Chapter 3 of "Wanting What I Shouldn't Want" DISCLAIMER: If I owned Ruth and Harry, the fib about her being pregnant with his child in S3 ep 1 would've been real...But I don't own them (BBC and Kudos do)and thus, both of them are still annoyingly unattached.
Ruth's eyes were still clouded over when she woke up. She glanced at Harry who wore the oddest expression which was something like a child who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. When her senses came back into focus however, she realized that his hand was indeed resting upon her warm cheek.
Later on in the night, Harry would lay awake pondering the consequences of what Ruth did next.
She kissed him. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was just a desperate action of a woman that needed something real, something that they both knew was genuine. The kiss was a little awkward at first, but she had sat up and planted it right on his mouth with the weight of her love pressed on his lips. Harry's mind went into overdrive and he responded out of instinct. Her arms had wrapped themselves around his neck and pulled him closer to her. The kiss had led to a second and the second to a third, and a third to a fourth until they lost count. Ruth had pulled him over her on the bed with surprising force and the only thing he thought about was that they were alone together, snogging passionately on the bed.
When the initial heat had cooled, they just gazed lovingly at each other. Words were useless and silence dominated the room. "So, what now?" Her breathing was labored and her voice was shaky. Harry smiled sadly down at her. Her face was a picture of happiness and hope. "We sleep." He could've sworn that her eyes flashed with disappointment, but if it was ever there in the first place, it disappeared much faster than it surfaced. She nodded and closed her eyes, he saw that she was trying desperately to hide her desire and control her breathing. Out of respect, he looked away for a moment before he moved so that she could make room for him on the bed.
Harry rose from the bed to switch off the light. He went back to the bed and settled beneath the covers. He felt Ruth grasp his hand and pull his arm around her waist so he held her close as if to reassure her that he would not leave.
He did not sleep that night. How could he? It was so hard for him to simply hold her when he wanted to crush her lips with his own and make love to her all through the night. As Ruth slept, he thought about the consequences of ... this. He wasn't sure what to call it exactly. They had already stepped over the line with one foot, and the next step would cost them greatly. This was exactly the kind of thing that had caused Tom to lose it completely. Loving another. He sighed wearily. This was the kind of thing that he warned his officers of, and yet here he was, violating his own rules. If Harry were a stronger man, he would have ended it before it even began, he would have thrown his feelings for her into a suitcase and locked it up tight. He would ignore the physical pain in his heart when he denied her, and move on. But he wasn't as strong as he liked to believe when it came to denying Ruth.
As the night continued, only then did Harry suppose that if they were discreet, they could carry on in secret. And at that, he was finally able to fall asleep.
TBC... A/N: Oh god, I feel like such a big sap after writing this chapter. But I lurve romance, especially with R/H! Part 4 will be up in a little while.