Disclaimer: I don't own The Fairly Odd Parents, but I do own a character in this chapter.

Author's Note: Remember what I said about having this done after Christmas? Well, I have two words for you people: Writing Binge. Ever have one of those? I had my first in a while the other night. And I finished the story! But I'm keeping you all on your toes with updates. (I wanted to wait on longer on this one, actually, but I think I'm developing an editing problem.)

Anyway, I'm really satisfied with how this chapter turned out in the end. I did always have the "last test" planned this way, but I never thought it would be so fun to write. I hope you all enjoy this one as much as you did the last update (again, thanks so much for the reviews!).

Chapter Four: She Needs You to be Daddy Right Now

There are times in my life when I think Piero is the most brilliant fairy in Fairy World. This is one of those times.

Piero's plan this time is even better than the other two combined. In his exact words, "we can't keep luring Cosmo away from Wanda. Instead, we have to lead him to another girl."

Perfection, isn't it? Not only will this show if Cosmo is good enough for my little doll, but it will also show how much he really cares about her. Of course, if the kid really did feel the way he claims to, then he'd probably leave Wanda so she could really be happy. But there was obviously no changing his mind.

So the plan went like this; I'd fetch the other girl, Carmine would distract Wanda for the night, and Piero would get Cosmo in on the action.

"Hold on a minute," Carmine had objected as we were forming the plan the other night. "Where exactly are we gonna find the right girl?"

As an answer, Piero just slipped me a folded sheet of paper with an address and a name.

As I floated up to the end of Teller Ave., I thought that Piero's address was incorrect. I was standing infront of The Jack of Clubs, a really rough mobster bar. I scanned the street looking for other buildings, but this was all I got. I noticed the upstairs office with a bit of light coming through the window. Was that the building I was looking for?

The only way to find out was to go in the bar.

I've always hated The Jack of Clubs. Everyone there was just as powerful as I was, only they had weapons instead of garbage. So no one there was ever afraid of me, and all I'd get was a nod in my direction. Tonight, though, there was a new bartender, clearly there just to earn some money. He looked familiar, with the almost purple eyes and the bald head. That Binky character, perhaps? Whatever his name was, I had obviously scared the broccoli rabe out of him.

"Uh--B-Big Daddy...I--I didn't know you c--come here."

"Not regularly." I glanced at the paper again. "I'm looking for a young lady; goes by the name of Celia Marchione."

"Up…upstairs," the puny fairy pointed. I crumpled up the paper and threw it to the ground before exiting the bar.

The office reminded me of my own; dark and filled with cigar smoke.

"Who's there?" I girl's voice asked. I reminded me of Sal's, only rougher, like she'd smoked a pack too many. And it was a lot less soft, too. Something you'd expect from the singer in one of those old metal bands.

"Depends," I answered. "Is this Celia?"

There was a brief pause, and then I heard the person exhale. "Are you the guy Piero sent?"

"Yeah, that's me. Big Daddy."

There were clicking sounds, and a desk lamp dimly lit the room.

I could instantly see why my brother sent me here. This girl was amazing even if she was just in a clichèd trench coat.

"Celia Marchione, at your service," she crossed her perfect legs on top of her wooden desk.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," I took her hand and kissed the top of it.

"Sit," she gestured to a hard chair across from her desk with the same bony fingers my lips just touched.

I sat.

"I'm doing business with the big shot, eh?" Celia smiled and inhaled on her cigar. "What can I do for ya?"

I figured I shouldn't waist time beating around the bush. "Wanda's got this scrawny little badinski after her," I said, "and I need you to change his mind."

Celia lowered her legs and sat up, elbows propped on either side of an ashtray. "How do you want his mind changed?"

"I want him to look at my daughter and not know what he was thinking introducing himself to her in the first place."

"Serious…" Celia blew smoke over my head. "It'll cost ya a pretty penny."

"I'll do whatever it takes," I answered, fanning the air. Anything at all to get my little girl back.

"I'll need a hundred sixty bucks for the trouble, ninety for a skimpy dress, and an extra twenty-five to get me out of it…if you catch my drift."

"The money is yours," I told her. I reached into my pocket and handed her four wads of cash. "Keep the change"

Celia broke the wrappers and smiled greedily. Putting it all neatly into a chest on the left of the ashtray, she asked, "What time do you need this done by?"

"When can you start?"

"Whenever it is, I've gotta be done with it in five hours. I've got a meeting with the Macchinio guy at five to ten."

"Be outside Franky's in thirty minutes," I said. I hurriedly poofed out of there to meet my brothers back at the garbage company.

"She's a doll, ain't she?" Piero asked me after I told him how the little meeting went.

"Oh, yeah. If anyone could get Cosmo's mind off Wanda…well, she's the girl to do it."

"But you really don't feel bad? I think Wanda knows what she's doing."

I wanted to tell Piero off, and I opened my mouth to do so, but for some reason I couldn't. All I could do was sigh and answer with, "You don't have a daughter, Piero."

