"Probie" was very emotional to watch and I really wanted to do have something to add to it, but I didn't think I'd be able to. At least not without some major psyche dwelling and convincing myself I could make it a happy-ish ending.
So, I wrote this because of my muse who I realized is Mezzo (Amy). I say something, she agrees, adds a little something then suddenly I'm sitting in class the next day writing a fic during philosophy class.
Here's what I came up with though.Enjoy...
Abby stopped before she reached the elevator and looked back at McGee. He was still standing there and every thought in her head said she couldn't leave him. She didn't want to leave him there. Especially not with the self-destructive thoughts he was probably having. She'd seen to many people succumb to something like that. There was also the fact that he was her geek. He was hers in more way than he probably knew.
"McGee, you're coming home with me." The young agent turned to look at with the same kicked puppy expression then shook his head.
"No thanks. I think I'll stick around here a while longer."
"I'm not taking no for an answer, McGee. You're coming home with me even I have to drag you kicking and screaming the whole way. So come with me before I pull out the handcuffs again." She could see he was thinking about possible options to get out of going, but she wasn't afraid of applying a little violence to the situation.
"Alright," McGee finally said. "I'll go."
"Good," Abby replied. "Now come do the gentlemanly thing and walk me to my car." She held out her hand and slowly McGee moved towards her then took it in his own. The young woman squeezed it tightly and he gave her a forced smile. She had a lot of work ahead to fix her geek.
"Abby, no."
"Yes, McGee."
"No."
"Yes, infinity and beyond. We are going to extinguish any and all destructive thoughts you have. We are going to bring back the non-brooding McGee though this does turn me on a little, but that's beside the point. If I can't bring you back to normal then the rest of your life will affected."
"I can't do this," McGee replied. He started to get off the couch, but Abby forcefully pushed him back down.
"You are going to," Abby told him in a serious tone. Tim stared at her with a startled expression. "We're going to purge your mind."
"I'll never be able to forget what I did, Abby. I killed someone."
"No. You made a mistake."
"A mistake?" McGee scoffed. "That's the nice way of putting it. I messed up more than words can describe."
"Try," Abby told him.
"What?"
"I said try. Describe whatever it means to you. Tell me why you feel you have to hang on to these harsh thoughts." The young man looked at her a bit then at the floor before leaning back and staring up at the ceiling.
"I'm not supposed to carry a gun," McGee started quietly. "I remember when I was a kid and thought it would the coolest thing in the world to be a spy. To save the world and get the girl. To be like James Bond. Or maybe even MacGyver because he was the smartest guy around and he just carried about a pocket knife then got out of all these tight situations."
"And he carried around duct tape," Abby added with sly grin. "Always useful."
"But that didn't seem to be my path," Tim continued. "I was geek. I always had the highest grades and I was always the target of bullies. I realized I'd probably just end up being the next Bill Gates or something. Just a nerd sitting behind a desk typing at my computer night and day. That's where I thought I belonged."
"You don't," Abby told him. He turned towards her. "You may be book smart and know how to hack into any computer, but being an agent and catching the bad guy is your job. Gibbs picked you because he saw that agent inside the bookish exterior. He knew you could do the job behind the desk and out on the street."
"Gibbs thought he knew," McGee corrected her. "I can't do what he thinks I can. I don't have that kind of training. I'm not good at any of the stuff I do."
"Yes, you are. If you weren't you would have been gone a long time ago. Gibbs knows what you're capable of. You just have to believe it." McGee quickly got off the couch and glared at the Goth.
"Stop it."
"Stop what?"
"Stop being so nice to me. I killed somebody, Abby. I don't deserve any of the concern you have for my well-being." She stood up and moved in close to him.
"If you didn't I wouldn't give it, but I care and love you enough to give it to you." She poked his forehead. "Somewhere in there is the rational Timothy McGee I've known these past few years. You need to admit to yourself that you're not the bad person you think you are." His expression softened a moment and he closed his eyes with a sigh.
"I can't," he whispered.
"Why not?"
"I'm scared."
"Everyone's scared, Tim. There's nothing wrong with that. It's harder to admit it more than anything. What are you scared of?" His eyes flickered up towards her holding a deep sadness. She hadn't seen something like this in the young man for a while.
"Losing someone else."
"Who?"
"I don't know," McGee answered softly. "Everyone that I work with. Tony, Gibbs…" He paused. "Ducky. Even Palmer and Ziva." He took in deep breath. "Especially you."
