For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 16: When Everything Falls Into Place
(Janet's POV)

I'm heading for the mountain, still trying to sort out the mess that Sam and Daniel dumped on me. I know it's not fair to think of it in those terms and I know that Daniel's solution is probably our best bet to keep Sam out of trouble but that doesn't mean I have to like it... I don't like it at all... and I don't just mean the fact that I'm the one who gets to explain things to General Hammond. I understand why I'm the logical choice for that as the base's CMO but I'm certainly not looking forward to it. Still, that's not my main concern right now.

My main concern has to do with Sam and with the fact that I'm not sure of what to do here, it has to do with the fact that I'm not sure whether or not what I'm about to do is really in her best interest. I understand why she is adamant that she doesn't want to have to talk to MacKenzie and I agree that he is probably not the best option to help her come to terms with any of this but the problem is that there is no one else with anything remotely resembling the appropriate credentials working at the base. That means that by going along with her explicit request to avoid MacKenzie I am also going to have to go along with her tacit request to forego counseling altogether and I'm not entirely convinced that that is such a good idea... not right now.

The thing is that even though Sam seems to be very much herself, I have no choice but to acknowledge that I can't really be sure of whether or not that is the case due to the fact that I don't have a valid reference in that regard and that is something that is definitely complicating matters. The truth is that even though Sam and I are good friends now, I only met her when I was first assigned to the mountain and that was after the mission to Simarka... and on top of that there's the fact that ours wasn't a friendship that grew overnight.

Sure, we connected at some level from the very beginning and now she is one of my closest friends not just at the base but anywhere but that doesn't change the fact that our friendship didn't really develop until the past few weeks. We may have been drawn to each other from the moment we met but the fact remains that we didn't really become good friends until we were forced to work side by side to stop Hathor first and then when we were struggling to save Cassandra's life. Those were the two incidents that truly helped cement our friendship and they both took place within the last month or so... and that brings me to the question, do I really know her well enough to risk her well-being by going along with her on this one?

The thing is that as a doctor I can say that based on the way in which she's been performing her duties ever since I met her I'm fairly confident that she is not about to fall apart and that with a good support system she can probably manage... probably. I can also say that while going along with her would lead to a situation that would be far from an ideal scenario, I have no choice but to acknowledge that the alternative would be even worse. On top of that there remains the fact that, as unpleasant as it may be, the situation in which Sam would find herself if she were to forego counseling altogether wouldn't exactly be what I would describe as unique or extraordinary.

I am not naive, I know that in spite of what we are told is the ideal approach to dealing with cases such as this the fact is that rape is a crime that remains severely underreported and that means that a sizable number of victims don't get the help they supposedly need. I also know that rape is a lot older than our approach to dealing with it. Up until a few years ago it was seen as a dirty secret most women carried to their graves and most of those women managed to go on with their lives. In fact sometimes I can't help but wonder if our modern approach isn't doing more harm than good by blowing the impact out of proportion, by convincing the victims that they are victims and giving too many of them an excuse to wallow in self-pity for the rest of their lives... not that that is much of an issue here. I can't even begin to imagine Sam wallowing in self-pity, that's not her style.

In that regard Sam was probably right when she pointed out that Simarka was a lesson in perspective and that, when faced with the threat of being circumcised being raped suddenly didn't seem like such a big deal. The problem is that according to Daniel FGM is something I may end up encountering as a doctor while working at the SGC, which brings me straight to my other major problem.

I can't deny that when Sam mentioned Turghan's threat I was horrified. I had read a little about the situation in Africa and I was somewhat familiar with the subject going in but I have to admit that I had never given it much thought. Up until today it had always seemed so alien, so inconceivable... except I forgot that at the SGC alien and inconceivable is exactly what we deal with on a daily basis... alien with a strong Egyptian flavor to be accurate so maybe the term 'pharaonic' should have set off some alarms way before now.

