For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 21: A Friend's Burden
(Hammond's POV)

I'm waiting for Sam to come in, even as I try to gather my thoughts and figure out what the heck am I supposed to say now. I've spent the past couple of hours with both Dr. Jackson and Dr. Fraiser going over this mess from every single angle those two could come up with and the truth is that I still don't have a clue. I know that for the time being there can be no changes in terms of Captain Carter's role here at the SGC, both Dr. Fraiser and Dr. Jackson were quite clear on why that would be a really bad idea --and I have to admit that they made some pretty good points-- but other than that the situation is still far more complicated than I care to think about.

As I told Dr. Fraiser, there's very little in Air Force manuals and regulations that actually applies to interstellar travel. We are writing the book as we go here and this is yet another example of just how easily our ignorance can lead to disaster. I know Dr. Jackson is not to blame for what's happened, even if he thinks he is. I know that at the time he did the best he could with the information he had available to him but that does nothing to change the fact that, if things had been handled differently, the outcome could also have been affected... for better or for worse.

Yes, what happened was bad enough but at least Captain Carter is alive... we've lost enough people for me to know that we don't exactly live in a friendly galaxy and that the dangers we face go beyond anything I could possibly have imagined when I was first assigned to this position.

In a way it's strange to think that that was only a few months ago. Back then it all seemed so simple. Send a very big bomb through to Abydos and problem solved... or so I thought.

It took me a while to even begin to understand what it was that we were up against... and in a way I'm not sure I understand it even now. Just as soon as I start thinking that I've got a grip on the situation something changes, a new player enters the game, another enemy makes itself known, another threat becomes apparent... or we get a reminder that out there not all things are what they seem and that it is not only our enemies that we have to worry about.

The point is that right now I am trying to figure out what to do about a situation that should have been reported many months ago... though apparently one of the reasons why it wasn't was due to our own shortsightedness back in the beginning. Yes, I know I'm not getting the full story of just why this wasn't reported, but the truth is that the arguments that have been made by both Dr. Jackson and Dr. Fraiser with regard to the fact that at the time the infirmary was anything but properly staffed to handle this situation are valid ones. Heck, back then the infirmary wasn't properly staffed to treat anything more serious than a sprained ankle!

When we first started this thing we had no idea we would be walking into a war zone and the infirmary was staffed and conditioned to take care of little more than minor injuries... it was definitely not staffed for heavy casualties. Even Dr. Nimzicki, our original CMO, was a promising young man who had virtually no experience when it came to dealing with complicated cases... and that lack of experience probably contributed to him becoming one of our first casualties. Kawalski being taken over by a Goa'uld was our wake up call but it still took almost a month for things to get truly sorted out after that particular mess... and SG-1's mission to Simarka fell right in the middle of that reorganization.

The problem is that even though that can explain why this situation went undetected for as long as it did, it doesn't make it any less of a failure. We do a dangerous job here and the infirmary is the one place in which these mistakes simply cannot happen, it is the one place in which things can't be overlooked. I know that the situation has been corrected and I'm confident that Dr. Fraiser will make sure that even the tiniest loophole is closed when it comes to dealing with similar incidents in the future, but that is of little comfort as I try to figure out how to deal with the fallout from this one.

At least the immediate course of action appears to be clear. Both Dr. Jackson and Dr. Fraiser agree that separating Captain Carter from SG-1 would be a bad idea and I'm inclined to go along with their recommendation. That takes care of one problem... unfortunately that is only one problem. A far more complex one has to do with the fact that Dr. Jackson made a valid point when he said that, even though we may be uncomfortable with some of the things women may face as members of off-world teams, we are also bound to find situations in which their absence would be detrimental --if not downright crippling-- for this command. That means that there is no way around the need to have them involved, no way to keep them safe. Of course, the truth is that, if our encounter with Hathor taught us anything at all, it is that --whether we like it or not-- out there our men are just as vulnerable as our women and our preconceptions are not going to help us.

