For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 6: The Best Defense
(Daniel's POV)

To my surprise a couple of hours after we were released from base Sam knocked on my door. I had all these scenarios running through my mind in which I had to chase her down and tie her to a chair in order to get her to talk to me but she caught me totally off guard by coming to me instead... a fact that clearly tells me just how scared she really is. I know she's not here because she wants to be, she's not here because she wants to talk. She is here because she is terrified that I'm going to let something slip and the fact that she is still worried about that saddens me... still, as long as she's here I might as well take advantage of the opportunity because I'm not likely to get another one like it any time soon.

I'm not naive, I know Sam and I know she is here simply because she did the math and came to the realization that talking to me here and now is the lesser of two evils. She did the math and she realized that now that I know I'm not going to back down, that if she were to try to avoid me I would probably keep on pushing and that's the chance she doesn't want to take. She is here because she feels that we can either talk here, where she knows she is reasonably safe and she can be sure that we won't be overheard, or she can take the chance that I will try to talk to her again when we are off-world... where Jack and Teal'c are bound to be near by.

In other words she's here but she doesn't want to be here, in fact she'd rather be anywhere but here. Right now for her being here is a form of torture and I don't have a clue as to what I can possibly do to try to break the ice. What am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to try to make some sort of chitchat? Talk about the weather or about our latest mission? Well... maybe talking about our latest mission could work, at least it would give me a way to bring up the subject but Sam is so tense right now that even thinking about it makes me feel guilty.

Not knowing what else to do I focus on the immediate things, on being polite and playing the good host, offering her a cup of coffee and some cookies... anything that could possibly give me a chance to break --or at least lessen-- the tension because right now I'm not even sure which one of us is more worried. I feel like I'm walking through a maze, a labyrinth and I don't even have a thread to guide me... and to make matters worse I'm not alone, I'm not the one who runs the risk of getting lost should I make a false move here, Sam is.

I know I'm not pushing her just for kicks, I'm doing it because there's no one else to do it and I'm convinced that someone should, but that doesn't mean that I can afford to mess this one up, no way. I may have the best intentions but I am well aware of what they say about the road to hell.

Looking up I realize that Sam is smiling nervously at me. Apparently she is aware of my discomfort --which, come to think of it, is not really all that surprising-- and I'm relieved to see that she is not too mad at me. The truth is that after the way in which I pushed things back on that planet I wasn't sure about that and that's why seeing her smile is so oddly reassuring. I don't have much in the way of family here on earth... and that is only because I am counting my grandfather. That means that alienating my friends is not an option.

Shaking my head I pour a couple of cups of coffee and bring them back to the living room with me. Playing the host is a familiar and comforting bit of mindless routine... the only problem with it is that once I'm done I immediately realize that I'm almost out of stalling tactics and sooner rather than later I'll have no choice but to say something. Funny how having to say something can be the hardest part of a conversation. I'm not usually at a loss for words and I don't like it. Not knowing what else to do I hand Sam her mug and sit on the opposite end of the couch.

For the next couple of minutes we sip our drinks in silence, both of us trying to make them last as long as we can, knowing that once the coffee is gone we are going to have no choice but to face things here.

"I'm not going to eat you, Sam," I say trying to break the ice, anything I can do to alleviate the tension.

"I know," she says, sounding far from convinced.

"Then what is it?"

"It's just that... I don't know."

"What do you mean?" I ask, sensing that what she is trying to say is not that she is at a loss for words... or at least that there's more to it than that.

"I don't know what's going to happen," she explains.

"About?"

"About anything, really. I mean, I don't know what to say, I don't know what you want me to tell you, I don't know how you are going to react to any of this and I don't know what's going to happen... and I really hate not knowing."

"Whoa, what do you mean you don't know what I want you to tell me? This is not some sort of test, Sam, there are no right and wrong answers here and the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

"I know that but still..."

"But still what?"

"It's not so simple. I'm in trouble, big trouble, I know that much, but the thing is that as long as no one knew anything about it I was reasonably safe. Now this whole thing has turned into a mess and I don't have a clue as to how to sort this out."

"So you don't think it was a mess before?" I ask, not quite believing my ears.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, yes it was bad but I was dealing with it and at least I had it under control but now..."

