Disclaimer: If I owned The Fairly Odd Parents, I would have given it back to Butch Hartman a long time ago.

Author's Note: You have no idea how great it was to see such amazing reviews the morning after I uploaded Chapter 1. Talk about a confidence boost! I'm not sure if updates will always be this quick, as I've recently started guitar lessons and "Sunshine of Your Love" requires a lot more talent than it seems.

Chapter 2: When Did She Grow Up?

"Daddy, I really don't want to talk to you right now."

I should've seen that coming. I knew I made Wanda upset yesterday, but I wanted to make it up to her. Well…sorta. See, Piero, Carmine, and I decided we should take Wanda and the little jerk to Franky the Butcher to "celebrate", which will also be the perfect opportunity to dissuade Cosmo from taking my perfect little girl from the family. And also destroying the business.

"I understand, Honey, but can you just listnen?"

"That depends," she answered bitterly, hands firmly on her wand, ready to leave the room at any time.

When did she grow up? And when exactly did she have the authority to stand up to Big Daddy?

"Okay. Calm down."

"I'm sorry about the way I acted yesterday, Wanda," I lied. "And I wanted to apologize. In fact, I'm gonna take you and Cosmo out to eat tonight. That is, if you can forgive me."

Wanda sighed and loosened the death-grip on her wand. "Okay."

"She bought it!"

"I'm glad to hear that, Sweetie," I hugged my daughter. "You and the testa—I mean, Cosmo—can meet us at Franky's later tonight."

"Who's 'us'?" Wanda asked.

"Oh, just your uncles," I tried to sound casual.

Wanda just nodded, confirmed that she and Cosmo would be there, and left. About five minutes later, I was joined by Piero and Carmine.

"Did it work?" they asked in unison.

"Yes, my brothers." I sat down in my chair. "Tonight, we chase away the beast."

You know another reason why Cosmo ain't good enough for my Wanda? He isn't manly enough. You'd think he'd put up a tough front at Franky's, but he just shivered behind his menu.

"It's working and we ain't even done anything," Carmine whispered to me. "The boy's shaking like a leaf."

"If it was really working he'd be gone by now."

Franky interrupted our little family meeting. "What can I get for yous?"

"The three of us," I gestured to my brothers, "will take the eggplant parmigiana."

Franky nodded. "And for the girl?"

Wanda just put her hand up, signaling that she didn't want anything.

All eyes were on Cosmo.

"I'll—I'll have—"

Now, you must realize I was still very agitated from the day before. I wanted to find every reason to frighten Cosmo. But my daughter was smarter than I remembered. She knew exactly what to do to make me happy with the boy.

"—He'll have the cheapest thing on the menu."

"Calzone for the boy," Franky repeated. With that, he was gone.

Piero and Carmine turned to me. It appeared that we had our work cut out for us.

"So, Cosmo," I said, acting as casual as a mobster in a line-up. "What do you and Wanda plan on doing after the wedding?"

I was this close to flinching.

"Uh…um…four?"

"Oh, he's a bright one," Piero whispered.

Wanda shot her uncle a look. "We want to become godparents."

"I see," I nodded. "May I ask how a career in godparenting will help you run the family business?"

Wanda choked on an ice cube.

"Well, um, Mr. Big Daddy…I…" Cosmo stammered. He put the menu down. "I didn't know I was supposed to do that."

"He's got a point, you know," Carmine said out loud. I had to admit he was right.

"In this family," I began, "my son-in-law, whether that be you or someone else, is going to run my business when I get older. Do you think you can accept that responsibility?"

Cosmo opened his mouth, but Wanda stopped him. "You're not being fair!"

"Hey! If I say it's fair, it's fair! Ain't that right boys."

Piero and Carmine agreed.

Franky set the plates down on the table and everyone shut up for a good sixty seconds. At this point I saw the one good thing about the numbskull: he loved a good calzone.

I tried to ignore Cosmo's eating habits. "You do know that the man should call the shots in the family, don't you?" I asked, referring to my daughter's unnecessary interruption.

Cosmo swallowed and mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Yeah," Carmine chimed in. "We can't hear you over here."

"I said I really don't think so."

I raised my eyebrows.

Wanda stopped us. "Daddy, why are you doing this?"

"Let the boy continue!"

"I—I just wanted you to like me."

"Like you?" I asked like it was the stupidest thing in the world. "From the minute I saw you, I knew I didn't like you!"

Now, I know I was being a little mean to the boy, but this is what I gotta do. As Wanda's father, I should get some say in the man she's gonna drop me for, shouldn't I? If Cosmo is going to be the one who takes care of my daughter for the rest of eternity (or at least until I convince him to sign some divorce papers), then he's gonna have to toughen up a great deal. How is he gonna protect her without power?

"Stop it!" Wanda yelled to me. "Cosmo hasn't done a single thing to you!"

I scoffed. "If only you knew, my daughter, the things you've put me through"

I don't think I'll ever understand what happened next, but it sure was unexpected. That green haired imbecile stood up and somehow said, "You have no right to talk to Wanda like that! She doesn't deserve this! And I don't deserve this either."

"Don't have any right?" I stood up and pounded my fists on the table. "I have every right, Cosmo! I'm her father! I call the shots around here! I'm Big Daddy!"

"But that still doesn't—"

"And another thing!" I continued. "How do you expect me to like you when you can't even give me a straight answer to anything?"

"Maybe he wouldn't sound like that if you would just stop harassing him!" Wanda stood up.

"Face it, Wanda! He's an idiot!"

"I'm not stupid," Cosmo lowered his voice.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Franky flew over before I had a chance to convince him otherwise. "What's going on over here? You're scaring away my paying customers."

"You don't have to worry about that anymore, Franky," Wanda said with more than a hint of anger in her voice. "We're leaving!"

"Go ahead and leave!" I yelled after her. But she and the little monster had already poofed away.

"I don't get it," Carmine leaned forward in his chair. "What the heck did we do wrong?"

"It's obvious," Piero said, "that the boy has more budella than we thought."

"We need another plan." I drummed my fingers against my wand handle. I can't believe I hurt Wanda like that for the second night in a row. I really didn't mean to sound like that, but I just can't take in all of this. One minute I'm scaring the provolone out of my rivals, and the next minute Blonda bursts into my office and tells me that Wanda's engaged. My daughters don't get married without permission. They shouldn't even be talking to boys without my permission.

Piero snapped his fingers. "I got it! Carmine, remember when you were gonna go out with that Canariatta girl? What changed your mind?"

Carmine shuddered. "That girl's family was one sausage short of a meat sauce, if you catch my drift. It was like the lights were on, but no one was home."

"Exactly. I says if we can't scare Cosmo away by yelling at him, we introduce him to the rest of our family."

"Piero," I said, "sometimes I just wanna hug your brilliance. Now, who do we introduce him to?"

Carmine, Piero, and I came up with five of our best insane relatives and let them know that they should report to my office tomorrow afternoon. All we needed to do was get in touch with Cosmo and Wanda, but we decided it would be better if we let her cool down for a day or two.

Maybe Blonda isn't the only daughter to get the family temper after all.

Return of the Author's Note: This looks a lot shorter now that I'm editing it. I promise I'll make the next one longer.