Disclaimer:
See chap 15
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Quick A/N
Jeez, I'm not really gonna have Ryoga neutered! It's just a threat (albeit an empty one). Oh, and I know I said 'Mousse, for all his time on Nerima…' That was not a typo. It's deliberate, like any other time I say that. One does not live in Nerima, one lives on it. It's like the friggin' moon. A place you feel that does not belong in the real world.
---
Slowly, so very slowly, Akane began to wake up. She felt sore in a few places, but it was a good kind of sore, like after a really great workout. Consciousness creeped in, making her vaguely aware of her surroundings.
Where… whose room is this?
More demanding was the suddenly noticed pressure against her chest. Now what is… oh, right, it's just P-chan.
She settled back into her pillow, deciding to rest a few more minutes before getting up. Morning (though it was not morning) amnesia wore off, providing Akane with her full set of memories. Idly, Akane thought to herself. I have P-chan. P-chan is snuggled up against me. P-chan is Ryoga's cursed form. Ryoga is P-chan. I have Ryoga pressed up against my chest.
This line of logic took a moment to sink in. Then…
P-chan is Ryoga!! RYOGA-
"-YOU'RE GONNA DIE FOR TOUCHING ME!!" The mallet descended upon his head with crushing force, Akane's ears registering the scream of terror her Mallet of Doom™ brought from her new victim.
"Whoa! Hey, what-?!" Akane's legs decided they were not really up to the task of supporting any weight at all, and brought her down to the ground in an undignified heap. She turned to face her crushed previous-pet, and blinked.
"Oh, no." This was bad. He looked like someone had tried to kill him! Blood was dripping down his face. "Hey, wake up." Akane shook him lightly, with a shocked expression on her face.
"C'mon, I didn't mean to hurt you that much, you have to wake up." Panic began to set in. "Wake up! This isn't funny, now get up!" Akane shook him harder, trying to get him to open his eyes. "You have to get up! Please! Please get up!"
"Please, wake up!! I didn't know it was you, Ranma!!"
---
Elsewhere, Cologne sat with worry. Nodoka had woken up about half an hour ago, and seemed fine. Her muscles had been quite cramped, but that was expected. She had done a very long, very exhaustive workout, and had not been able to slow down or stretch afterwards, and her muscles had cramped as a result. Some slow stretching had worked out the worst of it, and now she was on her feet, and drinking tea.
"Any word on my son?" she asked Cologne. She knew perfectly well where he was, and that it was entirely possible he was still sleeping. He had a lot more energy to make up for.
"None yet. I've sent Mousse and that strangely dressed boy who looks like a girl to look for him and the young Tendo girl. Mousse, when he is capable of sight, can follow a trail quite well. I believe the boy Konatsu is a ninja; they have tendencies of being good trackers, as being able top erase one's own presence is a good way to know what to look for in following someone else. Shampoo, sadly, cannot be convinced to follow any trail at all until Ranma can be proven he is not going to hiss and claw at her. And with the trail being so old and the rain that recently passed…"
"She couldn't follow his scent anyway," Nodoka finished with a sigh. "Ah, well. Let us hope that, if they can't find him, Akane wakes up and calls soon."
A moment of concentration appeared on Cologne's face. "Wakes up?"
"Of course. If she hasn't called by now, then she must have fallen asleep as well. I imagine it must be quite tiring to run from a neko-Ranma."
Cologne blinked. That did make perfect sense. Why else wouldn't they have heard from the young girl? And if Ranma had woken up in the park, and found Akane nearby, they'd have heard about it. Most Ranma-related events found their way into the local news, and him trying to bed a girl in the middle of a park would definitely go noticed. After all, they'd put that ten-hour purse-snatcher chase on live on channel 15… it had been amusing to see the local authorities giving Ranma food and drink to keep him going. And Ranma's 'motivational' strikes to the man's kidneys were enough to set Cologne laughing.
Maybe the Tendo girl was awake, and simply was afraid to leave Ranma's side to find a phone, for fear that some passerby with good intentions should try to wake Ranma to send him home. Cologne could quite easily picture Akane standing next to a sleeping Ranma by a tree, looking annoyed a not being able to leave his side, and probably wanting to be somewhere else. With a sigh, Cologne tried to dismiss that train of thought, and spent the next half hour trying to pry the secret of Nodoka's excessive energy display out of Ranma's mother.
