Harper
No, this isn't real. I can see them all file out but just can't wait until they are gone. They don't know exactly how bad this is for me. Yeah I'm gonna die but it's the fact that I will die from magog eggs, that has been my worst fear since I was a tiny child and the raids happened.
They may sympathise with me but none of them, probably not even Beka can know how dirty and worthless and terrified this makes me feel. What have I done with my life so far? I've made it off earth and joined some godforsaken cause. That's it, the life of Seamus Zelazny Harper equals next to nothing.
My life on earth was just about living from one day to the next and although I found a home on the Maru and now on Andromeda, I still haven't done anything worthwhile, I want to go out with a bang, not a scream of pain as my guts are torn open by awful little killing machines.
That's why I take so many risks, extreme surfing and reaching out, far to far out, over the slipstream drive or into a pieces of machinery to fix it before something bad happens to everyone else. If I don't die then I'm still alive, I can go on to fight another day, if I do then at least I'll have gone out doing something. Not just fizzling away into nothingness.
That is my worse fear, not being eaten by magog larvae but dieing without leaving something behind for people to remember me by. I need something, anything so that my name will still be spoken after I'm gone, I can't, wont just disappear like all the other kluges stuck on Earth.
I want to be someone.