Fire

There always was fire to their relationship. Passion, I suppose, in the later years. But in the beginning, I would just define it as pure, unadulterated loathing. They hated each other. Despised each other.

I remember the first time they met, on the Hogwarts Express, first year. James and I were sitting in the same compartment. I had known him through various social functions and Ministry parties that small children were invited to for some inexplicable reason. He was nice enough. And I really didn't want to sit with my bitch of a cousin, Bella. Even then, I knew that she was going to turn out badly. Well, I suppose I'm not one to talk, really. I've screwed up just about everything I ever touched. Even James. Especially James.

The trolley had just come around and we were gorging ourselves on pumpkin pasties and chocolate frogs, when the glass door slid open to reveal a little sprite with flaming red hair. Lily Evans. They just looked at each other, and I could sense that something was about to happen. That some soul bonding experience was about to take place.

And then James opened his big mouth.

"Is there something you wanted, or do you always stare at people like this?" he asked, hiding up whatever that feeling was in the pit of his stomach by defaulting to what dealing with Ministry folk had taught him best: being as sarcastic, arrogant, and rude as possible.

Lily was immediately incensed.

"As a matter of fact, I was just wondering if you could quiet down a bit. It's very hard to hold a conversation with someone when all sorts of loud, inane chatter is coming from the compartment next door," she answered primly.

I think it was her vocabulary, really. We had no idea what she was saying. Except that we were loud, probably stupid, and it pissed her off. Perfect.

We nodded, grins on our faces, and the moment she left I spelled the sliding door shut while James put an amplification spell on the compartment, so that our voices would echo in their volume. Every once in a while I have to admit that there are maybe one or ….right, there was one advantage to growing up in a Pureblood family. You learned spells right off the bat. And you learned lots of them.

The sounds of her banging on the door accompanied us the rest of the way to Hogwarts.

It was music to our ears as James and I bonded over the misfortune of Evans. By the time we had entered the Great Hall, been sorted, and were on our way to the Gryffindor dormitories, it was official. We were friends for life.

And James and Evans were enemies until hell froze over. If there was a prank to be pulled, it was on Evans. If there was someone's homework to spill ink on, it was Evans'. If we found a hair dyeing spell in the later chapters of our Charms texts and happened to curse someone's hair green for a week, it was Evans. If at any moment we had a doubt that our names would not go down in Hogwart's history as the most troublesome pair in the school, we simply turned to Evans. And there was another opportunity to solidify our reputations.

But then of course James had to discover hormones, and all of that changed.

"Padfoot?" James asked, leaning his wiry fifteen year old frame against the wall of the Gryffindor common room.

"Yeah, Prongs?" Sirius answered, scribbling a few more lines on his late Potions assignment without looking up at James.

"Have you ever…I mean have you…well…"

"Just spit it out, James," Sirius snapped, impatient to finish the essay that was due three hours ago. "I have until eight before I can't turn this in anymore."

"I think, maybe, that I sort of…might not…well…hate…someone I thought I did. Anymore, I mean," James managed to get out.

That caught Sirius' attention. "What?" he asked, quill going lax in his hand.

"I think…that I might fancy…someone," James said, face down and looking at his feet.

"Who?"

"…"

"Who, James?" Sirius asked, voice just a bit harder.

"Li--Evans," came the soft answer.

Sirius just stared at him for second, before his eyes darted over to where Evans was walking into the common room, lugging her book bag and talking excitedly to Frank Longbottom's girlfriend, Alice, about Charms homework.

"WHAT!"

I couldn't believe it. Evans. Lily Evans. Nearly five years of mutual loathing between shared enemies, and then James pulls the rug out from under me. He had a bloody crush. On Evans.

Bugger.

I believe my reaction was completely justified. I promptly dumped my homework in Wormtail's lap, grabbed James' arm, and dragged him upstairs to our room as I fended off Moony's startled questions. James had said it quietly enough that only I could hear him, and at the goofy look on his face that appeared the moment Evans entered room, I decided that he needed some sense knocked into him. Immediately.

Sirius' death grip on James' arm lasted until they were in the 5th year boys dormitory and James had flopped down onto the bed, leaving Sirius to cast every privacy spell he knew at the door. Then he turned swiftly and stood there, ten feet away from his best friend and confidant. And asked him to affirm his sanity.

