Jacey

My name is Jacey Calaway. I am a teen mother to an eight month old little boy. Kaleb Conyr Calaway. He is my life. The reason I wake up and trudge the day. To know that I am here to create a better life for me and my son. I wasn't like this before Horizon though. I actually denied my son. But have no fear the prequel to my letter is as follows.

When I was fourteen I got my first serious boyfriend. We were dating for about three months before we had sex. It was our first time so we didn't know what we were doing. Well yea it can happen the first time, even if you have no idea what you are doing. I am the poster child for that.

I guess I was rebelling against my parents divorce. My parents got a divorce and I felt as though in some way that it was my fault. My father went his separate way and my mother went on a perfect rampage. Macey (my sister) and I used to go over to my father's house, but he didn't know how to be a father. So I did everything. He didn't even know that I was pregnant until one month before I had my son. While my mother got all perfectionist on us. Hair, room, homework, and family values. So, she was devastated that I was pregnant. She had to punish me in such a way that I would learn my lesson.

Well, when Kaleb was born my mother made me keep him as that punishment. I had no care for him. I even dropped him off at Nat's house. (Nat dumped me the moment that I told him that I was pregnant.) Well, Nat's front door step, only to find him on my back door porch. This time he had a note attached to him with Nat saying: 'Don't drop your problems on me.' What a great start. To tell you the truth I neglected him for his first six months. My mother took care of him and decided to take me to Horizon so that I can get my head on straight.

At Horizon I was quite and didn't talk much. I didn't want anyone to know my secret and look at me weird to begin with I had a son and how many people really had children at this school. Eyes probably would have turned the same way that they did when I was pregnant at school. My mother did that as a punishment too. She made me walk the halls of school pregnant and wear the outfits I used to before I was, so that the students would know that I was.

Well things were going great at Horizon. I recognized Kaleb was my responsibility and that I needed to take care of him. How much I loved him so much. But then tragedy struck. It struck hard and gave me so much fear. I had to leave Horizon and tend to my son. He was hospitalized for an unknown illness. I spent every moment in that hospital. It was a month and a half before he got better. No one knew what was wrong but Macey. She took me aside and told me that my mother was trying to poison Kaleb so that the perfect family would return back. That I screwed up that picture with my son.

Macey stated that my mother told her one night. With me at school and Kaleb gone, then the family would return to perfect ness. Though there was one thing my mother promised Macey that she wouldn't hurt Kaleb anymore once he was better and sent home. Well that promise didn't last long. While I was back at school she started poisoning my baby again. My beloved baby boy. I swear that month and a half with him every waking moment, even while he was sleeping and seeing him suffer.

Macey wrote me a letter with the news and I freaked out. I didn't know what else to do. I knew I needed to get my son out of there. Macey did her best. She ran away from my mother. Leaving Kaleb with Nat and she running to our father's house. She is safe with my father, because he will never tell my mother that she is there.

Kaleb on the other hand. I need so much help. I need to get him safe. I can't do it on my own. HELP! I scream it outloud. Who is going to help me?

Dear me,

Though you maybe having a tough time right now. Think of the future. Your son. He deserves everything in the world. You may not have any friends over the age of your son, but guess what Jacey, he is your life now. As I see it you have two option. Do what you wanted to do at the beginning of this before your mother's punishment. You can give him up for adoption. I have been looking into this thing called an Open Adoption. Though say goodbye to him Jacey he will have a real family and you will be in his life. That is what the open adoption is. You stay in his life so that you know and he knows who you are. But I don't think that you can do that Jace. I know you can't but think about your son first.

Option two. You keep him. You set up a life for the two of you. You talk people and figure out how you can get him up here and you can make sure he is safe and see him everyday. Jacey you love him.

The tears flow down my eyes as I write this. Because of how torn I know we are. Either way its going to be hard. I know now what they mean about you loving so one so much that it tares you up inside.

I can't tell you what the future holds. But I can tell you that you may need support. I hope you find it. Please don't cry every time you read this. Because the options are never going to change.

Every love,

Jacey