The thing is that even though I understand Daniel's reasoning, even though I understand his concerns, I can't help but hope he's wrong about what we may encounter out there, I can't help but hope that Simarka was an aberration in that regard. Of course I also know he is probably right no matter what I'd like to believe and that means I'm going to have to hit the books. It means that I'm going to have to try to learn as much as I can about what I can possibly do if I were to find myself dealing with a case in which FGM isn't just a threat... and then I'm going to have to pray that I never need that knowledge.

This is definitely not what I thought I might be dealing with when I joined the SGC a few months ago. Back then I was told it was a small classified operation that would almost certainly put me in touch with a number of medical mysteries that went beyond anything I could possibly have imagined. The position has certainly lived up to the expectations I had at the time and then some but at times such as this I'm not so sure that is a good thing. At times I feel like I'm so out of my depth that it's not even funny any more but there's no way I'd ever give it up.

I remember my first few days at the base, when we were dealing with that illness SG-1 brought back from P3X-797. Back then it seemed like each week we had a new threat to guard against and in a way that is still the case. Even now we keep having to add new procedures to the post-mission check ups on a regular basis while at the same time we try to maintain them as a reasonably efficient procedure that can be carried out in a matter of minutes rather than hours or days. That hasn't been an easy balance for us to maintain and it is now apparent that some incidents have fallen through the cracks as a result.

It is true that a team member being raped during a mission is not a situation that is likely to compromise the base's security measures and those are the sort of situations the post-mission check ups are intended to identify, but that doesn't mean that the fact that this went unnoticed for seven months is an acceptable failure. Yes, security is our top priority and we live in fear of the day in which an SG team will come back with a disease that has an incubation period of months or years, one that won't be detected until it's way too late to save this world, but we also have a responsibility to our personnel and that's where we dropped the ball... badly.

The point is that while I can understand how a new threat we had never even considered before, such as a bomb in a little girl's chest, can slip by unnoticed until it is almost too late, in this case the problem was all too obvious and it was something that should have been foreseen. It is true that our failure didn't compromise the base's safety but that doesn't change the fact that it did compromise Sam's well-being and left her with no choice but to have to deal with a ton of added stress on her own. Of course, the fact that this case fell through the cracks may well have been the one thing that enabled her to remain a member of SG-1 and in that regard it may actually have been a blessing in disguise.

I shake my head at that thought. Even I can tell that I'm rationalizing the situation here. This is not about the procedures that are or are not in place at the infirmary, or at least it's not mostly about that. This is about the fact that right now I am in a really awkward position, a position in which I have no choice but to try to strike a very delicate balance between being the base's CMO and being one of Sam's closest friends. It is not an entirely unexpected situation, in fact it is a kind of situation I have been dreading for a while but this particular case does have an emotional baggage that makes it particularly difficult to deal with. Under normal circumstances I would say that my responsibility as a doctor has to take precedence over my responsibility as a friend, the problem is that this time around it's not quite so simple, it is not a matter of being one or the other. I am all too aware that if Sam is going to make it out of this one she is going to need both the doctor and the friend... and that is yet another issue I have to deal with here.

I am well aware that I'm supposed to maintain a professional distance when dealing with my patients, that's pre-med 101, but the problem is that at a place like the SGC that is easier said than done. Professional distance is a concept that works well in a large hospital where patients can remain more or less anonymous, referred to by their case numbers rather than by their names for the most part and where you know they are strangers you will never meet again. It is also an approach that works well in large military hospitals. It is a concept that works to a lesser degree in a private practice where the physician's only contact with the patient is connected to whatever medical care is required but when it comes to small communities that approach ceases to be practical... and in a way the SGC is a small community, a particularly isolated one that exists in a converted silo.

