Disclaimer:
See chapter 15
I've got a bigger problem now than I ever have before, Ranma thought. Talking to the old ghoul again was no problem. Lying to Nabiki was fun. Talking to Kasumi was tough, really tough, but I did it. Mom was… strange, wanted to know the details! What the hell did Akane mean when she said she wasn't counting, and lost track after the first hour? What was that about?
Oh, man, no martial arts challenge is this tough.
I need a clue.
How am I supposed to act around Akane now?!
Of course, this was the question that had haunted Ranma ever since he had gotten home, and had taken a bath. Just how was he supposed to behave around Akane? He knew sure as hell his old behavior wasn't gonna work. And Akane herself wasn't making things any easier. Ever since they had gotten back…
"Ranma, are we going to practice some more after dinner?"
Ranma shrugged, while simultaneously 'accidentally' coming mere fractions of an inch from touching Cologne while trying to reach for his tea. She rocketed away from the almost-contact like a runaway RPG missile and ran headfirst into a wall before she could properly stop.
For the third time.
"If ya want. Not like you're going to improve any, tomboy."
They had agreed to pretend to bicker and argue like always until the fiancée and Amazon mess was sorted. Ukyo, Kuno, and Ryoga were taken care of (neither of them knew there had almost been competition in Kasumi), but that still left Kodachi, Shampoo, and Cologne. At least there was no more interference from their fathers; Nodoka had them both well under control.
Well, she had Soun under control. Genma was not in any condition to move about at the moment.
"I'll show you! You just wait until I get you in the dojo!"
Cologne took the opportunity of their argument to wobble into the kitchen to get some ice for her head.
"Yeah, yeah. You can try to hit me while I tie my shoes, alright?"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Akane screamed, pulling a Mallet of Doom©™ out of kami-knew-where and brandishing it over her head, standing next to the sitting Ranma and bending over to be a mere foot from his face.
And that was the weird part. Right as she pulled the mallet over her head, she had used one hand to open the top two buttons on her jumper, giving Ranma an eyeful, as she knew he was peeking around from under the blindfold (now that he had the proper one back).
Of course, being able to look down Akane's shirt and see her bra had promptly reduced Ranma's reasoning capabilities to zero, and all he managed was a kind of shocked gurgle as a reply.
"Oh, that's what I thought you said," Akane smirked, replacing the mallet and still leaning in front of his face.
"Gah…" was all Ranma managed to get out.
"Hey, Akane?"
"Yeah, Ranma?"
It was now after dinner, and they had just finished sparring in the dojo, working on Akane's speed. Ranma still wore the blindfold and gloves, just in case someone saw them and asked what he was doing without them. At the moment, they had the Tendo-ryu technique scrolls, and were poring over them, and trying to find safer ways to teach them, or learn them. Many of Soun's teaching ideas rivaled Genma's for sheer stupidity and harm to the trainee. Ranma had the theory that this was somehow Happosai's fault.
"It's just… (don't shove your foot in your mouth don't shove your foot in your mouth DON'T SHOVE YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH) Now don't take this the wrong way, but you used to be all no sex appeal, but ever since we got back, you been acting kinda, well… you know…" He jumped up three feet when Akane blew gently in his ear. "-like that!!"
Akane giggled. "Aw, poor Ranma. He doesn't remember!"
Ranma frowned in the general direction of his fiancée, trying to turn back to the scrolls. "Remember what?" he asked.
"Don't you remember what I said? A long, loooong time ago, right after you threw that challenge to Mikado Sanzenin in the form of a fish-cake when he first tried to kiss me? We were on our way home, talking?"
Ranma paused, trying to think. What was it… he'd just jumped off of the fence… Akane had been saying…
"If your fish-cake had been a tenth of a second later… I'd have broken that guy's jaw."
"It's true," Ranma said as he slipped on his hat. "You do have zero sex appeal."
Akane's face was disdainful as she replied, "Perhaps if I met a boy I liked… I'd develop some sex appeal."
Ranma groaned internally. Develop some…? Oh, no… I'm so royally screwed… He sunk his head into his hands.
Akane giggled again and blew into Ranma's ear. He jumped up to his feet, screaming, "Stop doing that!"
"An opening!" yelled Akane, and promptly jump-kicked him out of the dojo and into the koi pond.