Our enemies don't play by our rules and that is something that may trip us time and time again. We are the new kids on the galactic block and we are just beginning to figure out what the lay of the land really is and that means we need every advantage we can get... of course, all of that can wait. Right now my top priority is to figure out the best way to help Captain Carter, unfortunately, as is too often the case when it comes to operations that don't officially exist, that is easier said than done. As Dr. Fraiser pointed out, bringing in a specialist is out of the question, at least in the short term, and our resident psychologist is not an option. That means that the situation will have to be handled in a creative fashion... and boy, is creative one word to describe what goes on around here!

I run a base where, in a pinch, a box of tissues can be used to replace a probe that costs almost a hundred thousand times more... and the strangest thing is that the people at the Pentagon --the same people who are so obsessed with budgets, dollars and cents-- would throw a fit at the use of that box of tissues because it's not 'standard procedure'. So, yes, I understand what Dr. Fraiser means when she says that she has no use for a by-the-book psychologist here, just like I don't have much use for a by-the-book anything. Around here by-the-book people have an uncanny tendency to wind up dead, that was the first lesson I learned when I took over this command.

In that regard I find myself in a position similar to the one faced by Dr. Fraiser. I too need people who can think on their feet and I suspect that is one of the main reasons why SG-1 has been so successful. They follow their gut and they are willing to make decisions based on what they believe is right... perhaps a little too willing. They are by far my best team and I don't intend to lose it to this situation, not if there's any way in hell to avoid it.

In the end I guess it all boils down to the fact that I have no choice but to trust that both Dr. Fraiser and Dr. Jackson will do their best to make sure Captain Carter gets over her experiences in Simarka, even if they both acknowledge that they are ill equipped to deal with this situation, that this is far from their field of expertise. Well, at least they do have an advantage in the fact that they both know her fairly well, especially Dr. Jackson, and she actually trusts them. Knowing Sam, I am all too aware that that's not something that can be said of many people. In fact I suspect that that trust is likely to be a critical factor in this whole thing, especially seeing how she can be incredibly stubborn when she wants to be... even if by all outward appearances she always maintains perfect military protocol. Having sort of figured that one out --not that I hadn't figured it before-- I have no choice but to turn my attention back to my current predicament, the one I've been desperately trying to avoid: the fact that I don't even have the first clue of what to say here, how to handle this and what to do.

I hate to admit it but this is something that's always made me feel somewhat uncomfortable around female officers and Sam is no exception in that regard. With my men it's simple enough, if I'm not in CO mode I call them 'son' and I know that they'll understand just what I mean by that. Heck, I think I've even called Teal'c 'son' a time or two by now, but somehow I get the feeling that calling Sam 'daughter' here would be a really bad idea... and of course, as if that weren't enough, there's also her father for me to worry about.

I know this is the military, not grade school, but still I can help but think that Jacob is going to kill me for this one... not that I blame him. The bottom line is that I'm Sam's CO and this happened on my watch. I know that if it had been one of my daughters I would most definitely want to... but it wasn't my daughter, it was his.

The point is that when he hears about this, Jacob is not going to be pleased and, as his friend, that puts me in an even more uncomfortable position. I know it's not my place to tell him anything but I also know that if I don't say anything, when he hears about this --and I have no doubt that sooner or later he will hear about this-- he is going to be furious because I kept it from him.

In other words, no matter how I look at it, this is a disaster, one I'm afraid I'm going to have to find a way to deal with sometime in the next three seconds, seeing how Captain Carter is knocking on my door.

Author's note: Hi guys, first of all, thank you for your reviews, they are really appreciated and I'm glad you liked my take on the nature of Daniel and Sam's friendship. Also, I've gone back and added a couple of 'percents'. Unfortunately I hadn't realized that the percent sign is not allowed here on and that caused some problems. Finally, I know this is a short chapter but when I tried to add to it it just felt artificially long.

Anyway thanks for reading and please review,

Alec