Piero nodded. "I understand, but why can't you give the boy more of a chance? I know, I'm skeptical about it, too. That's why I sent you to Celia. But have faith in Wanda's judgement and let her hate me, instead. She needs you to be Daddy right now."

I brushed off his little speech. "So, did you get Cosmo?"

Piero sighed. "I told him to wait for us outside."

"Let's get going, then," I said. "Celia'll be there in about five minutes."

"She's probably running late. Always does. She claims it keeps them excited."

"How'd you meet her again?"

"I did a few favors for my brother-in-law," Piero said as I picked up my wand. "You do something for him, and you get an unforgettable night with his stepdaughter."

"So you're sure you're not going to kill me?" Cosmo asked for about the twentieth time since we picked him up. We were waiting outside Franky's, assuming that Celia had further business to attend to.

"Cosmo." I spoke through clenched teeth. "Fairies. Are. Immortal."

Silence, and then Cosmo asked again. "You're really sure?"

Before I could slap my daughter's fiancé (oh, that stings…), Piero said calmly, "We feel bad about what happened at Uncle Knuckle's Chuckle Bunker, so we bought you a little something."

Cosmo's face got a quizzical look on it. "Reeeeallly? What is it?"

As if that was her cue, Celia poofed in. It took me a lot not to let my jaw drop; she looked so amazing in that tiny red dress.

Piero grinned. "As beautiful as I remember, Miss Marchione."

"You ain't so bad yourself, Piero," her raspy voice teased. She switched her gaze over to Cosmo. "This is the guy?"

"This is the guy."

Cosmo looked up at me. "I this what I think it is?"

"Don't ask any questions," I said, "and make sure Celia meets us back here when she's done."

Celia grabbed Cosmo by the ear in a seductive manner and the two of them poofed away.

"You really think this is going to work, Piero?" I asked, suddenly doubting the brilliance of the plan. Cosmo didn't look very excited to see that beau-ti-ful fairy right before his eyes.

Piero shrugged. "Celia's amazing, but the girl might go on a little strong for him. Overpowering him just isn't going to work."

A thought occurred to me that, oddly enough, had never came to my mind before. "That could be Wanda and Cosmo one day very soon."

I rubbed my eye with my right hand. My little girls were growing up, getting careers and possibly husbands. Are they sure they're gonna be happy doing all that? Blonda I could handle; her acting was something she always said she would do. I know she was happy. But Wanda…I just can't be sure. And her happiness is all I ever wanted.

"Maybe I should stop all of this…"

Wait! Cosmo hadn't objected to going with Celia! He didn't put up a fight at all! He might be "enjoying" Miss Marchione right this second! And if he is, then he can't be good enough for my daughter!

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice Piero had left me there in front of the restaurant. "Good," I said to myself. "Someone's there to look after the business."

As soon as I finished my sentence, Celia appeared infront of me, all the money I gave her back in her hand.

"You know, Celia," I said, "a quality job can't be done that fast when you're getting work as a—"

Celia interrupted me by shoving the money back in my face, plus a few hundred extra. "Use it to buy a nice wedding present."

"What!"

The girl flinched. "Before you get mad at me, can I say something?"

I nodded, still wearing an angry look on my face.

"Look, Mr. Big Daddy," Celia said. "You said you wanted Cosmo out of your life. Why is that?"

"Because he isn't good enough for Wanda. It isn't rocket science!"

Celia shook her head. "You know what Cosmo said to me tonight? He said, and I'm not sugarcoating this, 'I could never do this with anyone but Wanda. I love her too much to hurt her like that.'" Celia had her eyebrows raised.

That only made me angrier. "He--he said that? He had the audacity to--"

"Why would you want to get rid of such a good man?"

I balled my hands into fists and I felt my face turn red. "No one is good enough for her!"

And just as I thought the night couldn't get any worse…

"What do you mean, 'Wanda knows'?"

Carmine was wringing his hands together, staring at the wood floor in my office. "Wanda knows what we did. And…well, uh, she isn't very happy with any of us right now."

"How did she find out?" Piero asked, doing all the interrogating. I was too angry to say anything. I wanted to protect her from that knowledge, and my idiot brother had to ruin it.

"Cosmo burst in the door and started blubbering an apology or something. Wanda…she threatened to turn off my wand if I didn't confess."

Wanda's best talent was messing with wands. And, unfortunately, Carmine was never able to fix his when it was broken.

"And how much did you tell her?" Piero, again, took the lead.

Carmine glanced at me nervously. "Basically…pretty much…everything."

"I knew something was going to happen."

"Hey, don't say I didn't warn you gu—"

"Get. Out. Now!" I yelled, pointing to the door.

Piero and Carmine sped off without even thinking to use their wands.

I shut the door with magic and lay my head down on the desk. Cosmo passed the test; he was trustworthy, too. But why couldn't I accept that?

"You know why," I told myself. "You can't stand to see someone else protecting her. That's your job."

I sighed and opened up the big, dusty, green photo album that was leaning against the leg of my desk. Amalia had left it for me before she dropped me like a hot potato, and I hadn't looked at it since. Now seemed like a pretty apropriate time to look back.