Decisions

Chapter 3

A life balanced on a knife´s edge

In the end, he didn´t know how far he had run. He hadn't even noticed his friends following close on his heels. He just had one thought: safety. He finally heard Will shout again: "It's far enough, Little John! Stop!" And John stopped.
He didn't know how long they had been running, but they had all arrived in one of their secret hiding places. John waited for Marion to place a blanket to the ground, then he laid Robin down on it. Robin moved when he made contact with the ground and a painful scream made its way up his throat. John stifled it quickly with his hand. Robin gasped heavily. His hand grabbed at John's arm to push it away, but John was stronger. He said: "I cannot, Robin, don´t scream, or they might find us."
Marion took her place next to John, while the others guarded the area. They were still painfully close to Edington. Praying that she would last through this, Marion began to take care of Robin's immediate injuries. "We'll need water. Quick, Much!" The lad nodded and ran off. Marion closed her eyes for a moment when she saw her husbands' wounds. Robin moaned. "We must pull them out, John!" Marion said, for the very first time in her life she needed all inner strength not to break down. His whole body was covered with deep cuts, whippings, which had torn open his skin and flesh deeply, especially on the back. It was a terrific sight.
"I'm not really sure we should do that, Little Flower. Some bones were broken, and we don't know how much he may bleed inside. If we pull them out, he might be killed immediately," Tuck explained as he looked closely at Robin's wounds, especially the one to his left side.
"If he dies suffering slowly because we leave them in or dies quickly because we pull them out, then time is the only difference," Marion said quietly. "Maybe he'll have a better chance if we pull them out and maybe nothing will happen. And if..." She paused. "Then he won't suffer for long at least!" Marion looked up at Much who brought her some water, thanked him and dipped a piece of cloth into it, used it to cool Robin's forehead.
Robin caught at every life bringing breath, his chest rising and falling heavily. He opened his eyes when he felt the coolness of water on his forehead and looked at John, Tuck, Much and Marion. He couldn´t say if he was relieved to see them healthy, to much pain shot through his body and his features clearly showed what he was going through – a mixture of agony, pain and exhaustion. He barely couldn´t feel anything besides the fire all over and inside his body. The pain let his body tense and he groaned again, this time he felt Marion's soft fingers on his lips. It was easy to recognize how they tried to control their feelings. John bend over him and took his hand: "We have to pull them out, the arrows," John said with a teary voice.
Robin shook his head weakly. "Don't..." he said in a low voice. "We have to, otherwise you´ll die!" Marion objected. "Maybe...this...is...what...is...meant...to... be…" Robin whispered, his voice breaking. He gasped heavily.
"Not as long as there's hope and we're here to help!" John said determinedly, and he laid his hands on Robin's shoulders. He pushed them down to the ground, whilst Marion called for Will and told him that he should hold down Robin's hips. She looked at Tuck who clutched the arrow in Robin´s side and counted. "One...two...threeeeeeee." With a strong pull, Tuck drew out the first arrow. Robin screamed in pain, and the noise was quickly subdued by Marion's hand again. Will and John had a lot of work to do to keep him under control. With a desperate effort, Robin tried to free himself. He wanted to run away from the terrible pain he felt in his whole body, torturing him again and again. Images ran through Robin's mind, similar to his visions. He saw himself being tortured by Gisburne, saw again John´s shocked gaze when he realized that Robin had gambled with his own life to save him, he saw Marions desperate and deeply anxious features…and then he saw Herne emerge.

