Author's Note: Thank you to everyone for reviewing this story – it is not going to end as a happy story and I just wanted to warn anyone still reading this of that fact. Much of this is based on things I have felt and gone through in my past – and some I still am going through. Anyway, I just don't plan for it to end on a happy note.
They all thought she had turned a corner – that she was better. She had been a perfect mother, sister, and wife for weeks. She had gotten out of bed and returned to the life she had left behind when this all began. Piper was once again the person they knew before.
The family had gone shopping. She told them that she was going to stay home and cook them a nice meal for supper. She assured them that she was fine and just wanted to do something nice for her family.
She sat alone at the kitchen table with a bag of ice, a towel, and a knife. Everyone was gone and she wasn't feeling better. Cutting wasn't enough anymore – it didn't give her the rush it used to – it wasn't working to solve her problems. She needed something else.
She had been planning this for days. She was tired of lying to everyone about what was going on. Tired of telling everyone she was fine. Tired of pretending. She was just tired.
She brought the bag of ice to her arm. She left the ice on her arm for several minutes – it would numb soon. She watched as one of the veins in her arm came to the surface – she wondered what it would look like. She wondered what it would feel like to reach in with the blade of her knife and pull that vein out to the light.
She took the knife and cut – horizontally – she wasn't looking to die – not yet – she just wanted to know what it would look like, what it would feel like. She wanted to know if it would be enough – or if anything would be.
She went deeper into her arm – she was looking to find that vein and pull it to the surface. She felt somehow like if she could see that vein – she would know she was human. Her blood was the same as everyone else's. She was no worse of a person because blood is the same.
She couldn't find the vein. It didn't even hurt anymore. The ice helped numb the pain and now she felt like she had gotten beyond the pain and it didn't matter anymore.
Blood began to spurt. She didn't care. It was interesting to watch. It made her feel better to see that. She grabbed the towel – she needed to see her vein – it was becoming an obsession and she wasn't going to stop until she saw it.
She found the vein with the edge of her knife and brought it within view. It looked different than she had expected. She stared at it and tried to move it around. She began to wish she had not used the ice – she had been planing to cut deeply – but she wished she could feel some pain. She wanted to feel something again – even pain. This wasn't enough.
She put the knife down and placed the towel over her cut to help stop the bleeding. She knew basic first aid. She applied pressure to the wound and elevated it. But it was still bleeding.
She thought about taking the knife and cutting more deeply – ending it. Taking the initiative and finishing this before things got any worse. She couldn't. She was scared. She knew there was an afterlife. She believed in a higher power but she was scared. And that made her feel foolish and ashamed. She didn't even have the personal strength to kill herself.
She moved to get up from the table. She felt a little dizzy and lightheaded – the towel was red. She knew she had lost a lot of blood. Her arm had opened back up – she was bleeding again.
She watched as the blood came from her arm in a stream. She was fascinated by the color, the texture, even the flow. She didn't want it to end. Her head was spinning, she was seeing spots.Piper fell to the floor – unconscious.