Much to her annoyance, mostly she received vague answers and secretive smiles.
Much to Nodoka's annoyance, the more time passed, the more paranoid Cologne seemed to become. Having Ranma out of her sight at the moment for so very long must be wearing on her nerves.
---
Pain. In his head. Lots of it. How? His memory was hazy at best. He was… waking up… Yes, that was it. He was just waking up, and then… a voice… saying something… Then there was fear, something he didn't expect… then the pain, and unconsciousness.
Now he was waking up again, though this time, the pain was there from the start. And another pain. Something crushing his chest. Loud noise. Crying? Was that crying?
Slowly, Ranma Saotome opened his eyes. His body ached, feeling as though he'd been doing something that had pushed him to his limit. Memory was still far too fuzzy to be of any use.
Ok, so, where am I?
Looks unfamiliar. A bedroom. No one's I recognize. Walls are blank; door is closed, only thing in here is a futon and a closet… damaged.
How did I get here?
Memories surfaced. Akane. Akane brought me here. This is my home; this was my room.
Why am I here?
Cure for the newest potion. Akane and I… That triggered a new set of memories, which brought a flaming blush to Ranma's face.
Who is that crying on my and trying to crush my ribs?
Ranma looked down. Akane. Looks upset. She's crying and it sounds like she's saying something… sounds like "I didn't mean to" and "That wasn't supposed to happen."
Why do I hurt, and why is Akane crying?
Distorted memories focused. I was waking up, and I saw… saw Akane standing over me… the mallet… and Akane saying…
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE FOR TOUCHING ME!!"
Ranma's mind sorted this information slowly.
---
Inside Ranma's brain!!
Just… um, did things… with Akane
plus
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE FOR TOUCHING ME!!"
plus
An extra-powerful malleting.
plus
Akane currently crying.
plus
"I didn't mean to" and "That wasn't supposed to happen."
equals
Akane is upset because she really didn't want me. She didn't think it would really happen, and now she really, really hates me, and tried to kill me.
Additional information - I am still alive.
Most likely outcome - As soon as Akane notices I did not die; she will kill me.
Solution - Flee.
Solution Time - NOW!!
---
Akane felt Ranma begin to move. She wrapped her arms around him as she buried her face in his chest.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! That wasn't supposed to happen!" she cried, trying to explain her actions with the mallet.
Ranma's eyes focused on her properly as she glanced up, trying to look into his eyes. He blinked.
Then Ranma screamed for his life, and started trying to run for the corner of the room.
"Ranma, stop it!" Ranma paid absolutely no attention to her, and pried her arms off, more concerned with his imminent survival against someone he could even bring himself to hit. With a hard shove, he broke free of her grip, and collided with a wall in an attempt to jump away, leaving behind a small impact crater. He collapsed to the ground, a small trickle of blood flowing down his forehead from the impact.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Akane snapped, worried.
Ranma raised his arms up over his face in a warding gesture, trying to block the blows he knew were on their way. "Please don't hit me," he said rapidly. "I didn't mean it, don't hit me. I'm sorry, Akane, I'm sorry, just don't hurt me."
"Oh, Ranma…" Akane's expression softened as she crawled over by Ranma's side, still looking stricken. He cringed in response. "Hey, baka, stop that." She tried to put as playful a sound in her voice as possible, which was a good trick, considering how internally panicked she was feeling.
She had, however, a much harder time pulling Ranma's arms away from the protective position over his head.
It proved to be impossible. Ranma wouldn't budge.
Jeez, it's not like I threatened to kill him. Akane blinked for a moment. Ohhhh, I did threaten to kill him, but I just didn't think it was… great going Akane, this has got to be some kind of record.
"Ranma-" she started. "Now-" she yanked one of his arms down. "-I need-" Akane pulled the other down, and the first snapped back up in it's place. "-to say something-" she knelt of the second (left) hand, and yanked the first down from over Ranma's head. "-SO LISTEN!!"
Ranma froze, wide-eyed, with his hands trapped.
"I'm not going to hit you, you see? Now, I'm gonna let go of your hands, real slow." When she released his hands, she was pleased that they didn't immediately go to a blocking position, but they were still very tense.