"What did you say?" Sirius asked quite clearly, though his eyes were burning holes into James' retinas.

"I said…that I fancy Lily Evans," James said, a bit louder this time. He glanced up to his best friend, and then looked back down at his feet for a moment, before meeting Sirius' gaze once more.

"When did this happen? HOW did this happen?" Sirius started, getting riled up. "James, as of last week you were throwing parchment airplanes at her in Binn's class and just yesterday we put ink in her pumpkin juice. Her teeth are still stained! And now you decide to declare your undying love for her!"

"No!" James blurted out. "I mean...well…I just…I like her Sirius. I really do. She's smart, and pretty, and when I hear her laugh I just--"

"Stop!" Sirius interrupted, hands going over his ears. "I refuse to listen to this mindless babbling. Listen to me James, you do not fancy Evans. Not one bit. In fact, you don't even like her as a person. She's stubborn and a know-it-all and a goody-two-shoes, and she's been getting us in trouble ever since first year. This is just an idiotic fixation. You do not fancy Evans."

Sirius' tone brooked no discussion for argument. But then again, James never was good at following the rules.

"But Sirius, I do," James replied, looking almost resignedly at his friend, even though the spark that had appeared when he started talking about Lily remained. And Sirius took one look at James' earnest, pleading eyes, and said the only thing he could think of.

"Bloody hell."

It was a sad day for one Sirius Black. From that day on, the only thing that caught James' attention other than Quidditch or focusing on our Animagus training was Lily bloody Evans. The number of times that I had to snap my fingers in front of his face to get his attention when Evans was in the room was laughable.

But what was even more laughable was her reaction to being the new object of James Potter's affections. After four and half years of pulling pranks on that girl, I still never saw her face match her hair as well as the first time James asked her to Hogsmeade. If James hadn't been the best dueler in our year, after yours truly of course, I would have been worried for a split second. In any case, it probably didn't help that James was still sporting a black eye from a fight with the Slytherins the day before. But Evans managed to add a Bat Bogey Hex to his shame, I assume getting back for the cherry incident the week before. (James and I had charmed a bowl of cherries to sing and twirl about her shoulders, exalting her red hair and bemoaning about her green eyes. One of our more brilliant moves, I believe.) I suppose it's needless to say that James was not successful in his attempt to ask Evans out the first time.

Or the second time. Or the third. Or fourth. Or…well, needless to say, Lily Evans was not very receptive to the idea of dating James Potter. And wouldn't change her mind about it either. Almost every time James saw her, without fail he would ask her out. And every single time he asked, she said "No."

Sometimes her answer was angry, sometimes exasperated (such as the Hogsmeade weekend where James followed her from Honeydukes to Zonko's to the Shrieking Shack and finally to the Three Broomsticks, wanting to buy her a butterbeer, which he ended up spilling on her robes in his exuberance) and sometimes she just looked at him with those great big green eyes, and James would sort of get quiet, and then go do his homework or play chess with Moony by the fire. I don't know what he saw in her eyes during times like those, but I imagine it was something that no amount of pleading or cajoling or begging could touch.

Months passed. She didn't budge. I figured she would have given in and put our poor boy out of his misery, but no. She remained the stubborn little spitfire she always was, insisting she could never date such an arrogant, conceited bully (her words, not mine). I think after a while she was just interested in seeing how many different ploys James could scheme up to ask her. There was the achingly sappy Victorian love letter, dripping with perfume and scented roses that were summarily dumped in the trash once she got a whiff of that scent. Then there was the kneazle he got her as a Christmas present and had placed at the foot of her bed on Christmas morning. (Though it was quite amusing seeing him trying to climb the girls' staircase and falling down each time. He eventually just grabbed his Cleansweep 5 and flew up.) It tore apart her bed linens and then ate her Charms essay, which she of course had done a week before it was due. Hexes flew through the air and I was laughing so hard that she hit me with the Jelly Legs Curse before I could pull out my wand in defense. I got her back of course, ignoring James' displeasure at having her hexed. Though once she was out of sight, he burst into laughter at seeing her nose grown to Pinnochio length with every ill thought of me. And believe me, she thought of me worse than she thought of James; her nose soon reached out further than her arms.