The fact is that not only is the SGC a small command with relatively few people involved but it is also an operation that is highly classified. That means that the few of us who are in on the big secret are naturally inclined to spend time with those who actually know what we do, with those with whom we don't have to worry about half-believable cover stories. The down side is that that has also led to a situation in which the medical personnel interacts with non-medical personnel far more often than is the norm within the military. We all see ourselves as SGC personnel first. We have a common goal, a common enemy and we are all in the front lines. That means that the infirmary is not isolated and that our role as medical personnel all too often becomes secondary to our role as SGC personnel... and even under those unusual circumstances my friendship with Sam is a special case.

In the months since I've been here we've become close friends, especially in the past few weeks. First we were forced to work side by side when Hathor took over the base and then Sam did what she did for Cassandra and that is a debt I can never repay, not really.

The thing is that thinking back to what happened when Hathor took over the base I can't help but kick myself for not realizing that there was something wrong with that picture. Yes, what I was suggesting to get us out of that cell was far from pleasant but I should have recognized the fact that Sam's reaction was somewhat excessive, that it was out of character. I realized even then that she was too uncomfortable with the idea of what we had to do but we had so much on our minds at the time that I didn't really pay much attention to what should have been a red flag and then I just forgot about it. As far as excuses go I have to say that that's a poor one.

Sure, the whole mess with Simarka happened before I came on board and it fell through the cracks due to a number of unfortunate circumstances --not the least of which was the fact that a male surgeon had been left in charge after the death of the base's original CMO at Kawalski's hands-- but that does nothing to change the fact that we are going to have to find a way to deal with the aftermath and I'm not entirely sure of what to do here.

I know that this whole thing went down months ago and I know that Sam's been doing her job without any serious problems ever since, that is a fact, but I also know that the next couple of weeks are going to be critical and because of that I really need some sort of strategy here. I need something I can tell General Hammond and I also need a course of action that will provide Sam with at least some of the support she should have received months ago while making sure that I don't cause her to be replaced as a member of SG-1 and that she doesn't end up being forced to talk to MacKenzie.

The thing is that in a way Sam was probably right when she decided to keep quiet for fear that the military's male mentality would try to 'protect her' by keeping her from doing what she loves most. To this day it is not so much the fear that women will be killed as the fear that they will be captured and raped that keeps regulations in the books that are intended to restrict the duties they can be assigned to within the military, though those restrictions are gradually being relaxed.

Of course, those regulations also mean that even if we can get General Hammond on our corner there may be someone higher up in the chain of command who could override his decision if this situation were to become known and that means that we may well end up having to fight this one on two fronts.

In other words, the first thing we are going to have to do is to get General Hammond to agree to allow Sam to remain a member of SG-1. I know I can count on Daniel to help me with that one though at the same time I will need a list of medical reasons why Sam should stay right where she is... and to get that list across I may well find myself having to play a little hardball. The second thing we are going to have to do is to do everything within our power to make sure that the information concerning the specifics of what happened in Simarka is as contained as can be, the only problem is that that is something that can easily backfire. Yes, keeping the information contained is going to be necessary to protect Sam both from the pity and from any possible misguided attempts to 'keep her safe', unfortunately by doing that we may also be leaving other female members of off-world teams at risk and I'm not sure that's not a decision that won't come back to haunt us.

I know Daniel said he will take care of that somehow but I'm still far from comfortable with the idea of leaving it at that. Do I even have to say that I don't have the first clue as to how to untangle this one, of how to balance the different aspects of this particular mess?

The problem is that I'm fast running out of time to sort things out and I know it. I have less than ten minutes before I reach the mountain and that means that I have less than ten minutes to come up with something I can tell the general, to come up with a plan to help Sam out of this one... and probably to figure out something to end world hunger while I'm at it.

To go about this whole thing logically I know I have to tackle Sam's situation first and based on that I have to figure out what am I supposed to say to General Hammond about any of this. As for Sam, the problem is that while I know she's doing reasonably well I also know she's not really doing 'fine'. I am all too aware that Sam has a tendency to rationalize things and that means that measuring the emotional impact of something like this is not an easy thing to do... and to make matters worse, this time around I'm fairly certain that there's also an element of denial to her reaction. That brings me back to my other major problem in helping her deal with this situation: MacKenzie... or rather the question of how to avoid him.