"Okay, let's change tracks here for a minute. You said that before you had things under control, are you saying that now you feel like you are no longer in control?"

"Yes, sort of... it's complicated," she says, looking down at her empty mug and I wonder if I should offer her a refill but I decide against it. Tempting as it may be, stalling won't help either one of us right now and I know it.

"Well, then why don't you try to explain it to me?"

"I'm worried about what you are going to do with what you know. I just want to put it all behind me... I mean, I can't help thinking about what happened at times but it's not like I can change it and it's just such a huge waste of time. And then there's the fact that as long as no one knew, no one could say anything that could get me in trouble... that's what I meant when I said I was safe, only now..."

"And that's what you are worried about, isn't it? About someone else finding out about this? You are worried that I'm going to let this slip, that's why you decided to come here. This is a preemptive strike because you are worried that I'll do something that will end up leaving you exposed."

"Not intentionally, but yes," she admits, looking at me.

"Would it help if I were to promise not to say anything to anyone unless you agree?" I ask, not knowing what else I could possibly say to try to reassure her.

"I don't know, Daniel. I really don't know."

"Tell me what you want me to do then."

"I wish you could just forget all about this, that the conversation we had on that planet had never taken place but I know that's not going to happen. What do I want you to do that is actually feasible? I have no idea about that one. It's like this whole thing is spiraling out of control and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

"Okay, then why don't we go back to the beginning. What kind of trouble do you think I'm likely to get you in?" I ask, still trying to get her to break the problem down into manageable chunks.

"The military kind. No one can ever know and I'm not sure you realize that... I'm not sure you understand just how important that is. Back on that planet when you started asking all those questions..."

"I'm sorry, please believe me when I say that I never meant to get you in trouble... maybe I should have waited until we were here on earth but you had been avoiding me more and more and I didn't know what else to do. I had the feeling that if I didn't confront you then and there things would get even worse and I didn't want that to happen. I could see that I was making you nervous and I couldn't think of another way to break that tension, that's why I decided to push it," I explain.

"You just kept looking at me and I knew you were suspicious about something. I know trying to avoid you probably wasn't the best strategy but I..."

"I never meant to corner you."

"Yes, you did. You may have had the best intentions but you were trying to corner me. You saw a mystery and you wanted an answer."

"No, I didn't see a mystery, I saw a friend who was hurting and was determined to shut me out. There's a difference."

"And didn't you think that maybe there was a reason for that, that maybe it was none of your business in the first place?" she snaps.

"No, I didn't. I don't have so many friends that I can afford to ignore the ones I do, sorry," I say, not willing to back down.

"That's not what this is about!"

"No, it's about the fact that you are shutting everyone out and it's obviously not helping. How long has it been, Sam?" I ask.

"You know it, about seven months and I was doing fine."

"Were you?"

"Yes, I was doing my job, I was getting on with my life the only way I could."

"What do you mean 'the only way you could'?"

"I already told you, no one can ever know, what else did you expect me to do? Take out a full page ad in the paper?"

"No, but maybe not trying to carry the world on your shoulders would have been a good start. You didn't want anyone in the military to know, fine, I get that, but as everyone keeps reminding me, I'm not military."

"No, but you work for the military... you don't understand."

"Of course I don't, you haven't told me anything! You want me to understand? Then talk to me, Sam. That's why I'm here!"

"It's not so simple."

"No, it's not so simple, but I don't think it's that complicated either," I challenge.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I think that while the situation is pretty complex, you are actually making matters worse by trying to deal with this on your own... especially when you don't have to."

"But..."

"But you don't want anyone to know, I get that much. Well, I already know... or at least I've got an idea, so care to tell me what really happened in Simarka?"

"Nothing."

"Sam..."

"Would you can the pop-psych 101 already?"

"Is that what you think this is?"

"I don't know."

"I just want to help you."

"I know but..."

"Why did you come here tonight?" I finally ask, realizing that we are at a standstill. I wanted her to trust me but I'm afraid right now that's not going to happen and my best bet is going to be to use her fears against her. Yes, I know this is not the kindest way for me to do this but I suspect it will be the most efficient one and this is one instance in which the longer this takes the harder and more painful it will be for her.

"You know why I came. I came because you know too much."