Sixth year. James wanted Lily. (It was impossible not to think of her as Lily now, since she was all James talked about.) Lily wanted him to leave. And I wanted both of them to fall off the face of the planet. If only the earth was flat so that I could shove them off the edge. They'd still end up together, wherever they landed, so in the end I would be doing James a favor, really. That year was even worse. I even wanted them to get together, just so I wouldn't have to listen to James' jealous rants about the boys Lily was studying with, or how he needed to be there when she went off to study extra Charms work with Flitwick (dragging me and Remus along as well, I might add), or how Quidditch practice should be over as soon as he scored his normal 20 or 25 goals, so that he could go look around for Lily in the library. But apparently we were still a bit too bigheaded for our own good, as she still refused him. James couldn't help himself, really. He tried so hard to impress her, he was a bit of a fool. He couldn't understand it. James and I were probably the most popular boys in our year (minus the Slytherins, of course, but we never wanted their snot-nosed opinions anyways), and here he was, unable to get a girl to go out with him. Sure, he went on a couple of dates, but they never lasted, because he would always compare them to Lily. I don't think he had more than one date with the same girl the whole time.

He managed to calm down a bit over the summer before Seventh year. I think he realized that what he had been doing for the past year and a half may not be the best way to go about it. So when we arrived for our final year at Hogwarts, James was ready. He stopped ruffling his hair, for one thing. And played with the Snitch only on the Pitch. He didn't stop fighting with Snivellus, er, Snape, but that was to be expected. Their hatred surpassed all others, but James managed to keep it in check when Lily was around. Only when Lily was around, really, and not very well. But Lily saw the effort I think. In any case, she did agree to a date during a Hogsmeade weekend. After that, there was no going back.

"Evans?" came a deep voice from behind her.

Lily turned around and found herself face to face with James Potter. A very different James Potter than she had known for six years. Here he was in front of her, her neater than usual, no arrogant air about him, those fiery eyes still watching her every move. But this time Lily could sense a change in him; he held a bit of shyness and tentativeness that was definitely new.

"How was your summer?" he asked, hand starting to run through his hair, and then dropping down to his side again, only a moment later to be shoved into his pocket in what was quite possibly the first nervous gesture Lily had ever seen him do.

"It was fine, thank you," Lily answered, just a bit confused.

"Oh, well that's good," he said, face breaking into a smile.

Their eyes remained on each others' faces, stances a little tense, and nothing else seemed to move. James opened his mouth, on the verge of asking her on yet another date, hoping that maybe this forward approach that did not involve pranks or Snivellus would be the winner, when--

"Potter! Evans! What are you waiting for?" Professor McGonagall asked, sharp eyes looking between the two students. "As Head Boy and Girl I expect you to on time and serve as an example for the rest of the student body. You won't be achieving that if you're standing about in the corridors instead of heading towards your classes."

"Sorry, Professor," James mumbled, before wrenching his eyes from Lily's questioning gaze and heading towards the dungeons for his N.E.W.T. level Potions class with

"Ms. Evans?" Professor McGonagall prompted, lips almost twitching as Lily literally jumped a foot in the air.

"Right. Class. Until the Prefect's meeting, Professor," Lily answered, before following James' distant figure toward Potions.

She was working so hard to catch up, that she turned a corner swiftly and barreled into James' back, the collision sending her to the cold stone floor.

"Lily! Are you alright?" James asked, leaning over her with a worried expression.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a bit startled, really," she said, taking his proffered hand and letting him help her up. His hand lingered on hers for a few moments, before he let go.

Turning her eyes up to meet his, she met his gaze head on, and another staring contest soon ensued, breaking only when his eyes fell to his feet and his hand brushed through his unruly hair.

"Lily," he started looking up at her, down at his feet, and then once again meeting her gaze in a rare show of insecurity, "I know we haven't always gotten on very well, but I think that can change. I really…I really like you as a person, and I think if you got to know me better you might like me as well."

"I've known you for six years, Potter," Lily commented wryly. "That isn't enough time?"

"No. A lot can change in six years, Lily. People change. I've changed. And I've grown…rather fond of you, these last couple of years. Look, what I'm saying is, would you like to go to lunch at the Three Broomsticks next Hogsmeade weekend?" he said, the last part coming out in a bit of a rush, though his eyes never left hers.

