"Piper, do you want to kill yourself?" the therapist asked.

"You know what? I do. Every once in a while I'm too scared to do it, but I think I'm ready. I can't handle my feelings anymore – especially when everyone is telling me it's wrong to feel like I do."

"Feelings are not wrong, Piper. Feelings are feelings. No matter how you feel, it isn't wrong, it just is. Now, before I can let you go, I need to know if you are going to be a continued danger to yourself."

"Look. I am going to be fine. I will not do anything drastic without talking to someone first."

"What about cutting on yourself?"

"I will stop that too."

"Ok. I want to see you on Thursday though. Can we meet on Thursday."

"Don't you have more important people to see?"

"It is very important to you and your family that I see you on Thursday."

"Fine."

She got up and moved to leave the office. "And Piper?"

"What?"

"Please follow through with what you told me."

"Fine."

She left the office. The psychiatrist was concerned. He didn't believe she was done, but had nothing to hold her on. He couldn't contact her family because she had made no verbal threats to harm herself or others. She admitted a desire to kill herself – but many people feel that desire at some point in their lives. He continued to consider this for a few minutes. Until his next patient arrived then his thoughts moved on to other matters.

"I can't believe you made me come here."

"Piper, honey, we're worried about you. We came home and found you on the floor bleeding for god's sake – and it was something you did to yourself – you need help. This can't happen again." Pheobe stated.

"Look. I am feeling the way I am feeling. There is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. It's not right – it's not wrong, it just is – and it won't change until I can let it."

"What do you mean, until you can let it?" Leo asked.

"Later." Piper stated, "I just want to go home – out of this waiting room."

They stepped into the hallway – made sure no one was around and orbed back to the manor.

"Ok, now what do you mean?" Leo asked again.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You started – finish."

Piper sat on the couch. "I can't change my thoughts and feelings because I'm not ready to. I believe how I feel is right. I hate myself, I hate my life, hell, I even hate my children."

"Piper don't say that..." Pheobe started.

"Look. If you want me to talk, shut up and let me talk. You need to stop telling me that I can't feel a certain way or that I can't say things I feel. I feel them and I think them. Just because you tell me I shouldn't it isn't going to stop and it isn't going to change anything."

"Continue?" Leo requested.

Piper sighed, "I know that to make things better, I need to take some steps and make some changes. But, because I know it doesn't mean I can do it."

"Why not?" Paige asked.

"All I want to do is go upstairs and bury myself under blankets and pretend I don't exist. I can't work on anything unless I can get past that. I can't work on anything until I want to – and that isn't going to happen until I can stop hating myself so much."

"Piper."

"No. I am going to go upstairs. Please leave me alone for a while."

"Are you ok?"

"Do you mean am I going to hurt myself? I don't plan on it yet."

"Yet?"

"Take what you can get. One step at a time."

"Ok."

Piper started up the stairs toward her room. "Honey?"

"What?"

"I love you."

"I love you too Leo."

She continued up the stairs and entered her room. She got into the bed and fell asleep for the first time in weeks without reaching for her razor blade.