"I am so going to kick your ass!" Ranma screamed as she thrashed around in the water.
Cologne clucked her tongue at the sight, and moved another piece of the shogi board, adjusting her ice pack and hoping the young Tendo girl didn't set off Ranma's temper. Soon, Ranma Saotome, you will be with the Amazons!
Ranma zipped passed the door, loudly vowing death to uncute tomboys.
Well, that sure as hell explains where that damn mallet came from! Ranma thought as he ran away from Akane. I can't believe Mr. Tendo figured out how to make ki-forged weapons…
"HYAA!!" Akane screamed, and drove the ki-sword through the air, the table, the floor, and the spot Ranma had been occupying less than a second before.
Soun shrieked and yanked his legs out from underneath the table, praying his toes were still attached to feet.
"M-maybe I shouldn't have let Ranma have the scrolls of the Tendo-ryu…" he sobbed as he pulled his socks off. "I didn't know Akane was going to read them!"
"YOU FOOL!!" Cologne yelled at him. Soun didn't notice. He was too busy trying to count all ten of his toes. Nodoka clapped her hands in appreciation for her son's talent at teaching. Mousse and Kasumi wisely hid in the kitchen, washing dishes.
Nabiki was in her room, trying to pry open a metal box that had many indents and pressure marks on it. The lock was partially crushed, and it was making things difficult.
Ranma found that he still didn't like weapons; he preferred to fight with his hands. It was the first time Akane had mastered a technique as fast as he did. He was right when he guessed Akane would have a natural talent in it, since she had been pulling that mallet out of thin air for years.
Well, the ki-forged weapons Akane could have, but Ranma was trying to figure out a way to shape armor out of it. Behind him, Akane dropped the sword and watched as it vanished. Those damn things really exhausted you.
"Don't worry Akane, you just need to get your ki reserves up. You have so little, you know, compared to me, that it's no surprise that you can't keep one of those going for more than a minute. Except for the mallet, but you've only had years to perfect that one. Maybe in another decade you can get the sword working!"
"DIE, RANMA!!" Akane screamed, brandishing the sword again, and charging.
This is pretty good practice for dodging… thought Ranma.
"Is it always like this around here?" Cologne demanded as she ducked down to avoid a sword stroke.
"I HAVE ALL TEN!! THANK HEAVENS!!"
After Ranma and Akane had decided to move to the dojo for more ki-forging practice (meaning Akane chased him there), Cologne decided she wanted to know what the hell was going on. She snuck out to the dojo, and quietly placed an ear against the door.
With a deafening crash, she flew backwards, and landed on the porch.
"Sorry!" called Akane.
"What happened to you?" Soun asked.
Cologne snarled at him. Soun didn't catch it, but he thought he heard something about ki-forged brass knuckles. Under her breath, the old Amazon muttered that unless she heard some screaming, then she wasn't going back out there, potion in Ranma's bloodstream or not.
"Nice shot, that'll keep her away for a while," Ranma chuckled, as he quickly patched up the hole Akane had made.
"Thank you," Akane replied, smiling. Compliments from Ranma got to her really easy.
"So…" Ranma started. "Any ideas? We've still got to take care of Kodachi, Cologne, and Shampoo. I dunno what to do about the Amazons, but I have an idea for Kodachi. It ain't permanent, but it's a start."
"I don't know what to do about the Amazons either, Ranma, but what are you planning for the Black Rose?"
Ranma grinned.
The next day, Ranma was out pacing in front of the Kuno mansion as a girl. It was no surprise that Tatewaki was nowhere in sight, since he now believed that his 'pigtailed-girl' was not only dead, but a corpse worn by 'the demon Saotome' and served by 'the black sorceress Akane Tendo' in a large plot to overthrow Japan, in which Tatewaki himself was a vital part. Ranma really couldn't believe that the Kuno had fallen for it, since he had told him a different, though similar, version months ago. It seemed that the more warped the story was from reality, the more likely he was to believe it.
If Ranma had known that, he could have taken care of Kuno when he first arrived!
Akane and Mousse were standing guard, watching for anyone who might interrupt, such as either of the other Amazons, Ukyo, Ryoga, or even Taro. Mousse had been told of Ranma being 'cured' and had, remarkably, not made any comments about it. Well, he had started on one, but a disapproving look from Kasumi and a mallet-backed glare from Akane had shut him up faster than Ranma had believed possible.