"In other words you came because you felt you had no choice," I point out.

"I guess," she admits, rather reluctantly.

"So, since you know we are going to have this conversation no matter what, wanna get this show on the road?" I ask with a smile, trying to get her to see what I mean even though she is unwilling to hear the words... which is why I'm not even trying to say them.

"It's not like I have much of a choice here, is it?" she mutters.

"What happened in Simarka, Sam?"

"You are not going to let this go, are you?... never mind, I know you won't," she says with a sigh before going on. "The whole thing went down pretty much as I said it did right after we came home, I never really lied about it, I just left out a few details that weren't anyone else's business in the first place, that's all."

"Some pretty significant details," I point out.

"Maybe, the thing is that when you were at that celebration and I was stuck in the women's tent I was getting really frustrated. I could hear everything that was going on outside and I really wanted to join you but I couldn't and I knew it so in an attempt to escape from the constant reminders I decided to go to sleep early... after all, seeing how I wasn't going to be staying with you it wasn't like I was going to have to keep watch and seeing how I was stuck in that damned tent I couldn't even get any work done. If I hadn't gone to sleep then chances are that none of the things that followed would have happened."

"What do you mean?"

"I woke up with Abu's knife to my throat and I could still hear the singing going on outside... that's why no one heard anything. If I hadn't been trying to escape by going to sleep early in the first place then Abu wouldn't have been able to get the drop on me like he did."

I nod my head at her words even though I don't think it is that simple. Still, she is having a hard enough time trying to get this whole story out in the open and I don't think interrupting her now would help. After a couple of seconds she goes on.

"At first I didn't really know what he wanted with me, he tied me up, gagged me and dragged me to where a couple of horses were waiting for us. It was only when we stopped early the next morning to rest the horses for a while that I learned that he was going to trade me... and then we reached Turghan's camp. Being sold like a piece of meat was humiliating to say the least. I tried to tell Turghan that I didn't belong to Abu, that I had been abducted and that you would be coming to get me but he threatened to have me beaten... that was his first threat and the only thing that kept him from carrying it out was the fact that I didn't belong to him... yet. I tried to fight back but with a knife to my throat I knew there was virtually nothing I could do so I did as I was told, I spun around so that he could appreciate the 'merchandise' better, even if my every instinct was rebelling against that simple act of submission. Turghan told Abu to name his price and he asked for Nya but Turghan refused, saying that she had already been promised to another chieftain... then Turghan offered three hundred pieces of gold for me and Abu had no choice but to accept. The bargain was sealed.

"It still feels so strange to think of myself as a thing, as something they were bargaining for as if I weren't even there. At some point Turghan said that he valued spirit in his horses, not his women. In a way I think that was one of the worst parts of the whole thing for me. I'm a scientist but in that world my mind was worth nothing. I existed for two things and two things only: to give Turghan pleasure and to bear his children, to give him sons, that was it.

"Anyway, after Abu left I was taken to the women's area and I was ordered to help prepare the day's meal... a woman's job that if nothing else demonstrated how little Turghan knew about me... how little he wanted to know. I mean, have you ever tried my cooking?"

I smile at that, recognizing the feeble attempt at inappropriate humor for what it is, an attempt by Sam to bring herself back to the present... still, it's good to see some of the old Sam coming through even now.

"No, I haven't but somehow I don't think I want to try it."

"I always knew you were a smart man, Daniel Jackson," she says before going on. "Anyway, as I was helping the women I got what I thought was a chance to get away. I was chopping vegetables and that meant I had a knife. It wasn't much but it was a weapon... a weapon that was almost as good as the ones used by most of Turghan's warriors and it was something I knew I could use to my advantage. It gave me hope and it was then that I tried to escape and while at first it seemed easy enough I made one critical mistake: I took one of his horses forgetting the obvious fact that horses can be taught... that, in a society that relied as heavily on horses as the one in Simarka did, those horses were likely to be exceptionally well trained.

"To make a long story short some of Turghan's men were watching the perimeter, they saw me and simply called the horse I was riding and before I knew what was happening it threw me off. The men surrounded me almost immediately. That was as far as my attempted escape got me... that and in a whole lot of trouble," she says and I know that I'm not going to like what's coming next... not that I was expecting any of this to be pleasant.