"Ranma, look me in the eyes-" Akane grabbed Ranma's head, and forced him to look at her. He had been scanning the room for potential exits. "-look me in the eyes. When I woke up, I felt something touching my chest. I thought it was P-chan again. I thought I was hitting Ryoga, not you, alright? I woke up, in a strange room, in a strange house, with what I thought to be someone I hate right now touching me. I'm sorry I hit you. I'm sorry I-"
Any more apologies she had were cut off as Ranma yanked her forward on a large hug. "S-Sorry for overreacting," he said quietly. Just as fast, Akane found herself being held at arms' length. "Er, um, I didn't mean to do that without asking ya first-"
Any more apologies he had were cut off as Akane jumped forward to pull him back.
"You don't have to ask anymore, as long as we're alone. But in public, ask first, alright? I don't mind…" Akane paused when she felt something trickle onto her shoulder. "Hey, you're bleeding!"
Ranma tapped a finger against his forehead. "Oh, yeah. Musta cut myself on the wall when I jumped away. Don't worry, it's nothing. Head wounds just look messy, but it's really not so bad-"
"Here!" Akane said, dropping an open first aid kit on the floor. "I'll fix you up!"
Ranma paled. Oh, dear god, no! Not Akane's first aid, anything but that! I'll rather eat her lasagna, and that had to be put down by snipers after it escaped!
"Um, Akane, why don't you call Kasumi or my mom and tell them we'll be home as soon as we eat, and I'll fix myself up."
"Aww, you don't want me to do it?"
DUH!! "No, no, it's not that! But the sooner they know we're ok, then the better the chances are of stopping Cologne from looking for us!"
Akane stood up. "Oh, good point. I'll be right back, ok?"
"'K. Hey, um, do you think…?"
"Yeah Ranma?"
"Well, it's just…"
Akane peered at him with a curious look, hands on her hips.
"… um, ah, don't you think you should, you know, put something on?"
"Mmm?" Akane glanced down at herself.
"I'm NAKED!!"
Blushing bright red and trying to cover three places with only two hands (and failing, but discovering speeds close to the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken), Akane asked, "Um, where are my panties?"
Blushing even darker, Ranma pointed.
Ranma turned his back and started to bandage his forehead in order to allow Akane some privacy to retrieve her panties as from the ceiling lamp.
---
Trying to ignore Cologne's impatient rambling, Nodoka rose to answer the phone.
"Stupid boy's trying to give me a heart attack before I'm three hundred and ten, that's what he's doing. He wants to see me croak. He wants to see me die. Well, I'll show him, I'll-"
"Oh, hello Ranma, it's nice to see you're away. How is everything?"
Cologne appeared in front of Nodoka fast enough to look like teleportation. She snatched the phone away from Nodoka, and- "IF YOU'RE TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING, YOU STUPID CHILD!!!"
Nodoka snatched the phone back. "So, how… have you been the past few hours?
…
"Oh, that's good. Ah, how is Akane?"
…
"What do you mean hungry?"
…
"Well, there's a very nice restaurant about a block away from where you are, I should think. They owe me several favors, so you can tell them that feeding yourself and Akane will repay them all."
Cologne snatched the phone back. "I'M GONNA FORCE-FEED YOU A LIVE CAT YOU PIGTAILED MORON-"
Nodoka tried to grab the phone away, but only managed to get into a tug-of-war with Cologne.
"WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU-"
"Take your time son-"
"-YOU'LL THINK HAPPOSAI WAS A GIFT FROM GOD-"
"We'll be waiting for you-"
"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR SCARING ME, YOU LITTLE MANIAC!!!"
"Don't rush, and enjoy yourself!"
As the phone was simultaneously placed gently and smashed into the receiver, Nodoka smiled at Cologne. "Dear me, you know that stressing like that will give you wrinkles, don't you?"
Cologne's answering glare could have melted steel.
---
Ranma frowned as he hung up the phone. Guess the old ghoul was scared to death I was going to go kill someone when I was neko. Go figure. Ah, well, let's go find some food!
Ranma called up the stairs. He had decided to make the phone call since Akane's scattered clothing had to be found before she could put it on. "Hey, Akane, are you dressed yet?"
"You tore my panties apart! We need to stop on the way home so I can get some new ones!"
"You tore your panties in apart! You said they were getting in the way!"
Akane stopped complaining after that.
"Now hurry up and get dressed! Mom says there's a good place to eat nearby that owes her a favor! I don't know about you, but I'm starving!"