Then Kasumi all but dragged Ranma and Akane into her bedroom, where she had given them a severe lecture (Severe for Kasumi. She said it in disapproving tones) to the new couple about how any repeated actions among similar lines of his 'cure' would be most improper until marriage, and even then were not to be made public knowledge, to matter how much they might want to, even with their father's constant prodding, no matter how strong the urge was, under no circumstances, even if they still ended up walking in on each other in the bath, and they were not to sneak out to Auntie Saotome's house again, and they should take the proper precautions just in case…
Akane and Ranma had taken one look at each other, and had bolted from Kasumi's room, bright red about the face, and could not look each other in the eye for half an hour.
It's not like they had had those kinds of thoughts ever since!
Really!
Honest!
Crud.
At this point, all Kasumi had to do was look at them with that look on her face, and they would instantly jump back ten feet from each other.
Even if they were just holding hands when they were alone!
And Akane, Ranma had reflected, was not helping one bit! During their sparring the previous night, her gi was loose (I know it was intentional!! Ranma thought to himself) and he kept seeing quick flashes of her chest.
Her unbound and braless chest.
And she used to call him 'hentai.'
"Perky-breasted pervert," Ranma muttered to herself. She slapped a hand over her mouth as soon as she realized what she had said. Man, where the hell's Kodachi? It figures, the one time I want her to show up, and she's nowhere to be found…
"OH HO HO HO HO HO…"
Nevermind…
"Oh, it's you, you vile harridan… What business do you claim to have with the Black Rose?" Kodachi Kuno was dressed out in her fighting leotard, and held a gymnastics ribbon at the ready over her right shoulder. She looked surprisingly capable and uninjured for someone who had been released from the hospital only last night.
The doctors in Nerima had lots of experience.
A black piglet raced by, looking exhausted. Ukyo followed, wielding a battle spatula and foul language.
Kodachi blinked.
Shrugging that odd occurrence away, Ranma slowly approached the loony gymnast. When she was at arms' length, she slowly raised her head, and looked Kodachi in the eyes. Ranma held that gaze for a few moments. Behind him, hidden from view in the trees, Mousse and Akane had turned to watch. A second later…
SLAP!!
"Ouch," Mousse whispered. "That's going to leave a mark."
"She's definitely gonna be feeling that one for a while," Akane whispered back.
The unexpected form of attack left Kodachi stunned, the ribbon fallen and forgotten at her feet. A fight, she was expecting, not the slap of a woman scorned. And, like Akane and Mousse both guessed, it had hurt.
Kodachi slowly raised her right hand, gently touching her face where Ranma's backhanded slap had impacted.
"Wha… wha… you…" she stuttered. Anger began to form on her face. "You… You dare to strike…"
"My brother," Ranma interrupted, "wants me to tell you that he will never date you. And even if he wanted to, I would never approve. And neither would our mother." Her face radiated rage.
Kodachi's face went from anger to bewilderment. "B-brother? Insolent wench, I have no idea who your brother is, nor do I care for his opinion of whether or not he will date me-"
"My name," Ranma hissed, "is not 'insolent wench' or 'harridan.' It's the same as my brother's. My twin brother, Ranma Saotome."
"T-twin… brother…?" Kodachi made a noise that resembled gagging, as the full implications struck her. She took a step back out of shock. Her demented worldview took several right angle turns, and quietly kicked itself in the ass.
"Yes, you stupid girl, my brother Ranma" She could almost see the wheels turning in Kodachi's head… the ones that weren't stripped or missing…
Ranma Saotome, Kodachi remembered. That was the name the girl had given when she was asked back at their martial arts gymnast match. She remembered being infuriated by her love and the girl sharing the same name… but if they were twins, it would make sense… and that was why she said she didn't want to date him… related, of course… that was why she was talented in the martial arts, no doubt her brother's teaching…
click click click… whrrrrr (stripped cogs)… click click…
But… why would… he say… he will never… date me…?
click click click… whrrrrr… click click…
Because…
Because…
Because…
… I attack his sister! Noooo!
At that point, Kodachi emitted a very un-noble, commoner sounding "AIEEEEE!"
