Chapter 5 (this is where it actually gets good)
Jazan rides confidently through the streets of Sakhmet, heading toward the grand palace.
Outside the palace, Amira has a crowd gathered around her.
Amira: That's right, lowly merchants. Gather before me and praise my great power and beauty!
Narrator: Ahem, may I finish?
Amira: Wha? Oh yes, yes. Of course...-cough-
She is to make a grand announcement and the populace is eagerly awaiting the news.
(Scene moves over to a cybunny and krawk whispering)
Cybunny: Ha, ha! No, I bet she has decided to wed that fat King with the big beard.
Jazan: I TOLD YOU! The camera just adds on ten pounds! I'M NOT FAT!
Skeith Spielburg: Cut! Yes, of course Jazan. Yer beautiful, but please, it's in the script!
Jazan: Drat! I apologize, can we try again?
Skeith Spielburg: Yes.
Dude with the black and white thingy: Lost Desert Spoof, chapter five. Take two.
Cybunny: Ha, ha! No, I bet she has decided to wed that fat King with the big beard.
Jazan: -doesn't say anything, though deep down he wants to kick some ass-
The crowd quiets down as the Princess steps forward to speak.
But before Amira can begin her announcement, the sea of on-lookers parts allowing Jazan to enter the plaza.
Amira: On this f...fine...-cough- Sorry, on this fi-hack- -cough hack cough- I think I...think I swallowed a bug...-cough-
Enarka: Someone get her some water!
Swordmaster Talek: -pops up and hands Amira a glass of water-
Amira: -drinks water- Ahem..-clears throat- Ahh, that's better! On this fine day I have called you forth, citizens of Sakhmet, to inform you of a grand occasion.
Jazan: -kneels before Amira-
Me: Dammit! He's doing it again!
Von Roo: -gets tranquilizer gun ready- Remember what I told you...
Me: -whimpers- I'll be a good girl :( -pouts-
Jazan: Forgive me, my lady, for once more interrupting your affairs...
Amira: Oh, yes. Jazan of, let's see...Qasala, wasn't it?
Jazan: I see you have assembled your citizens to welcome me. Very well. I am honored-(gets whacked by Adam)
Adam: Spell it right!
Jazan: Oh, fine! -glares- I see you have assembled your citizens to welcome me. Very well. I am HONOURED that you wish to introduce me so quickly as your husband-to-be.
Vyassa: My gosh...is he kidding?
Amira: I will never wed a foolish imposter such as y-(Garin pops up)
Garin: Hey! I'm the only foolish one around here!
Amira: What the hell are you doing here?
Jacques: Dude, we're all here...
Psellia: -flies in- Yep!
Jazan: Go get your own plots!
Hannah: We HAVE our own plots! But they've been over for a while and no one cares about them!
Amira: Well, that's just too bad! We're trying to do a spoof here, do you mind?
Isca: Not really!
Skarl: What are you doing here in the desert? Aren't you a fish?
Isca: Well what are YOU doing here? I'm suprised you were able to get out of your comfortable throne. You're not as lazy as I thought! Besides, I'm here to make sure Garin doesn't do something stupid and get himself killed...
Jacques: DUDE! Be careful! That sign says 'Nuclear Waste Dump'!
Garin: Right! N-U-C-L-E-A-R! Playground! Weee! -runs around on the barrels-
Isca: -sigh- See what I mean? Come on, Garin. Time to get you to a hospital.
Jacques: -slaps forehead- NOT AGAIN!
Isca: Yep.
Garin: Hee hee...I like it when my feet glow that pretty green color...
Amira: ANYWAYS...I will never wed a foolish imposter such as you. There is no city of Qasala. I don't know who you are, but you are not welcome inside these city gates. Guards!
Amira: Where are my guards?
Meanwhile...
Guards(in a different room): This weed is the shiz...
Purple tonu guard: -rolls up another joint- Yeah...bitch...
Brown Tonu guard(is hanging over sofa with joint sticking outta his mouth): Yeah...
Nightsteed(is now in his ultra badass mummy form): I told you the weed was a good idea...-winkwinknudge-
Jazan: Princess, you will regret dishonor-
Adam: -glares-
Jazan: -sigh- DISHONOURING me!
(Bolts of pretty purple lights spark around his hands)
Random Citizen #1: What's happening to him?
Random Citizen #2: He's a monster! A FAT monster!
Jazan: -electrocutes him- THE CAMERA JUST ADDS ON! You will pay for mocking me. The armies of Qasala are stronger and more powerful than ever, as you will soon find out, dearest Princess. I ask you one last time to marry me an fulfil the prophecy that was set down ages ago.
Amira: You will never frighten me into marriage, you fiend!
As Jazan's spell grows stronger, the citizens of Sakhmet flee to safety.
Outside Sakhmet, the Desert Scarabs have no idea what's happening within the city walls.
Tomos: How rich do you think he is Nabile?
Nabile: Judging by all that blingage, rich enough to keep us well fed for quite some time, that's for sure.
(They both glance at the city)
Tomos: Nabile! What's happening to Sakhmet?
Nabile: -smacks him- How the hell am I supposed to know?
Tomos: Sorry, just trying to add some more story drama.
Within the city, Jazan's spell transports Sakhmet and its inhabitants into an alternate dimension.
Swordmaster Talek: -runs by- What did we see in the alternate dimensiiiiiiiiiioooooooon? We saw beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, lots of beans. Oooh beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, yeah!
Magical Trevor: -pops up and thwacks Talek with his magical leathery whip- Quit stealing words from my songs, you crazy asshole.
Terrifying creatures from Jazan's world arrive and begin walking the streets.
Mummy: -groans- Oooh...-walks up to Amira and grabs her hair-
Amira: SON OF A-(jumps up and karate kicks him)
Mummy: -falls to the ground in pieces-
Amira: NOBODY touches the hair!
Me: Amira is suddenly more kick-ass. I don't hate her so much anymore :)
Amira: Damn right! -high-five's me-
Jazan: Since you refuse to let me join your world, then you must come live in mine! BWAHAHAHA!
Darth Vader: Ah yes, I couldn't have done better myself. You're a chip off the 'ol block!
Jazan: What's that supposed to mean?
Darth Vader: Jazan...I AM YOUR FATHER!
Jazan: NOOOOOOOOOOO-wait, really?
Will Nabile and Tomos ever find out what's happened to Sakhmet? Will Jazan finally get his bride? Will Talek ever see his beans again? Is Darth Vader REALLY Jazan's father? And will I ever stop asking these ridiculous questions? Find out next chapter!
End. (Oh yeah, you know you want more)