Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter.
A/N: I thought I'd try something different…
I wake up to the sun blaring in my face. Squinting, I look around and realize that I'm lying in a hospital bed at St. Mungo's. My head begins to ache unbearably and thoughts suddenly fill my mind like a ton of bricks. Thoughts about Voldemort, thoughts about last night, and thoughts about you.
I was the one who had beaten Voldemort year after year and it was only expected that I destroy his very existence. I had to defeat Voldemort. I had to protect the entire wizarding world. I blamed others for the burden, no not burden, the responsibility they bestowed upon me. I thought it was because of them that I felt the need and the hunger to eradicate the bastard. But no, it was my fault. I allowed myself to get sucked into the glory and think that I was better than I actually was—that I was stronger, even braver. But I wasn't. I was a coward.
Even after all the years where I wished him dead, I still could not bring myself to kill him. Even after he murdered my parents and left me to live a life of torment. Even after he murdered Sirius—the only family I had left. And even after he murdered Dumbledore—the one person who believed in me and trusted me and tried to help me. Voldemort managed to kill anyone who would have given me the slightest bit of happiness.
And then he grabbed you and threatened me with your life. The fear that haunted you at that moment burned into me. But still, I couldn't raise my wand to protect you. I wasn't a murderer. I felt anger, I felt fear. I felt a million and one emotions run through me and I just couldn't. I just couldn't. But I betrayed you and I murdered your soul in that instance. I murdered that entity in you that allowed you to trust me, accept me, and perhaps even love me. I stared into your eyes and then in a flash, you were gone. You laid on the ground in front him and your red hair fell over your tearful face. He killed you too but I was the true criminal.
What happened next, I don't know. But I do know that I disappointed you and that I can never take it back. I can never hold you and kiss you and tell you everything you mean to me. I can never tell you that I love you. And now I'm drowning in a pool of regret, wanting to stab out the part of me that betrayed you and lost you. Wanting to stab out the part of me that still feels. I wish and I wish but I know nothing will ever be the same again. I know that you'll never come back. I'll never be able to tell you I'm sorry… and that I'm sorry I wasn't your hero.