Lily looked at him a moment, and saw something she had never seen before with James Potter: fear. Fear of rejection, by her hand. All of the other times he'd asked her out, it had still been cocky, conceited old Potter. This time he seemed…genuine. He really wanted to go out on a date with her. With her, Lily Evans. Now that it didn't appear to be some huge joke or prank, Lily found herself at a bit of a loss.

"I really like you as a person, and I think if got to know me better you might like me as well."

Well, that was a great line, wasn't it?

Lily wavered still, unsure of whether to give in or hold on to her stubbornness and dislike of a boy who had picked on her for her entire Hogwarts career. But his words kept on running through her head, and as she looked at his handsome, earnest face, she felt that there was more to James than what she had always thought, and what lied underneath was worth getting to know.

Taking a deep breath, Lily said the word she never thought she'd say in response to James' endless attempts at asking her out.

"Yes."

And thus it began. Lily and James started with a date, which progressed to another, and another, and then lead to them spending almost all their free time together. I wouldn't say they were inseparable, because it wouldn't be true. That was James and I. We were inseparable. Had been, ever since first year. Once their relationship really started, though, I found myself spending more time with Moony and Wormtail. Mostly just Remus, really. Peter was almost as scarce as James, during Seventh year. Don't know what he was doing, but his grades improved a bit, so I assume he was just worried about N.E.W.T.s or something.

In any case, the Mauraders were split. James was with Lily. I was with Remus. And Peter was with his library books. I…I really resented Lily, at that time. She had broken up something wonderful. Sure, she was smart and nice and was always helping people out, and everything. But she had come in between the bonds of friendship. I don't think I was more frustrated in my entire life. She had taken away my best friend, damnit. Who the bleeding hell else was I supposed to confide in about my worries over Moony? Wormtail?

And then she pulled a move that I didn't see coming. She told James to go away. That he was so focused on her that he was forgetting one of the most important things in his life: us. I thought she was insane when he told me what she had said. That they needed a breather. Things were going really fast, and they needed to step back and make sure this was what they both wanted.

James was crushed. He thought it was over. I was delighted, of course. I could finally have my Prongs back, and it would be just like it always was. But he never got out of it. Even I had to admit that a Lily-obsessed James was better than a depressed and sulking James. Pretty soon I wanted them to get back together almost as much as he did. All of that moping! I had to tough it out a bit longer, though. It took two weeks of him moping around Gryffindor Tower before she caved and admitted that she was just as miserable without him as he was without her. But during those two weeks we all came to an agreement.

James and Lily would have their time, the Mauraders would have our time, and then we would all spend time together during which James and Lily would not be snogging behind our backs. Though Lily was usually pretty good about no overt public displays of affection, unless James got all puppy-eyed to make her cave. Then it took a few moments of me and Remus making gagging noises to get them to come up for air.

They still had their spats of course. Lily and James could turn anything into an argument. The worst was during the few weeks leading up to the N.E.W.T.s.

"Stop it James, I need to finish memorizing the 12 uses of dragon's blood and their reactions with medicinal potions," Lily said, swatting her hand at James' futile attempts to get her attention.

They were in the Gryffindor common room, the blazing fire and cheerful atmosphere doing nothing to alleviate the bubble of tension surrounding their table. Lily hadn't moved from behind her stack of books for no less than three hours, and while James had been silently studying along with her, his willingness to please his girlfriend and achieve his N.E.W.T. requirements had finally been overcome by his sheer and utter boredom. And with Sirius giving him not so subtle looks from across the room, James was ready for something different.

"We've been here since dinner, Lily. Come on, let's go fly or something. I need a break, I can't take this anymore," James complained.

Exasperated, tired, and eyes straining, Lily was also at a breaking point.

"James, you haven't been able to 'take this anymore' fifteen minutes into studying, and have been reminding me of it every five minutes since. You can't just rely on talking your way into a good grade this time; the N.E.W.T.s are final. You can't redo them, and they will determine whether you get a decent job or not. So just please stop badgering me!" Lily snapped.

James' eyes narrowed. "Badgering you, am I? Well, excuse me for wanting to spend some time with my girlfriend instead of with her books. When did you become such a bookworm?"