Everything but Herne faded into darkness. His friends saw him lose consciousness and suddenly there wasn´t any pain any longer. It seemed that Herne had made a peaceful place for him, where he was now. "Am I dead?" he asked.
"No, my child, not yet. But staying alive or dying – that's upon you now. The things that happened weren't predetermined. The future is moving too fast to see how everything will end - and I'm almost powerless. I can't help. Something beyond my reach caused this to happen. It seems that a greater power than I possess, want to make you a decision. A decision between life and death. I´m not certain about its purpose, so I can´t tell you…but what I know is that your life, your destiny and with it everything we worked for depends only on your decision." Herne turned.
"Wait! What do you mean you can't intervene?"
"There are times when even a god, like me, can't intervene. Like in this case, when a higher power decides to interfere with the life of someone under my protection. I have to observe these rules, my son. A part of my future, your friend's future and the future of England depends now on you, my son. A heavy burden and a hard road to travel, I know. And now, rest a while. This is at least something I can do for you, before you go back." Herne disappeared.
Instead of Herne, Robin now saw two paths before him, the one bright and the other one dark. The dark one was full of pain, sorrow and, maybe, death. The other one meant a release from all the agony. For a moment he considered what to do… Marion stopped the streaming blood with a cloth, while Tuck pulled out the second arrow in Robin's shoulder. Marion felt Robin's heart stop and she cried out, "His heart isn´t beating!"
Tuck panicked. He felt Robin´s pulse – nothing, he crossed himself, no, that could not be! Tuck pressed his lips together, tried to find a possibility to make it beat again. Then he remembered something he had seen years ago, when he was a novice and travelling with an older monk. They had taken care of a man who had been very ill and his heart had stopped too. The older monk had shown Tuck a method to start the heart beating again. He had called it heart massage. So Tuck laid his hands on Robin's chest and started.
Marion wept. She grabbed Robin's hand and caressed his face, paying no attention to the blood everywhere. "Robin, please!" she pleaded. "Don't leave me alone, please!" John sniffled loudly, comforting Much and himself too. Will stood there with a petrified feature then finally turned away to guard that expression. He needed to be alone with his thoughts, the same way as when his wife had been murdered years ago. The seconds turned to minutes. Only Marion's low crying was audible. The decision had been hard for anyone, but not for Robin. He knew what depended on this decision, and whether he won´t let Herne down, nor his friends and everything they had fought for. Slowly and hesitantly, he followed the dark path, ignoring the bright, shining way: he knew very well where it leads. Robins heart started to beat again, his chest rise and fall trembling, when he drew air into his lungs again.

Tuck leaned back, exhausted. Marion nearly screamed in excitement, but she controlled it. She quickly bandaged the serious wounds as well as she could. Robin stayed unconscious, but he was alive. Martin joined them. "We have to leave. Nasir has seen soldiers heading in our direction!"
"Isn't it safe enough here?" asked Much. "Do we still have to hide?"
Tuck touched him gently on the shoulder. "No, not any longer, but we have to be careful." Much nodded, then he said, "Why not go to the caves? No one would find us there, I'm sure. Robin has often told me!" For a moment there was silence. Then John nodded. "That's a good idea, lad!" "It's far!" Marion objected with a look at Robin. "He nearly died, but that will kill him!" "We have no other choice, Marion, if we don't want to die here! We can rest on the way. I'm sure Much is right: this deep into Sherwood they won´t follow us," John said. "One of us should stay behind to look after the Sheriff." "Me!" Nasir had arrived and heard the last of John's words.
"Then we have no time to lose!" Will said and prepared to leave.
"Wait!" John said. "Wouldn't it be better if we part? Three groups. Much and you, Martin and Tuck, Marion and me with Robin?"
"I don't see the advantage." Will shrugged his shoulders.
"It's more difficult to follow three groups than one," said Tuck
"We'll try it, then. Let's go, Much! We're running out of time!" Will said and disappeared into the forest. John lifted Robin into his arms again and left with Marion in another direction – straight to their winter camp. At last, Tuck and Martin left, taking the only direction left to them. The following hours they made their way through the thick bushes and the increasingly dense trees. Only birds were singing, and some small animals were heard in the thicket. Marion prayed that they had left early enough. But there was only silence behind them. When it started to get darker, they stopped. It had rained all the day until afternoon, and they were all soaked to the skin. Marion looked at John and said: "We must look horrible." She shivered.
John looked around for a dry place. He pointed with his chin. "I see some nice bushes there. I think there it´ll be a bit drier than anywhere else."
Marion looked and nodded. "The ground is covered with dry moss, a better bed we can´t get for him."
John laid Robin down carefully and Marion started to look after his wounds. She refreshed the temporary bandages because the blood had seeped through them already, and cleaned all the blood from his body because before she hadn´t had time. It was a hard job for her. John helped as well as he could. It seemed to them, that there wasn´t any part of his body that wasn't injured. Some of the cuts were very deep, especially the ones that had been made with the hot steel. Marion cleaned them carefully and his back too. "I need my salves and herbs urgently."
"Do you think he can hold on?" John asked hesitantly.
Marion looked up, sadness in her eyes. "I don´t know, but I hope that he can." She wiped her tears away and worked on.
John sighed: "I wish I could make a fire. It's cold. Are you cold?" Marion nodded and laid the blanket around Robin, so that he would at least be warm. "If we got closer at each other, then we'd be warmer. Sleep, Marion. I'll take the first watch," John said.
Marion wrapped her arms around herself and lay down next to Robin. John took the other side, but stayed awake. Marion fell asleep quickly, exhaustion giving her rest. John looked at her for a while. Then he noticed that Robin's eyes were open.

