By: Liz D
A Future Fic based on the AU created in Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships
Chapter Five
Written: Fall 2005
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew, creators or characters. With love and thanks.
OK … for those of you who cheered for/suffered through Gates and are prepped for "the reunion" – I have to warn you, I have a couple more roadblocks ahead for these two. I never said it would be easy. Anyway here is a little shipper FLASHBACK for you.
Letting
The Days Go By
Chapter
Five
New Year's Eve – 2007
Rabb Residence
Swink's Mill and
Georgetown Pike
McLean, Virginia
Harm checked his reflection in the mirror – a jet-black suit with the slightest royal blue pinstripe to give it depth. His silk shirt and tie matched the stripe (and brought out the blue in his eyes) and he looked – even if he admitted it himself – elegant. He hadn't worn that suit since he could remember. It was a little loose on him. He actually tried to remember, it was the suit he bought to take Mac out for her birthday or was it Valentine's day. Or was it the suit that she had gotten for him for Mattie's graduation; she was always buying him clothes. All of his nice ones, all the clothes that weren't uniforms or sweats were some how connected to Mac (he tried not the think of her as 'Sarah' any more). He tried not to focus on the fact that it was New Year's Eve on what would have been their third anniversary. He tried not to feel like he was betraying those vows by taking another woman out that night.
Harm had run into Gates at an embassy reception about a week after Thanksgiving. Why she kept turning up at embassy receptions he was not sure, but she usually did. He hated going to those pointless affairs, but he had made many connections while working with the other agencies. He needed to maintain that network even if that meant he would have to go stag, suffer boring conversation and again accomplish nothing. Admiral Schnarr encouraged him to go as well – it could only help his career.
"Commander." Gates smiled brightly at him and waved him over. She was standing with a very tall, very blonde woman. She was stunning; Harm noticed that right away – not Gates, the blonde. "Commander Rabb, may I introduce you to Linnea Johansson." She smiled at her companion. "Nea this is Commander Harmon Rabb." Gates went on to explain that Nea was the daughter of Senator Johansson from Minnesota and was an advocate with the Human Rights Commission. "Nea you see before you one of that last men in this town who knows how to cut a rug." Gates' eyes flashed at Harm.
"You dance Commander?" Nea asked him.
"I am not sure Arthur Murray would agree, but I can promise not to step on your toes."
Nea laughed. "That's more than any man has promised me since I can remember." She tucked her arm in his and led him to the dance floor.
About an hour later, just as Gates was leaving, Harm stopped her. "What do you think you're doing, Gates?"
"Going home." She slipped her wrap around her shoulders.
"With Nea?" He pressed.
"Thought you would be taking her home." Gates smiled evilly.
"Gates." He warned.
"What? She was boring me, thought she would be perfect for you." She looked over his shoulder to see that Nea was clearly waiting for him. "Looks like I was right."
There was nothing Harm could say. Gates clearly was not going to come clean about what her plan was, but he didn't trust it. He didn't trust that it wouldn't get back to Mac. And then he had to ask himself – what difference would it make? Did Mac care? And if she did, wouldn't she be more annoyed with Gates than him? In the end – why not? Nea and he had some things in common and he was – for the first time in a long time – enjoying the company of a woman – should say the easy company of a woman – that he had no history with.
In the weeks between when they met and New Year's Eve, Nea and Harm had gone to dinner several times. She was clearly acting as if they were at the start of a relationship and Harm did what he had always done: avoided questions and said enough to keep the confrontations at bay and nothing more. Nea was no Renee, but she clearly was acting like she wanted more than the superficial relationship that they had. He had tried to nix the New Year's Eve date, but there was really no reason to get out of it. She was bright, attractive, visibly attracted to him. They had fun. They laughed and it was a pleasant distraction. New Year's Eve was just another date night after all. No big deal.
He checked himself in the mirror again. He had the feeling that the 'casual relationship' would be kicked up a notch that night. And why not? They were two, mature, consenting adults with no outside attachments to keep them from moving onward. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go in that direction. He would not press it, but if she did --- he was not sure how he would respond. His heart told him she was only a distraction, but his head told him – BE DISTRACTED.
