilt and recrimination involved.

That would change if he ever decided to publish that book, Joey mused as he swiftly exited yet another run of the mill press conference. That damned book that haunted him nearly as arduously as the memories themselves did. Did the world deserve to hear about that particular aspect of the now famous tale? It wasn't quite ancient history just yet, but fifteen years in the past was a good deal of distance to put between himself and the pain. At least it was at any other time of the year than right now.

Did he even want the fickle public poring over his private heartache, even in this brave, new world he had helped to forge? There was a very real possibility that the masses and the media would freely discuss it, take it apart from every conceivable angle, and God forbid, judge him for his actions, past and present. Did he truly want to subject himself to that again, on a personal level? More importantly, would Seto want him to?

Tristan pulled him out of his grim reflection by wrapping a comforting arm around his waist and gently guiding him away from the milling throng and toward their waiting limo. Joey sighed again, his thoughts finding yet another avenue to take that brought him no closer to a decision. Tris would be affected just as deeply as Joey himself if the details were to emerge, and even though he'd never been anything but honest with his husband regarding his history with Seto, the attention would still drag hurtful truths and reminders up from the buried past. Reminders that the sensitive brunet would always be a mere shadow to the memory of the man who was Joey Wheeler's first, and greatest, love.

But Joey knew, without a doubt, that Tristan would support him no matter what his final decision on the matter may eventually be, and it had always been that way, for as long as they'd been together, as friends and more. What Tristan had felt for Joey since their childhood together had merely grown throughout the years, and as their bond had deepened in the days and months that followed Seto's departure, he'd revealed those feelings to Joey, asking for nothing in return other than to be heard and acknowledged for them. More years passed, and as they fought together to see past wrongs righted and future tragedies avoided, Tristan had steadily worn Joey down. The blond was tired of being alone, and often were the nights that the two young men were able to take some form of comfort in each other, carnal or otherwise. Eventually, it was enough to forge a newer, stronger bond, though it often paled greatly in comparison to the all-consuming fire and passion that was Seto Kaiba's legacy. There was nothing to be done for the way he felt, not that Joey would ever have wanted to alter the status quo, were it possible.

Riding in the limousine on the way to their hotel, Joey glanced at his watch and saw that some time between the docking of the transport ship and the end of the press conference, January 20th had arrived. Joey leaned his head over onto Tristan's shoulder and accepted a chaste kiss to the forehead. He'd done what Seto had asked of him, hadn't he? But if so, why wasn't he happy?

xxxxxxxxxxXXXXXxxxxxxxxxx

tbc