"Since my future decided to depend on it!" Lily practically snarled. "And it wouldn't hurt you to take things seriously every once in a while, James." Looking up, she followed his gaze to where he was engaging in some sort of sign language with Sirius and Remus from across the room.

"And don't even think about going down to Hogsmeade with them tonight. You've already gone every night this week!" she added.

"I have not!" James denied, head spinning around to her so fast he was surprised he didn't get whiplash. "You've had me studying with you every night!"

"James Potter, are you trying to lie to me?" Lily asked, voice turning to steel. "Are you trying to tell me that I imagined those four figures in the darkness, sulking about the hallways after you had claimed to go to bed, exhausted from studying? I already know you're keeping something from me. I can see it in your face. Well, James? Are you lying to me? Again?"

"No!" he shouted. "Yes!…I don't know! Can you blame me for wanting to escape?"

"Escape from what, James? From me?" she shouted.

"Yes! You and your bleeding obsession with these books! Lily, if you don't know it by now, you're never going to know it! Why can't we just relax and enjoy our last weeks at Hogwarts, instead of wasting our time with these stupid tests that aren't going to mean anything ten years from now? We are never going to be kids again, why can't you just enjoy it instead of always being such a stiff book-obsessed teacher's pet? Merlin, I thought you were better than this!" he hollered, face reddened with frustration.

Dead silence filled the room.

The only movement was Sirius in the background, looking back and forth between his best friend and said best friend's girlfriend. Remus was just staring at James, shaking his head. James himself was exhaling loudly, fists clenched, but Lily was the picture of calm. She sat very still in her seat, eyes not moving from James'. But it was when you looked into those eyes, that you truly saw her fury, emitting from those emerald depths.

It was a few seconds before James realized what he had said. He opened his mouth to apologize, realizing he'd taken it a bit far, but by that time hell had already broken loose.

Lily slammed her book closed and stood up so stiffly that a pole might have been attached to her back.

"Well, I'm sorry to say that I am, in fact, not better than this. As a matter of fact, I am a great deal less than this, Potter," James winced at that, "and I am obviously less than what you require. Since I am not good enough for you, being a mere teacher's pet --"

"Lily, I didn't mean--"

"--who wouldn't know a Grindylow from Kneazle, and who only earned her Head Girl position because she sucked up to the Headmaster for six years--"

"Now Lily, that's going a bit far--"

"--I will do us all a favor," she said, raising her voice as loud as possible, "and leave you alone."

James was so startled at her pronouncement, that he didn't move. He just stood there and watched her pack her things into her bag and gather all the books and papers on the table into her arms. She looked up to see him staring at her, eyes wide with shock, unable to register what was happening.

"Go! Go to Hogsmeade with Sirius and Remus. I'm sure they miss your company, since you have been cooped up with the demanding taskmaster for hours on end. Don't worry, boys" she called out to Sirius and Remus from across the room, "I won't be bothering your precious Prongs any longer."

And with that last statement, Lily turned on her heel and fled up to the girl's dormitories, not once looking back to see James' crumpling face. It was only after she had completely disappeared up the staircase, that some life seemed to come back to James, and he immediately jumped as the seriousness of the situation hit him.

"Lily? Lily!" he shouted, running over the staircase and trying to climb it, ignoring the fact that it was turning into a slide as he desperately tried to claw his way to the top.

"Lily, you have to listen to me! I didn't mean it! Of course you're good enough for me. In fact, you're overqualified! You're amazing, and I --" he finally stopped as his futile attempts to get even halfway up the stone slide just landed him at the bottom once more.

"Fuck," he mumbled, staring down at his hands, bleeding from where he had tried to claw his way up using only fingernails and desperation. After a few moments, James looked up to see the rest of the room staring at him, mouths wide open. His own lips hardened into a thin line, and he pushed himself roughly up from the floor, and stalked out of the common room, not even acknowledging Sirius and Remus as they called for him to wait.

By the next morning, James had convinced himself that Lily was simply crazy and that she had finally lost her mind, leaving him as the only target for her insane babbling. Lily, of course, was still furious with him, so they just continued to go about their classes and meals while completely ignoring each other. Lily spent all of her time with Alice, the soon-to-be Mrs. Frank Longbottom, and James spent all his time flying, throwing the Quaffle violently into the hoop as Remus nearly fell off his broom while trying to dodge James' ferocious goals.