---
On the way home from the restaurant, Akane started grinding her teeth. Ranma was driving her nuts. Worst of all, he probably wasn't aware that he was doing it.
He had that blue handkerchief around his head, covering his eyes. It was his idea to keep up the appearance of still being under the influence of the potion, and Akane agreed. At the very least, the deception could be used to help keep Cologne in line, who would keep Shampoo at a distance. The way Akane figured it, that was necessary, because Akane knew that if Shampoo glomped Ranma like usual, he wouldn't be able to hit her, even if it was just to show that he was still being 'influenced' by the potion.
Damn those Amazons and their stupid potions… though, if it wasn't for that, then me and Ranma wouldn't be together… but if they had never showed up, we might have been together already!
Damn Amazons.
And Akane was about three seconds from jumping down Ranma's throat. They meal, extremely large as it had been, had been eaten in total silence. And now Ranma was over there fidgeting and glancing her way every few seconds. Akane guessed that he was peeking out of the bottom of the makeshift blindfold.
Alright, that's it!
But just before she could start yelling, despite her promise to try to hold back her temper, Ranma's hand slipped into hers. His hand squeezed lightly.
"R-Ranma?"
Ranma's face pointed towards his feet. Akane swore there was a light blush on his cheeks. "If anyone asks," he mumbled, "you're just guiding me home. That's all."
Akane smiled, feeling a slight heat to her own face. "Um, right," she said, pulling gently on his hand, with a return squeeze.
CRACK!! "Come back here, this is all your fault, and you're gonna pay!!"
"What the hell?!" Ranma demanded. A small black piglet raced by, followed closely by an enraged okonomiyaki chef, who wielded a giant spatula. It hit the ground right behind the piglet with another deafening crack!!
"When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna make what Ranma did to you look like a pat on the back and a thank you. You think you've seen hell?! I'll show you hell!! Come back here and take it like a man!!"
The pig (Ryoga, in case you haven't guessed) jumped up on top of a nearby brick wall. The chef (Ukyo, in case you can't tell) jumped up after him. Ryoga cowered, bweeing timidly. "Heeeeere piggy, piggy, piggy… Ukyo's hungry for pork okonomiyaki," Ukyo called, wearing a demented grin and holding the battle spatula ready in front of her. The pigtailed martial artist and his fiancée (What? You need their names? Do I need to spoon-feed you everything?!) stared blankly.
"Bweee!!" Ryoga bolted, and Ukyo chased after, waving the battle spatula around over her head.
"Come back here!! I've got lots and lost of boiling hot water!! Don't you want to change back, you little freak?!" They both vanished in a could of dust.
Ranma gawked, peeking out from under his blindfold. Akane just stared, blinking.
"Akane, did… did you just see…?"
"Yeah… I think… Ryoga and Ukyo…"
"Ah. So, uh, yeah, let's go home."
"Mmm." Then, they finally noticed what they were doing. Akane had jumped into Ranma's arms on the first sound of impact, and Ranma was holding her against him. Red filled their faces from the bottom up, but neither let go for a moment. Then, Ranma slowly lowered Akane to the ground. She stood, blushing.
"That… wasn't so bad," Ranma commented. What, no foot-in-mouth?
"Yeah… kinda nice," Akane answered. What, no foot-in-mouth?
"Um, which way's home?
Akane sighed, scratching her head in frustration. "Ranma you know perfectly well that- oh." Akane picked up on the hint, and took Ranma's hand, gently pulling him, no, her, in the right direction.
"Damn that old woman and her water…" Ranma groaned. Akane just giggled.
---
"We're home!" Akane called, stepping through the door, and only now releasing Ranma's hand.
"Hello Akane, Ranma. Welcome back. I hope nothing too bad happened to you?"
"No, Kasumi, we're fine. Where is everyone?"
Kasumi paused, thinking, and wiping her hands in her apron. "Let me see. Auntie Saotome is playing shogi with daddy in the parlor, Nabiki is in her room, and Cologne is breaking practice dummies over her knee in the dojo to work out her stress."
Ranma followed her movements without peeking. He figured it would probably be for the best that way. "Where's Mousse and Shampoo?"
"Oh, Shampoo is not here, and Mousse is helping me make dinner. I need to get back into the kitchen; let me know if you need anything else."