He decided to change his cufflinks. In the box was his wedding ring. A pang of guilt hit him. He should have called her that day – Sarah not Nea. He should have sent a note or some flowers as he had three years prior.
f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k
0930 EST – New Year's Eve Day 2004MacKenzie Residence
Georgetown
Mac woke and went about her morning routine with special care. She was not as nervous as a bride normally would be on her wedding day. There was no need to actually worry about the ceremony. It was going to be small with only their closest friends and a justice of the peace. The reception consisted of an early dinner at a little out of the way place that Harm and Mac had frequented often. They knew the owners and staff and the menu was created especially for them; it was as close to having it at home as they could get. Then Harm and Mac would head off to coastal Virginia to a near private bed and breakfast for four days. The wedding was a good compromise for the two of them that they had actually talked it out. Harm hadn't insisted on a wedding dress, but had made it clear that he wanted something that she would not wear again – something special. He offered to wear his mess dress whites, but she had requested a dark suit. There would be no uniforms at their wedding, no drawn swords and nothing that reflected the military tradition. Harm was fine with that; actually he would have requested it had she not brought it up first.
There was no reason to be nervous about the choice or the future as brides often are. Harm was the right choice and the any future they had they would met together. Since he had departed from JAG they had never been closer. They talked, they laughed, they planned and they worked hard. Harm had spent most of his time at the house and had promised to carry her over the threshold when they got back from the honeymoon. They had talked about going away for a week or more to some exotic location – Harm even offered to fly her there – but in the end both wanted to be home. Mattie would be gone for two weeks visiting Chloe before school started so they could have an extended honeymoon at home and get a jump start on their married lives.
Mac checked her internal clock; it was off. She had expected that it was just after dawn, but to find out that it was already 0930 was a shock. Gates would be there soon. They had a plan for a massage, manicure, pedicure and to have their hair and make up done. Neither one – not Mac or Gates – were 'girls' like that, but it was fun to think of doing that on the wedding day.
The doorbell rang. She quickly put on her robe. It had to be Gates – she was always early. Mac opened the door. A single red rose with a note lay in the doorway. She checked the hall, but no one was around.
The rose was perfect and the outside of the note was written in Harm's hand "For My Sarah".
How sweet. She again looked around for him, clearly he had delivered these himself. He was not to be found. She stepped back into the apartment forgetting all about closing the door. She took a moment before she opened the note. She didn't want to start crying or getting emotional that early in the day. It was short. It was simple. It read:
My Dear Sarah –
I am not good with words – at least not the words thatI want to say to you – but you know that about me. I
often don't say enough expecting that my message
will get through - or I will say too much and not convey
all that needs to be expressed.
All
you need to know is that I will love you until the
end of time. No
matter what happens in our future,
I will always be there for you and
I will always be the
one that you can rely on. I fully intend to
keep that promise,
but I expect that you will keep me honest. I know
you will.
You
are my friend, my ally, my companion and my love.
What more can I
promise you than my friendship, my alliance,
my companionship and a
love that will endure any test. We
meet our future hand in hand and
are stronger for it.
I
will promise this to you again in font of God and our friends
but I
wanted you to know – and have it in writing – in case
you had any
doubts.
I love you, Sarah.
Eternally Yours, Harm
She read the note twice over and then again a third time before she reached for the phone. His phone was ringing, she was wiping at her eyes, when she felt his arms around her. She turned quickly and folded into his embrace – the call and the tears forgotten. Now she was trembling, now she felt like a bride, now she felt like a woman in love about to set out on a journey that would see her to the end.
He held her tightly and let her regain her composure. She pulled back to look into his face. "No doubts" she stated clearly. "No doubts …" Words failed her; she pulled him to her and kissed him.
"I am not supposed to be here." He whispered.
"Harm …our fortune, our life, our future is not trusted to luck or superstition."
"No?"
"I don't need a ceremony or a piece of paper." She whispered. "All I need is you – is us."
He kissed hear again and kicked the door closed behind him. They both hoped that Gates would be late – very late.
e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k
0100 – January 2, 2008MacKenzie Residence
Okinawa, Japan
Mac folded the note again – it was worn over time -- and slipped it into the hidden section of her jewelry box where she tucked away her engagement ring and wedding band. Of the three she was not sure which she valued more.