He tried to smile. Robin breathed sharply. "My God, we thought you wanted to leave us," John said. Robin didn´t answer. It was hard for him to stay awake. "I wish I could do something for you. You've done so much for me in the past: freed me from Belleme, helped me with Meg, saved my life…and there's nothing I can do for you. It's horrible!" John whispered.
"You give...me your...loyalty. That´s enough, John...Life shouldn't be based on…whether I've done something for you or…whether you've done something for me…That's not the way," Robin told him.
John looked sadly at him: "But why?"
"Does...there always...need to be...a reason?" he asked, fighting back the wave of pain rolling through his body.
"No." John lowered his head.
"John?" The big man felt a hand on his arm.
Troubled, Robin rose to a sitting position. "Listen. Take care of Marion. That's the only thing I want to beg of you if you need to do something for me!" His fingers closed around John's arm tightly. John looked anxiously at Robin. "Promise me!" he demanded.
John nodded: "I promise you!"
Robin collapsed with a sigh. John caught him. Robin buried his face against John's chest, his body shaken by pain, his scream smothered by John's tunic. John held him close until the attack was over. Large tears were streaming down the big man's cheeks into his beard. Robin gasped heavily for every breath. John gently lay Robin back on the ground, cooling Robin's sweaty face.
Marion woke up because of the movement next to her. "What happened?" she asked sleepily.
"He had an attack of pain. I think we should look at his wounds." Marion nodded and soon saw that some of them had started bleeding again. She bandaged them again.
"We need better supplies or he won't survive for long!" Marion said.
"We'll reach the cave in three days at this speed, I suppose."
"That's definitely too long."
"Then we have to go faster. This way or the other, Marion. We must choose one."
She nodded and looked at her husband. "Then we risk it. Faster," she decided.
Robin opened his eyes and groaned. "Marion!" he whispered. It was the first time he had spoken to her. Marion stroked his hair from his forehead. "Why...did you...come...back?" he asked. "Do you think we'd let you suffer at Gisburne's hands?"
Robin smiled weakly. "You...all...could have...been killed." Marion shook her head and looked at John.
"We knew the risk and the Sheriff's plan," John said.
"Stubborn!" Robin murmured. "Both of you!" He sighed. "A good leader I am. No one...listens...to me..." He groaned in pain and Marion took him in her arms. She was in a situation she had often thought about, but never thought would come true. Robin moved and put his hand on the serious and dangerous wound on his left side. He writhed in pain. Both tried to calm him but it was a long time before the pain faded. Robin was trembling. With a breaking voice he said: "It's so cold, my love, so...cold!"
Marion sobbed: "I'll warm you, Robin. I'll warm you. Please, don't give up!"
"Don't...cry..." he murmured against her breast. Then he lost consciousness. Marion felt so helpless that she wanted to scream. John put his arms around both of them and, so, they remained for a while, sharing comfort with each other.