"Sure Kasumi. Thank you."
Ranma started up the stairs. "I'm gonna take a bath, and change back." Or, should I say something to Akane? Or should I not leave her right now? Man, I'm no good at this relationship thing…
Akane smiled as she watched Ranma fidget on the stairs. "It's okay, Ranma. Go take your bath. We can talk later, ok?"
Ranma smiled back. "Alright. See ya in a little bit."
"Hey, Ranma. How's it going, cat-boy?"
"It's a pleasure to see you too, money-grubbing Arctic Queen."
Nabiki blinked. Eh? Since when do you speak back to me? What put you in such a good mood?
She shrugged it off as having a good laugh at the expense of the old Amazon, who seemed to be having a bad day, and continued down the stairs.
"Hey Akane. I see you and Ranma found your way back home."
"Yeah. He slept like a log up until a little while ago. Stupid baka. Well, I'm gonna go change, these clothes are all dirty, and they're too thin."
Nabiki paused for a second. "Too thin, little sister?"
Akane smiled back at her sister on her way up the stairs to her room. "Yeah. It's almost like I can feel a draft, you know?"
---
OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE
"And there it is! Crikey! It's the legendary Axe of the East Wind! Careful now, don't spook it, you never know when kind of reaction you'll get!" the man told the camera in an Australian accent. "Let's get a little closer now… we can just see him in his natural habitat! Though this li'l fella might not look it, he can be ferocious and strong if need be, and he's wicked smart!"
He gestured wildly at the aforementioned creature through a small opening in it's domicile.
"We're lucky today, too right we are! We've caught sight of a rare breed, a genuine creature known as The Misty Laws of Heaven and Nature, and she's stalking the Axe of the East Wind! Looks like it's mating season here in this neck 'a the woods, and, if we're lucky, we may actually get to see the Laws move in and make a move on this particularly skittish East Wind! Wait for it… wait for it… she's getting closer… looks like she's just the right distance away to make her move… you can see from the look on her face and in her hasty movements, she's been waiting for this East Wind to move, but I'd guess nothing's happened, so she's taking matters into her own hands! Hey, look at that! She's moving in for the kill! Oh, he's spotted her, and he's trying to make a break for it! Oh, look at her run in pursuit! What's that she's got there? It looks like some form of weapon! She's using it! The East Wind looks woozy there… and he's down! Well, wasn't that something! Looks like the Laws is taking her capture away with her! Well, that's all the time we have for today, but we'll see ya again real soon! Crikey, but that was exciting, wasn't it?"
The cameraman turned off the live broadcast as a whistling Kasumi Tendo dragged an unconscious Tofu Ono behind her, with her tranquilizer gun slung over her shoulder.
OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE
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A/N
I know, you all were expecting something longer for me having been so long with the update. I know, I know, this one is so short, and it took a while to get out there, and I'm sorry to say, all fault lies with someone else. All fault lies in AnimeCrazyGal, whose accountnumber is 712660(just click on "Gobstopper" at the top, andremove the number 633021, and replace it with 712660. Make sure you leave the slashes), and who has spent a significant amount of time from the past few days in my room (and, that is to say, in my bed (blushes slightly)). As a result, I now have much anime I need to watch (dammit, she has more than I do), much fanfiction I need to read, and as of December 21st, no work had been done on this chapter.
It's all her fault, you see.
Seductress.
Doesn't help that I see her at work. She's everywhere (including my dreams).
It's her fault I can't get any work done around here. Damn that beautiful girl and her wicked ways! She's coming back! I must hide! But where?! I know! I shall hide in the bed!
I'll get to work soon (somehow), I promise!
Ya'll can help me! Go tell her to work on her Gravitation story! Maybe then I can get some work… and sleep… (she tends to keep me awake at night… not that I'm really complaining…)
On a side note, I have to restore my Ranma collection of manga, because my stupid cat tore books 2 and 5 through 21 apart. GODDAMN CAT!!! So now I'm left with 1, 3, 4, and 22-28. Gah… I've hit the stores and all, and I picked up five through ten. Tomorrow, I'm gonna grab eleven through fourteen. After that, I'll just work on it when I can. Fucking cat. I need those books so I can plot out my A/U fanfics!
Ah, and I'm getting an editor soon, so hopefully, my postings will have less typos. Yay!