She was not sure why, but she had expected to hear from him. She had no right to expect it but she did. When he didn't call she decided to call him. It would be 0800 on New Year's Day. They hadn't talked much since Thanksgiving, a few calls, some traded voicemails, a couple of emails but that was all. She had no idea what she would say to him, but she needed to speak with him. She missed him.
No Answer. She didn't leave a message.
She got ready for bed. Lights off, tucked deeply under the covers. She wasn't expecting to sleep, but she was hoping that memories would not flood her mind and keep her up all night. She hadn't cried herself to sleep in a long while, but she could definitely see it happening that night if she wasn't careful.
Moments later the phone rang.
"Hey baby …what's up?" Came Gate's cheerful voice. "Did I wake you?"
"No." She said quickly. "Happy New Year."
"Yeah, you too … what did you do for the holiday?" She asked not really wanting an answer.
"I spent it with Sandy's boys … let Sandy and her husband have a night out on the town."
"Well, that was DAMN sweet of you."
"Yeah, I thought so." Mac laughed. "What did you do?"
"I'm just getting home … went to about six different parties saw just about everyone I know … danced 'til dawn. It was great."
"AJ was with you?"
"For the first two and was there to kiss me at midnight, but then the poor boy needed to go home and sleep."
"You are wearing him out Gates." Mac often had a hard time picturing Gates and AJ.
"Who knows … I only party like this once a year … I think doing it sober helps me stay awake."
"You had nothing to drink?"
"Flat champagne at midnight and caffeine for the rest of the night." She announced. "I should be up until next Tuesday."
"HA."
"Yeah …saw your boy Rabb tonight too … man he looked good … he even danced with me."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah … dressed to the nines in that black suit with the blue stripes."
Mac knew the suit well. She had given it to him for his birthday and had taken him to a very expensive restaurant to celebrate.
"He was with Nea Johansson … you remember Nea."
"No?" Gates may have not have been drunk, but her caffeine high was getting annoying.
"Yes you do … she is that tall, blonde bitch with the father in high places."
"No." Mac said again.
"I introduced you last summer … she is an advocate for the Human Right Commission … tall, blonde … has to be Swedish … legs that go on for days and an ass that you would kill for … you know … a real bitch."
Mac didn't remember, but after that description there was only one question she had on her mind. "Harm was with her?"
"Yea … guess they have been dating for a couple of weeks now … they met at that embassy reception I told you about … the one where …"
Mac stopped listening. Harm had been dating? He was dating a 'tall, blonde, with legs that go on for days and an ass that you would kill for'? Seriously? He never said anything? Mattie hadn't said anything? Mac looked to her phone and wondered if that was why there was no answer.
"Yo Mac … MACKAY … you still there?"
"Yeah, I am here."
"Babe … I gotta go … I am gonna hit a wall soon, but before I do, I have a ton of shit I got to get done."
"Right … go on … call me when you wake up."
"I will, doll." Gates assured her. "Love you … Happy New Year."
Mac hung up. "Yeah, Happy New Year."
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
0826 EST – January 1, 2008Johansson Residence
Washington, DC
Harm was in the kitchen making coffee. He didn't want to be there, he wanted to get out as quickly as possible, but he had better manners than that.
"Sorry about last night." Nea said as she entered the kitchen.
"No need."
"I guess champagne and I need to go our separate ways."
He didn't acknowledge her remark, but nodded toward the coffee pot.
"How badly did I embarrass myself last night?" She asked pointedly.
"I got you home before anything really bad happened … you were about ready to call somebody out."
"Right …Jack O'Lander … I remember … what a jerk." She took a sip of her coffee. "Thank you … my hero."
He nodded slightly.
She looked a little sheepish. She remembered him bringing her to her apartment and trying to get her to lie down, but after that it got a little blurry. Though she did remember wanting him and making it clear that she was ready, willing and able. Nea was the kind of woman who got hyper alert when she was slightly tipsy and very assertive when she was a lot tipsy; her judgment wasn't the best. When she drank champagne it was all multiplied ten fold. She did clearly remember kissing him, him responding and then her leading him into the bedroom as she unbuttoned his shirt.