But while James' frustration was made clear by his aggressive behavior, the fire was gone from his eyes. Nothing seemed to have a point anymore; he didn't have a goal to achieve. He was about to graduate from Hogwarts and leave his childhood behind, and what was he doing?

Playing Quidditch. Granted, he was playing with me, and I really didn't think of it as a problem at the time anyways, but still. I had a lot on my mind during that time. I sure as hell wasn't going to go back to my parents' house after graduation. I hadn't even gone back for the summer, I had stayed with James. But at least he could just hang out with his parents; he didn't need a job, not really. Sure, he wanted to do something with his life, but it wasn't because of necessity, because he really had no money or family to turn to. He had everything. Family, friends, a home, money, and until a little while ago, a girlfriend that he had been in love with for the better part of two years.

I wish I could say that they finally came to their senses, sought each other out and made up. That James admitted that he probably should keep his mouth shut, and that Lily acquiesced to letting James off the hook every now and again. But no. It took a bit more of them covering up their hurt feelings and regret before they would just own up and apologize. No, it took good old Remus to make everything better. As usual.

"James, what are you doing?" Remus asked quietly.

The Mauraders were sitting in the Gryffindor common room by the fire, studying for their first N.E.W.T. exam that was scheduled for the following day. James had kept his head down the entire time, not raising his eyes to where Lily was seated, alone, on the other side of the room, surrounded by books and glancing up at him every few minutes. It had not escaped anyone's attention that Lily hadn't turned a page in nearly half an hour, and neither had James.

"I'm trying to study, Moony. You remember those nasty tests we're taking tomorrow, don't you?" James answered heavily, eyes not moving from the words in front of him.

"You know that's not what I'm talking about," Remus said, just as quietly as before.

James stiffened. "I don't want to talk about it," he said shortly. "I need to study."

Sirius looked over to Remus and then at Peter, but Remus was gazing intently at James and Peter was engrossed in some text about Herbology. His eyes went back to Remus as he started speaking again.

"No, what you need to do is stop being such an idiot and go over there and apologize."

"Remus, I tried apologizing!" James whispered furiously, eyes finally rising to meet his friend's. "I apologized, and she wouldn't even listen. I've tried again and again, and nothing will appease that stubborn girl! I quit!"

"No you don't. You're just trying to convince yourself that you do, so you don't have to think about how much you screwed up," Remus said wisely.

"Piss off, Remus! I don't want to hear this right now!"

"Well, that's too bad, James, because you are going to hear it!" Remus said, his voice raising ever so slightly. James rose out of his chair to escape from Remus' meddling, but it was useless. Taking advantage of his werewolf strength, Remus pushed him back into his chair with barely any effort.

"Now listen to me, James Potter. You have been in love with this girl for two years, and probably before that, though you wouldn't admit it. You finally grew up and became a man that she could want. In fact, you became a man that she could love. You finally have everything that you ever wanted, James. Are you going to throw it all away over something as stupid as pride?" Remus nearly shouted.

James stared at Remus, unable to believe that his normally mild-mannered and calm friend was so close to yelling at him in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. Was, indeed, yelling at him. Remus just stared back at him, glancing meaningfully over to where Lily sat, listening to the conversation just as every other Gryffindor in the room was.

"Well!" Remus shouted. "What are you waiting for?"

And with that, James finally raised his head, and met those emerald eyes that were staring at him from across the room. He stood up from his chair, walked over to where Lily sat on the couch, and collapsed at her feet, allowing his head to fall into her lap, and one broken whisper to escape his lips.

"Lily."

Now, that certainly didn't fix everything. But James apologized, as did Lily, and soon enough you could see them taking walks around the lake again, Lily stopping every few couple of minutes to scoop up another flower to add to her bouquet. Our last day at Hogwarts, we all sat around on the grass by the lake, throwing bits and pieces into the water, and just enjoying each other's company.

From the beginning, I had never truly believed that he could have gotten Lily. Not as a girlfriend. Or inevitably as his fiancé, and later his wife and mother of his child. My own godson, Harry. They had turned their fire into something wonderful, and created a whole other flame, to burn just as brightly as theirs did. He had his mother's eyes, and his father's spirit.

No, he had both of their spirits, burning brightly from within.

-Fin-