That is one area in which we have a problem at the SGC and the truth is that it is a problem that should have been dealt with months ago. There are too many traumatic things that are witnessed and experienced by SG teams on a regular basis but in spite of that we don't have anything remotely resembling the appropriate staff to deal with those situations at the base. It is true that having that kind of specialist assigned full time to a project of this size is not SOP but the fact remains that the SGC is not just any old command. We are dealing with a very unique set of circumstances, one for which our personnel is not really prepared, and that situation is made even worse by the fact that on top of the traumatic events that are all but unavoidable when traveling to different planets there is also a need for secrecy. That need for secrecy means that our staff can't seek help elsewhere... and that is one of the things that is serving to make Sam's situation so complicated in the first place.

The thing is that even though right now she may be the most obvious example of a situation that was bound to happen sooner or later, the truth is that she is far from being the only one. There are quite a few individuals I would have ordered into counseling if we actually had a reliable counselor, the problem is that we don't and that brings me back once again to the question of what am I supposed to do about Sam now. The problem is that I need something I can do and I keep running into things I can't do instead. I agree with her that MacKenzie is not an option but at the same time I don't believe she should be left to her own devices and that means that helping her is probably going to be up to me and Daniel. The thing is that while we both care for her a great deal and we are both willing to do everything within our power to help her, I am all too aware that this is not a drill and neither one of us has the necessary background and training to deal with something of this magnitude.

Okay, so this whole situation is clearly going to require a creative solution, I can handle that... I think. All I have to do is to treat this as some sort of medical mystery that was dropped on my lap via the stargate. I've identified the problem and I know what I can't do, I know I can't refer Sam to MacKenzie, even if that should be the standard procedure under the circumstances. The next step would be to figure out whether or not my gut reactions are getting in the way of finding some sort of solution to this situation. The answer to that question is not so obvious, though I have to admit that chances are that Sam and I are seeing this whole thing from different points in time and that is something that may well be coloring my own perceptions.

For me it's news and my natural reaction is to treat this as a new development, that's where my sense of urgency comes from, but the mission to Simarka took place seven months ago... that means that maybe my sense of urgency is exacerbated and does not really reflect the current situation. That may mean I have a bit more leeway than my gut reaction would seem to suggest and that would definitely be a good thing.

In other words, recapping my real options here, the fact is that in the absence of a qualified therapist that can help her cope with this situation what Sam is going to need is someone she can trust, someone she can talk to... and I am all too aware that even under normal circumstances that is a problem for her. She doesn't trust easily and getting her to drop her military facade is all but impossible. Luckily the person who would seem like the natural choice in that regard is also someone who is already aware of the current situation: Daniel... and if Daniel is the person she talks to that would hopefully provide me with an answer to another problem I've been trying to sort out lately, one I freely admit I've devoted far less thought to than I should. The point is that oddly enough I think in the end this will probably work out just fine. I know what we are dealing with here is still far from an ideal situation, I know that there's no way that what happened to Sam could possibly be described as ideal, but I think it is a situation we can actually handle. All I have to do now is to convince the general of that fact... and even that may just have gotten a whole lot easier. I know what I have to say now, I know how am I supposed to approach this and that is making all the difference in the world. Shaking my head I relax for the first time since my conversation with Daniel early this morning.

It's strange how sometimes when you can grasp one end of a problem that seemed like such an impossible maze all of a sudden everything else just falls into place.

Author's note: Hi guys, as usual I would really like to thank you for your support, I know this is not exactly a fun story but it is one I really wanted to try my hand at and I really appreciate you sticking with it, even when it seems a little slow. I know the past couple of chapters have been kind of convoluted and I know this one sounds a bit reiterative at times but I sort of felt it was necessary, anyway, with a little luck things should be about to start moving forward now.

Well, thanks again for your support, as usual the next chapter should be posted next week. Take care,

Alec