Harm remembered the whole evening very clearly. He remembered picking her up and being impressed with how a simple black dress could be so alluring. He remembered running into Gates, dancing with her and her commenting on what a great couple Nea and he made. He remembered getting annoyed with her and challenging on her motivation for such a comment. He remembered thinking that he was a free man and that no one or nothing could prevent him from doing anything he wanted to do, nor would anyone push him to do what he didn't. He remembered noticing that Nea was drinking too much, and that whatever his desires were – in either direction – that night was no longer about what he wanted or didn't want.
He brought her home close to 3AM; she tried to seduce him. There was some pretty passionate kissing but that was all before she passed out. He spent the remainder of the night/morning on the sofa in the living room. He was going to leave a note and head home, but he wanted to get a couple of things between them understood.
"Nea, how much of my history has Gates told you?" He asked pointedly.
"Gates?" She sat down at the kitchen table. "Gates Madden? The shrink for NCIS? Nothing. I barely know her."
"You barely know her?" He was a little confused.
"I have seen her around, we are often at the same functions, but I don't really know her." Now she was the one to be confused. "Why do you and Gates have a thing?"
Harm had to laugh at that. "No." He thought for a moment. "We have had some nice evenings … you and I."
"We have," she agreed.
"If this had happened …if I had met you in six months or a year from now, things might be different, but as it is I can't offer you more than an occasional dinner companion."
Nea looked disappointed but appreciative that he was being honest with her. "Ok."
"Ok." He was about to get up and go.
"Can I ask why?" She asked back. "Does it have something to do with Gates Madden?"
Harm took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He had avoided the subject of his marriage and everything surrounding Mac with Nea. They had talked about everything else but their personal histories with other mates. That was by design on Harm's part, and he thought Nea had some reason to keep her past private as well. There was no avoiding it at that point.
"Gates Madden is my wife's – sorry my ex-wife's best friend." He said quickly. "I have only recently divorced – little over four months …" His words trailed off.
She helped him. "And the divorce wasn't your idea and you are still in love with your wife." She finished for him.
"Something like that." She was being kind to him and he really appreciated that.
"Is there any chance for reconciliation?" She asked.
"I would like to say yes, but if I were a betting man I would say there were better places to put my money." He looked sad at that thought. "She is stationed in Okinawa."
"Wow, kind of hard to get together." She commented. "I'm sorry. I do understand … would like to say I have been there myself, but in all honesty I have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than six months." She shrugged. "Guess I am meant to be single."
Harm nodded. "Single is not so bad." He confirmed. "Anyway, I am sorry if I gave you the wrong impression --."
"Hey Harm." She cut him off. "You were nothing but a gentleman."
"Good." He again got up to leave.
"Harm?" She called after him. "Does this mean we won't be having dinner on occasion?"
"You are still up for that?" He asked.
"I enjoy your company, and who knows … in six months or a year … you might change your mind." She smiled.
"I might." He returned it.
"And you were telling me something about a plane – a bi-plane that you have in storage that you need to get back in the air." She stood. "I am pretty good with a wrench and I take instruction very well."
She was flirting with him, and he liked it. "Ok … a week from Saturday … pencil me in … we are heading to Blacksburg and we will see if we can get that bird in the air."
"It's a date." She held up her hands. "Sorry … it is an appointment."
"Right." He took her hand and pressed it warmly. "Thanks, Nea."
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
0800 – January 2, 2008MacKenzie Residence
Okinawa, Japan
Mac was getting ready for work. Many of her staff had asked for the day off so it would be a fairly quiet day. She needed a quiet day; she had had a restless night after Gates' call.
She was just stepping out the door when her phone rang. She thought about letting the machine get it.
"MacKenzie." She answered.
"Hi, Mac." Harm's voice came over the line. "It's Harm … Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year." Her voice was tentative.
"I was going to call yesterday … but ---."
"Yeah, I understand." She cut him off.
"Mac … Sarah …" He wanted to tell her that he loved her. That he missed her. That being with another woman was not what he wanted. "I need you to know something."