Ranma walked away, leaving Kodachi clutching her head and wandering in circles.
Mousse and Akane caught up with Ranma, applauding.
"Encore, encore!" cheered Akane. Ranma rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop from smiling.
Two blocks later, they were ambushed by five street punks who thought that the three of them would be an easy mugging.
Some things never change.
"RUN, DAMN YOU!! RUN FASTER!!" Akane screamed.
"OH, GOD, PLEASE DON'T HIT ME ANY MORE!!" shrieked the mugger.
"Ranma-san, why is Akane chasing a couple of… muggers around the yard?"
Ranma paused, and listened for a minute to his father making small helpless sounds as his mother glared at the fat panda-man. Being called san and not kun by Kasumi must mean she had some kind of question for the Master of Anything Goes, not Ranma.
"Training," he said at length. "Endurance."
Cologne snickered.
"Ano… Ranma-san?"
"Nani, Kasumi?"
"You said…" Kasumi paused, fidgeting. Cologne stared at her, impassively, while Soun raised an eyebrow from behind his newspaper.
There was a joyous scream of triumph from upstairs as Nabiki finally pried open her lockbox.
Kasumi started pressing her fingers together nervously. "You said that… I could learn… and later… maybe… be really good… um…"
Cologne stared. Kasumi would not admit that it unnerved her.
"So… shouldIbetrainingtoo?" she asked in a rush.
Cologne blinked. Kasumi finally relaxed. Soun scratched his head, and idly wondered if he should train as well. Ranma said he would be teaching at the dojo… and he was the Master now… hmm…
Ranma paused again, thinking about the answer.
"Neko-ken?" Nodoka hissed.
Genma squeaked.
Soun turned a page, and decided that he should at least try to keep his rusty skills sharper than they currently were. Martial artist's pride, and all that. The decision had nothing to do with the fact that every time Genma tried to contradict his son, or order him to do something, Ranma had Konatsu use the man as target practice for his kunai and throwing stars.
From upstairs, there came a cry of "OH, THANK THE KAMI, NOTHING'S DAMAGED INSIDE!!"
Somewhere out in the yard, voices drifted in.
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A WORK-OUT IF YOU WON'T GO FASTER?!"
"JUST LET ME GO HOME!! I SWEAR, I"LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!"
Ranma scratched his head, thinking. Cologne waited for the answer, reading her mail.
"Nodoka, please, that's my leg…" Genma whimpered.
"Neko-ken?!"
"Hm…" Ranma said. "Yes."
"Thank you, Ranma-san," Kasumi said happily.
"Nodoka, that really hurts…"
"Neko-ken?!"
"So, Soun (it still felt a little strange to be calling him that, but Ranma was getting used to it). Shogi?" Ranma was slowly gaining skill in the game. As long as no wagers were placed on it, he could do well.
"Sounds fun. Let me set up the game."
Kasumi merrily joined her sister in chasing the terrified muggers around the yard. Mousse rolled his eyes, and helped Konatsu set the table.
"Please, mugger-san, run faster, this is training!"
"OH, GOD, NOW THERE'S TWO OF THEM!!"
"So, Ranma, what kind of training would you recommend for me? I mean, to get me back into the kind of shape I need to teach?"
"Uh, depends, how strong are you shooting for, and how much time to you want to get there?"
"Neko-ken?! Cologne, assist me!!"
Cologne gleefully held Genma down as Nodoka thrashed him.
"No, Kasumi, aim for the kidneys!"
"Thank you, Akane-chan!"
"DON'T ENCOURAGE HER, PLEASE JUST LET US GO!!"
"We can start by a couple of quick matches to see what you're at right now… be better to do that before you start any training…"
"Of course, an excellent idea."
"Be stupid not to," muttered Cologne.
"Dinner in half an hour!" Konatsu announced.
"Aiyah! Shampoo here, feeling much better! What… what happening… what craziness…? WHY YOU ALL ACTING CRAZY?!"
"NEKO-KEN?!"
A/N
Er… I have nothing to say?
Oh, wait. My editor is a slower reader than I am, so it's going to take a while for corrections made by her to come into play, mostly because she is still trying to find the time to read the chapter's up until this one… I think she's still wayyyy back at the fight with Ryoga…