"I'm not going anywhere, Tim," Abby responded as she placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm going to stay here a long time. I'll be the old lady listening to the crazy music and still rocking out even though it may be in my rocking chair." He let out a small laugh and she could see his eyes turning a bit red. She was getting to what was really bothering him.
"I couldn't save Erin," he said. "I didn't act like an agent should and I couldn't save her." Abby remembered how it affected McGee. She had been a bit jealous about how the two people got along, but she didn't want to admit her own feelings towards McGee. He hadn't said anything about it for a long time and she figured he wouldn't let it get in the way of anything. Especially not between them. They had a lot of unspoken agreements. "I wasn't there for Kate."
"No. Don't go there, Tim. You did what you could. It wouldn't have made sense if you got yourself killed too. Ari murdered her because he was a bastard and now that's he dead you don't have to worry about being reminded of what he did."
"I'm reminded every day, Abby. I see Ziva sitting in her desk in the morning and I wonder for where Kate is before remembering she's dead. And I hate Ziva for that. I hate seeing her sit in that chair and bug Tony just like Kate did. She's trying to take over and I hate it." He wiped away some tears from his eyes. "Abby, I don't want anyone else to die. I don't want to be responsible for anymore death."
"You don't hate Ziva for who she is, Tim," Abby said quietly as she wrapped her arms around him and leaned into her. His body trembled and the dark haired woman bit her lip to keep from crying herself. "You hate what she represents."
He wasn't mad at himself so much, but rather what it meant to continue and be an agent. McGee wasn't Gibbs who could move on easily from one deadly situation to another. To be stoic, firm, and almost emotionless. Gibbs was human, but he didn't want to always admit it. He wasn't Tony who transformed everything into some form of humor. Tony had been a police officer before an NCIS agent so there was a training there that taught him how to behave in demanding situations. Tim was sensitive to everything and all the consequences that came from an action. He couldn't change all at once and that's what was happening. He was having to change the way he viewed the world and it was easier said then done.
"It'll be okay," Abby whispered. "I promise to always be there for you. Always."
The warmth of the sun and the smell of breakfast woke Timothy McGee from a gentle slumber. He yawned and sat up then looked around to see where he was. McGee didn't exactly remember a lot of what happened the night before, but was glad he at least recognized where he was.
"Oh, good. You're up." He looked towards the door where Abby wearing a long, black nightgown stood. She smiled at him. "You look mildly pleasant."
"I feel…" He thought about it for a moment. "Good." Her smile expanded a bit more. McGee took the blankets off realizing he was only in a pair of Looney Tunes boxers. He pulled them back on and gave Abby an embarrassed look.
"You didn't exactly bring any pajamas over and I had to practically undress you," Abby said. "They're cute though. It's not like I've never seen your boxers. I've seen you in almost every form imaginable, remember?"
"What happened last night?" McGee asked as he grabbed his pants from a nearby chair. "I can't really recall much except for the fact I feel refreshed." The smile disappeared and Abby moved over to the bed taking a seat at the end.
"You really don't know?"
"Do I want to?"
"Maybe," Abby answered. "For one thing we talked a lot." He stared at for a bit and a look of realization came over the man's face.
"I told you…" She held up a hand.
"Tim, I'm going to tell you this once. If you retreat back into that state of mind I will smack you silly. I saved you a lot of money in therapy and I expect it to stick."
"Abby…" The young woman got off the bed and took his face in her hands.
"Listen to me," she told him. "Life isn't easy. Life will never be easy. Every day something will go wrong, but you can't let it bother you forever or before you know it you aren't going to be able to do anything. Not even enjoy the good things that are in your life."
"Like you?"
"I told you last night. I will always be there for you." She pulled him down a smidge and lightly kissed his lips. "Always." He gave her a smile. "Now I don't seem to be pushy, but Gibbs called your phone like ten minutes ago looking for you and I told him you'd be there in an hour. So you need to get dressed and go to work."
"What? Work?" He took Abby's hands into his own. "I don't think I can."
"Yes, you will. You're going to go and you're going to do your job to the best of your ability. You won't doubt yourself and you won't hesitate." A playful smile formed on her face. "And if you really need to my lab will always be open complete with special room privileges."
"Abby, what would I do without you?" McGee asked.
"Hopefully you'll never have to find out the answer to that question." She gave him another kiss then headed out of the bedroom purposefully swinging her hips back and forth. He couldn't help it, but he was in a trance caused by the woman. He had been since he met her. She was Abby and that was all he needed. The lab tech stopped in the doorway and looked back at him. "You're a good man, Timothy McGee, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." She left the doorway and McGee sat back down on the bed.
"With you at my side I never will," McGee replied quietly.