She sunk down on to her bed. She was waiting for him to tell her that he had found someone else, or at the very least he was dating someone else. She would try to be happy for him. After all, she knew he wasn't the kind of man to stay single for long. Harm and women were a given.
"Sarah … I told you a long time ago that I keep my promises."
She flashed on any number of promises that he had made to her over the years but the promises he made on their wedding day were fresher in her mind.
"I will always be there for you Sarah. No matter what happens in the future." He was stumbling over his words. "Regardless of where we wind up, if you ever need me … I will be there." It wasn't coming out right. It wasn't what he wanted to say. "Do you understand?" He asked hoping that she had heard him correctly; that the divorce hadn't nullified his promises.
"I do." Mac read between the lines. She read this as Harm saying, 'I have moved on, but want you to know that if you call, I will be there to do what I can.' She continued, "And you know that same goes for me."
Harm's heart sank. He didn't say it right; she didn't hear him correctly. "You are very important to me … I don't ever want to lose --."
"Harm … I know … we won't … OK?" She had to go. The tears were welling up in her eyes and she had to get off the phone before they made it to her voice. "I need to go … I am going to be late."
"Right … sorry."
"Happy New Year." She said again and hung up.
She had avoided crying all night, but now there was no avoiding it.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
0936 Local – January 2, 2008JAG Offices
Okinawa, Japan
Mac arrived only moments before. She had to shower again and compose herself. She had made a decision. She was going to talk to him again – Harm that is. She was going to ask him directly about Nea and what he was trying to accomplish with the phone call and depending upon his answers … she would make a decision about what would be next.
"Colonel?" Her petty office knocked on the open door frame. "Colonel Livingston is here to see you."
"What is this in reference to?" Mac didn't look up.
"To the Silvers Article 32." Came a booming male voice.
Mac sat back and studied the man standing in her doorway. He was handsome - there was no doubt about that - all marine, dark brown eyes, and an expression that she could not place –cocksure without the arrogance that normally accompanies that. "Colonel Livingston I presume." She stated with no amusement in her voice.
"Oh, like I haven't heard that one before." He stepped into her office.
"It is custom to wait until you are granted entrance before stepping over the line."
"Colonel MacKenzie." He flashed her a sexy smile. "I bet they call you 'Mac' … if a marine waited to be invited … we would never go any where."
Mac nodded to excuse her petty officer. "How can I help you, Col. Livingston?"
"You can start by calling me Jason."
"Colonel." She pushed back on him.
He just smiled. He could normally get a woman to do pretty much whatever he wanted with a smile and a well place compliment. "I want your help in making the Gunnery Sergeant Silvers Article 32 go away."
"I am not the convening authority." She stood, though in hindsight she should have remained seated.
"No, but you are running the investigation."
"Are you suggesting that I alter the findings?"
"I am suggesting that you won't find anything and that you are wasting valuable time and manpower. Not to mention having my Gunny locked up."
"I can't help you Colonel …and I won't comment further on an ongoing investigation."
"That is all?"
"That is all I have to say on the subject." She said.
"How about other subjects?" He smiled. "What do you think about coffee? Tea? Early lunch?"
"I say, that I have a lot of work to do." She sat back down.
"Maybe another time then."
Mac did not look up.
"If this matter goes to court … you can bet I will get Silvers the best defense money can buy."
"Why are you so interested in this?"
"Other than the fact that he is my Gunny and has been for many years and I know him … He didn't do it."
"I hope the investigation bares that out."
Colonel Livingston left.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
1145 Local – January 8, 2008JAG Office
Okinawa, Japan
"Ma'am." The petty office knocked on her doorframe. "There is a Commander Rabb here to see you – from JAG HQ."
Mac stood up immediately. They hadn't spoken since New Years Day (she never had the nerve to ask about Nea) and she had no idea that he was coming to Japan. "Show him in."
Harm stepped through the doorway looking like a very wonderful sight for some very sore eyes.
"Hi." She said tentatively.
He smiled back. "Hi."
Colonel Livingston stepped into the room behind him. "Colonel … I told you I would get the best defense for Silvers." He stated clearly. "I believe you two have met."
Harm and Mac exchanged a look.
End Chapter Five – TBC … I hope you are enjoying the ride!